How I Wish
by Jensine70
Summary: Wishing she could have done some things differently with Spike, Buffy asks for and is given a second chance. In truth, it's a second chance for Spike. She leaps from 2004 (post-"Not Fade Away") to 2001 ("The Gift"). With no time to prepare and 2 hours on the clock, does she give him enough info to change things? [fall 2017: edited version Ch 13-18; new chapters beginning at Ch 19]
1. turn back time

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: My intent here is to begin with BTVS and Angel tv series canon – but ultimate result of this fic will be an alternate version of the timeline from "The Gift" through the remaining seasons of both shows. No attempt to include anything from the post-series comics. Take your pick as to what happens at the end of Angel "Not Fade Away" – did they die? or did they live, and Spike still did not get in touch with Buffy? Either way, we find Buffy at that point in time not knowing Spike's fate and wishing things could have been different.

The song quoted at the beginning of this chapter is "Ask Me Now (How I Wish)" – hence the title of the fic.

[

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1**

 **Turn Back Time**

 _June 2004_

Buffy sat in the cafe, her mind wandering while she sipped her coffee and listened to live music. There was a woman about her age singing one of those old "standards" that gets covered frequently. A friend of hers had introduced her to this place and their "Jazz Wednesdays." Buffy had listened to (well, endured) mini-lectures on music for months of Wednesdays. Recognizing the song and remembering that it had two titles, she must have absorbed at least some of the information her friend spouted.

Once you said you loved me

Placed no one above me

Prayed for me to make that vow

…

I was vain and blind then

Prone to be unkind then

Wish they'd turn back time somehow

…

You asked me could I care

My attention was elsewhere

How I wish you'd ask me now

The lyrics had her feeling more reflective than normal. How exactly did she end up here? By that, she did not mean physical location. Not this coffee shop. Not this city or country. Not in terms of her work training Slayers. How did she get to this age, this stage of her life – alone? More specifically, without him. Just when her heart finally knew what love truly felt like, it was taken from her.

Her head was so filled with thoughts, swirling around. She could no longer handle sitting there. So, she walked. And as she walked, she allowed her mind to meander in much the same way she was weaving her way through side streets toward her home. She had had feelings for several men during the course of her life. But none of them had been the right fit, at least not at the right time. Some had physical strength – and she needed to be with someone strong. It was both a psychological need as well as a physical necessity. There was also strength of conviction, moral fiber. And mental strength – the need for resilience in the wake of apocalypse. She needed someone who would do everything he could to support her and assist her in her calling. But at the end of the day, she was the Slayer and she was alone.

Arriving home, she sat down on the couch, remote in hand. She sought solace in the form of entertainment. Flipping channels, she stumbled upon what had to be one of the worst sequels ever made: Grease 2. And yet – she enjoyed even stupid musicals. So she watched as Stephanie fell for the mysterious guy on the motorcycle who was disguising his identity because he happened to be Michael, the English exchange student (complete with sexy accent) who had fallen for her. Then, the inevitable misunderstanding that leads to drama and angst – Stephanie thinks that her "cool rider" in the mask died in a motorcycle crash. She sings her lament (publicly, complete with instrumental accompaniment – it is a musical after all): "(Love Will) Turn Back the Hands of Time."

… I'm gonna miss all the things we'll never do.

I just can't believe you left me here alone.

How in this world can I make it on my own?

In the case of this movie, the object of the girl's affection had not fallen to his demise and the couple got their happy ending. However, that is not how things had gone in her life. The object of Buffy's affection had been dead for many years when she met him. But now he was truly gone. And although she was surrounded by people every day, she was alone.

If only her love were enough to turn back the hands of time.

If only life was like a sit-com or a musical – filled with 30-minute resolutions, stirring love songs and happy endings, with closure for all circumstances and healing for all wounds.

If only she had a chance to make it right, do things differently, change the outcome.

If only … oh, how I wish …

[

Although Angel had contacted The Oracles, who had allowed him to time travel in order to change events, they had been killed four years ago. Buffy was able to make contact with The Powers That Be through The Conduit. She was granted audience – not that she really gave them an option. She had a case to make and they would simply have to hear her out. Her petition involved explaining:

1) that she believed things could have turned out differently between she and Spike;

2) that this would be beneficial in fighting evil because it would be an effective partnership;

3) that she could do something about it if they would only give her a chance to make things right; and

4) that if they feel she was deserving of happiness in this life, they will give her this chance at love.

There may have been some rambling of other assorted reasons. Her ideas were not as organized as she thought; her argument not as linear as she would have liked. Hopefully, she was persuasive enough.

The answer was stated flatly, "What is done cannot be undone."

"You could change things or give me a chance to fix things. I know that it's been done before – you can fold time. Even if you won't just give us a magical happy ending, I'm asking you to give me a chance to try to correct some things, give us a fighting chance... Maybe that's a poor choice of words."

After a brief period of deliberation, the response came: "You will be given a small window of opportunity."

She said, "Thanks," but before she could ask for details, she found herself on the stairs of her family's house in Sunnydale.

Immediately, she was thinking: _This is_ so _not possible, because this house is part of a giant crater_. She realized that she was hearing a familiar voice below her, saying words she remembered hearing before: "I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man, and that's …"

She turned around to find Spike standing there and she knew precisely where – and more importantly, when – she was: just before the battle with Glory.

Behind Spike, she saw a grandfather clock with a digital readout where the face of the clock should be. It showed 01:59:35 remaining. The seconds were counting down as he continued to speak: 34, 33, 32, 31…

She shook herself from her stupor as he finished: "Get your stuff, I'll be here."

She could not help but smile as she looked at this face she had not seen in about a year. Confused by her expression, he tilted his head.

Thinking to herself: _Alright, so apparently I've got a little less than two hours to fix three years. But I'm the Slayer – I can totally handle this. Can't I?_ She walked down the stairs toward Spike, who now looked more confused by the second.

* * *

A/N: The original idea for this fic came from a dream (waking up with a memory of just a snapshot moment – Buffy on the stairs with the countdown clock behind Spike) and in that haze between sleep and waking, I let the scene play out in my mind. That was about a year ago. A couple months ago, I finally wrote a rough draft of what I had – which was really just the time travel back to 2001, the two hours of suspended time, and her leap back to 2004 to see the result. At the moment, my plan is just to post that much (total approx. 15K words, 8 chapters) and then move onto other stories. If you'd like to read what happened in the 3 years in between, let me know – I'll try to find time to flesh that out. Either way, thanks so much for reading!

The 8 chapters I have written will be posted in fairly quick succession.


	2. love, Glory, death & life

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed and followed. Your reward = a short wait for this update.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

 **love, Glory, death & life**

Looking Buffy in the eye and trying to read her thoughts, Spike said, "Well if you're gonna laugh at me or hit me or something worse, just get it over with already. We've got to go save the world. No time to waste. We're late. We're late. And all that rot."

She had stopped a few steps above him, wanting badly to touch him, but also not wanting to startle him. She began hesitantly, "You probably won't believe me right at the start of this, but please just trust me or at least humor me for a minute."

"Well, then – go ahead. You've got my attention, luv."

"When you began your little speech and I was up there on the stairs, I was exactly who you'd expect me to be. But about two minutes ago, that changed. Now I can see by the look on your face, you're trying to figure out what that means – and let me assure you that I'm still me. I'm still Buffy. This is not a repeat of the body swapping incident, I swear. Well, hmm, that's another story. Never mind. Anyway," she took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye, "I'm Buffy from about three years in the future."

"Are you off your bird? We've got some serious stuff coming down tonight and you want to have an evening of improv or some such nonsense."

Buffy gestured that he should look behind him as she said, "It appears that the Powers That Be have given me two hours for this task. And as you can see, time's a wastin'. So if you could just take my word for it, we can get down to business." She tapped him on the shoulder, as he was still staring at the clock.

"Right, then. That wasn't there when we walked through the door a few minutes ago. So, I guess I'm gonna have to believe that something less-than-ordinary is going on. Would you care to explain?"

Looking out the window at a car in the street that appeared to be frozen in time, she began her explanation. "I think the Powers That Be have hit the pause button on this moment – well, for the next hour and fifty-six minutes, anyway. I have lots to tell you, but I want to make sure that you won't forget any of the important details." She walked into the living room, opened the right-hand desk drawer, and pulled out a small tape recorder. "Good, it's a new cassette." She hit the record button and walked back to the stairs as she said, "Why don't we sit down and I'll tell you why I'm here." She sat a few steps above him, making sure that she had a clear view of the clock.

As he sat down, he said apprehensively, "Alright. What's so bloody important that you traveled three years to say it?"

Buffy began, "Let's start with this: at this moment in time, your time, your present Buffy … I'm not in love with you. Wait – don't interrupt me. Let me get this out." She rambled, and the more she rambled, the more gobsmacked Spike became. "But in the future, I do grow to love you. I can't tell you precisely when it happened. Honestly, I'm not sure, but at some point in the next couple years of my timeline, I do fall in love with you. The problem is that along the way we both did some awful things. Treated each other in ways that were hurtful, things we couldn't take back. We did get past them, but not without a cost. And where – or rather when – I just came from, we are not together ... for a variety of reasons, most of which are not important right this minute. Anyway, I went to the Powers and asked if they could give me a second chance with you. I guess this is it. They really didn't explain. One minute they gave me a green light. The next, I'm walking up this very set of stairs, hearing your voice behind me." She reached out and stroked the side of his face. They leaned toward one another. Just as Spike was about to hesitate for fear this was all a bad joke, Buffy simultaneously closed her eyes and the distance between them. The kiss was warm and tender; longer than either of them planned, shorter than they wanted it to be.

Spike took her hands in his. At first staring down at their hands, trying to process this recent and unexpected development, he finally looked up at her and asked, "So, how precisely do you propose that we fix three years in less than two hours?"

"I think I can pinpoint some key moments and events – that if we had handled them differently – would change what it looks like where I'm from. The thing is, I think that when I go back at the end of the two hours, I will find out whether it worked or not. But you have to live through those years, patiently dealing with the Buffy that isn't this future version of me yet."

"Well, if patience and perseverance means that the girl I love will one day love me back, then tell me what you think I need to do and I'll bloody well do it. I am man enough to admit that I'm love's bitch. You own me – my unbeating heart, all that I am." Spike bowed his head to kiss the back of each of her hands. "What would you have me do, m'lady? If it is within my power to do so, I will gladly oblige."

"Ok, first you've got to stop that or we'll end up spending this time… oh, what's the word… ah yes, snogging. And as appealing as that is, you wouldn't get the info you need."

"Alright, I'll behave. But talk fast. Let's be sure to leave some extra time on the clock. Pretty please?" he said, raising one eyebrow.

Buffy smiled as she sighed and said, "I'll do my best, but I'm much more concerned with the long-term than the short-term right now." She paused and took a deep breath. "Here goes: So tonight, the battle against Glory. If it goes the way it did before – and I think it needs to go the same way – then you will try to save Dawn, but in the end, I have to jump into the portal to close it. By doing that, I save Dawn and the world, but I die."

"Well, that won't do. There has to be another way, luv."

She sighed before saying, "Spike, I've been over this in my head so many times in the past few years. I don't think there is another way. There are too many variables. I could tell you what went wrong – you might fix that, but something else could go wrong. However, if I tell you how it went down and you know what to expect and you allow those things to happen, then the situation is controllable. And nobody else will die."

In a sober tone, he said, "Alright then. Explain what happened."

"I'll keep Glory busy with a little help from the Buffy-bot and Olaf's big hammer. While I'm doing that, the rest of you are fending off her minions. While all that is going on, Doc actually makes his way up the tower and begins the ritual. With some help from Willow, who made an opening for you, you were able to get up there to try to stop him, but he threw you off. I get up to Dawn with the portal opening and realize that her blood is also my blood – and I decide to jump in order to close the portal. I die in the fall. I'm not sure how exactly, but Giles killed Ben after I had beaten Glory to a pulp, when I climbed up to Dawn. Although all of you were pretty beaten up, you all survived." She paused and looked him squarely in the eye. "So, you see, there were so many things that were happening, it would be hard to tell you what to do and in which order to make sure it all worked out. If I had time traveled to here earlier in the evening, you could maybe get everyone to the tower soon enough to prevent their preparations for the ritual. But by the time you get there, I'm just not sure it's possible to stop it. Too many other things could go wrong."

"I don't like what you're telling me. But since we are quite literally on the clock and we need to cover more than the events of tonight's battle, I guess I'll follow your lead on this."

"Okay, then. Fight the battle, protect Dawn, but know that I will more than likely need to jump."

"For the record, pet, I'm not at all happy about the prospect of you bein' dead later this evening. Wait. If you died, then how are you alive three years from now?"

Buffy took a deep breath before saying, "Yeah, so now for the really fun stuff. After tonight, I'll be gone for about five months before I come back. This next part is very important: you can't tell anyone – I mean it, not any of them – that I'm coming back. Not even one person. It could alter that series of events. Swear to me, not one person, because that one person might tell others. It's possible that someone would do something that would make it so I don't come back in your timeline like I did in mine. You can't let them hear this tape or know what's on it."

She waited for Spike to agree before she continued, "During the time I was gone, you were really wonderful to Dawn – hanging out with her, helping out here at the house and patrolling. I think you felt an obligation because you couldn't get to her in time during the battle with Glory, couldn't prevent the portal from being opened. But you were a true friend and stepped up in my absence – I can't thank you enough for that." She paused, giving him time to absorb.

"So I did, in fact, do some things right." He smiled briefly and then turned serious, "How will I know when to expect your return?"

"I'm not going to tell you precisely when that will be, but if it happens in the same way, then you and Dawn will have some time with me here at the house before the others descend upon me with questions and hugs. I need you to help me during those early hours – and for weeks and months, really. But that first night, I'm gonna need some space. Some peace and quiet to sort out what happened. In my timeline, everyone made the assumption that my shocked state was because I had been in a hell dimension. But I think I was in heaven – I felt loved and at peace. As soon as I came back, I found myself fighting a gang of demons. That was before I ever even got back to the house. Oh yeah, by the way – I know it'll be weird for you, but let Willow fix the Buffy-bot so you guys have help with patrolling during the months I'm gone. Also, so that the demon population thinks I'm still here – helps keep them in check. So anyway, when I first get back, everyone thinks I should be all grateful to be alive and not being tortured in some hell dimension. However, it doesn't immediately feel to me like a good thing to be back. It takes me a little while to realize that some good can come out of the fact that I'm alive again."

* * *

A/N: At this point, I realize it's mostly a rambly rehash - so thanks for your patience as I lay the foundation for later. Another update in a day or two. Reviews and follows appreciated!


	3. kindness, missteps, & a soul

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: Thanks from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read, follow, and review.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3**

 **kindness, missteps, & a soul**

Pausing again, then she dove in, "Anyway, in those first weeks and months, you're the only one I can really talk to – you know, be really honest with. None of them can even understand being a slayer, something other than a regular human. But on top of that, none of them has been dead. You just let me feel and say whatever I needed to. For a while, I wondered if I might … well, that I might've come back 'wrong' somehow. But it's important for you to know that I'm fine – other than PTSD of sorts, I'm fine. Tara does this thing where she could look at my cells and I'm fine. But if I act weird about it, you should suggest that I talk to her. She's more understanding during all of that than the others."

Buffy knew that this next chunk of information had to be introduced properly and phrased right – or else she could hurt Spike. Worse than that, she could cause an argument that would waste precious time. "During those early months, although you're easier for me to be around than the others, there are some things about our relationship that weren't exactly healthy. And when I finally got my head back together, I felt I needed to push you away. That was about five months after I get back. These may not all be precise time periods. Maybe you should make a timeline on a piece of paper after tonight. Some of this won't be in chronological order as I talk. Sorry, about that, but they didn't give me any prep time before the time travel leap. Where was I? Oh yeah – let me skip ahead for a minute and then I'll come back to those early months. When you do finally win my heart, you do it with kindness and humor, by being my friend and my partner, by allowing me to be the best version of myself. I begin to realize that I'm happiest and at my best when I'm with you ... and I can't imagine my life without you. Unfortunately, we make some missteps getting there. Since I can't talk to myself at this point in the timeline, I'm going to have to tell you what you should and shouldn't do – however, that doesn't mean that you were the only one to make mistakes."

"Let me stop you right there." Spike interjected. "Thoughtful of you to take some of the blame, pet. But I think we both know that the fault had to be mostly mine."

"Trust me, there was plenty of blame to go around." Buffy shook her head and then continued. "You remember when we first kissed? When we were under Willow's 'my will be done' spell? Then at some point you became obsessed with me and trying to convince me you loved me. And here we are now." She sighed heavily. "About a month after I come back, there's a spell over everyone in Sunnydale – everybody singing and dancing – musical extravaganza evil. In the midst of that, we both express things to each other – mostly out of our pain — and I finally tell the rest of the group that I wasn't in hell. Near the end of the spell, you sing to me: 'The pain that you feel, you only can heal by living.' Shortly after it's broken, we kiss. But I was still scared of my own feelings – too much going on in my head and heart at the same time. You want to talk about it, but I'm not ready. Side note: please, learn to control your gambling – or at least, pay off your kitten debts. Anyway, not long after that, we have a mini kiss-fest at the Bronze – no spell, mutually consensual, and incredibly intense. At that point, I'm more than a bit overwhelmed by my feelings. And well, my confusion and anger get aimed at you."

She moved closer to him, as if proximity and an attempt to assure him through touch would make this any easier. "No matter what you see in my behavior – if I become more aggressive while patrolling or pick fights with you or whatever … you know, erratic behavior and strangeness of all sorts – you've got to win me over with kindness, be romantic, be a gentleman … that doesn't mean being a doormat or a lapdog. In my timeline, I did some things – the back and forth, indecisive, flighty thing – that I think provoked you into trying to … I guess the best way to describe it is: you try to bring me over to the dark side of the Force. And for a while it gave me somewhere to channel my pent-up anger or whatever, but in the end, I regretted my behavior. And since that behavior involved you, I felt that I had to cut you out of my life in order to find balance again. Don't get me wrong – the sex was great! But—"

Spike perked up. "We had – I mean, will have – sex?! More than once? And it was great? What am I saying?! Of course, it was."

Buffy giggled and blushed slightly as she recalled the night they demolished that house and the following morning. "Your description of our first night together was 'a bloody revelation,' I believe."

"So what did I do to bollocks things between us?"

"During those days, our relationship was almost entirely about sex – as often, as aggressive, and as public as we could do it. You pushed our relationship too much, too fast. But the biggest problem was that I needed to feel alive, feel anything. And you were there – more than willing and incredibly able. But I didn't love you. Not yet. So not only did I not feel right about my behavior in general, I knew that I was using you. I knew that it meant something different to you than it meant to me. I knew that it wasn't a healthy relationship. So I ended it. You took it hard. I think at some level you felt that you weren't worthy of being loved by me. I need for you to know that's not true. But you felt you had to do something extreme – you went somewhere, not sure where exactly, and went through demon trials to get your soul back. When you returned to Sunnydale, you were racked with guilt – you know, for things you had done during your years as a vampire – and did't come to find me so I could help you through it. You nearly went mad." Her tone was loving, but firm, as she said, "Let me be clear – you do _not_ need a soul for me to love you. But if you still feel like you need to go get your soul … about a year from now – it does come in handy two years from now. It empowers you to use ... well, I'll call it a tool, a weapon of sorts. And you help save the world. But we might be able to figure out another way. Anyway, if you do go through all the trouble and the very painful trials to get your soul, just promise me that you'll come find me when you get back to Sunnydale." She waited for him to respond to her request.

"If it's that important to you, then yes, I promise – though I don't really know what it is I'm promising or if I'll be able to choose to do that if, as you say, I nearly go mad."

"Just try. You have to promise me you'll try. If we aren't on good terms when you're leaving, talk to Tara and tell her what you're doing and why. Maybe even play her this tape – anything to convince her to help you when you return, so she can help you talk to me. You'll need my help – trust me on this. There's a big bad that shows up around that time – The First – and it tries to take advantage of the fact that you're guilt-ridden and going insane. It actually gets you feeding again, even with the chip in your head." She grabbed his arm when she exclaimed, "Oh, the chip! I almost forgot to tell you that piece of it."

She took a second to glance at the clock. There was 1:32:11 remaining. He wasn't interrupting her that much and she had been babbling frantically, so she was covering a lot of territory rather quickly.

"About a month and a half after I return, you notice that the chip doesn't go off if you hit me. I'm not sure, but I think the first time it happened, we were walking next to the museum, getting ready to go in and look for clues about a break-in, something about a security guard being frozen solid. Anyway, you pretended at the time that it did work and faked being in pain, deciding to keep it to yourself for the time being. But I strongly suggest you find a way to 'figure it out' sooner than that, rather than have that be one of the reasons I start to think I came back wrong somehow – because after that, our relationship went weirdly aggressive and dark. As I said, suggest that I have Tara check me out. What she said in my timeline was that I had some sort of deep cellular tan after having been dead. Somehow your chip knew that I was different than an ordinary living being, so it didn't work on me anymore. Then, about a year and a half from now, the chip is taken out – we have guys from the Initiative do it because it started to malfunction. But in the meantime, once you figure out that it doesn't work on me… you can spar with me. It'll make me a better fighter. You and I didn't get to the point of being sparring partners until later in my timeline, but if you introduce it sooner, it'll give me a place to work out my anger in a more healthy way. It's also a way for us to spend time together without everyone being too flustered and that will allow us to become closer … in a more natural progression. They'll have reservations once they realize that you could hurt me, but it's very important to me that they begin to accept and trust you. I don't want to feel like I have to hide our relationship from them."

Spike looks at her with empathy, love, respect, and gratitude. "You really have spent quite a bit of time thinking about what went wrong. Haven't you? And you decided you think it's worth fixing? Do I mean that much to you? That you would come here not just to tell me that you love me and give me hope, not just to tell me" he raised one eyebrow and growled the next few words, "that the sex will be great. But you have come to show me the expressway to your heart – and more than that, make our relationship better and longer-lasting than our first go-round. How in the world am I supposed to focus on the battle tonight, pet?"

"When the clock runs out, our time'll be up," she pointed at the clock, "and your Buffy will go upstairs to get changed. So you'll have a few minutes to get your act together before it's time to leave. Gather your thoughts while you gather weapons, I guess." They kissed for a minute before she pulled away saying, "We need to get back to your regularly scheduled briefing."

"There's more?"

"Oh yeah. Just like clockwork – there's another end-of-the-school-year apocalyptic event in SunnyD…"

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for reading!


	4. trigger, scythe, LA, & a snog

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: Thanks for the lovely reviews and additional follows – I went to sleep last night with happy thoughts and a smile on my face... and then there were more today. With gratitude, here's another chapter for you.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 4**

 **trigger, scythe, L.A., & a snog**

Buffy gathered her thoughts and regrouped after that last kiss – another brain-scrambler. "So… about a year from now when you go get a soul, you come back before the school year starts – in the new high school building, by the way. And the Hellmouth is bigger and badder than it's ever been. The center of it all is in the basement under the principal's office, which is where the library used to be. Yeah, so… hmmph. The new principal … he's a good guy, ends up helping us out quite a bit. Good in a fight, can handle himself against vamps and other evil types."

"Really?" Spike said incredulously. "They taught him that at university?"

"No. Funny story – well, actually not funny at all. Coincidental is probably the better word choice. His mother was a slayer. He was raised by her watcher." She let that sink in before she gave additional info. "He's African-American. Originally from New York City. His mother wore a long black leather coat."

"You're not serious! You mean I killed his mum? Bet he's just thrilled about fighting alongside me!"

"Well, things are a little bumpy at first – and that's just when he's trying to date me and when he finds out that you're a vampire. After he figures out who you are and what you did, he does indeed try to kill you. He provokes you into a fight using the trigger that had been programmed into your brain, put there by the First – that's how it controls you, why you start feeding again. It had other plans for you, but when the trigger was dealt with, it couldn't control you anymore." She considers how to approach this topic. "It took a while for us to figure out that a song was connected to your behavior, that it was the trigger. Also, you weren't comfortable talking about it. You never did tell me anything beyond the fact that your mother sang it to you. But it seemed like it was linked to a bad memory. Sorry to bring it up tonight – you know, since you need to focus later on. But you'll need to find a way to take the sting out of that memory so that they can't use that against you."

"How did you deal with the trigger? Get rid of it, neutralize it?"

"Actually, it happened while Principal Wood was trying to kill you. He played the song and it brought out your worst nature, the pure demon in you. While you were fighting him physically, you were wrestling with yourself internally. You resolved it – that's why I said earlier, whatever that painful memory is, that you associate with the song your mom sang to you – sort that out." She decided to pivot away from that, since he was clearly becoming uncomfortable. "Anyway, he tried to kill you, but he didn't succeed. And much to your credit, you didn't kill him – you showed him mercy. Which by the way, won some points with me. Besides, I need both of you in the big battle at the end of that school year."

"So we win that one right? Save the world? Be heroes and all that?"

"Well yeah, but not without loss and sacrifice. The big bad – it takes some time for us to figure out that it's the original evil, 'the First' – as it starts to heat things up here in SunnyD, potential slayers from all over the world start to gather here. Giles brings some from England, others come by bus … it gets very crowded in this house. Faith comes back. I am _so_ not gonna go down the rabbit trails involved there. Anyway, there comes a point where some of the girls start to question my leadership, my decisions. They're afraid I'm not doing enough to prepare and protect them, afraid that they'll get killed. The First plays with us all, manipulates us – it can masquerade as any dead person. I think at certain points of your madness it appeared to you as me and even as yourself. At one point, Giles sends you to a monastery or a mission and you find out something about an item the First doesn't want me to get my hands on. While you are gone, they vote me out, because they don't like my battle plan. But what you find out confirms that I was right. When you get back, you come find me and we spend that night in each other's arms – fully clothed, in case you're wondering. The next day, you told me that that was the best night of your existence." She glances down and then back to his eyes. "It's quite possible that me coming here now will change events and that night may not happen the same way. I'm sorry for that – it was incredibly special to me too. After that, I take on the evil preacher working with the First and get the weapon he didn't want me to have – a scythe made just for the Slayer – and then I have to go in and save as many of the girls as I can, because they walked into a trap."

"So they welcome you back – you get to say 'I told you so.' And … then we save the world?"

"Well, it's never that simple is it? Somewhere in there, after I come back with the scythe, I come up with a plan to empower all the potential Slayers, so that we have an army of Slayers. They've been training throughout that time. You and I have been teaching them what they need to know and taking them on patrols. Giving them just a little more than they are ready for each time. But part way through the big battle itself – thanks to Willow – they all transform from Potentials into Slayers. We do lose people though."

Pausing to flip the 90-minute cassette, as it was very near the end of the 45-minute side, she momentarily pondered the 30-minute difference between the length of the tape and the two hours she was given. Deciding she did not have time to worry about it, she hit the record button again and then continued speaking. "I gotta backtrack. After they voted me out and then I came back to the fold, but before the battle, Angel comes to visit. He brings information, a weapon, and an offer of help. In my timeline, when he showed up, I kissed him. You and I weren't exactly together at the time, but it made you jealous."

"You told me about it?"

"No, you saw us – though I didn't know until later that night when I got back to the house and we talked. But it really was just a kiss … and a short talk. Then, I sent him back to LA."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"So you understand that Angel showing up here at that point in time is important. And it's not about me and him – no matter what it might look like, or he might hope for. The info he brought was helpful and you used the weapon to end the battle. In fact,…" Buffy looks down, covering her face with her hands, and starts to sob as the memory hits her.

Spike wrapped his arms around her. "Luv, what is it? Why are you crying?"

"You and that weapon turn Sunnydale – the entire city – into one big crater. It collapses in on itself."

"Bloody hell! How do we survive that?"

"Well, truthfully, some of us don't survive it. Oh, Spike…" She stares into his eyes and struggles to get the words out. "You stay and finish it, so that others – me included – can get out safely. Right at the last minute, you tell me to leave. You tell me that you have to stay. Just before that, I told you that I love you. You didn't believe me. I guess I can understand why you wouldn't or why it was easier for you to think that, under the circumstances. But I began to love you before that, I just hadn't said it yet."

"Is that why we're not together in your time? Because I'm dust?"

"You were going up in flames as I turned to leave. So I assume that you did dust, but then you were brought back – except not here, in LA. In fact, if I remember right, Andrew said that he heard you first appeared in Angel's office a few weeks later. However, when you come back, everyone can see you, but you don't have a physical body. There's a word for it – incorpurple… something or other. So, at first you don't contact me, because you aren't sure you are going to be able to stay in this world. Then, you try to leave LA, but are unable to get beyond the city limits. At some point, things changed and you could have come to me, but you gave up." Giving him a playful punch, "Don't do that this time. Please, don't. When you get to Angel's office, there's a woman there who helps you. A scientist. Her nickname is a guy's name – Fred, that's it. Winifred. Have her call me and tell me what's going on. I can almost guarantee you – assuming that things don't turn out any worse between us than they did in my timeline – that I'll come to you as quickly as possible. It'll be a hassle to deal with Angel, but we'll deal. Oh yeah, and heads up – Harmony is a receptionist in the office."

"You weren't kidding when you said there were a lot of details to remember – good thing you've got the tape recorder going. Have a feeling I'd remember that last tidbit, though." He groaned.

She sighed before beginning again, "The part in all of this that I don't know how to advise you on is that year in LA. In my timeline, you stayed there to help Angel and his team. I'm not sure what they would do without you during all that. They might be fine without you, but I'm not entirely sure. During that time, I was mostly in Europe. I suppose we could try a long-distance relationship. It doesn't really matter, just make sure to have Fred call me when you show up in LA." Buffy took a deep breath, looked Spike in the eye and said, "The reason we're not together in my time is partly because you didn't contact me, but partly because at the end of that year, which is three years from now, there's an apocalyptic battle in LA. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure how it went down. I haven't been able to get in touch with anyone or get any definitive answers. That was the final straw – why I went to the Powers That Be to ask for a second chance. I couldn't lose you. Not again. I just don't think I could survive going through that again."

He placed a finger to her lips as he said, "Shhh. Don't talk like that, luv. I will do everything in my power to prevent you as much pain as possible. Kiss it and make it all better, I will."

He traced his thumb along her lower lip and she slowly brought her lips into a pucker against the tip of his thumb. As her lips released from the kiss, he moved his thumb to the inside of her bottom lip, allowing her tongue the opportunity to trace the tip. He held her gaze as she gently took his thumb into her mouth. As she released her hold on it, he slowly brought it out over her chin and down the front of her throat. His fingers reached around behind her neck and then his palm firmly held the back of her head. When he kissed her, it was whisper soft, as he was still unsure of where the boundaries were. She moaned as she leaned into the kiss. And he was a goner.

He broke the kiss long enough to check how much time was remaining on the clock – just over an hour. He turned back to Buffy, resting his forehead against hers. "Don't want to press my luck here, pet, but if you're finished with the rambling narrative, we do seem to have some time before we need to be back in our previous places on the stairs … so that you can leap back into your body, all unsuspecting like." Not that he needed to, but Spike was breathing heavily – and enjoying the smell of her skin as he inhaled. That scent. How would he exist without it for five months? "What would you like to do with our remaining time? If you need any suggestions, I could make a few."

Buffy leaned back, placing both her hands on his chest. He was not sure what she was thinking or what she would decide. Neither was she, as removed her hands from him. She knew that there had to be more that she could tell him about, but at the moment, nothing came to mind – as she was distracted by and attracted to the one who sat before her. She pressed stop on the cassette recorder and placed it beside her on the stairs. Then, she stood and reached down for his hand. Spike looked up into her eyes as he took it and allowed her to lead him up the stairs and down the hallway. They paused at the doorway to Buffy's bedroom.

"Are you sure, luv?"

"There are few things I have been certain of during my life. My love for you is one of them. Please, come in and let me _show_ you."

* * *

A/N: Earlier that evening he did say: "Alright, I'll behave. But talk fast. Let's be sure to leave some extra time on the clock. Pretty please?" … Next chapter soon. Thanks again for reading!


	5. extra time on the clock

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 5**

 **extra time on the clock**

"No, let _me_ show you," he said, as he lifted her into his arms and carried her across the threshold of her bedroom. He sat her down on the edge of the bed. On the nightstand, there was a wind-up alarm clock that seemed to work in spite of the wibbly-wobbly time thing they were experiencing. She set the alarm to go off 20 minutes before they had to be back on the stairs for her return trip to the future.

As she leaned over to place the clock on her nightstand, he knelt before her. She ran her fingers through his hair as he kissed her and leaned her back on the bed. She hungrily tugged his shirt off and tossed it onto the chair, where he would be able to find it easily. He kicked off his boots before he returned to his knees to slowly remove her shoes and then her clothing, dropping each item in a pile near the foot of the bed.

A low growl escaped his throat as he began to 'show' her. Although the primary purpose of his actions was to bring her pleasure, he derived pleasure from listening to her whimper and watching her writhe. He tried to memorize every sensory aspect of their time together.

"I really did miss you this past year," Buffy said as she wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer her.

"You sure it's not this….uh, quality time with me that you have missed?"

"Well, that too. But no, it's really just being with you that I miss. Sappy and pathetic, I know. I think it's called love."

"So nice to hear you finally admit your feelings, pet, but let me see if I can fry a few brain cells and make you completely non-verbal. Though, I must say that screaming is not only permitted, but encouraged."

Indulgently, they took their time exploring one another with their lips and their hands. For Spike, it was discovery of as-yet-uncharted territory fueled by burning curiosity, as well as a hunger he had not dared to dream would ever be sated. For Buffy, it was both an act of contrition and coitus – physical expression of her penance and her passion. They took delight in one another – in being together in the fullest sense. Utterly joined and inextricably linked, they simultaneously found their sweet release. As a look of pure joy spread across Spike's chiseled features, Buffy knew that she would not find true happiness apart from this love they shared.

They only had a few minutes to hold one another, basking in the afterglow before the ringing of the alarm broke through the silence – a reminder that their time together was ticking away. Buffy climbed off the bed; Spike followed behind her, placing his hands on her hips. They stood, her back to his front, as he kissed her neck and shoulders. A few moments later, Buffy turned to face him. Both of them groaned, knowing they needed to get moving, but wanting nothing more than to stay precisely where they were, as they were.

After they had gotten dressed, they went downstairs to the living room. Buffy added some last-minute thoughts to the recording, "Tell them to be smart with money – or I'll have to drop out of college and work at the Doublemeat Palace when I come back. Please, please tell them to pay attention to bills and other expenses. Tara and Willow move in here – so that Dawn can stay. Maybe suggest that Giles help out looking after the money stuff." With sudden last-minute clarity, her mind found information she had missed: "Oh, three other quick things: #1 Tell Giles to get Willow training and mentorship before her involvement with magic becomes a dark addiction. Just after my return might be a good opportunity. He should be open to the idea then. #2 Xander and Anya get engaged, on their wedding day an old man comes and tries to convince Xander that he shouldn't marry Anya. It's all a lie. Tell him not to fall for it. The guy's angry with her from her vengeance demon days. Not sure how you'll convince him – maybe tell him you had a dream or vision, or give the info to Tara and have her tell him."

"What happened? He believed the guy and left Anya at the altar?"

"Yeah and lots of painful ugly ensued as a result. #3 Warren teams up with Jonathan and Andrew, continuing to cause problems, but one in particular might be avoidable. Shortly after Xander and Anya's wedding day, Warren comes to the house with a gun to kill me. He only succeeded in wounding me, but one bullet went through a window and killed Tara. Now, there are so many things that led to that moment that could be changed by what I'm telling you and what you do with it. It's possible that in your new timeline Warren won't shoot us. But that situation triggers a relapse for Willow – she goes really vengeful. I'm talking extreme dark and scary. Xander has to talk her back from the brink of destroying the world."

"And when should I expect those events, luv?"

"Xander and Anya's wedding day is less than a year from now. The shooting is a couple months after that – just after you left to get your soul." Scanning her brain to see if there was anything else she should add. "Well, I guess that's all I have time for – I tried to cover as much as I could. I wish they'd given me some time to prepare. I hope it's enough." Taking a quick glance at the countdown clock, "Almost time for me to go."

Buffy labeled the cassette "For: Spike" before putting it and the tape recorder away in the desk drawer. Then, she reminded him to retrieve it later that night after the battle and not to share info with the others.

They sat down in the middle of the stairs. He had one arm around her, with the other hand he pushed her hair back away from her face.

Buffy felt the need to use all the time she had been given. "Just remember, in the long run, you can't go wrong by showing me your heart, your tender side – the way you cared about my Mom and the way you care for Dawn. I love that you're both tender and strong, romantic and wild, a poet and a warrior, a team player and a rebel, a supportive partner and a worthy opponent. A little bit high-brow and a little bit rock and roll. You're all that I want and everything I need."

"Wow, wish that part was on the tape. Earlier today, I could scarcely dare to dream for a crumb. And now this. I am truly gobsmacked."

"I came a long way to make sure that you succeed – that we succeed." She gave him a brief kiss.

"So this has all been a pep talk, then?"

"No, here's the pep talk:

'From this day to the ending of the world,  
But we in it shall be remembered;  
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;  
For he today that sheds his blood with me  
Shall be my brother …' "

"When did you study Shakespeare, pet? Never you mind. Truth be told, I prefer the … uh, 'conjugal visit' over the pep talk any day – even if it is the St. Crispin's Day speech."

She laughed and continued, "Well, if future … um, 'visits' are something you'd like more of, then I'll add:

'He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,  
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named.' "

Gazing into her eyes, he could feel the time slipping away as if he were watching the last grains of sand fall through an hourglass. He stole a glance at the clock – mere seconds remaining. "You'll be seeing me soon, darling." He rubbed his thumb from her forehead to her temple, then over her cheekbone and jaw – tracing her features, wanting to memorize this moment and the loving look in her eyes.

"No matter what happens, please remember … I love you, William."

Then he saw it – the change in her expression. So he touched her head again and asked, "Are you alright now, Buffy?"

* * *

A/N: Thanks again for reading! Until next time ...


	6. fine now, thanks, & a final wish

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 6**

 **fine now, thanks, & final wish**

 _Future-Buffy has left and the 2001 timeline begins moving again_

"What happened? I'd swear that I was just standing up there and you were talking … wait, these aren't the clothes I had on." She eyed him wearily.

Spike began to tell her the lie that he and future-Buffy had worked out a few minutes ago to explain her change of attire and their physical proximity to one another. "I was doing a bit of speech-making and then you went to get changed. When you were coming back down, you lost your balance and seemed to blackout for a bit. I ran up the stairs to make sure you didn't fall. You seem to be doing better now."

"Yeah, I feel fine. I just have no memory of the past several minutes."

"What's the last thing you remember?" Spike asked as he helped her to her feet and guided her down the stairs.

"You were getting weapons, but took a moment to do some … what did you just call it … 'speech-making'?" She could not quite reconcile her vague visual memories with the indescribable physical sensations she was having. This moment felt strangely intimate, though she was not sure why.

"Yes, about that …" he started.

"Spike, we really should get going, but since one or both of us could die tonight – or the world could end – I should thank you for … hmm, I'm not sure how to say it. At some point along the way, especially during my Mom's illness and after her death, and then you enduring torture at the hands of Glory in order to protect Dawn … Well, I'm – I don't know – we're not exactly friends, but we're not enemies and I trust you to protect my sister. What was it you said – you know that you're a monster. You are. But when you were a man, you must have been a gentleman, because you can be incredibly decent and honorable sometimes. Anyway. Thank you." For some reason feeling the urge to touch him, she reached out and put a hand on his arm. As their eyes met, her body felt like it was melting, tingling, and humming all at the same time.

Spike swallowed hard and said bravely (and perhaps, stupidly), "Since we're heading into battle, could you possibly find it in your heart to grant an undead guy a final wish?"

They were still practically nose-to-nose as she asked, "What would that be?"

His eyes glanced down at her lips as he replied, "A kiss for luck?"

Buffy laughed, "I know I'm the Slayer, but you don't really believe that a kiss from me will have any effect on your ability to fight or on the outcome of the battle, do you?"

He tilted his head and decided against saying anything in reply. Instead, he looked down at his feet, which seemed glued to the floor. Just as he was about to say that they should get going, Buffy's lips brushed against his. They remained mere inches apart as he searched her eyes for permission. As the words "I'm not sure why I just did that" escaped from her lips, he kissed her – not the way he had kissed future-Buffy a short while ago, but it was more than he would have thought possible earlier in the day. This Buffy – in his present – was letting him kiss her. And was kissing him back. No other part of their bodies made contact, and yet it was as intimate as the coupling he and future-Buffy had shared earlier.

As soon as the connection between their lips was broken, Spike took a step back, saying, "Definitely a kiss for luck – 'cause I feel like the luckiest bloke in the world right now." Opening the door for her, he bowed slightly as he gestured toward the doorway.

Walking down the front steps together, Buffy said, "Yeah, so – time to get focusy." Her tone becoming even more serious, "And, uh, that ... what just happened ... make no assumptions. But I guess if we survive tonight, we'll have to talk about it."

"Plenty of time for that later, luv," he said softly. Then, changing his demeanor and his tone, "Right now, let's go be heroes."

If the result of tonight's battle was the same as what future-Buffy had told him, he would have five months to think about that conversation.

The woman he loved would probably die tonight, but aside from that, this was one of the best days of his existence. And even though they were heading into battle, for just a few moments more, he would allow a spring in his step.

Because now he knew: she loved him.

* * *

A/N: If you haven't already, please let me know if you want to see the detailed version play out – the three years until the day in 2004 when Buffy time traveled. In other words, the events that happen between "Chap 7" and "Chap 8" - and would be posted as Chap 9 and following.

Again, much gratitude to you for reading, reviews, follows, etc! So glad that you're enjoying it.


	7. grief, shock, hope, joy & ache

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: This covers the 24 hours after the battle. If you tend to cry easily, then you may want tissues for this one.

Again, much gratitude to you for reading, reviews, follows, etc!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 7**

 **grief, shock, hope, joy & ache**

 _Later that night … after the battle_

 _(which occurs for the most part as it did in "The Gift" #5.22,_ _with the exception that Spike knows what to expect to a certain extent)_

The Scoobies were badly beaten; broken, bruised, and bloody. In addition to the physical pain that had been inflicted, all of them were grief-stricken.

Spike was experiencing shock as much as pain and grief. Those two hours with Buffy had been an oasis of sorts, and filled with more joy than seemed appropriate, in retrospect. Somehow, even though she had clearly told him what to expect, he had not really absorbed the truth that she would die tonight. He felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him – yet he had not needed to breathe in over a century. He felt as though his heart had been pulverized, turned to dust right inside his chest. His heart had not pounded in years; right now, it was his head that pounded. An onslaught of thoughts, second-guessing himself – his decision to go along with future-Buffy that the outcome of the battle could not be altered. There had to have been a way to prevent this. How in the world would he get through the next five months without her? It seemed they had just finally found one another. How cruel could fate be to tear her out of this world now?

As they gathered around Buffy's body, the grief hit each of them in different ways, manifesting primarily as either stunned silence or crying. It did not go unnoticed by Xander and Dawn that Spike seemed deeply affected – though each of them interpreted the emotional display differently.

After standing there for a few minutes, Tara said, "Am I crazy? Or are her wounds healing?"

Giles knelt down to investigate. "It does appear that the lacerations are closing." Feeling the pulse points on her neck and then her wrist, he noted, "However, she is not breathing and there is no heartbeat."

Willow was now beginning to analyze the situation. Rambling, processing aloud, "Is it possible that when she fell through the portal, she entered a state of suspended animation – that she might wake up and come back to us? Look! That abrasion is almost gone and the welts are going down." Still in tears, she turned to Giles, "We have to take her back to the house. We have to give it some time. Maybe she's not really dead."

Giles considered her words. "It is highly unlikely that even a Slayer could survive that fall, even if there were no portal involved."

"But that's just it – there was a portal involved," Willow interjected. "These are special circumstances, if ever there were." To herself, Willow vowed to Buffy that even if she had died, she would not leave her to suffer in some hell dimension.

Looking around at these few, these unhappy grief-stricken few, Giles decided there could be no harm in taking Buffy's body back to the house. If nothing else, it would cement in Willow's mind that Buffy was truly gone. He knew all too well, until you accept that fact, you cannot move on from the loss of a loved one.

Moving into his customary leadership role, Giles took command of the situation. "Alright, let's get moving. Tara, you seem well enough to help support Willow. Can you help her on the walk back? Maybe carry one weapon as well? Good. Xander, you're already carrying Anya and thus have your hands quite literally full. Dawn and I will each take a weapon and pair up for the walk back – me with my limp and we'll need to keep an eye on your blood loss. You'll let me know if you begin to feel faint, won't you?" He paused and turned to look at Spike, who by now had figured out that he was the most likely candidate to carry the body to the house.

"Right then. Got it, Watcher. I know what job you're doling out to me. First though, don't you think we should hide the bits and pieces of the Bot for safe keeping til we can come back for them?"

Xander asked, clearly annoyed with Spike, "Why would we keep that around?"

Spike managed to hold back a fresh wave of tears while he responded, "Could prove useful when patrolling. Wouldn't want the demon population getting the idea that they've got the run of the place."

"Much as it pains me to admit it, Spike raises a valid concern," Giles interjected.

After they had hidden the pieces from view, they all prepared to leave for home.

Spike removed his signature leather duster and laid it on the ground next to Buffy. Then, he moved her onto his coat, wrapped it around her, and lifted her with great care. This was the same beautiful feminine form with which he had been intimate mere hours ago. It was more than a little strange to be this close to her under such different circumstances. When nobody was watching, he placed a quick kiss on her forehead, whispering, "See you soon, luv. Gonna miss you, but thanks ever so for visiting me earlier with that message of hope."

The group made their way back to the Summers home. When they arrived, Giles held the door as Spike carried her in, asking, "Where would you like me to …?"

"In her bedroom, I suppose." Giles answered.

Xander was none too happy about Spike carrying Buffy, let alone walking into her room and placing her body on the bed. The others did not seem to mind his presence, but with them all gathered like this, now was the best chance he would have to retrieve the cassette recording that future-Buffy had left in the desk.

Spike leaned toward Giles and whispered, "You will let me know ...?" He gestured toward Buffy's body, but could not bring himself to finish the question.

"You're not staying?"

Xander heard this question and barked at Spike, "Why don't you just leave, already," throwing the leather duster at him.

Looking at Giles, Spike said, "Don't think everyone is thrilled with my presence right now." Lowering his voice again so as not to be overheard, "And much as Red wants to believe this a temporary thing, I think we're agreed that her theory is just that – a theory with no basis. So not much point in sitting with the lot of you and wallowing. Besides, after the events of tonight, I could use a drink – or rather a bottle." Just before leaving the room, "I'll check in tomorrow. Patrol will still have to happen and uh, well, anyway, I'd be happy to be of assistance."

"Yes, of course, good thinking. We will be in need of help in the days to come. As the adage goes, if you're not against us,…" Giles wasn't quite sure he completely trusted Spike, but they would need his strength and skill for whatever might be coming. There was always something coming. After all, Sunnydale sat atop a Hellmouth.

Spike exited her room, but before he could make it down the hallway, Dawn was tugging on his elbow. "You're not leaving without a hug, mister." She made a pouty face until he wrapped his arms around her. She continued, "I saw you, you know. Your face, when you saw her on the ground. I could see how much you care about her. You're hurting too. I just wanted you to know that someone noticed, that someone cared. "

"Thanks, Bit. Means a lot. You know if you need anything ... quiet place to think ... or someone to talk to – well, you know where to find me. I'd do anything for you. Anything at all." He kissed the top of her head, saying, "You should get back in there. They're gonna need you and you're gonna need them. Besides, I should get going."

He watched her walk back down the hallway to Buffy's room – where he and Buffy had made love earlier. Or maybe none of that was real. Maybe he had imagined it.

As he stood before the desk in the living room, his hand on the drawer pull, he was almost afraid to open it. What if the cassette was not there? What if it had all been a hallucination or a bad joke from the Powers That Be?

He took a deep breath (even though he did not need it) and opened the drawer, bracing for the worst. But when he looked down, he saw the recorder right where Buffy had put it. And there was the cassette labeled "For: Spike." He grabbed it and a pen – immediately popped the tabs so he would not accidentally record over it. Then, he was on his way out the door.

On the way back to his crypt, he stopped to nick a few things. At the pawn shop, he picked up a double cassette player/recorder and a Walkman with headphones. At a dollar store, several 90-minute cassettes and batteries, as well as a notebook and different color pens. And one last stop for a bottle of whiskey.

When he got back to his crypt, he unplugged the tv and plugged in the stereo. He put Buffy's tape in the player side and one of the blank tapes in the recorder side. He had decided that he would keep the master copy as pristine as possible. He would make copies from it – the copies he could play over and over again, until they wore out. The information would be vital for him, but so would the assurance that would come from hearing her voice.

He pressed the play and record buttons simultaneously, beginning the process of making the first duplicate. Then, he poured himself a drink and sat down with his notebook and pens. He knew it would be painful, but he had the need to hear her voice. While he was listening, he might as well make the most of the time. He would begin to make notes, chart a timeline as she had suggested.

He stayed fairly sober until the duplicate had been made and the master copy, the notebook, and stereo were hidden in the lower level of his crypt. But after that, he sat in his chair using the Walkman to listen to the copy – this time not for the purpose of information gathering, but purely to hear the sound of her voice. It was bittersweet music to his ears. Eventually that sound, combined with exhaustion and alcohol, lulled him to sleep.

When he came to, it was nearly sunset. He found a note from Dawn pinned to his shirt – guess she wanted to make sure he got it. The note read: "When you wake, you should come to the house. Thought you might want to be involved in the funeral plans."

Muttering to himself, "So, this is it. This is real now. Five month countdown." Getting his duster and preparing to leave, which included a long pull from the whiskey bottle, a realization hit him. "Guess I'm gonna have to keep an eye on my drinking. Not allowed to talk to anyone about this. Wouldn't want to slip up," he said to his empty crypt.

When the sun was low enough, he ventured out. He weaved in and around the tombstones in the cemetery. However, his signature swagger was missing. This was Spike in subdued (if not fully sober) form.

He found himself humming an old folk song as he walked. After about half a mile, he realized that it was the song his mother used to sing to him – the one Buffy had said would be used as a trigger. Get it sorted, she had said. No time like the present. If he linked this song in his mind to something other than his Mum, that should be a start. He began to sing one of the stanzas:

"Here I now wander alone as I wonder  
Why did you leave me to sigh and complain?  
I asked of the roses, why should I be forsaken?  
Why must I here in sorrow remain?"

His heart ached. And yet it was full. He had hope now. Hope of love, a reciprocated love.

She believed in him, in his ability to affect change during these coming years and then meet up with her in 2004. He would not – could not – let her down.

Arriving at 1630 Revello Drive, he took the steps to the front porch of the house two at a time. He almost reached for the doorknob to enter, but thought better of it and decided it would be best to knock. After all, in these five months until her return, he needed to win these people over – or at least earn their trust, if not their respect.

One thing at a time. Follow her outline, her timeline. He could do this. More to the point, she believed he could do this. Believed it enough to ask the Powers for a second chance. However, it was the first and probably the only chance he would get.

He had fought two other Slayers and walked away victorious. He had been dancing with this Slayer for nearly four years. But this time, he was fighting to win a Slayer's love – not to stop her heart from beating, but rather to set it aflutter … better yet, set it aflame. Aflame with love for him.

Bloody hell! He'd probably start writing bleedin' awful poetry again. All these flowery phrases running through his head. And prose just never seemed adequate to describe the two-sided coin that is love. It's a game of chance, really – a gamble. Innit? Which side will land face up?

At the moment, he felt both: the joy and the ache.

He raised his arm to knock on the door, preparing himself to enter a house that had known too much death and sorrow. But also much love. There it is again: the joy and the ache.

As he entered, he came face to face with the stairs where future-Buffy had poured out her heart to him. For some reason, he had not thought of it when he carried her body upstairs last night. But now, the mental picture of that memory was so clear, painfully clear.

Right at this moment, there was no joy. There was only ache.

* * *

A/N: The version of "Early One Morning" used in #7.17 was recorded by Nana Mouskouri found here on YouTube: /watch?v=XIhu990krQ0

Tune in next chapter to find Buffy back in 2004. Thanks so much for reading and for the encouraging words!


	8. back in time

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: Here's "The End" of the story - well, the resolution, but not the end of the fic. ;)

Let me know what you think … and be sure to read the A/N at the end.

Thanks again for reading!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 8**

 **back in time**

 _Meanwhile, in the new version of June 2004 ..._

It seemed like just a moment ago, Buffy was sitting on the stairs with Spike, in his embrace. Now she was standing in the entryway of a beautiful (and probably pricey) restaurant, looking into the face of a maître d' – who was saying to her, "Right this way. Your dinner companion arrived a few minutes ago and has already been seated."

As they approached the table, she saw him – apparently her date – as he stood up to pull out a chair for her. "Darling, you look positively stunning. Though I'm sure I don't need to say it, since you know how much I love that dress on you," he said hungrily, then whispered, "However, I'd prefer it on the floor." He paused, tilting his head as he asked, "Are you feeling alright?"

Buffy shook the fog from her brain as she replied, "Sure, yeah. Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm standing here holding the chair out for you like the gentleman that I am – and you're just staring at me."

She mumbled an apology as she sat down and nervously took the napkin from the table to place it in her lap. He took his seat across from her.

The waiter immediately came to take her drink order. She decided that since there was already a bottle of wine at the table, she would have that to start. After she insisted that she would need a few minutes to look at the menu, the waiter left them alone at the table.

Breaking the silence, he said, "Thank you for meeting me here. Apologies again that I was not able to pick you up." Staring into Buffy's eyes, he reached across the table and took her hand. "The reason for having to meet here… I had to make a stop … to pick something up… it was supposed to be ready, but wasn't ... quite."

"You know that you're babbling, right?"

"In a moment, I'll show you what I'm talking about, but first, I need to say a few things. I am not sure precisely when it happened, but at some point, you became like breath and life to me – enough to cause my heart – in truth, my entire being – to pulsate. I cannot fathom spending my days – my future – without you by my side. Honestly, I cannot imagine those days at all – not unless you will agree to spend them as my partner in the truest sense of the word." After pausing for effect and courage, "Allow me the honor of being your husband. Marry me?"

He placed two boxes on table, opening one and then the other. As he opened the second box, he explained, "This was the cause of my delay. It is a custom-made tungsten carbide ring with three rows of stones pave set, more than 4 total carats of diamonds covering half of the band, the back half of the band smooth metal, and the inside of the band is rounded – so it is incredibly durable and can comfortably be worn while working… or playing. The first ring should clearly show the world how I feel about you – an exquisitely beautiful solitaire of un-ignorable size. The second one should show you that not only do I love you, but that I know you and understand your daily life."

She was uncharacteristically silent while trying to get her bearings.

"You're awfully quiet. Makes a guy a little nervous, especially at a moment like this."

"I need to ask you to do something before I answer your question."

"Anything."

Since she did not know what happened to get her to this moment – the past three years as they occurred in this timeline – she needed to get some information from him. There is no way she gives an answer – yes or no – without understanding the context and ramifications. "Pretend you're talking to someone else, someone who knows nothing about us. Tell me about our relationship. Tell me about my life and how you fit into it."

"You can't be serious. Do you want me to start all the way at the beginning – when we met?"

"You can skip ahead to… I don't know, sometime around when you told me you had fallen for me."

"There are some things in your life I only have second-hand knowledge of. I wasn't there to actually witness it."

"Tell me anyway. Tell me what you do know. What you think. What you feel." She closed both boxes and placed them in her evening bag which was sitting on the table within arm's reach. "You have until I order dessert."

"What happens then?"

"Then, I eat chocolate torte. And when I have finished it, I'll give you my answer."

Apprehensively, he said, "Well, then. I guess while you decide what you would like to order for dinner, I should gather my thoughts."

"No need to be nervous. This is not a test. It's not a trick question. I swear. Call it… an opportunity for me to reminisce – and as an added bonus, I get to listen to the sound of your voice… and hopefully see your face light up when you talk about me." She winked at him and then batted her eyelashes playfully.

He seemed to become more comfortable as he took a sip of water and began, "Some time ago, I had the great fortune to meet a true lady…"

Fanning herself and using a slight Southern accent, "Oh, I do declare! You certainly do know how to sweet talk a girl!"

"…whose name was Joyce."

Buffy eyes simultaneously filled with both sadness and love. "She was amazing. Wasn't she?"

Taking her hand and kissing the back of it, "Her daughter reminds me very much of her. Sadly, the world lost her much too soon, leaving her family and friends to discover that they were as strong and resilient as she was."

Throughout dinner, he played the role of storyteller. He used beautifully poetic language to paint pictures of memories she did not possess. She found herself wishing she could have been there the past three years. If his words were true and that is how these years had occurred, then she had lost something remarkable by missing out on that time with him.

As Buffy finished her entrée, the waiter approached, took the empty plates, and inquired, "Are either of you interested in dessert?"

"Chocolate torte, please," Buffy said, her mouth watering in anticipation.

"Very good. And for you, sir?"

"Just coffee for me, thanks." He nervously played with a spoon for a moment. Then looking up at Buffy, he asked, "So, is there anything else you'd like me to recount? Any further questions you'd like me to answer?"

"Do you remember the first time you made love to me?" She held his gaze as she continued, "When time quite literally stood still?"

His eyes widened. After taking a few seconds to process the implication of what she had just said, a smile spread across his face. "That's why you made me tell you about the past three years."

"Well, you must admit that from my perspective, your proposal is a bit sudden."

He shook his head and laughed. "So, am I to assume that you made the leap straight from that moment on the stairs to here?"

She swallowed the last bite of her dessert, nodded and then responded, "One minute, I'm in your arms watching the clock count down. The next, the maître d' is asking me to follow him back to this table."

Tilting his head, he raised one eyebrow and gave her that signature crooked grin of his. "I believe you said I'd get my answer when you had finished your chocolate torte, luv."

She removed the ring boxes from her evening bag and placed them on the table near his right hand. "Ask me now."

His expression softened and his blue eyes sparkled in the candlelight. "Buffy Anne Summers, I love you with all of my unbeating heart and my hard-earned soul. It would be an honor and a privilege to be your husband. If you will have me, I will dedicate my unlife to trying to be the man you deserve, the man you somehow see when you look at me, the man you thought was worth the effort of time travel in order for us have a second chance – well, it feels like the first time for me. But I am grateful to have had even one chance." Kneeling next to her chair and holding the diamond solitaire before her. "Will you marry me?"

She raised her right hand and stroked the side of his face as she looked into his eyes. "Yes."

He slid the ring onto her left hand and then kissed her. "I love you so much than words can say."

"I love you too, William." She leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. "Now what was it you were saying about preferring this dress on the floor?"

He quickly stood and grabbed the arm of a passing waiter. "Check, please." Then, he took out his wallet. Grabbing several bills, handed them to the waiter and said, "Never mind the check. Here. Keep the change."

* * *

A/N:

After comments in reviews/PMs, I've decided to continue this story – highlighting certain episodes/events, connecting the dots right up to the moment he walked into the restaurant in this chapter (i.e. the long and winding tale that he tells her during their dinner). Some things will change, some things will remain (primarily) the same.

I outlined it the other night (through Buffy #6 & 7, Angel #5) – probably at least 30 more chapters.

However, future updates will not come as frequently as these have - maybe every two weeks or once a month. Hopefully, you won't mind too much, since you know how this love story "ends." ;) My attention is divided at the moment with other projects, but I'll do my best.

I invite you to pester me if I go too long between updates. It won't bother me. It will likely motivate and inspire me.

Thanks so much for all your kind words in reviews and PMs - you have no idea how much it means to me.

~Jen

5 Sept 2015


	9. funeral, 147 days, & Paradise Lost

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N:

Use of quotes: You will quickly discover that (at least for purposes of this story) I have decided that some conversations seem destined to happen. Maybe not at the same point in the timeline. Maybe not in precisely the same way, or with the same outcome. But you will recognize some dialogue – some pulled from later points in the original timeline, sometimes edited down … usually to better fit the new circumstance, sometimes just for brevity's sake.

This chapter will cover from the day after Buffy's death through episodes #6.1 and #6.2 "Bargaining Part 1 & 2."

* * *

 **CHAPTER 9**

 **funeral, 147, & Paradise Lost**

 _May 2001_

It was apparent to everyone that Xander not happy to see Spike.

"Dawn left me a note, said I should come over. I'm not here to cause trouble."

Xander started in, "Why are you here? You could leave town, you know, now that you don't have Buffy to moon over."

"Not that I wouldn't like to get away from your incessant badgering, but I made a promise to Buffy to protect Dawn."

Xander's face clearly expressed his disbelief. "When exactly? I never – "

Spike responded in a measured tone. "Last night. When she and I came back here to get weapons. Said she was counting on me. Because of my strength. Anyway, I made a promise, owe a debt. And more than that – I may be evil, but I'm loyal. Fought alongside her – foxhole buddies. At the very least, allies. Buffy may be gone, but the Bit's still here. Way I see it, I've still got a mission. Last orders given and all that."

Giles began to speak, "That's actually quite noble of you…"

Xander interrupted, "But the fact of the matter is that Buffy is not here and she was the one that wanted you around. We didn't."

Spike attempted to take the high road. "This is no time to be selfish and petty. You're gonna need help patrolling. Remember what I said about using the Buffy-bot, not just for additional help in a fight, but to convince the demon population that she's still alive?

"Yes, of course. And with that help, we won't need you."

Now, Spike was becoming aggravated, but was trying to maintain calm, at least the outward appearance of calm. "Well, we both know that's not true. Even with Buffy here, you needed me. And the Bot's not quite as good as the real thing. She's not actually the Slayer." He glanced down at the floor, regrouping. "But that's not where I was headed with all this."

"Well, spit it out and be gone already."

Spike directed his words primarily at Giles. "Look, you've probably already finished the funeral plans – and I know I have no say in any of that. It's just … well … there's one thing I want to make sure you think about, cuz once you do it, you can't take it back. And it could affect more than just the people in this room."

Giles responded, "I'm listening."

"The gravestone. If you put her name on it, sooner or later … word will get around. So, if you are giving any consideration to the plan of trying to convince the seedier side of Sunnydale that the Slayer is still alive ... you shouldn't put her name on it. What if the next Slayer is delayed or isn't called to this location? I mean, Hellmouth, after all. So you'd figure this would be the hotspot to cover, but what if she doesn't come here. Then, it's us against whatever's coming."

"I didn't think I'd be saying this again so soon, but Spike has a point." Giles took a moment to clean his glasses. "There's always something coming."

Dawn was looking at a sketch she had made of the headstone with the following words to be engraved:

BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS

1981-2001

BELOVED SISTER

BELOVED FRIEND

SHE SAVED THE WORLD

A LOT

Then she looked up at the others and said, "But we have to put something. I don't want to leave it completely blank."

Spike walked over to see the drawing. He put a piece of paper over the last lines and then covered up the first and last names with each of his hands. "What if you just put her middle name, the years, maybe the sister and friend bits, and leave room for the other to be added later?"

Dawn nodded her approval. "I like that idea. What does everyone else think?"

Tara smiled warmly at Dawn and Spike. Willow and Xander exchanged looks and said that they felt that was a good compromise - honoring Buffy while keeping the info secret.

Giles took the helm as usual. "Good. So, we're agreed. That brings up another matter: do we need to rethink the funeral itself? We can't very well put it in the newspaper. And then there's the when and how to have it – to draw the least amount of attention."

Turning to Spike, Willow asked, "What time of day is best – you know, when are the evil types least likely to be out and about, possibly seeing the funeral?"

"Well, daytime will cut the vampires from the guest list. Since many other demons like to stay out late and raise hell – so to speak – they usually sleep in. So, I'd say early to mid-morning is your best bet."

"That's what I would have figured. But thanks for confirmation."

Then, Dawn's unhappy voice piped up. "That means that you can't be there."

"That's alright, Bit. I can pay my respects later that night or maybe I can find a shady spot and watch from a distance." He paused to clear his throat. "And … uh … not that he's my favorite person in the world - but did anyone call Angel yet? Captain Forehead does have a right to know."

[

On the day of the funeral, Spike made his way to the cemetery just before sunrise. He had found a place not too far from the grave where he could remain in the shade and at least watch, might even be able to hear bits and pieces.

There was a priest in town who Giles had met through mutual acquaintances – the priest was known to do exorcisms, which could come in handy in Sunnydale. Giles asked him to perform the funeral, but made it clear he was to tell no one. Spike could hear the reverend reading the commonly known passage Psalm 23: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want … Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil … Surely goodness and mercy will follow me…"

Spike watched as each of them laid a white rose on the casket. He watched as the box that contained the woman he loved was lowered into the ground. He struggled to remain composed while his grief rolled over him like a wave, overwhelming him. The pain and loss were palpable – more so than he had thought possible.

At the end of the intimate graveside service, Dawn had come over to him in the shadows to give him a hug, which she needed as much as he did. They spoke briefly and she handed him a small packet of tissues. He thanked her and kissed her forehead.

Ducking from shadow to shadow, using a blanket for cover when necessary, he made his way back to his crypt. After he had paced for half an hour, he finally had a drink. And then another. After 6 shots, he gave into his grief and listened to the cassette. He needed to hear her voice again. At this moment, most of the words were not important at all. He tuned out the information and just listened to it like music. It soothed the pain momentarily, but as soon as it was finished, the waves of grief slammed into him again. He could not imagine how excruciating the pain would have been without the knowledge that she would be back in a few months. He could not imagine how he – in the other timeline – had gotten through that.

He slept for a few hours. By the time he awoke, he felt no lingering effect from the alcohol, but the same could not be said of his grief. When it was nearly sunset, he put the Walkman away and prepared for his private goodbye. The walk to the grave seemed to take forever, like everything was in slow motion.

For a long while, he just stood there, holding the flowers he had brought. Finally, he placed them on the gravestone: first, Lily of the Valley; next, a red tulip; and last, blue and white violets.

Speaking to Buffy, as if she could hear him, "Well, the vicar got the reading right – you certainly did walk through the valley of the shadow of death. And no matter how many apocalypses came your way, you did not fear evil." He shifted his weight side to side nervously. "I thought I might sing a song for you. Hymns aren't really my thing, so I chose an old folksong. Just gonna sing the last stanza." He shoved his hands into his pockets and began to sing:

"Love, to thee my thoughts are turning  
All through the night  
All for thee my heart is yearning,  
All through the night.  
Though sad fate our lives may sever  
Parting will not last forever,  
There's a hope that leaves me never,  
All through the night."

Then, he took a folded paper from his pocket, not that he needed it. He had memorized it long ago.

"Also, picked out a poem to read. Not one of my own, mind you. This one was written by Robert Browning:

You'll love me yet!—and I can tarry  
Your love's protracted growing:  
June reared that bunch of flowers you carry  
From seeds of April's sowing.

I plant a heartful now: some seed  
At least is sure to strike,  
And yield—what you'll not pluck indeed,  
Not love, but, may be, like!

You'll look at least on love's remains,  
A grave's one violet:  
Your look?—that pays a thousand pains.  
What's death?—You'll love me yet!"

Earlier, Dawn had invited him to come over to the house later that evening. At the time, he said he wasn't sure. But after spending about an hour alone at Buffy's graveside, he decided that he not only wanted to be at the Summers' home, but he knew it was a way to continue building trust with the Scoobies.

Again, he chose to knock on the door. He had done it the other night to be polite, but realized now that they didn't know that Buffy had invited him in the night they came to get weapons. It would probably would be good for them to know that.

Dawn answered, saying, "You know you don't need to do that, right? I invited you in the other day."

Speaking loudly enough for everyone to hear, "Well actually, you didn't. And truth be told, I could have walked in that night or when we dragged ourselves back here after the battle. Didn't walk in, though. Chose to knock, to be polite."

His brows knitted together, Giles was deep in thought. "Now that you mention it, I held the door for you the other night, but no one – myself included – invited you into the house."

Xander's eyes widened. "Will? I thought you did the whole dis-invite thing."

"I did." Turning her attention to Spike, "You better 'xplain, mister."

"When Buffy and I left the lot of you at the Magic Box and came to the house to get weapons, I suggested that she could just hand them over the threshold, but she invited me in."

Giles was piecing together recent events and realizing how much trust Buffy had placed in Spike during her last days. Remembering also that he had taken quite a beating and yet did not tell Glory what she wanted to know about the key. "That's when she asked you to protect Dawn?"

"Yes." The others seemed to want more of an explanation, so Spike went on. "My reply was 'to the end of the world, even if that happens to be tonight.' And since the world did not end, my vow is still in effect."

Though they did not press it much further, he figured it would come up again at some point.

This unit had become like family and as such, they spent the evening having dinner and talking. Then once they were assured that Dawn had finished her homework, someone suggested playing a game. As Dawn made her way to the living room, she called to the rest of them, "I pick Clue. Nothing's quite as fun as solving a mystery – particularly if the dead body is fictitious. Ew! I really don't like dead bodies. On second thought, maybe we should play a different game."

Xander, Willow, Tara, and Anya exchanged glances and eye rolls as they followed Dawn into the next room.

Giles began taking dishes to kitchen. Spike grabbed a few and followed.

Spike knew he needed to become more comfortable asserting his opinion in conversations with them, rather than just making annoying quips that were of no real value. Yet, when it came to the things that future-Buffy had talked about, he felt a certain amount of pressure to make things better, or at least not make them worse. "I feel like a broken record as I say this – I don't mean to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, but who is going to look after the finances and the house? I mean, I can protect Dawn, but I can't – and wouldn't – presume to play the role of her guardian. And I guess, if you're trying to convince folks she's still alive, the guardian thing would be more 'under the table' than legal."

"Spike, what are you getting at?"

"Just that after all her Mum's hospital bills and with no income coming in, someone should be keeping an eye on cash flow in order for Dawn to be able to stay in this house."

Giles turned to face him, mildly exacerbated, "Are you suggesting that you – ?"

Cutting him off, Spike continued, "No, of course not. Just saying that someone should. You're the more mature adult of this crowd – figured it would be best to bring it up with you and you could sort it out. I wouldn't want to see Dawn lose her Mum, her big sis, and her home in quick succession, when a little financial wisdom could avoid a potential problem down the road."

Shaking his head while an amused smile spread across his face, Giles said, "You know, you're not as much of a self-centered prat as you appear. Guess that could explain why Buffy chose to keep you around."

"Here I thought it was my dazzling wit and charm."

"While I can't speak for the others, I'll go on record as saying that we could use your help and that I'll feel better knowing you're on our side. Although, I'm still not quite sure I'd trust you without that chip in your head." He paused, listened to the voices in the living room. "I don't think you'll have much trouble winning over Willow. You've already got Dawn and probably Tara. However ..."

"Yeah – Xander is another story."

"To be expected, after all. He just lost one of his best friends. And when he's upset, biting sarcasm and scathing derision are his weapons of choice. Don't take the bait and you should be able to keep things from escalating."

Spike nodded his understanding. "I think I'll take off while tension is relatively low. Probably do a sweep of the high traffic cemeteries on my way home."

Giles turned back to the dishes, which he preferred to board games. Spike walked into the living room and started putting on his coat.

Dawn's frown was apparent in her tone, as she said, "You can't leave. Not so soon." She wrapped her arms tightly around his torso.

Embracing her and kissing top of her head, he replied, "Not leaving town or anything. Just heading home for the night. Figured it would be good for someone to do a quick patrol tonight.

She looked up at his face with a sad puppy expression. He tapped her nose with his index finger.

The others looked on as Spike and Dawn said their goodbyes. He nodded and gave a brief wave at the door. Everyone except Xander bade him a good night.

[

And so began Spike's ritual for these five months without Buffy: patrolling (with or without the Scooby gang) and going home for time alone with future-Buffy's recorded voice and his annotated outline of the next three years.

When he returned to his crypt, he poured some bourbon into a glass. As he took a sip, he knew he had been right the other day about needing to limit his drinking, lest he slip up and reveal things he had promised to keep private. He determined that he would limit himself to the one drink when he returned from patrol – to take the edge off before enduring the joy-filled ache of listening to the cassette of their conversation on the stairs.

As the months went on, he could nearly play the conversation in his head from memory without pushing the button on the Walkman. Hearing the sound of her voice as he drifted off to sleep soothed some of the pain. However, his dreams were filled with a mixture of the wonderful moments they had shared plus his fantasy version of ones they had yet to create. He began to realize that he needed to make sure that the timeline was as complete as possible, because once she returned, he would not be able to listen to the recording any more. It would be too difficult and confusing to interact with Buffy and then later, listen to her voice saying such intimate things, causing him to have a visceral reaction to the memory of those hours they had shared. At that point, he would need to focus on the task before him – one thing at a time, one day at a time, wooing the Buffy who would be with him in this timeline … not the one who had visited him from the future.

He had gotten a calendar and was counting the days. She had said it would be roughly 5 months. He decided he would number the days 1 through 150 on the calendar and then put an X through each day as it passed. He figured he should stop listening to the tapes a couple weeks before Day 150, to be sure that he stopped before her return.

Day 130 was the last time he played through the conversation. He placed all the cassettes and a copy of the timeline in a fireproof/waterproof box and hid it in the tunnels. He kept one copy of the timeline tucked away in his crypt for regular reference and another sewn into the lining of his leather duster, in case of emergency.

The next series of days seemed to drag on – when you're only having one drink per day and no longer have 90 minutes of audio entertainment, there's not much to look forward to. There was no real change in the daily life of the Scooby gang until Giles decided he should make a trip to England in order to meet with the Watcher's Council. He was more than a little concerned about the Hellmouth being left unattended – well, Slayer-less anyway. Things were a little different while he was away, but in general, the daily routine revolved around caring for Dawn during the day and patrolling at night.

Day 146 came and went. He dusted a few vampires when the gang patrolled, but nothing exciting or out the ordinary. Spike went home, marked another X on the calendar, and began to wonder if she would actually be coming back. Had he done something wrong? Had she altered things by time traveling? Was her estimate of five months inaccurate? Worrisome questions swirled in his head.

After a fitful night of sleep, he made his way over to the house in the afternoon of Day 147 to see if there was anything he could help with – dishes, laundry, whatever.

Willow said that they needed him to stay with Dawn tonight. When he asked, all she would say was that they had something to do.

He and Dawn decided on food and entertainment for the evening. Pizza delivery was becoming all too frequent, but Spike ordered different toppings than the others – so Dawn did not mind that much. At least it wasn't boring old pepperoni and cheese. Usually, spicy BBQ chicken and banana peppers. Dawn said she would play any games except Life and Monopoly, because those were the only games Anya would play when she was on baby-sitting duty – and Dawn was sick to death of those.

They started with Rummy, but then Dawn convinced him that he should teach her Blackjack and Poker. In place of chips, they used pennies from the jar. At the beginning, Spike coached her and even let her win a few hands. However, she caught on quicker than he expected and he had to swiftly switch gears before she had a chance to take him off his coin.

Later that evening – Willow had to do some minor repair work on the Bot. Spike was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the presence of something that looked like Buffy, but was not truly Buffy. Every once in a while, the Bot would say something left over from the old programming. Tonight was one of those nights – and he snapped at Willow to figure out how to remove the remaining traces of the machine that was originally intended to replicate a Buffy that could love him.

Although Spike would likely never admit it to anyone, he cried himself to sleep that night – having given up hope that he would ever see her face again … except the facsimile on the Buffy-bot.

On Day 148, Spike dropped by the Magic Box to find the group huddled around the phone. Giles had called to say that although he had intended to be coming home that day, he would need to stay a bit longer. Apparently, they were in the midst of some research for which the Council needed his help and it would benefit their efforts on the Hellmouth.

Spike had gone into the back room to go a few rounds with the punching bag. Willow came back to fill him in on the phone conversation and to ask if he could be at the house to meet Dawn when she got home from school and stay with her this evening. Without even replying, he turned to go back through the store to get his coat.

As they rejoined the group around the table in the store, Willow added, "We need to do some work from here that … could speed up things for Giles' return and … well, Tara and I might get home late."

"Sure. 'S better than spending hours with my nose in these dusty old books," he said gesturing at the volumes that were open on the table.

Xander bristled. "What? No crack about being surrounded by the lot of us?"

Slapping Xander on the back, Spike said evenly, "Haven't you noticed that I've stopped insulting you every chance I get? Maybe just every third chance or so. Seriously, you're all not really so bad – an acquired taste, mind you, but not altogether awful. Kinda getting used to it … even you, Xander." He paused, looking at the time. "Well, I've got a few errands to run and I'll need to stop by my crypt. Guess I should be leaving if I'm going to get that all in before Dawn gets home." He nodded and then headed for the basement to access the tunnels.

[

It had gotten dark hours ago. Dawn had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room after dinner and the first movie. Spike was now watching another – some old black and white film. He had seen it before and it was not one of his favorites. So he finally decided to pick up the living room and take care of the dishes and garbage.

While he was in the kitchen, the Buffy-bot came in the back door. From past experience, he anticipated that the Bot would be rambling about either needing service or possibly spouting a programmed line that Willow had failed to erase. However, these are the words that came spilling from the Bot's mouth:

"Where did I go? Where did I go? I was there. Then I ran away. I thought I would come here."

"What are you on about? You're right here."

"No, not me. The other Buffy. Yes, the other Buffy. I don't know where she ran off to..." The Bot's battery had apparently run down or something was very wrong with the circuitry, because it stopped working midsentence.

Somewhere amid the swirling thoughts in his brain, some things were beginning to click into place. There was another Buffy. Here in Sunnydale. It was Day 148. He wanted to believe it was true, but was afraid of how much pain that kind of disappointment could bring with it. That night on the stairs, she had come to give him hope. Now, he would have to dare to hope. He had dared many things during his existence – surely he could put his faith in the veracity of future-Buffy's words.

He did not realize that Dawn had woken until he heard her footsteps.

"Dawn, what is it? Did you hear something?" Spike inquired as he headed for the living room.

She did not respond, but after he heard the door open, he heard Dawn speaking. It sounded as though she was choking back tears. "You're really here. You're alive. And you're home."

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for again for reading. Sorry for the long wait on this one, but the good news is that I've gotten a head start on the next installment. So I'm hopeful that you will see that in about a week or so.

Tune in next time … for my version of #6.3 "After Life" and #6.4 "Flooded."

~Jen

18 Oct 2015


	10. Back to Life

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N:

This chapter roughly corresponds to episodes #6.3 "After Life" and #6.4 "Flooded." You will notice some intentional omissions. However, you will get to see a conversation (well, my version, anyway) that was only mentioned in the series, but not actually shown.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 10**

 **Back to Life ...**

Hearing Dawn's voice saying those words made him hope beyond hope. His unbeating heart felt like it was racing as he turned the knob and opened the door to hallway. As he crossed threshold and looked down the hall to the front door, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Dawn turned to face Spike. "Looks like she's been through a lot, but I think she's okay." She paused, then asked, "Spike, are you okay?"

"What did you do?" He thought he had prepared himself for this moment, but then again he thought he had prepared himself for her death and the funeral. Why would he think this moment would be any less shocking?

"Me? Nothing," Dawn replied defensively.

Finally, he tore his eyes away from Buffy's face and looked her over, head to toe. When he saw her knuckles, dread hit him harder than Glory's right cross. "Her hands."

"I don't know how they got like that."

"I do. Clawed her way out of her coffin that's how." Softening his tone, he asked Buffy, "Isn't that right?"

Buffy's eyes – her whole demeanor, really – had the look of a scared animal. "Yeah, that's what I had to do."

"Done it myself. We'll take care of you." Whatever tenderness and compassion remained from his years as a human came to the surface and took over his being now. To Dawn, he quickly gave directions, "Get some stuff – mercurochrome, bandages."

"Okay," Dawn said, as she went to get the first aid kit.

Buffy's voice so low, it was nearly inaudible, "How long was I gone?"

"147 days yesterday. Um, 148 today. Except today doesn't count. Does it?" Tilting his head so that he could see her eyes, which were nearly hidden by the hair falling in front of her face. Gently, he continued, "How long was it for you … where you were?"

"Longer."

Future-Buffy had told him that she had returned to harsh and violent circumstances and instructed him to do all he could to make sure that she had the space to quietly sort things out. Seeing this Buffy before him, he had a better idea of why that was important, but felt unsure of how to proceed.

He led her up the stairs, trying not the think of the time he had spent sitting there a few months ago. They went into the bathroom. Buffy sat down on the toilet lid and Spike knelt before her, examining her hands. It took every ounce of strength he had not to weep for what she had just been through. When he had clawed his way out of the ground, he did not need air to survive. How horrific would it be for a human to find themselves in unfamiliar surroundings with the urgent need for oxygen? Blood may be life; but only the living breathe.

Dawn rejoined them with supplies. While Spike worked on her hands, Dawn had begun to clean the dirt from Buffy's face and then her neck. Soon, she realized it was a much larger task and started running water for a bath. She turned to Spike and Buffy, "I'm going to go get some towels and a change of clothes for you, Buffy."

Buffy kept glancing between her hands and Spike's face. For the most part, he was engrossed in the task of caring for her wounds, but every once in a while, he would look up to find her gazing back at him.

When Dawn returned, Spike said, "I'll make sure that your hands and wrists are good and clean. After I bandage them, we'll put plastic over to keep them from getting wet. Dawn will have to help you wash your hair and such."

Once he was finished, he turned to leave. "I'll stay close by in case you need anything." He shut the door behind him. Leaned against the wall in the hallway, sliding down to the floor. He sat with his knees bent, arms wrapped in front of his shins, and rested his forehead on his knees. With great effort, he tried to keep back the flood of tears, but down they streamed.

After a while, he could hear the water draining from the tub and Dawn talking to Buffy as she helped her get dressed. Just then, he heard voices approaching the house. The front door burst open and the voices of Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya could be heard as they made their way through the rooms of the main floor. Spike wiped his tears away and steeled himself while he tried to listen to their frantic conversation. He only caught snippets.

"Is she here?"

"She ran away."

"I found the Bot. It's in the kitchen."

"Okay, but where is she?"

Then, he heard footsteps on the stairs. He stood in order to block the doorway to the bathroom.

Willow asked, "Is she here?"

Spike did not respond verbally, but looked each of them in the eye sternly.

In quick succession Tara, Willow, and Xander asked, "Is she okay?" "Is she in pain?" "What does she remember?"

"You knew she was back? How did you know?" Spike all but growled the words.

Behind him, the door opened. Dawn spoke from the doorway, "All of you, back off." Then she pointed her remarks at Willow, "You did this. What did you do?"

Willow began her explanation, "We did a spell. We didn't think it worked. So we started to leave the cemetery. I don't know … her return was delayed for some reason. Then we saw her walking – we called to her, but she just looked at us strangely and started running."

Then, the flurry of questions began again, only this time directed at Buffy, who was now standing behind Dawn. They were offering food and anything they could think of that would make her feel better – but in truth, they were trying to make themselves feel better.

Dawn took on a stern maternal voice, "Guys! Back off!"

"Right. Dawn's right. We should just be quiet and let Buffy tell us what she needs." Willow was a bundle of nervous energy at the moment.

Buffy's voice was soft by comparison, "I think I just wanna go to sleep."

"Right. Long day, but Buffy, be happy. We got you out. We really did it." The ginger-haired witch was more than a little excited about their success.

"Tired." Buffy turned to Dawn, "My room is still …?"

"Yeah. Yes, it's your room." She walked Buffy to her room and closed the door.

As the door clicked, Xander started in on Spike. "Spike? What are you doin'? I hope you're not gonna start your little obsession now that she's around again."

"You didn't tell me. You brought her back and you didn't tell me."

Xander countered, "Well, now you know. We didn't tell you. It was just … we didn't. Okay?"

Again, thoughts were swirling around in Spike's brain. He had not really given much thought as to how she would come back. It made sense now … why she said he could not tell anyone – that it could change things. Part of him wanted to be angry that they had left him out of it. And he was also a bit worried about Willow doing this spell and what could have gone wrong. But future-Buffy had told him that she would return and that although she herself might think she had come back wrong, she would in fact be fine. So, he tried to swallow his raging emotions – knowing that the better course of action was in trying to maintain relationship with Buffy's inner circle.

Since Xander could not hear Spike's inner monologue, he was still reacting to Spike's earlier words and tone of voice. "Look, you're just covering. Don't tell me you're not happy. Look me in the eyes and tell me that when you saw Buffy alive that wasn't the happiest moment of your entire existence."

Before Spike could answer, Dawn stepped into the hall. "Spike, she asked to see you."

Willow's confusion was apparent in her voice as she said, "She doesn't want to see any of the rest of us?"

"She said to let her get some sleep. She'll field your questions in the morning." Gesturing to the door, Dawn said, "Spike?"

"Yeah, Bit. I'm comin'." As he separated from the group to walk down the hall, Spike was feeling self-conscious – in part, due to the looks they were giving him; in part, because he was not sure what he was about to walk into. Why had Buffy asked for him, of all people? Although it was completely unnecessary, he took a deep breath before pushing the door open.

Spike prepared himself for the possibility that she might be upset if she had overheard the words exchanged in the hall. "My apologies if our conversation was disturbing you." He looked at her sitting on the side of the bed, face lit only by the bedside lamp. He had never seen anything so beautiful.

She shook her head slightly in response and indicated that he should close the door. As he did so, he turned slightly away from her and gazed at the floor. If he were a praying man, he would have been asking for wisdom, strength, and the perfect words.

He began, "I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I'd have done that – even if I didn't make it – you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you not when it counted of course, but after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again. I'd do something different. Faster. More clever, you know. Dozens of times. Lots of different ways. Every night ..." When she did not respond, he changed topic, "Buffy? ... Slayer? Are you okay?"

Attempting to shake herself from her stupor, "I'm here. I'm good."

"Buffy, if you're in pain ... or if you need anything... or if I can do anything for you..."

"I'm not sure what I need or want right now, except that I know I can't deal with their questions. But I also know that I don't want to be alone either." She was quiet for a moment while she looked thoughtfully at her bandaged hands. "Earlier, you let me just be quiet. I felt … comfortable with you. In case, you're wondering, I do remember … at the house, before we went to fight Glory … the conversation …um, the kiss. I'm not ready to talk about that – and I don't want to give you mixed signals right now, but could you … stay here?"

"Sure." Looking at the chair next to her night stand, "That diabolical old torture device, the comfy chair. It'll do me fine." He took off his coat and settled down for an uncomfy night's repose.

The repose did not last long, maybe an hour. With no warning, Buffy sat straight up in bed and nearly began to hyperventilate.

Spike moved over to her bed immediately, sitting on the edge. "Are you alright? Was it a nightmare?"

She nodded yes.

"Would you like to talk about it? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Not right now. Just stay with me." She saw him begin to move back to the chair. "No, I mean here." She patted the space on the mattress beside her. "Will you just hold me?"

After he settled into the pillow behind him, she nestled into his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her. She was quiet for a long time, but his mind was racing: he remembered future-Buffy talking about a night when they had slept fully clothed, wrapped in each other's arms. She had said that her time travel might mean that night would not happen. The night that she had spoken about was supposed to happen about a year and a half from now. Maybe he would not get that one, but he would get this one. And she was right. This would rank as best night ever.

Just when he thought that she had fallen asleep, he heard her softly say, "I was happy."

"What do you mean? I thought you had a nightmare."

"No, not that. Wherever I was ... I was happy, at peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. I was torn out of there ... by my friends. This is Hell – just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ... knowing what I've lost..." She lifted her head off his shoulder to look him in the eye. "They can never know. Never."

Future-Buffy had told him that she thought she had been in heaven, but present-Spike would not have that info until just this minute. He was not sure how to respond. "They won't hear it from me. I can promise you that." He paused and considered what to say next. "Your nightmare … was it about coming back to life in the coffin? Having to dig yourself out?"

With her head now back on his shoulder, she replied, "Yes, but also the time between that and getting back to the house. My vision was all blurry. I saw them – Willow, Xander, Anya, Tara, even the Buffy-bot – when I was still in the cemetery. I wasn't entirely sure where I was – you know, if it was real. As I ran, I saw enough landmarks that I knew it was Sunnydale, real or not. And then, I found my way back to the house. The streetlights were so strange looking. I wasn't sure what was happening."

He was processing what she said, but also trying to remember what future-Buffy had said. Apparently, their efforts to keep her death a secret had worked – because in this timeline, she did not encounter a demon gang on her way home. "Just to be clear, you're talking about what actually happened. But that you also had a bad dream about it … that woke you up just now."

"Yes. It was scary to get pulled from a peaceful place back into reality – especially when reality looks so strange. But once I got back here and I saw that Dawn was okay … and the two of you were taking care of me without demanding info…" She looked up at him again. "Thank you. For bandaging my hands. For knowing that I needed space tonight, even from my friends."

"Not a problem, luv. You know I'd do anything for you – including nothing at all, if that was what you wanted."

"For right now, this is enough."

Spike knew the moment she fell asleep, because he felt the full weight of her resting on him. She seemed to sleep peacefully – no jerky movements, no waking from nightmares. Eventually, he fell asleep, as well.

[

When he awoke, he knew he was not at his place, but it took a few moments to recognize the room. Then, he remembered the night before. However, Buffy was not in the bed. He rolled over to see that she was already dressed for the day and was presently brushing her hair into a ponytail.

"You're up early, luv."

"Yeah. Sorry. Did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet."

Looking at the clock, "Guess I should get moving as well. Figure they'll be barging through the door any minute…"

"Oh yeah – the interrogation resumes."

"Well, that too. But no, I meant they would want to make sure that … I was a gentleman." His face lit up. "But then again, if they're interrogating me, they can't bother you. So just say the word, m'lady, and I will happily sacrifice myself for you."

She gave him the barest hint of a smile.

"Knew I could get a grin." He changed his tone. "On a more serious note, or at least more delicate matter – I was thinking about something Willow said last night in the hallway. She told you to be happy that they got you out. Taking into account what you said last night, well … I think that she was making the assumption you were in a hell dimension. She thinks – they think – that you are in a better place now than you were. Probably looks at it like they rescued you. If you don't want them to know where you were, and you don't want them to worry about you, you're probably going to need to … I don't know, thank them for bringing you back, act happy about being here. I know that might be tough to do … but you can always come and dump the truth on me. I can handle it. Maybe even use me for a punching bag if you need to."

She seemed to consider his words carefully. "You may be onto something. They won't let it go until I give them something." Looking him up and down, she added, "And you always did make a good punching bag."

"Glad to be of service." He picked up his duster from the chair and walked to the door, "Shall we go down for breakfast?" He turned the doorknob and looked out into the hall. "The coast appears to be clear. And it sounds like everyone's in the kitchen. If you want, I could go in before you and ask that they go easy on you."

"That sounds good."

As Spike walked into the kitchen, Xander said, "I didn't hear the front door. So are we to assume you spent the night in her room?"

"Not that it's really any of your business, but she asked me to sit with her. She woke up from a nightmare at one point. We talked a bit and then she seemed to sleep well after that."

"Good. I know I always feel safer when I fall asleep and you're nearby." Dawn said. "Is she coming down?"

"Yes. She wanted me to request that you hold off on the questions. She's not up to dealing with the inquisition quite yet."

Just then, Buffy came around the corner. Dawn rushed to give her a hug. The others cautiously said "good morning" from where they stood.

Anya spoke up, "This morning, I learned that when humans don't know what to do to be helpful, they make food. So, we should eat now, because otherwise this food isn't so much helpful, but rather just another mess to clean up – and quite frankly, a waste of money."

"I cleared my computer stuff off the dining room table," added Willow. "So, we can eat in there."

They each carried something into the dining room and then sat down to a veritable feast. They let Buffy have first choice of all the items and deferred to her when reaching for the last of something, checking if she wanted seconds.

It seemed a bit creepy to her. She kept exchanging glances with Spike, wishing she could just get out of there or that they would all leave. She just wanted to hear herself think, to process what had happened to her.

Finally, Buffy broke the silence. "So, what's everyone up to today?"

"Normal school and work stuff, but we can stay here. You know, if I you want us to," Willow offered.

"That's really not necessary. I could use a little quiet time to get my bearings. You should just all do whatever you need to do today. I'll be fine. I am fine."

Everyone looked around at everyone else, apprehensive both about what to say and what to do.

Spike spoke up, "I can stay here with her." Seeing the expression on Xander's face, he added, "You trusted me to stay here with Dawn. I don't see why this should be a problem. Besides, you know I always do my chores while I'm here. So, you won't have any dirty dishes when you get home."

Willow said, "Alright, but you promise to call one of us if either of you need anything or something happens?"

"Yes, mum." Spike's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

There was light banter while they finished their meal. Buffy remained silent throughout, until it was apparent that they were about to get up from the table to leave.

Buffy cleared her throat and made eye contact with Spike before speaking, directing her words at Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya. "Look, you guys, there's this thing – so I'm just gonna say it. You brought me back. I was in … I can't think too much about what it was like, but then you guys did what you did."

Beaming with pride and affection, Tara said, "It was Willow. She knew what to do."

Buffy acknowledged Willow's actions, "Okay. So you did that. And the world came rushing back. I can't tell you what it means to me."

Willow rushed over and bent to hug Buffy where she sat. "You're welcome."

Xander joined in the hug. "Welcome home, Buffy."

As she released Buffy from her grip, Willow excitedly rambled, "Oh, I called Giles last night – he has been in England – and let him know that you were back. He said he'd get a flight today or tomorrow. So, the whole gang will be back together again soon enough."

Spike and Buffy took the dishes to the kitchen after the others had left for the day. Most of their time – Spike washing and Buffy drying – was spent in companionable silence. However, there was a long period of laughter that followed some horseplay: Spike flicked some water off his fingertips at Buffy's face, and then she snapped the towel at Spike. She was not aiming for any particular body part, but the towel made contact with the left side of his buttocks.

The look of shock on his face gave her pause. She was not sure if she was more embarrassed or amused. Ultimately, amusement won out and laughter erupted from her throat. Spike was not sure if he was more shocked at the towel snap on his butt or the fact that she was laughing. He did not think he would hear a full-throated laugh out of her for quite a while. Once the smile spread across his face, there was no holding back his laughter. After several minutes, they had both stopped laughing and were breathing semi-normally.

"It feels good to laugh. I don't feel quite so numb when I'm laughing," Buffy admitted.

"Well, then I guess I have to … 'make with the funny' more often."

"Right now though, I could use some rest. I think I'll go upstairs and lie down for a while."

"As long as you're not actually planning a prison break, that sounds like a good idea."

Once she had gone upstairs, he went to the desk to find the phone number for Giles in England. Then, he went into the kitchen, shut the door, and dialed the phone. It rang a few times before Giles answered.

"Watcher. Good, you're still there."

"Spike, is that you?"

"Yes. I, uh, had an idea. I wanted to talk to you before you get on the plane, in case you might want to do something about this while you can talk to the Council face to face."

"I'm listening."

"Remember the talk we had about keeping an eye on finances …"

"Yes."

"Have you ever considered that it is strange that Watchers get paid, but Slayers don't get a stipend – not even so much as an allowance?"

"Spike, that's remarkably astute and quite timely, in light of her return. Yes, I will want to speak to them before I depart." The gears in Giles' mind were already spinning, but he paused them long enough to ask, "How is she? Really."

"Fine, apart from the traumatic shock you'd expect from someone who endured death falling through a portal and then being brought back to life months later … inside her own coffin."

"Not exactly the time to be droll. But I take your meaning. In truth, though, is she alright?"

"As far as I can tell. She's a little more of an introvert than normal, but like I said, she's been through a bit of trauma. Can you blame her for needing to take a step back and catch her breath? Anyway, now that you plan to talk to them about a paycheck for our favorite Slayer who has beaten death twice, when do you think you'll be able to leave?"

"Hopefully tomorrow. Maybe the day after. Don't say anything about this to the others. I'll call when I know something. Then, I can give them my updated travel plans. Thanks for sharing your idea."

"No trouble at all."

After Spike hung up, he went to check on Buffy. She was snuggled safely in her bed. He sat down in the chair and watched her sleep for over an hour. When she opened her eyes and saw him there, she said, "You didn't need to babysit me."

"In case you had another nightmare, I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"Does that mean you're gonna move in here to keep an eye on me? This house is gonna burst at the seams if we keep taking in strays."

"Well, I don't consider myself a stray exactly … and I think the house could handle one more person, but that's beside the point. If you decide you want me around, I'll be happy to oblige, but I'm perfectly content maintaining my residence at the crypt and spending the bulk of my hours here. It's what I've been doing these past five months."

"Dawn mentioned that you've been a big help around here, not just with patrolling – that you've been a real friend to her. Thanks for that. I did ask you to protect her. Nice to know there are still some people who take a promise seriously." There was a loud noise. "Did you hear that? It sounded like a creak and then a moan."

"Yeah, I heard it. When was the last time you had a plumber do any work on the pipes? This is an older house, after all."

"I have no idea. Mom always took care of that stuff."

"Well, you may want to ask Xander for some names. In the meantime, pay attention to those noises and keep your eyes open for leaks and drips. And whatever you do, don't try to fix it yourself."

"What makes you such an expert?"

"I've lived in my fair share of old houses – um, abandoned houses."

"Abandoned?"

"Alright, so I … evicted a few people here or there. And I was known to assume ownership of houses whose previous owners were … well, deceased. Hello – vampire here. But hey, you know what? That means I could live here. You're the previous owner. And you were deceased. Twice, I might add." He looked at her, trying to gage her reaction. "What? Too soon?"

"Yeah. Definitely too soon," was her reply, but she was mildly amused.

"Got another grin. Might just have to keep a tally."

[

That night when the group was discussing how to handle patrol, they asked Buffy if she wanted to participate.

"I'd rather not."

Xander said, "That's alright. The rest of us can handle things til you feel up to it. You okay staying here alone with Dawn?"

Glancing at Spike, Buffy replied, "Yeah, that's fine."

Before leaving, Spike pulled Buffy to the side to ask, "Do you want me to stop back here later … or …?"

"I should be fine. I'm sure you have other things to do."

"While that may be true, I have nothing better or more important to do."

At that, Buffy grinned and lightly punched Spike in the arm. "You'd better get going." To Dawn, she said, "So, looks like we've got the house to ourselves. What would you like to do?"

"Well, I checked the tv listings earlier and She's All That is on. So, I thought: PJs and popcorn." Dawn checked the time and added, "Oh, it starts in less than half an hour."

"Well, then. Here's the plan: Acquire and deploy PJs. Rendezvous in the kitchen in ten minutes for munchie making and drink dispensing. Then, proceed to the drop zone, a.k.a. the couch. Move out, soldier."

Dawn was pleased that Buffy seemed in a cheerful – or at least joking – mood. However, it had taken great effort for Buffy to put on that display.

They both enjoyed the movie – Dawn more so than Buffy. It was difficult to focus on the movie, fluffy as it was. Buffy's mind kept wandering to things both important and trivial. In fact, on the trivial side, she could not help but think that the high school building in the movie looked eerily familiar. The resemblance between it and the old Sunnydale High building was uncanny.

[

The next morning, Buffy went down to the basement to put in a load of laundry, but got distracted by a sound – a repetitive splat. With flashlight in hand, she found the source of the problem – a pipe with a leak. She located a bucket and placed it under the slow, but persistent drip. She would have been tempted to try to fix it herself, but remembered Spike's advice.

After taking care of a couple other household tasks, she dialed Xander's phone number. "Hey there, buddy, ol' pal, ol' friend o' mine …"

"What do you need now? I mean, I've helped bring you back from the dead twice."

"Sorry that I'm so high maintenance. But seriously, I need a favor."

"Shoot."

"I'm assuming that you know at least one plumber. Can you recommend a good one?"

"Why? What's up?"

"There's a pipe leaking in the basement. I think it may be more than that though. I heard some strange sounds the other day. Spike thought it sounded like the pipes. Suggested I get them checked out. Then today, I found a leak."

"Buff, I'm a little insulted. You went to him for advice on the house instead of me?"

"Not exactly. He just happened to be here at the time. But you'll like this part – he suggested that I ask you for a recommendation."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I'll call a friend of mine and have him stop over for an estimate. I'll try to be there when he does it, so you don't have to deal with the details."

"That'd be great. Thanks."

A short while later, Xander and his friend, Tito, who was armed with a tool box, arrived at the house. It was not long before they emerged from the basement and Tito announced, "Basically your pipes are shot. The whole system's gonna have to be replaced. What you need is a full copper repipe job."

Looking at the estimate, Willow worriedly quipped, "Full copper repipe? Sounds potentially pricey."

"But if you wait much longer, you could end up with a flooded basement. If you have any questions, my number's on the invoice," Tito said as he turned to leave and the others gathered around to look at the numbers.

"Hey, Tito cut you a good deal. And I did a little hagglin' for ya." Xander attempted to elevate the mood.

"So, we'll pay him," Buffy stated, seemingly unconcerned.

Willow's voice showed her apprehension at the topic she had known they would eventually have to broach. "There's some stuff we're gonna have to talk to you about."

Willow pulled out a pile of papers – bills, statements, and other assorted financial matters that would have to be dealt with.

After taking a cursory look, Buffy said, "Okay, so you're telling me I'm broke? How is that possible? I was all dead and frugal."

Anya was eager to jump into any conversation that involved her favorite topic: money. "Your Mom had insurance, but hospital bills sucked up all the money, which you're still hemorrhaging, by the way. See, this house – just sitting here, doing nothing – by itself costs money."

Tara tried to bring a sense of calm into the conversation. "Giles tried to keep an eye on the finances – budget, pinch pennies, and keep current on the bills. He was trying figure out what to do about things – you know, moving forward. Hopefully, he'll be back soon and …"

Buffy cut her off. "You guys, don't worry. It's just pieces of paper. It's not like it's the end of the world – which is too bad, because that I'm really good at."

Anya's enthusiasm was apparent as she offered her particular brand of a solution. "Start charging. For slaying vampires. You're providing a valuable service to the whole community. I say cash in! I mean, it's not so crazy." She had rambled while everyone else in the room grew uncomfortable. "Well, you may not like my idea, but here's an estimate of the debt. You're gonna need a plan to deal with this – and soon. Let me know if you want any advice. I'll be at the store." With that, she grabbed her purse and huffed out – unhappy yet again that when the others clearly did not welcome her opinion, Xander did not stick up for her.

Just as the front door shut with Xander following closely behind Anya, the phone rang. Willow answered and spoke to Giles who told her he was at the airport to catch his flight and would need someone to pick him up later tonight. She brought him up-to-date on the pipe problem and the fact that they had talked to Buffy about the bill situation.

He said firmly, "Don't do anything or make any decisions until I get there. I've found a solution to the dilemma."

"Alright. I mean, that's good. Anyway, one of us will be there to pick you up. It'll be good to have you back."

[

That night, Willow picked Giles up at the airport. During the drive, he inquired how exactly Buffy had returned. Willow was eager to boast about her latest and greatest feat. For the moment, he chose to refrain from comment.

When they arrived back at the house, Buffy and Spike had just returned from a brief and largely uneventful patrol.

Holding her face in his hands, Giles whispered, "Buffy, you're a…"

"A miracle."

"But then I always thought so." He embraced her with all the warmth of a trusted friend and the love of a father – they had long since ceased being purely the Slayer and her Watcher.

The others quietly left the room, giving Giles and Buffy some privacy. The pair talked mostly about how she was dealing with being brought back. However, there was some talk about the outstanding debts and the need for cash flow.

"The good news is that the Council has agreed to begin paying you, starting from the day you came back – they would not agree to back pay. The bad news is that they need to figure out where that money is going to come from. Since slayers usually have a rather limited lifespan, they have not been confronted with an adult slayer asking for income to sustain her and any surviving family. The accountants are crunching numbers and promise to find it somewhere. However, that means you won't be receiving paychecks immediately. During the flight, I was thinking it over and I've decided to give you some of the money you'll need for the repairs. However, you may need to look at getting some temporary employment to help cover expenses in the short term. And might I suggest that even before the paychecks begin, we should look at creating a budget and a plan for getting the debt under control."

"Thank you for all your help with this."

"You're quite welcome. You should know that, in truth, it was Spike's idea to approach the Council about compensating you." Looking at his watch, "Oh my, it's gotten rather late. Would you mind terribly if I stayed here tonight?"

When Buffy went to find sheets and a blanket, Spike took the opportunity to talk to Giles and found that the Watcher was concerned about Willow's accelerated progress in the use of magic. Remembering what future-Buffy had said, Spike suggested to Giles that he might want to consider getting Willow some formal training, a mentor, some sort of oversight – surely the Council had people or at least connections to those who could provide that type of instruction and safety net for the young witch. Giles took the suggestion to heart.

While Buffy was gathering things for Giles to sleep over, she was thinking about what he had just told her – that Spike was the one to thank for resolving what could have been a huge stress on her. She laid the pile of linens on the couch and headed out the back door, to sit alone with her thoughts.

By this time, Giles and Willow were having a discussion – at times, a heated debate – about her naïve use of potentially dark and dangerous power. With Spike's words echoing in his mind, Giles was able to deescalate the situation and bring the conversation to a more productive end. When they parted, Willow had agreed to regular contact with a coven in England – opportunities for them to instruct her, for her to ask questions, and for them to advise and give counsel, if they saw warning signs of an abuse of spiritual power.

All the while, Buffy could hear the conversation inside. Although she was mildly disturbed by Giles' concern about what could have gone wrong, she was glad that he was going to make sure that Willow got the training she had actually been seeking for years now.

Spike sat down beside her. "What's going on in that noggin of yours?"

"Just thinking … I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying to be … 'okay' … so they don't worry. It's exhausting. And then …"

"That makes 'em worry even more." With a smirk on his face and a lilt in his voice to match, "You want me to take 'em out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I can probably thin the herd a little."

Buffy exhaled in a manner that was almost a laugh and shook her head at the thought of what he had said.

"Knew I could get another grin. Seems I'm on a roll."

"Care if I throw a moment of seriousness in the middle of your stand-up act? … I hear I have you to thank for the fact that I'll soon be receiving paychecks from the Council."

Spike shrugged off her acknowledgement of his actions. "That? 'Twas nothing."

She let his response hang in the air between them, remaining quiet for a few moments. He studied her features and her expression.

Finally, she voiced a question, "Why are you always around when I'm alone?"

"I'm not one for crowds these days."

"Me neither."

"That works out nicely then."

[

The following morning, after getting Dawn off to school, Buffy had plans to meet Anya and Giles at the Magic Box to discuss her finances – and put together a plan to attack the mounting bills. This was decidedly easier now that they knew she would have some money coming in. There were still some decisions to be made and planning to be done in order for her and Dawn to remain in the house and for college tuition for Dawn – and for Buffy, should she decide to resume her studies.

When Buffy left the house, Willow placed a call to L.A. Cordelia answered the phone and quickly got Angel.

As soon as he put to phone to his ear, he asked, "Willow, what is it? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, but something big has happened and I wanted to let you know. We waited to tell you, because there's been an adjustment period. But, well, are you sitting down?"

"Why do I need to be sitting?"

"Well, Cordy told me how hard you took Buffy's death and this news is equally shocking … I just want to make sure that …"

"You've got my attention. And I'm sitting. Give it to me already."

"Buffy is back. She is alive."

"How is that possible?"

"Lots of research, gathered ingredients, and then we did a spell."

"Is she there? Why didn't she call?"

"She's been getting … uh, re-acclimated. And besides, wouldn't it have freaked you out to hear her voice on the other end of the line? Right now, she's down at the Magic Box. I can give you the number if you want to call there."

"Yeah, go ahead."

[

A few minutes later, the phone rang at the Music Box. Anya answered it and seemed genuinely disappointed that it was not a potential customer. "Buffy, it's for you."

"Who would be calling me? Especially here." She took the handset from Anya. "Hello?"

"Buffy, it's so good to hear your voice."

Turning her back to her friends and speaking barely above a whisper, "Angel? How did you know … to call?"

"I just got off the phone with Willow. Can I see you? Can we meet? I need to see you."

"Yes. We should … "

When they had finished talking, Buffy hung up the phone and just stared at it for a few moments.

Giles inquired, "Buffy, what is it?"

"Angel. He knows that I'm ... He needs to see me. I have to see him."

"Of course, you'll leave for L.A. tomorrow."

"Not L.A. and not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a place ... I have to go now." Buffy quickly gathered her things and was on her way. She needed to make a stop at the house before getting on the road.

[

Unbeknownst to Giles, Anya, or Buffy, someone had overheard the preceding conversation. Spike had come in through the basement and had just opened the door at the top of the stairs when Buffy began telling them that she needed to go see Angel. After he watched her exit the store, he quietly closed the door and went back through the basement to the tunnels.

All the way back to the crypt, he kept turning her words over in his head: "He needs to see me … I have to see him … I have to go now." More than the weight and meaning of her words, her actions seemed clear – she was not only determined to see Angel, she was in a hurry. Future-Buffy had not mentioned this. She mentioned Angel coming for a visit in about a year and a half, but not this. Did it happen in her timeline and it was so unimportant it did not need to be mentioned? Or was this a new event in this timeline? Those and many more questions rolled around in his head threatening to drive him mad or possibly drive him to drink.

[

Angel had chosen the place – a hotel (vampire-friendly … with an attached parking garage) located in a small-ish town a little closer to her than to him. He had said that he would make a reservation in his name and that she should check in when she got there. With L.A. traffic, it would take him longer to make the drive. She could order room service if she was hungry. Once he got there, they could talk freely in the privacy of their room. He would have a few hours before he needed to return to L.A.

After she arrived, she looked around the hotel for a little while – just off the lobby was a small gift shop and a restaurant. Then she decided to go up to their room and rest while she waited for him. She did not intend to doze off, but about an hour later, she was startled awake when the door opened.

For what seemed like several minutes, Angel stood in the doorway just staring at Buffy. Finally, he closed the door and turned back toward her. Buffy swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat facing him.

He was not sure where to begin. It had not been easy to talk to her on the phone, but not nearly as difficult as trying to find the words while looking into her eyes.

She decided to break the silence. "So, how've you been?" Her tone was filled with effortful casualness.

Angel decided he would play along for the moment and shrugged as he asked, "Me? How have _you_ been?"

"Dead. And you?"

"Undead." With his hands in his pockets, he watched his own feet while taking a few tentative steps toward her. "I just … I can't believe you're really here."

"In the flesh."

Falling to his knees before her, he briefly looked up at her and that was all it took. Unable to resist, he leaned in to kiss her. As had always been the case with them, they got lost in each other. They both knew that they could not let the intimate moment go much further. For them, crossing the line would have consequences bigger and badder than either was willing to risk. They knew this all too well. However, they were like magnets – the closer they were, the more difficult it was to stay apart.

Quickly becoming overwhelmed by his emotions, he dropped his head into her lap and began to cry. She stroked his hair, as much to comfort herself as to console him. The minutes passed – at first, comfortably. Eventually, the intended (but as of yet, avoided) conversation hung thickly in the room.

With his head still resting on her thighs, "So, you're really okay? I mean, you look …" He lifted his head. "… fine. Better than fine. Good. Great, even. So, you're okay?"

"Does the phrase 'alive and well' mean anything to you?" She tilted her head and gave him a slightly sad smile. "To be perfectly honest?"

"That would be nice."

"Physically, I'm fine. Emotionally, I guess you'd say that I'm getting there. Some days are easier than others."

"Do you want to talk about it – what happened to you, where you were?"

"Not really. But if you want to know, if that's what you need to hear, then I will tell you about it."

He remained quiet, waiting for her to continue. She stood and offered him her hand. One hand in hers and his other on the bed, he got to his feet and allowed her to lead him over to the sofa. They sat facing one another as she began to recount her experience the past several months.

He had heard about the battle from Willow, but there were portions only Buffy could know about. As she told him about the moment she decided that she would sacrifice herself rather than have Dawn jump, he became quiet as he absorbed the full meaning of her words. He was bothered by the implication of what she was saying, but he did not want to make an issue of it right now, seeing her again for the first time.

He was surprised to see her face light up as she talked about falling into the portal. He would have expected to see pain and horror in her expression. Even her voice had a sense of joy and awe as she described seeing her life pass before her eyes.

"Although my life had been relatively short, I knew – I mean, I was absolutely sure in a way I had never been – that I had done as much I could be expected to, that I had done well. It felt as if the vastness of time and eternity embraced me in that moment. Like whatever – or whoever – had chosen me for this was letting me know I not only had nothing to fear, but also nothing to regret."

She had a far off look in her eyes and fell silent. So Angel, prodded, "What happened after that? Where did you go?"

"It's not something I can easily explain – at least, not yet. I don't really understand it."

"But Willow said – I mean, she assumed – that you were in a hell dimension, being tortured. It sounds to me like … that's not the case. Can you at least tell me if you were in pain? Did anything bad happen?"

"Nothing bad. No pain. Well, not while I was gone. Reentry was a little bumpy. That's all I'll say for now. But please don't say anything to Willow or the others. If I'm not ready to talk to you about it, I'm certainly not ready to talk to them about it."

"I'm glad to hear that you weren't tortured, but the rest of it …" There was an edge in his voice as he trailed off, unable or willing to finish his thought.

"What? What about the rest of it?"

"I guess I can understand you not being ready to talk to them. But I'd like to think you could tell me anything. I mean, you really should talk to someone about what happened to you. A few years ago when Xander had to give you CPR – you were technically dead then. But that was nothing compared to this." He watched her expression carefully as he said again, "You really should talk to someone about this. Don't you think?" When she did not reply, he added, "Or have you been talking to someone?"

Responding to his suspicious tone, she asked, "What do you mean? And why did you ask like that?"

His tone and body language became childish as he said, "Sure, I spend three months in a monastery working through my grief and then this. Who would have believed that you would come back? And you did. But not back to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Spike. I remember his scent pretty well. So what is he now … your best friend? Your boyfriend?"

"I am so not having this conversation with you."

"You so are! Clearly, you've been spending time with him – your jacket reeks of him."

"Okay, so maybe I've been spending time with him. What of it?"

"So just to be clear: You could talk to him about everything you went through, but you couldn't talk to me or your best friends?"

"Well, not in the way that I think you mean, but yes, I could talk to him." She put up a hand to stop him from interrupting. "He was there at the house the night I, um, got back. He bandaged my hands. And unlike everyone else, he didn't press me to talk. He just let me be quiet."

Before she could continue, he interjected a question. "Bandaged your hands? What happened … ?"

"I guess Willow didn't tell you." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "I had to dig myself out …"

"… of your grave. Oh, Buffy. I'm so sorry. I didn't even notice." He paused. "Okay, I get why you can talk to him about that, rather than your never-been-dead friends. But you could have talked to me."

"Angel. No. For starters, we agreed that we needed to be apart – you in L.A., me in Sunnydale. You can't come running every time I need to talk. And be honest, you have difficulty being around me when I'm emotional and needy. Remember the night of my Mom's funeral? Leaning on you in those moments has the potential to be bad for everyone."

"Well, yeah. But you gotta admit, from my perspective, this is unexpected to say the least. I mean, I'm supposed to be the one you turn to and lean on – not Spike. I love you, Buffy. And I thought that you loved me. But if you go running into his arms and you're willing to jump –" He cut himself off.

"First, I did not run into his arms. It's not like that. But what were about to say – willing to jump?"

His eyes and tone of voice both had a mixture of anger and sadness as he stammered his way through an explanation. "I guess it didn't hit me until just now, but … I'm … I guess the word is hurt. Hurt that you were willing to kill me to close a portal. But for Dawn – who is not really your sister – you apparently loved her enough to sacrifice yourself rather than have her close the portal. The fact that you're buddies with Spike … well, that's just an added kick in the gut." By the end of his ramble, he was whining.

"You know you sound ultra-mature right now, don't you? I have so much to figure out at this point – why I died, why I'm back, what I'm going to do now that I am back. I can't deal with relationship drama on top of all that."

"Relationship! You admitted it."

"I admitted nothing. A friendship is a relationship. Family – being related to someone – is a relationship. I have many relationships. Some of them of less angst-filled than others. So can we just leave it at that? At least for the time being?"

"Alright. But for the record, I don't like it – you spending time with Spike. Whatever you're doing or not doing. I don't like it."

"Duly noted."

They talked a while more. It was as painful as one would expect – being in close proximity to someone you have cared about with all of your heart, but to be with them would mean pain not just for you, but many others. It was the same old story. One they seemed to revisit every time they saw one another, every time they thought of one another.

Then, all too soon (or perhaps not soon enough), it was time for Angel to head back to L.A.

After they had checked out of the room, they walked to the parking garage together. They slowed as they approached her car. He took her hand and raised it to his lips. He continued to hold her hand with both of his and then pressed it to his chest. She brought her other hand to the back of his neck, lowering his head so she could kiss the corner of his mouth. He opened her car door and took a step back as she closed it. They exchanged one last longing gaze. He stood on that same spot while she started her car and then drove off.

At that moment, they were both thinking the same thing: they were glad for the opportunity to see one another, but sometimes it was easier to forget the intenseness of what they shared when they stayed apart.

[

When she returned from seeing Angel, she was not quite ready to see everyone at the house. So, she took a walk, hoping that she would not need to slay anything in the process. Realizing that her meandering stroll had brought her near Spike's crypt, she decided to see if he was home. She knocked and getting no answer, she walked in.

From downstairs, Spike heard the door to the crypt open and close. He had been using the wall as a punching bag, letting it have the brunt of his frustration. He quickly grabbed a nearby weapon and made his way upstairs, only to find that his visitor was decidedly friend rather than foe.

"You should be careful. Never know what kind of villain's got a knife at your back," he said, showing her the weapon in his hand.

As she looked at the blade, she noticed his bloody knuckles. "Your hand is hurt."

Nodding in her direction, he said, "Same to you." After setting the weapon aside, he studied her expression. "You can sit down. I've got more furniture now – the downstairs is quite posh."

"Do you have anything to clean those wounds?"

"Come to think of it, I think your Watcher might have left some supplies here when he and Xander brought me home after Glory tried to beat the stuffing out of me." He found what he was looking for over by the fridge.

As he sat facing her, she took his hand in hers and was reminded of the night when he had done this very thing for her.

While she began the task at hand, he asked in his most polite tone, "What can I do for you this fine evening?"

Buffy wanted to be honest with Spike, but was also uneasy about what his reaction might be. "I wanted to tell you … I had a call earlier … from Angel. He found out that I'm … anyway, I went to see him today. I just wanted you to hear it from me."

"I did actually. I was coming up from the basement of the Magic Box when you were finishing the call. I overheard you tell them that you were going. Decided not to make my presence known. Didn't want to get in the way, you seemed in a hurry to go. Figured you'd tell me what you wanted me to know when you were ready."

"I just felt like I needed to see him and he wanted to see me. I suppose he'll always be in my heart to a certain extent – he was my first love, my first …"

"I am aware of that. He lost his soul – moment of perfect happiness and all that —and if that weren't enough of a clue ... as Angelus, he has a tendency to shoot his mouth off." Looking at his feet, Spike proceeded with caution, "So, your … uh … meeting went well? Enjoyed yourselves, but not so much as to de-soul him?"

She pulled a face at that last remark. "Yes. He is still Angel, soul intact." She paused considering how much to say and how to say it. "It was good to see him, but strange. You know? Things are different now. And even if they weren't, we – he and I – couldn't really jump back into a … relationship. It could only end badly." She paused again. "Also, there's this strange … something he said … like as much as he was happy to see me, happy that I am alive – he was …"

When she did not continue, he prodded, "He was what?"

"He said he was hurt – but I think also a little offended – that I had willingly killed him, had thrown him into a portal in order to save the world, but that I chose to give my own life for a person who is not really my sister. Also, he wasn't thrilled that I've been hanging out with you."

"Told him about that, did you?"

"Well, in order to tell him what had happened since I got back … I kinda had to include you. He asked. I told. But he would have known anyway – he could smell you … your scent on my jacket."

"And it bothered him? Us spending time together." He tried to keep his tone even, but his glee could clearly be heard.

"Yeah – it bothered him. What is it with you two?"

"Like any family I suppose – long history, sometimes playing nice, sometimes feuding." He tilted his head, as he asked, "So, just to sum up: no reconciliation with the ex?"

She was beginning to understand why his hand was bleeding. "And … it apparently bothers you that I went to see him."

"Not exactly. I understand why you wanted to see each other. Just trying to understand what that means."

"Does it have to mean something?"

"No. Honestly, I'd prefer that it didn't."

She tilted her head and gazed at him with smiling eyes. Then, she turned her attention back to his hand for a moment. "Well, it seems my work here is done. I should probably get going. I didn't really tell them how long I'd be gone."

"Right then. Off you go."

"I was going to make a sweep of one more cemetery on my way. Care to join me?"

Grinning, Spike replied, "Well if you'd like some company, think I could make the time."

As they walked in comfortable silence, Spike wondered how long it would be before Buffy was ready to discuss the kiss they had shared five months ago. And at the same time, he was desperately trying not to obsess over the fact that she had gone running to Angel the moment he called.

Future-Buffy had repeatedly told him to be patient, to win her over with kindness, be a gentleman. Giving her an ultimatum about discussing that kiss would be crossing the line. And pressing her for more information about her time today with Angel would not be helpful at all – no matter how much it was killing him to know whether or not the two of them had kissed.

Vampires were not really known to have a penchant for quoting the Bible, but he seemed to recall hearing the words: "Love is patient. Love is kind." God help him. He did love her, but this bit about being patient and kind was not a frequently exercised part of his nature.

As he glanced up at the glowing moon overhead and then at the beautiful woman walking by his side, he reminded himself that she was here … alive … with him. For now, that was more than enough.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks so much for the new follows, favorites, and kind words. It is quite motivating!

PREVIEW: Chapter 11 will correspond to episodes #6.5 "Life Serial" and #6.6 "All the Way" (which is the Halloween episode – sorry I couldn't get to it in time for the holiday).

I hope that you enjoyed this long chapter – since this fic will be on hiatus for a while. I am doing NaNoWriMo in November, working on one of my original fiction ideas. I'll try to get back to this in December.

Until next time ...

~Jen

30 October 2015


	11. Back to Reality

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: Thanks so much for the new follows, favorites, and reviews/PMs. Words can't begin to express my gratitude.

My sincerest apologies for the extended wait for this chapter. I have had some health issues the past six months. And in the past year, three family members have died. After this week, I hope I don't have to sing at another funeral for a long, long time.

Anyway, I hope you consider this chapter worth the wait and that you will be patient with me if future chapters take longer than either you or I would like.

This chapter corresponds to episodes #6.5 "Life Serial" and #6.6 "All the Way." I have included some original dialogue to help indicate what remains the same. There is also some action that stays same, but occurs "off camera."

* * *

 **CHAPTER 11**

 **... Back to Reality**

During their patrol (which was really more of a stroll), Buffy became more quiet the closer they got to her house. At first, the periods of silence did not bother Spike. However, in absence of conversation, certain senses seemed to become heightened – namely his sense of smell. Much as he tried, he could not ignore the scent of Angel that was all over Buffy. He did a decent job of not letting his displeasure turn into anger – for the time being, that is.

Stepping over the threshold of the front door, Buffy smelled food. Turning her head to the right, she saw evidence that a meal had been served on the dining room table. She heard voices coming from the kitchen. So, she and Spike headed that direction.

The others had not heard the front door or the sound footsteps as Buffy walked into the kitchen. She announced their presence by saying, "I see you already ate."

Dawn responded for the group, "Uh, we didn't know when you'd be coming back. Are you hungry? There's some leftovers."

"Not now. Maybe a snack later." Buffy had done some nervous eating on her drive back to Sunnydale. Even the short patrol was not enough to work up an appetite yet.

Tara and Willow exchanged glances while putting leftovers into containers. Giles was washing dishes. Judging by the towel in her hands, Dawn's task was drying, though she was ignoring the dishes and was instead studying Buffy's face.

Seeing that nobody else was going to bring it up, Dawn said, "So…"

"What so?"

"So ... how was it? Seeing Angel. Him seeing you. Was it weird?"

Buffy was clearly uncomfortable with this line of questioning. Spike leaned against the wall, trying to look like he did not care. However, he was beginning to regret coming back to the house with her, now that he realized he would be subjected to this conversation.

The others were waiting expectantly for her response.

Buffy tried to avoid answering for multiple reasons – not the least of which was the fact that Spike was present. "Um. It was ... intense."

In an attempt to be the good supportive friend, Willow said, "Well, if you wanna talk about it ..."

Although the others may not have noticed Spike's demeanor, it was unignorable to Buffy. There was a considerable difference in his behavior from their conversation in his crypt.

Buffy replied to Willow while addressing everyone in the room. "I don't. It's ... not important. I'd just rather keep this one to myself, if that's okay." She more than likely would have given that answer even if Spike was not there, but she intentionally avoided prolonging the discussion because he was.

Dawn replied for the group, "Sure. Whatever." She tried to make it sound like she was okay with it, but she really wanted to know.

Nobody seemed completely satisfied by Buffy's response (or more accurately, non-response). It must have touched a nerve with Spike, because he stepped out the back door.

Giles filled the silence. "Buffy, I wanted to speak with you about …"

"Can you give me a minute?"

Buffy walked out onto the deck. Spike was sitting on the top step.

When she sat down next to him, Spike asked, "Gotta a light?" He held up an unlit cigarette. "This doesn't do me much good like this."

"It won't do you much good when it's lit either."

He nodded.

Buffy nudged him with her elbow. "So, what? Can't handle the conversational heat … had to get out of the kitchen?"

Spike took a deep breath and turned his head to look at her. "Truth?" After she nodded, he continued, "I know we talked about the Angel thing back at my crypt, but … well, listening to them asking you about him … it was a bit painful. I guess partly because I've been trying to wait until you're ready to talk about our kiss … you know … the night you died. And, well, much as I _don't_ want to know, I _do_ want to know ... if you …"

"If I what?"

"… if you kissed Angel when you saw him."

She felt she owed him the truth, so she looked him straight in the eye and said, "Yes."

"And …"

"And nothing. We covered this earlier."

"So you really have no plans to see him in the future?"

"I'm sure that I will see him at some point, but if you mean are we planning regular date nights, the answer is no." They held each other's gaze for a few seconds. "And as for the other kiss … well, for now, this very moment, I've hit my quota for intense conversations." Buffy stood and smoothed her pants. "Giles wanted to talk to me about something. I'm gonna head back in. You comin'?"

"Yeah, sure. But only because you didn't have a light," he said with a wink, putting away his cigarette.

Returning to the kitchen, the pair saw that Tara and Willow had finished putting away the leftovers.

Giles handed over the washing to them and moved toward Buffy. Rolling his shirt sleeves down and buttoning the cuffs, Giles said, "I was wondering, Buffy … um, if you had given any thought to what you're going to do … with your life now – "

"Now that I have one again?" Buffy paused before continuing. "I left school, you know, when Mom got sick, but I always figured I'd go back ... so, I guess I could reenroll."

"There is the added complication that you will not be receiving checks from the Council for the time being."

"Yes. Right. That." Buffy sighed. "Like it wasn't enough to come back from the dead, now I have to join the work-a-day world."

Before Giles replied, he saw faces pleading with him to go easy on Buffy. "Well, I suppose you don't have to jump in immediately. Perhaps, you could take a day to sit in on a few classes with Tara and Willow and at least meet with your advisor to find out about necessary paperwork and set an appointment for scheduling next semester. Then, maybe you can come to the Magic Box and see if retail is something you could do temporarily."

Buffy shuddered at the thought. "I think I'd rather do construction. Maybe Xander has an opening."

The group chatted a bit more. Then, one by one they said their goodnights. Leaving Spike and Buffy alone together in the kitchen.

"I think I'm finally getting hungry." Opening the fridge to look at her options, Buffy said, "Hmm," a few times before Spike could take it no longer.

He gently moved her to the side. He pulled out a few items and shut the door. On the counter, he laid leftover ham, Swiss cheese, butter, and spicy brown mustard. He grabbed the loaf of bread. After thinly slicing some ham, he buttered the bread. Then, he found a skillet and made Buffy the most amazing grilled sandwich she had ever had.

Taking her first bite, she sighed, "Yum! Don't get me wrong – I still like a normal, ordinary grilled cheese sandwich, but the ham and the gooey Swiss and the spicy mustard … yum-my!" After he had watched her eat a few more bites, she said, "I don't think I knew you could cook. I mean, I've seen you eat … I know you like wings … and you've been on the planet plenty long enough to have learned. I just wouldn't have expected it."

"I'm full of surprises, luv."

"Really? Like what?"

He gave her a cryptic crooked smile and said, "Wouldn't you like to know." Seeing her blush slightly before tilting her head down to take another bite of her sandwich, Spike continued hesitantly, "Would you like to know?" When she did not respond, he added, "Forget I said that. Must remember not to speak with my foot in my mouth."

Buffy finished chewing the last bite and looked him squarely in the eye as she said, "Although I am not prepared to answer your question at the moment, I reserve the right to _not_ forget what you said."

As he pushed back from the counter, he looked across the kitchen island. "Right then. I think I will take my leave – that's quite a wonderful note on which to end."

"Alright. Well, thanks for … well, so many things … walking me home, making me a delicious sandwich, …"

Spike simply nodded as he turned the knob of the back door. Once he was on the deck, he just stood there for a moment leaning on the railing. He was thinking to himself: _If I were not already dead, that woman would be the death of me._

[

Buffy knew that she needed to get some sleep if she was going to get ready to leave in the morning with Tara and Willow. However, she could not seem to go to sleep. She was thinking about the kiss that she and Spike had shared several months ago. Some aspects of the memory were hazy: why she had given him a kiss when he requested. Some aspects were incredibly clear: the feel of his lips on hers and the tingle she felt down to the tips of her toes. At some point, she drifted off to dreamland.

[

The day after the chat with Giles about her future plans, Buffy accompanied Tara and Willow to UC Sunnydale. There was this strange thing that happened several times – time moving at warp speed around her. She and the others were unable to figure out what had caused it. They were as yet unaware that Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew – a.k.a. The Trio – were testing Buffy and had only begun to hatch their evil hair-brained schemes.

[

The second day, Buffy gave construction work a try. But that did not go any better than her day on campus. Some sort of creatures – monsters or demons – attacked her. The creatures looked like they could have stepped out of the cantina in Star Wars, but there was no band playing cool music and Han Solo was nowhere to be found. However, she would have sworn she heard the theme music coming from a van nearby.

[

On the third day, she decided she would have to at least try the retail thing or else be subject to long periods of glaring from Giles. It should have been simple enough to take care of the needs of customers in The Magic Box. She had spent plenty of time at the store … how hard could it possibly be? Apparently not only is the customer always right, but until the customer is sufficiently satisfied you do not pass go and do not collect $200. She could have really used a "get out of time loop free" card.

That night after dinner and some uneventful patrolling, Buffy made her way over to Spike's.

Letting herself in, she said as she crossed the threshold, "Got anything to drink around here that's not blood?"

Spike immediately handed her his flask.

After taking a swig, she shuddered and made a face. Thoughtfully examining the flask she now held, she stated, "Life is stupid."

"I have a dim memory of that, yeah. And I didn't figure you were here cadging my whiskey 'cause life's all full of blood and peaches."

"Whatever that means." She took another swig and gave him an odd look. "You do know that you talk weird, right? You know, British, but different than Giles. Sometimes, I can't figure what you're saying."

"Me? You have a language all your own."

She sat down in the upholstered chair and put the flask to her mouth again. Then, she handed it to Spike who perched himself on the arm of the chair. Spike took his turn with the whiskey and turned to Buffy to see if she was ready for another, but she was staring off in the distance. He gazed at her, admiring her beauty at closer range than he had normally been permitted.

She glanced up at him. She took the flask back and had another swallow. "Spike? What are you staring at? Have you been looking down my blouse?"

He seemed embarrassed to have been caught staring, "No, of course not." But as soon as she had made the suggestion, he naturally looked there. Nervously, Spike took back the flask.

Buffy suggested, "How's about you sit down here and I'll take the arm?"

After they had switched places, Spike said, "I think you just wanted a bird's eye view of m..."

"Of what? Your..." Her gaze fell to his face. Her focus switching between his eyes and his full lips. "Your... um..."

"My what?" He laughed at her.

"Your big fat ego – that's what." She giggled giddily, the alcohol beginning to hit her bloodstream.

" _My_ ego? I'm not 'the one girl in all the world, a chosen one …' yada yada ."

"Well – when you're the One, it's not ego. It's fact."

"Is that a fact?"

"I think I just said that it was."

With each response – volleying back and forth – there was increased bravado and sarcasm. They both broke up laughing. She had been leaning over, getting in his face. As she laughed harder and harder, she fell into his lap, startling them both. She half expected him to kiss her, but he did not.

He got up from the chair and paced, intending to continue the original conversation. She moved back to chair cushion to get comfy-ish.

Spike inquired, "So finish telling me what's been happening the past few days."

"So, yeah … there's this thing. Someone's doing stuff to me. Messing up my life. Except that it was kind of pre-messed already – you know, with school and jobs ... pretty bad even without the evil."

"So, you … uh, just what? Gonna let this whoever play you 'til it figures out what kills you?"

Buffy shrugged and said, "Giles is working on it."

"Oh, good – 'cause Giles wields the mighty force of library books."

"Yeah, he kinda does." Her thoughts meandering and her mouth babbling as she found that the alcohol was relaxing her. "I guess that's part of why there are Watchers for Slayers. You know … their brains and our brawn … pretty powerful combo against the forces of evil."

Deciding it was best to appease her at this point, Spike simply said, "You may be right."

After a few more drinks and too many gaps in conversation, she fell asleep in chair. Spike watched her for a long while – a couple of hours. Then, he shook her shoulder until she opened her eyes.

"Rise and shine, pet." He watched her stretch and rub her eyes. "I hate to wake you when you're sleeping so peacefully, but I thought you'd want to get home while it's still dark and you can use the patrolling excuse."

"Huh?"

"Sounds a lot better than 'I slept at Spike's last night' – dunnit?"

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "You may just be onto something there."

He walked her back to the house. After all, she had been drinking and her reflexes would be slower if attacked. At least, that was how he explained it to her – and to himself.

At the front porch, Buffy took one step up, putting her nearly at eye level with Spike.

"Thanks for tonight – the whiskey, the conversation … for letting me ramble … for making me laugh. I didn't realize how much I needed that."

"Anytime, luv. Mean it. Know that, don't you?"

"Yeah. I do." She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. As she turned toward the door, she said, "Goodnight."

The entire walk back to his crypt, he muttered to himself over and over: "Love is patient. Love is patient. Love is …" Excruciating is what it really was. He was man enough to admit he was love's bitch, but was he man enough to complete the task before him? He reminded himself that future-Buffy believed that he was.

[

The next morning, Buffy awoke to sound of her housemates preparing for their days. She had slept through her alarm. In her PJs, she made her way downstairs to the kitchen. Dawn seemed to be on brain overload, trying to decide between getting her breakfast and making her lunch.

Buffy answered the ringing phone and had a short conversation with Giles. After hanging up, she took a bowl from the cabinet and handed it to Dawn, saying, "Get yourself some cereal. I'll make your sandwich."

After Dawn began eating, she mumbled her thanks which sounded more like "nang-yu."

"You're welcome. Just hurry up."

As Willow was putting her breakfast dishes in the sink, she asked, "Buffy, what are you up to today?"

"I need to take care of a couple things around the house and then I was going to stop by the Magic Box. That was Giles on the phone. He asked me to drop in. Wants to have a chat. Sounds mildly serious."

Willow smirked. "When is he not at least mildly serious? British much?"

"True. Anyway, after that not sure."

"Mostly, I was checking on your morning. Tara and I will be at the Magic Box for a while before class. So, we'll probably see you there."

Tara smiled sweetly and waved goodbye as she and Willow led Dawn out the door.

Buffy was left with a sink full of dishes, a full garbage can, and a pile of laundry down in the basement. "Heigh-ho, heigh-ho. Off to do housework I go …" She whistled her way down the stairs to put the first load into the washer. Then, she whistled her way back up the stairs to do the dishes. By then, the Disney earworm was driving her crazy and she turned on the radio.

A few songs later, a pile of clean dishes were drying in the dish rack. Buffy grabbed her jacket, purse, and keys. She checked the door locks and headed out to door to go to the Magic Box.

When Buffy walked through the door, Giles immediately put down what he was working on. "Good. You're here." He stood and walking toward her, he gestured toward the workout room at the back of the store.

Once he had closed the door, they both went over to the couch and sat down.

Buffy rested her elbows on her knees and covered her face with her hands. "Before you say anything – I know. I already know. I'm really screwing up, Giles."

"You were being tested … sequentially, by some unknown demon. I don't call that screwing up."

"No. It completely is. I let the demon set the rules."

"Go easy on yourself, will you? I mean, you don't have to figure the whole thing out at once – you know, job and everything. You're pushing yourself too hard."

"The nice people at the phone company seem to thinks it's not hard enough."

Giles pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Well, maybe there's something I can do about that. This is, um, … it's for you."

Buffy unfolded it and looked at the amount of the check, her eyes widening. "This is too much. I can't take it." As Giles reached to snatch it from her, she clutched it tightly. "No! I was just being polite. I'm taking the money." Smiling and alternating her gaze between the check and Giles' face, she continued, "This is great. This is more than great. It's a little like having Mom back." Seeing him make a face at the comparison, she added, "I'm just saying … thank you … so much."

"Well, we should join the others. They have something to tell you."

When Buffy and Giles went back into the main part of the store, Tara and Willow were sitting at the round table and Anya walked from behind the counter to join them.

Willow took a deep breath, glanced at Giles, and then began, "Buffy, when you were gone – well, dead – we did not … I mean, I did not give much thought to what would happen in the future … you know, with the house and Dawn and all that, because I was trying to find a way to bring you back … and I was sure that I could ... bring you back. So, I just didn't plan for any other scenario. And I don't think any of us thought about how bad things were – you know, financially – after your mom … and all the hospital bills. We were so busy after that with Glory and everything." She looked down at her hands, with which she was nervously playing. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling. What I mean is that all of us should have thought about the state of the finances – but with Tara and I living there with Dawn, we two really should have been the ones to take notice." She reached over and took Tara's hand. "I called my mother and told her what's going on – well, you know, other than the part about you having been dead. She has agreed to send a check for the amount she would pay for room and board for me if I were living on campus … for as long as I am at the house with you and Dawn. All of Tara's school stuff is paid by scholarship and financial aid … and her family has pretty much cut off all contact with her."

Tara interrupted, wanting to speak for herself. "But I want to contribute. Giles and Anya have agreed to let me pick up some hours here at the store when I have time between classes. You and Dawn are part of my family now – and we should help one another solve household problems. You know, assuming you still want us living there now that you're back …" She dropped her head, becoming her normal shy self after having spoken so boldly.

Buffy was astonished. First, Giles. Now, this.

Willow asked, "Buffy, you okay?"

"Yeah. Wow. Processing." Buffy had a blank look on her face as she just nodded over and over. Finally, she reengaged in the conversation. "You're right – after Mom died, I was completely preoccupied and didn't pay attention to money matters. When I first got back, it wasn't at the top of the list of concerns. And honestly, I haven't thought much one way or the other about you two staying in the house. But it makes sense. Having you stay – having a larger family circle than just me – and my crazy life – should give Dawn more … stability." She looked down at the check from Giles that was still in her hands. "And three people contributing to the household expenses should be helpful, especially if Giles and Anya will help us make a budget and a plan to get the bills paid." She looked hopefully at her more financially knowledgeable friends.

Anya chirped, "How very human of you all to pitch in … combine your resources … make a team effort. Though I feel compelled to tell you that it's going to be more difficult than the simple plan you've laid out. You realize that, right?"

Giles sighed and said as calmly as possible, "Anya, how about we let Buffy have a few moments of feeling the weight lift from her shoulders before we pile on the reality?"

Anya huffed and then walked back behind the counter where she could fondle the money.

Willow said to Giles and Buffy, "We can make this work. There shouldn't be any reason that Buffy should not be able to go back to school and go on with her life – well, I guess there's always the possibility of another apocalypse. But other than calamity brought on by demonic forces, I think we can totally do this."

"What are your plans for the day?" Giles asked Buffy.

"I thought I'd find something fun or relaxing to do today – after the past few days, I kinda feel like I deserve a break. Tonight, I figured I'd get Spike to go with me on patrol. That way, everyone else can work on research."

"Yes, that makes sense. Check in with me later so I can fill you in on anything we find."

With that, Tara and Willow gathered their things to leave for campus.

Buffy thanked Giles one more time for the check and then headed to the bank to deposit it in her account.

After the bank, she stopped at Burger King to pick up something for lunch. She ordered a Whopper, a large onion ring, and a large Coke. Just as the BK employee was about to hit the total button, she remembered that Spike liked that fried onion flower thing that some restaurants make. So, even though it was a poor substitute, she added another large order of onion rings.

She made her way over to his crypt as quickly as possible, not wanting the food to get cold. When she got there, she gave to door a little tap and then opened it without waiting for him to answer.

"Spike? Are you here?" She walked over to hole to the lower level and called again, "Spike?" She heard rustling of sheets and the groans of someone waking up.

After a couple moments, he made his way over to the ladder and looked up at her. Seeing him standing there with his shirt unbuttoned, she momentarily forgot what had brought her to his abode.

"Something I can help you with, luv?"

Buffy remembered the bag of food in her hand. She held it up where he could see, and shook it enticingly. "Can I interest you in some onion rings? I know they're not as good as …"

His eyes twinkled and a smile spread across his chiseled features. He cut her off, "Well, no. But still quite tasty, especially if ..." He stopped himself.

"If what?"

"If you dip them in … you see, I make this delicious spicy dip … well, I think it's delicious. The primary ingredient is … blood."

"Ew!"

"Shouldn't be surprised, luv. Vampire here, after all." He climbed up and found himself face to face with her. After a moment, he broke the tension between them by stepping to the side and then walking over to the fridge to gather ingredients. "Feel free to have a seat and start eating. Better to eat red meat while it's still warm."

"Ew, again! But you are right. Burgers are not as tasty once they get cold."

It only took Spike a couple minutes to add a few things to the glass of blood to both thicken it and spice it up. He joined her and accepted the onion rings from her outstretched hand. Sitting next to her, he dipped the first ring into the red dipping sauce. He was aware of her watching him as he took a bite. When he dipped a second ring, he offered her a bite.

"A world of no."

He just laughed at her as he continued eating. "Thanks for this. Know you didn't have to."

"No, I didn't, but I was planning to drop by anyway. Thought it would rude to only bring food for myself."

Taken aback at her inadvertent admission, he asked, "You were planning to drop by?"

She became noticeably uncomfortable as she tried to formulate her reply. "Well, after the week I've had, I wanted to be someplace safe where I could just hang out and relax."

"And that safe, relaxing place would be my crypt?"

"Yes. No. I mean, I feel comfortable around you. But mostly right now I'm paranoid about another out-of-the-blue demon attack. I figure I'm safer with you."

"Hmmph. I know you mean that as a good thing, but it's not that long ago I'd have been highly insulted by that." His expression softened. "But yeah, considering recent occurrences, best not to be on your own." He paused. Looking down at his food, he added, "And you are more than welcome to drop by anytime. Food or no food."

Buffy smiled warmly. They continued to eat in silence.

Then, without much warning, Spike got up to turn the tv on. "There is one caveat to the 'welcome anytime' deal."

"And that would be?"

"No talking during Passions. I mean it – under no circumstances."

"Got it." She slurped the last of her Coke. "Except … can I ask questions if I don't know what's going on? I don't watch it."

"During commercials only." He pointed at her sternly with his index finger.

She stifled a laugh and nodded as she compliantly said, "Yes, sir."

Spike did not offer the chair to his guest, but rather sat down in it possessively. Buffy sat on the floor, leaning against the side of the upholstered seating. She did occasionally ask questions, carefully timed so as not to bother her host. Spike's answers betrayed his obsession with the soap opera.

During one of the commercial breaks, he noticed Buffy was rubbing her neck. Spike realized that her body must be aching. Whether she was the Slayer or not, to come back from months flat on her back and jump right back into normal slaying duties, it must be taking its toll – not to mention the added testing she had been enduring in recent days.

He gestured to the spot on the floor between his feet and said, "Come 'ere. Shoulder rub in exchange for onion rings."

She was mildly suspicious, but her sore muscles would gladly accept his offer. She moved to spot in front of him, his knees on either side of her. He began tentatively, but within minutes, he used his strong hands more confidently and his skill was evident. She could tell when he was absorbed in the show, because his hands would slow down or even stop. However, he would resume his focus on her tense and sore muscles, particularly during the commercials. She found herself dreading the end of the hour, expecting that the massage would cease at that point.

When the episode was over, Spike's hands stilled on Buffy's shoulders. He leaned forward and whispered into her ear, "Tune in next time to find out if Timmy gets out of the bloody well and … to continue your backrub." When she did not respond, he moved to stand and cleared his throat, "You know, if you want to …cuz I'm here every day … watching. Might as well do something productive with my hands." He took a step forward and turned the tv off. Turning back to Buffy, he changed the topic, "So, in light of what you said earlier, I'm guessing no luck finding out what's been taunting and testing you?"

"Giles and the gang are working on it and I've been processing back through everything, but nothing so far." Seeing his expression, she asked, "You got a suggestion?"

"Damn right! I'd hit the demon world. Ask questions, throw punches, find out what's in the air. It's fun too."

"It's not my kind of fun."

"You might be surprised, you know. You've been to hell and back – okay, to Heaven and back. Come on – you were not a normal girl before that … which means you are far, far from normal now. I know we are different, but we have more in common now than we did. And your life's gonna get a lot less confusing when you figure that out. You're not a schoolgirl. You're not a shop girl. I'd say you'd fit into my world at least as much as you fit into your old world." He paused and then added, "Try on my world. See how it feels."

"Are there drinks in your world?" She realized too late that her tone sounded flirtatious.

He gave her a crooked smile and nodded slowly. "Games and prizes, too."

Spike watched as Buffy stood and put on her jacket. When he realized that was her answer, he got up and quickly crossed the room to open the door for her.

[

At first, it seemed strange to Buffy – riding on the motorcycle, sitting behind Spike, her arms around his torso. After a few miles, she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

When they arrived, she took one look at the exterior of what could generously be called a dive bar and said, "So, this is how you show a girl a good time?"

He turned to look her in the eye. She suddenly realized how that question might sound and started to take it back or correct it, but Spike spoke first.

"Is that what you wanted? For me to show you a good time?" Before she could turn her stuttering into words, he continued, "Because introducing you to my world is decidedly different than showing you a good time."

"No. Um. This is fine for now. I mean, I'm fine. This'll be fine."

"Yes, luv. We'll have a _fine_ time. But first, we have to go inside."

As they entered the bar, the loud music hit them like a wall of sound. They made their way to the bar. Spike gestured "two" as he loudly said, "The usual." To Buffy, he said, "We're heading for the back room, pet. It's where the real action is."

The bartender began to pour two shots, but Buffy waved him off, saying, "I'd rather just take the bottle."

He handed the bottle over to her while putting out a hand to Spike, who handed over a few more bills.

At the door to the back room, Spike paused with his hand on the knob. "These lowlifes know everything that happens in this town." He opened the door and gestured her through doorway.

Looking at four creatures at a card table, Buffy said, "Oh, good. These are the lowlifes."

Spike gave her a sideways glance to get her to keep her mouth shut while he assessed the situation. Some of the regulars in the demon bars did not like him these days, since (as they put it) he now killed their kind.

Buffy was doing her own assessing. The four beings seated at the table appeared to be playing poker. One had tentacles that reminded her of dreadlocks. One had sagging loose skin and reminded her of a wrinkled puppy. One had too many eyes. One was green with horns – and seemed to be in charge.

The green one indicated to the many-eyed one that he should leave the game. As he stood and began to shuffle out of the room, he did not seem happy that Spike was chosen over him. Buffy leaned toward him as he passed by her, "Have you heard anything about …" She went silent when he glared at her with all of his eyes. Turning her attention back to the table, she said to those remaining in the room, "So, we're gonna play cards?"

Spike smiled at the three seated demons. "I need a moment with my lady." He took her by the arm and led her a few steps away.

"I'm your lady now, am I?"

"I didn't mean it like that. Just meant … doesn't matter. Anyway, in my day, calling you a lady would be a sign of respect."

"Whatever. I thought we were here to get information."

"We are. Sit. Listen. These guys talk while they play."

"Alright, but I wanna play." She pouted.

"Do you even know how to play poker?"

"No." She batted her eyelashes as she did her best to persuade him. "But I bet you could teach me."

Spike held his tongue. There were so many things he wanted to say about the many things he would like to teach her. Instead of allowing his thoughts to exit his mouth, he turned to toward the demons and said, "For now, you watch. I'll teach you a little as we go along."

As Buffy sat down next to Spike, the loose-skinned one reached across the table to shake her hand, "Hi. I'm Clem."

Buffy shook his hand, saying, "Hi, Clem. I'm Buffy."

"We know who you are, Slayer," the green horned demon said. "Ante up."

They all leaned down under their chairs. Each of them put a kitten in the basket in the center of the table.

"You play for kittens?" Buffy was astonished at this development.

"Come on, ante up, Spike."

"Who's gonna stake me?"

Buffy giggled as she replied to the question, "I'll do it. Part of my job description after all."

Spike rolled his eyes at her.

"What? You thought I was just gonna let that lie there?"

"Be nice or I won't teach you how to play." Spike pulls out a few bills and puts them on the table. "Will that do for now?"

"This is the only hand we let you use paper currency. After that, if you don't have any kittens, you're out."

After Spike gave Buffy a quick rundown of the rules, she said, "That doesn't sound so difficult. I don't think I want to watch."

"What do you mean, luv?"

"I want in. I want to play."

Spike saw a familiar determined look on her face and decided not to argue with her. "One hand. And if it goes badly, then you just watch. Okay?"

Buffy shrugged in agreement. But the agreement would not matter for long, because she picked up the rules easily enough and was incredibly lucky. She was having more fun than she had playing games at home with her friends and Dawn. The kittens were adorable – even if they were stupid currency. She also really liked Clem. He was funny and nice … and the two of them both enjoyed picking on Spike when he was losing.

On the last hand, everyone was all in. Buffy laid down her cards. The others groaned as they looked at her hand. She had a straight and was the big winner of the night.

Smiling, Clem said, "You got lucky tonight, Slayer."

She turned to look at Spike. "Got my good luck charm with me."

The other two demons were not as happy for her good fortune. "Cleaned us out. I always thought that beginner's luck was a myth."

Buffy quipped, "Well, you were myth-taken."

Spike helped Buffy gather her winnings into a large basket with a lid. There was much wriggling and meowing in the process. But Spike knew that they needed to get out of there as quickly as possible. He knew that these guys were prone to starting fights when games did not go their way.

Clem said, "Goodbye," and his whole body seemed to wiggle when he waved to Buffy and Spike as they left the back room.

They made their way through the bar, Spike carrying the basket and Buffy putting on her coat. When they got outside she was grinning and then suddenly remembered that they had not come here for her to win a litter of kittens. She smacked him in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You were gonna help me! You were gonna get me information to fix my life! But you're completely lame!"

A voice came from out of the shadows, "You're not lame – at least not yet, Spike. Not if you pay up the forty Siamese you owe me." A demon with the head of a shark stepped out where they could see him.

"Take it easy. You'll get your kittens," Spike tried to sound calm as he replied, but he was keeping an eye on the shark's minions. "I just need a little more time."

"Sounds like you've got a basket full of kittens right there in your hands." The loan shark looked hungrily at the basket.

"These aren't mine. They belong to the bird, here. She had a big night. I lost everything but the shirt on my back."

Buffy stepped in front of Spike and looked at the shark as she said, "So, he owes you? Owes you big, huh?"

"Yeah. What's it matter to you?"

Buffy took an aggressive stance, squaring her shoulders. "It matters quite a bit. He works for me now." She paused for effect and looked at the shark's vampire minions. "You know who I am, right? I'd hate to have to make your guys .. uh, disappear. What do you say … you take this basket here and call it payment in full. You don't bother Spike anymore and I'll let your guys walk away." She could tell he was considering her offer. "Do we have a deal?"

The shark nodded. As one of the minions moved forward to take the basket, the shark said to Spike, "So you're a kept vamp now, are you? Quite a change from the William the Bloody who arrived in Sunnydale." His words were meant to be insults.

However, as Spike listened, he heard the truth – he had changed. Although he had not chosen to have a chip put in his head or to fall in love with the Slayer, ultimately he was more than okay with the changes in himself. Just did not like having it thrown in his face.

He watched the loan shark and his minions walk away. Then, he turned to Buffy. "You didn't have to do that. I mean, I'm grateful, but you didn't … why did you?"

"What was I going to do with a basketful of kittens? Besides, I can dust those two another night. At least now, you're debt-free." Poking her index finger into his chest, "Just stay that way, mister. Not sure I'll have another night that lucky ever again. Also, it's going to get old if I have to keep coming to your rescue."

"But I have such fun playing the damsel in distress. And you … make quite a fetching hero." Spike was leaning toward Buffy with a sliver of a thought that he might kiss her. Then, he realized that he no longer had her attention.

"That van," she said.

Spike was confused by her statement. "But we've got the motorcycle."

"I've seen it before – at the construction site."

He followed her gaze to the vehicle. "You think it may be connected to the strange things that have been happening?"

However, before Buffy could answer him or they could do anything, the van pulled out and drove away. They caught a glimpse of someone behind the steering wheel as it turned the corner.

Spike shrugged. "Glass half full? You're not crazy. Someone is following you around. Might even be a human someone."

She would have to share this new development with the rest of the gang. Right now though, she was tired from too much poker, too much drink, too much saving vampire-ass. Yawning on the way home, she told herself that she would tell Giles and the gang about the van in the morning.

[

Time seemed to pass quickly (and slowly, at the same time). Her nights were spent patrolling. The wee hours of the morning were spent trying to fall asleep and then finally catching a few hours of slumber. Her mornings were spent getting Dawn out the door to school and then doing a few chores.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

In addition to those regularly scheduled events, she often spent her afternoons watching tv with Spike. She did not pay much attention to what was happening on the screen. She could not have cared less what happened to the characters on Passions. But she enjoyed being there – just sitting quietly in his company.

Since her friends had brought her back from the dead, the passage of time was, in a word, strange. Days passed into weeks and before Buffy knew it, it was Halloween.

[

On Halloween, things are normally subdued (even in Sunnydale) as the demon population took a break from their very real scary activity to allow for humans to have their pretend scary activities. There had been some strange occurrences in the past on All Hallow's Eve. However, it had usually involved one or more of the Scooby gang and could have been just an average day-in-the-life of the Slayer and her friends. So although there was no reason to think there would be an uptick in activity in general tonight, Buffy could not rule out the possibility that something wicked this way comes – because in Sunnydale, it often does.

Anya had of course planned a holiday themed sale and a variety of enticing activities to draw customers to the Magic Box. Some (but not all) of the customers and staff were in costume for the occasion. Anya was roller skating through the store in 1970s attire, her homage to the tv show Charlie's Angels. Buffy found something both ironic and poetic that a former demon would choose to dress up as an angel of any type.

As Anya glided by customers, she would inform them, "Everything on the table is half off, including the table" and "If you buy one eyeball, you get the second free!"

Nearby, Xander was attempting to entertain children with his pirate shtick. Giles dressed in a wizard robe, worked his magic on the cash register.

Tara was about to join Willow in helping a customer, when she overheard Anya begin what could be an entirely inappropriate topic of conversation with Dawn. "Why don't you see if Willow needs any help in magical texts?'

Dawn was confused by the odd conversational turn, but wandered over to Willow just in time to hear her berate a customer for perpetuating a narrow and prejudiced understanding of witches. This tirade was immediately followed by Willow cooing over a small adorable girl dressed in a stereotypical witch costume – who was apparently in desperate need of candy corn for whatever she planned to brew up this evening.

When Dawn realized that nobody was paying attention to her, she turned her attention toward the shiny things displayed on the table. She casually picked up a large gold coin and slipped it into her pocket.

Just then, Buffy bumped into her while trying to dodge a shopper.

"Hey there, big sis. Where you headed in such a hurry?"

"Anya asked me to check the basement for mandrake root."

"Can I tag along? There's cool stuff down there. And as an added bonus, if we act now, … no customers."

"You've been watching too many infomercials." Buffy rolled her eyes at Dawn. "Sure, you can come along. But don't blame me if we have this conversation over and over …" and she continued as they walked down the stairs, "… and over and over and over."

At the bottom of the stairs, she turned and ran directly into Spike. They both jumped, slightly startled. Then, their eyes met. Buffy swallowed before saying, "Bell. Neck. Look into it."

"Come with a nice leather collar, does it?"

Unsure of whether they were aware of her presence, Dawn cleared her throat. "So were you just lurking down here in case someone came down? Or were you going to come up and help us?"

Spike kept his eyes on Buffy's as he said over her shoulder, "Hey there, Bit. Came in through the tunnels. Running low on burba weed." Seeing that both Summers girls were confused by this, "Stir it in with the blood. Makes it all hot and spicy."

"Hot and spicy?" Buffy wanted to be disgusted at the thought of any flavor of blood, but those words coming from his lips while he looked directly at her was having a different effect on her. She changed the subject, "You wouldn't happen to know where the mandrake root is, would you?"

"So what made you return to customer disservice?" Spike made his way over to a shelf of jars.

"One-time deal to help out. And I mean straight time. No loop-de-loop mummy hand repeat-o-vision." Buffy moved a step stool over in order to reach the shelf that Spike pointed out.

"That one over there," he said as he helped to steady her while she leaned toward the desired jar.

She handed the jar to him and then leaned on his shoulders while making her way down the step stool.

Spike was examining the jar. "Only three to a jar. Tend to go a bit wonky if you … cram them too close." He was keenly aware of his proximity to Buffy.

Dawn might be young, but not so young that she did not pick up on the tension between the two. She walked over and took the jar from Spike. "I'll just take this up to Anya," Dawn said as she turned to go up the stairs, giving the pair some privacy.

Once they were alone, Spike inquired, "So if you don't have any plans for later … feel like a bit of the rough and tumble?"

"What?"

"Me … you … " He was enjoying watching her squirm. "Patrolling? Hello?"

"Well, I have to stay here til the store closes. Maybe after that."

"That's what I meant. Got plans right now. Great Pumpkin's on in twenty." He turned to head back toward the tunnels.

A moment later, Buffy had a thought and rushed after him to grab his arm, stopping him. "There's a small tv upstairs in the back room." She paused while Spike absorbed what was happening. "You could stay here and watch it."

He tilted his head and smiled at her as he said, "Only if you watch with me. Getting used to having you around when I watch tv."

"I'm kinda getting used to having you around too."

They walked up the stairs and stealthily made their way to the television. Spike was glad to have Buffy's company while watching one of his holiday favorites. Buffy was glad to be hiding from the tyrannical Anya and her myriad of customers – and much as it would have surprised her in the past, she did not mind one bit that it meant spending time with Spike.

[

Eventually, it was time to close the store. When the Peanuts special ended, Buffy and Spike had made their way out into the store to assist the rest of the gang. Dawn shooed the last remaining customers out the door.

Xander had collapsed on the floor. "Store go boom."

Giles began to hand out cleaning supplies. "And after the boom, it's time to use the broom."

In a joyfully helpful tone, Willow said, "I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation. It'll be like Fantasia."

Giles turned on his stern teacher voice, "We all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey."

While the cleaning began, Dawn and Anya were dancing behind the counter.

With enthusiastic arm gestures and glee in her voice, Anya said, "I do this dance every time I close out the cash register. I call it the dance of capitalist superiority. Capitalism is really the best part of being human." She glanced over at Xander, who was staring at her lovingly. "Well, one of the best parts."

Xander was barely aware that Giles and Spike were near him as he said softly, "I'm gonna marry that girl."

The Watcher and the vampire exchanged glances.

Hesitantly, Giles said, "That's a rather large commitment. Have you given this adequate consideration?"

Xander did not reply to his question directly. "Have either of you been engaged or ever proposed to someone?"

Giles cleared his throat. "In my younger days – my 'Ripper' years – I would never have considered the institution of marriage. As I got older and began to take my life as a watcher more seriously, there simply wasn't the time to give oneself to a relationship in earnest." His eyes dropping to the floor and his voice betraying his emotion, "Though I would like to have tried to make a go of it with Jenny Calendar." He shook himself from his reverie and turned to Spike, "And what of your relationship history? Anyone capture your attention, win your heart?"

"Well, though you two often reduce the entirety of my existence to who I have been in my vilest moments, in truth I have been in love more than once. When I was still human, I was consumed with passion for the loveliest young lady in my social circle. However, she did not deem me worthy. But had she returned my affection, I would have wed her without a moment's pause." Changing his tone, "Shortly after being rejected by Cecily, I was sired by Drusilla. She was my everything. I was given a new life with power beyond my wildest dreams. I travelled the world and experienced things I could scarcely have imagined. To see years turn into decades – and the changing of centuries. None of that would have been possible without her." He paused and the poet in him surfaced, "But I did truly love her. Felt a passion for her that you would say is not possible for a vampire to feel. But I am here to tell you that she made me feel more alive after my death than I ever would have if I had continued as I was living. And when she was ill, I found my purpose in caring for her every need. That's the very definition of love – to give to another and receive from another, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. What we had was special. What we had could have been considered a marriage – even death did not part us. My passion for her fueled my existence."

Spike's monologue had left the two men in stunned silence. So, he tried to transition out of odd conversational territory in which they had found themselves. "All I can say to you, Xander, is that if your feelings for Anya are true and run deep, that is what will give you a reservoir from which to love well, to love truly, and for the passion you feel now to last your whole life long. So if you want to marry her, I say cheers to the both of you. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness."

Xander made eye contact with Spike. "Thanks, man. That was completely unexpected, but … um, yeah." All he could do was nod, completely lost for words. But he made a mental note that Spike would do a great job with the toast at the wedding reception.

With resolve, Xander stood and walked over to the counter, holding his hand out indicating that Anya should join him. "Hey, everybody. There's, um, something that Anya and I wanna tell you."

"Now?" Anya whispered to him.

"Now." Turning his attention to the others in the room, "We're getting married." The couple began to kiss passionately and did not seem to intend on stopping anytime in the near future.

The reaction in the room was mixed. Tara and Dawn were caught up in the romance of it all. Willow and Buffy were stunned and feeling instinctively protective of their long-time friend. Giles was becoming disgusted with the display of affection taking place in front of him. Spike felt many things: his habitual tendency to not care was still present, but mixed with joy for the happy couple and a bit of jealousy over what they had together – that Xander (of all humans) was able to get past Anya's former life as a vengeance demon and love her anyway.

For several minutes, there was much chatter and cleaning of eyewear. Then, began a chorus of oohs and aahs as Anya showed off the engagement ring that Xander had given her.

With tears glistening in her eyes and her hand outstretched, Anya told them all, "And he said he couldn't imagine the rest of his life without me. And then he gave me this!"

Giles had disappeared to locate cups and a bottle of something with which to toast. "Where I come from, this sort of thing requires much in the way of libation." As he handed a cup to Xander, he said, "Anya is a wonderful former vengeance demon. I'm sure you'll spend many years of … non-hell-dimensional bliss."

As Buffy was apologizing for not providing a more fancy celebration, Anya interrupted to make it clear that this was just the first of many opportunities to shower them with congratulations in the form of gifts or money.

Willow and Tara found some snacks that Giles had hidden away and gathered all the leftover candy from the bowls throughout the store. They managed to put together a nice spread on the round table that was normally used for research.

Tara did her best Vanna White arm flourish to draw everyone's attention to the refreshments. "Maybe we'll even have time to decorate for the next celebration."

"Why wait?" Willow gave her own flourish accompanied by a few phrases which seemed to send fairy dust around the store, leaving decorations in its wake.

Anya was thrilled and could barely contain herself. Dawn was giddy with excitement. Tara was noticeably displeased. The others looked around, mildly stunned and a bit concerned.

Tara bumped into Willow when she was coming back from the restroom with some paper towels to use for napkins. "We could've put up decorations. And there were already some decorations up for the holiday sale. You didn't need to use magic."

"But these are perfect. And extra biodegrable-y. In a couple of hours … poof!"

"Willow, I j-just wish that you would stop and think about what you're …"

"You're always coming down on me for doing magic that couldn't harm a fly. What's your problem?"

They noticed Dawn was now standing near them.

"Sorry. Just checkin' on the paper towels."

"It's okay. We're done." Willow took the paper towels from Tara and began walking back to the table.

Dawn observed the couple carefully for a few moments and then began to put her coat on. "See everyone tomorrow."

Buffy was caught off guard. "Whoa! Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'm sleeping over at Janice's, remember?"

"That's tonight? But it's a school night."

"Come on. You said I could. And besides they're having dinner just a few blocks away. I'll walk straight over to the restaurant to meet them. Not like I'm gonna be roaming the streets."

"Fine." Buffy knew that she had enough other battles to fight. She chose to walk away from this one.

After Dawn departed, there was music and dancing, talking and laughing, planning and dreaming.

Among the things that Anya rambled was: "There's just so much to consider, though. I mean, planning the wedding … new cars and a house … and babies."

To get Anya to stop spinning every good and bad scenario, Buffy interjected with a sense of finality, "Look, all that matters is that you're happy. Everything else is thick gravy goodness."

"You're right, of course. I am the luckiest ex-demon in the world. I mean, to be able to find the one person in all dimensions that I was meant to be with, and have everything work out exactly as I dreamed. I mean, how often does the universe allow that to happen?"

While Anya and Xander gazed at one another, Buffy looked on with a sense of wonder – asking herself if it could be possible that her friend had fallen in love, with an ex-demon no less … but more than that, she was pondering the question that Anya had posed: how often does the universe allow romantic dreams of love and happiness to be fulfilled?

Although he did not know what Buffy was thinking precisely, Spike watched as hope and melancholy alternated in her expression.

When Xander moved toward the front door for some fresh air, Buffy followed. They stood on the sidewalk in front of The Magic Box, at times leaning on the wall.

"Air. Sweet mother oxygen," sighed Xander.

Buffy responded in part to Xander's intense need to step away for a moment and her own swirling thoughts. "But this is good. I mean, this is … love and celebration and moving forward. Anya's right. This is the way life's supposed to work out."

"Right. Deep pools of ooey delight. I'm wallowing, not drowning."

"Definite wallow action." Buffy turned as she heard the siren of an approaching ambulance. She decided to go check out the situation and Xander followed her.

As they walked down the street, there were kids (and adults) in costumes as far as the eye could see. When they arrived at what she now could see was a crime scene, there was a small crowd of people watching as paramedics cared for a woman. Buffy positioned herself so that she had an unobstructed view of the woman, whose neck had very clearly been bitten by a vampire.

[

Meanwhile, inside the store, Giles answered the ringing phone. "Oh, Mrs. Penshaw, yes, uh … no, Dawn said she was staying the night at your house." It was clear from Giles' failed attempts to jump into the conversation that Mrs. Penshaw was not pleased. Finally, he was able to get in, "Alright, let's just, um … if I hear anything I'll let you know."

Giles turned off the music just as Xander and Buffy reentered the store. "That was Janice's mother on the telephone. Apparently, Janice said that she was staying the night with Dawn."

Xander muttered under his breath, "Ahh, dipping into the classics."

Giles continued, "When her mother called the house and got no answer, she thought we might still be here at the store. Apparently, they were indeed having dinner nearby, but Janice left the restaurant under the pretense of walking over here to go home with Dawn at closing time."

Buffy was about to tell them what she and Xander had just seen down the street, but this new information about Dawn brought the problem home. "Wait, she's out there running around by herself? We have to find her."

Spike moved immediately to her side, "Why? What's going on?"

"Someone forgot to take the night off. There has been at least one vampire attack in town, just a little while ago." Buffy opened the storage chest, grabbed a few weapons and tossed them to each of the others while Giles barked out a plan.

As the elder member of this group, Giles seemed to always find himself doling out tasks, "Willow and Tara, look for Dawn and Janice at the Bronze. Perhaps, they were just looking to have some good clean fun tonight. But that would not prevent a vampire from turning up there and ruining their plans. Anya, stay here at the store in case they come back or Mrs. Penshaw calls again. Xander, you should go back to the house, in case they show up there. I'm going to go by the restaurant and see if anyone remembers seeing them. Then, I'll check the coffee shop and any place else that's open. Buffy, I'm assuming you've already formulated your own plan of attack."

"Spike and I are going back down the street to the scene of the one known attack. We'll see if there are clues to follow. Maybe, check the playground in the park. Basically: find the vamp or vamps, kick ass and make dust – don't care about takin' names. Especially if they're messin' with my sister."

[

Giles made his way through town and then made his way through a cemetery where he could hear noise coming from the nearby woods. He found Janice with someone she knew as Zack, who seemed quite interested in the veins of her neck. After a short fight that would result in some bumps and bruises the next day, Giles was successful in dusting the vampire and saving Janice.

Buffy and Spike found themselves in the same wooded area with Giles, surrounded by a large group of vamps who apparently considered themselves rebels.

Spike was livid. "It's Halloween, you bunch of nits! We take the night off. Those are the rules. Give the lot of us a bad name."

Ultimately, the good guys were victorious. However, most of the time Buffy wasn't even trying – she just stood there and let them run into her stake. You might say, she was just going through the motions, but there was very little motion involved.

In the end, Dawn was the one who dusted the vampire named Justin, with a pencil from his own jacket pocket.

[

Willow and Tara were the last to get back to the house where everyone was now gathered – safe and sound, though a little worse for wear from the night's events. Once they knew everyone was okay, Xander and Anya went home. Tara, still upset about the continuing argument about Willow's use of magic, excused herself to go upstairs to bed. Willow soon followed. Just before climbing into bed with an unhappy Tara, Willow did a quick spell which caused Tara to immediately forget that they had been fighting about anything. Once Willow settled into bed, Tara cuddled up to her shoulder. Contentment beamed from both of their faces as they drifted off to sleep.

[

Back downstairs, there was quite a discussion happening.

Dawn was trying to explain her actions. "Janice was meeting this other boy and she invited me along to meet his friend. When we got there, I recognized him. I'd seen him around at parties and he was so cute and he said I was beautiful. Sometimes, it's nice to hear that. I thought he really liked me. We were sitting in his car talking and then, well, we weren't talking and he kissed really well, not that I have much of anything to compare it to really – but it was nice, at least until he bit my lip."

Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin. "You were parking … with a vamp?!"

"I didn't know he was dead. I just met him!"

"So you were parking in the woods with a boy you just met?"

"Like you've never fallen for a vampire?"

"That was different." Buffy was becoming progressively uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was going.

"It always is when it's you." Dawn grabbed her glass and walked into the kitchen to put it in the sink. Mostly, she needed to get some distance between she and Buffy for a moment or two.

Spike started to stand up from his chair. "Guess I should bugger off. Something about big bads not venturing far from their crypts on Halloween."

"Would you stay?" Turning to Giles, she said, "Would you both stay? I need help getting through to her. If she won't listen to her big sister or the Slayer, maybe a father figure can get the point across. Or better still, a vampire might be able to frighten her enough that she never does anything that stupid again."

They agreed to stay and attempt to reinforce her point of view. At times, they seemed to be effective. At others, they felt completely useless while observing a fight between sisters.

Buffy was trying to assure her that she remembered what it was like to be a young teenage girl. "Dawn, I don't have anything against you wanting to do things with your friends or you having a boyfriend. But you should find a nice boy – there are some out there."

"But Angel was your boyfriend."

"That's different."

"Why exactly?"

"It just is. And besides, he's not my boyfriend now. It could never work, even if there were no curse. He's a vampire and I'm the Slayer – but that's not the issue here. You're human and you …"

"I am not. I'm the Key. Or at least I was. A mystical ball of energy is not a human."

"Well, you're human now. The monks made you human. And in order to stay human, you need to stay away from vampires." Seeing that she was getting nowhere, Buffy turned to Spike and said, "Maybe you can try to explain it to her."

He explained that although there were rare occasions when you might meet a vampire or other demonic creature who would not immediately desire to do you harm, those would be incredibly rare. "Me, Angel, Anya, and some of my friends like Clem – these are the exceptions rather than the rule. Look, Bit. Love you like you were my own sister. I hope you know that. I would have been inconsolable if that vampire had hurt you tonight. I'm here to tell you the cautionary tale – unless I introduce you to one of them and tell you that you can trust them … don't. I didn't protect you from Glory just so you could go off in the woods and get yourself … Anyway, guess that's all I've got to say on the matter."

Giles took a more fatherly tone, in contrast to Spike's approach. Giles' love for her was evident, but he was insistent, "There can be no tolerance of this behavior, of you pressing us on this issue. If you want to have your go at teenage rebellion, you will just have to find some other way to go about it. I hope we have made ourselves perfectly clear."

A teary-eyed, puffy-faced, and repentant Dawn gave hugs all around and then went upstairs to bed.

Giles voiced some lingering concerns and said his goodnights, leaving Spike and Buffy alone on the main floor of the house.

Buffy had been rambling about how unfair it was for Dawn to throw the Angel situation in her face, when she noticed that Spike had not said anything for a while. Once it dawned on her that he had gone silent, she could tell he was upset about something. "Penny for your thoughts."

"Nothing to say, really."

"I don't believe that. I can tell you're aggravated about something. What is it?"

"I'd rather not say."

"You'd rather not say? What the heck does that mean?"

"It means I don't want to say something I can't take back."

"And you're upset enough that you think you might … say something you can't take back?" Buffy was exasperated now.

"Yes. I do. In fact, I think I'd better get going. I'll see you tomorrow. Glad I could be of help tonight."

"Good fight. And thanks for talking to Dawn." She held his gaze as she asked, "And you and I ... we will talk about the rest another time?"

"You mean the thing I don't want to talk about tonight?"

"That. And the other thing."

Spike nodded. He knew she was talking about the kiss they had yet discuss, other than to acknowledge that they had not discussed it.

[

On the walk back to his crypt, the events of the evening and Buffy's words rolled around in his head. He had known it would be a challenge to get Buffy to view him as a man and not as a monster. He was starting to wonder whether she would ever be able to get past it.

Then, his mind went to events earlier in the year. About a month before Buffy died, he had allowed Glory to beat him to a pulp, rather than reveal that Dawn was the Key for which she was searching. Buffy had come to him pretending at first to be the Buffy-Bot to be sure that he had not given any information to Glory. She had kissed him that day. She had said that what he did for her and Dawn was real. And that she would not forget it. But that kiss was real, too. And he could not forget that. No spell from Willow. Not the animatronic lips of the Bot. A real kiss that she willingly gave him.

Then, there was the night of the battle with Glory, the night that Buffy died. She had kissed him that night too – though he'd wager that she had not done so in the original timeline of events.

It was infuriating. She had kissed him. It had been real – and really intense. They had had a few moments when they were alone together since she had returned – he could tell she was attracted to him, could tell that she felt something for him. Something more than allies, something more than friendship.

But her words tonight – that it could not work with Angel even without the curse because he was a vampire and she was the Slayer. She did not add a footnote, so he had to assume that her line of reasoning applied to him as well. Vampire. Slayer. End of story.

But her recent actions told a different story. The way she depended on him, the trust she placed in him. The time they spent together.

Her words said it was impossible. Yet, she came to him just the same.

* * *

A/N: Thanks again for reading. Feedback greatly appreciated.

Until next time …

~Jen

26 January 2016


	12. I wish a lot of things

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N:

After mulling over how to handle the musical episode, I got thinking about season 5 of Angel when Gunn got his download of Gilbert and Sullivan from Wolfram & Hart. I wondered what would happen if everyone in Sunnydale got a temporary spell-induced download of songs from musicals (and music-centric movies) … and people were able to pull quotations from that vast archive.

 **Lyrics** will be indicated in **BOLD** and the source will be noted at the end of the chapter.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 12**

 **I wish a lot of things**

Giles had stepped out onto the front porch of the Summers' house after saying goodnight to Buffy and Spike. He could hear Buffy rambling in animated fashion about something. Giles assumed it had to do with Dawn's behavior tonight. He suddenly realized that he was unaware of the time. Checking his watch, he found that it was 11:45pm. It seemed much later than that. Perhaps, he was getting too old for this kind of thing. After all, Watchers retired or moved into other roles after their Slayers were killed. Since his Slayer seemed to have nine lives, he had better pace himself – or do more to improve and maintain his health.

As he started to drive back to his apartment, he remembered that in the rush to go find (and rescue) Dawn and Janice, he had left some things at the Magic Box that he had intended to take home. He decided that he would stop at the store to retrieve those items and get a few things done. There was a peaceful quiet that came over the store when Anya was not there.

On his way to the store, he saw the marquee of the old movie theater, which had recently undergone a full restoration. From the photographs he had seen, they had done a remarkable job restoring it to its former glory. The lettering on the sign indicated that there was a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show for Halloween. Some stragglers were out front buying their tickets at the last minute. A few patrons dressed in character costumes were standing on the sidewalk, smoking one last cigarette before entering the building.

As he drove past, this scene reminded him of his younger days as a musician and an actor. Some of these memories had been stirred during his recent trip to England. He had been able to spend time with some old friends and a few family, including a visit with his brother that was all too brief.

Once at the Magic Box, he sat at his desk and began to sort through a pile of mail. Some of the items had been pulled from his mailbox at home, incorrectly thinking he might have a moment today at the store to look through the stack. Amongst those items, he found a letter from his brother. More memories filled his mind. He sat for a while starring at nothing, remembering everything from their shared childhood to theater productions that they had both been in. He could not bring himself to open the letter. He hoped that the envelope before him was an indication that his brother also felt there were still some things they had left unsaid. However, he was hesitant to open it, fearful it might contain words that were less than amicable. It really could go either way.

Instead, he decided to tidy up from the impromptu party earlier that night. They had had time to do some picking up, but it was in no shape to receive customers in the light of day. As he collected trash and shelved misplaced items, he found himself muttering to himself, pondering having had to save Dawn tonight.

"Did she really think she could just traipse **into the woods, then out of the woods, and home before dark**? [1] After all, she is perfectly aware that she lives on a bloody hellmouth. Perhaps I should make her watch  Into the Woods. Perhaps that would be a good teaching moment – the cautionary tale of people who think that they can do anything they wish and come away unscathed. But the truth of the matter is that we live in a world of fractured fairytales – and in Sunnydale, the fairytales are more fractured than the average citizen is aware."

"Would it be better if they were all aware? Maybe they all need to see Into the Woods! People like to think that all musicals are fun and fluffy nonsense, but that is far from true. More than that, theatre – when it is at its best – teaches us something. When it confronts and makes us uncomfortable – when it tells the truth unflinchingly, without hiding behind a veil or a mask, stripped of any pretense, niceties or pleasantries – then perhaps we arrive at a place where we can see sense, where we can see ourselves and others clearly. And then, armed with the truth, we can do battle against the evil that exists in this world, while protecting and caring for one another."

Giles sighed and continued, "If only wishing made it so!" Then, he sang a snippet from the musical in question: " **I wish ... More than anything ... More than jewels ... More than life ... More than the moon … I wish … I wish a lot of things**." [1]

A short while later, he gathered his things, locked up the store, and headed to his parked car. Something made him glance down the street at the movie theater. Maybe it was the unopened letter or the memories it had triggered, but he changed his mind about going home. He had not been to a showing of Rocky Horror in years. He bought a ticket and as he walked through lobby, he could hear that "The Time Warp" was about to begin. He stepped through the door and found himself surrounded by people on their feet ready to take **a jump to the left and then a step to the right.** [2]

It was like stepping back in time – he remembered every lyric, every line of dialogue, every audience response. He would always have a fondness for the stage version (which he had done in years past), but he was glad that the film was available for the masses to enjoy – well, maybe not masses, but an underground cult following anyway.

[

Meanwhile, Spike was mulling over recent events and conversations as he walked home. Unbeknownst to him, a wish had occurred elsewhere in Sunnydale. As he was nearing his crypt, he felt a strong need to express his frustration and found these words on the tip of his tongue: **"Love makes such fools of us all.** " [3]

Spike was aware that he had sung that sentence, yet he thought he had done so intentionally. Therefore, it did not immediately seem unusual to him.

Once he was back at the crypt, he had become so irritated that he poured himself a drink, as if on autopilot. He removed his coat and sat in the chair – bottle in one hand, glass in the other. In between sips of whiskey, Spike was coming to the conclusion that he was as hurt as he was angry.

His pain poured out of him in song. **"Before I gaze at you again, I'll need a time for tears. I have so much forgetting to do – before I try to gaze again at you.** " [4]

Now, the singing seemed a bit weird, but since he was continuing to drink and sift through his feelings, he chose to let it go – for the moment anyway. It did not take much alcohol before he reached the point of despair.

 _I don't know if I can do this – not for another day, another week, let alone another three years. She warned me that it would take a while for her to come around and implied there would be times when it seemed like I was losing ground in this battle. But tonight, she clearly said that the Slayer could not be with a vampire. So how exactly do I work with that? Do I believe her words or her actions – or both … or neither?_

He dropped his head into his hands and wept.

[

After Spike left the house, Buffy had tried to figure out why he had gotten upset. As much as she tried to tell herself that she was trying to figure it out, she already knew. As her mind considered the truth of what her heart recognized, these words came pouring out of her mouth:

" **I don't know how I let you so far inside my mind, but there you are and there you will stay.** " [5]

The truth that she was hearing in her own voice would have been startling enough, but doubly so – because she was singing. However, her self-revelatory rambling continued. She shook her head at the meaning of the words as much as the fact that she was singing them.

After several minutes of reflective singing, she found she was exhausted. Although it was highly unusual to burst into song, she decided that she could deal with this strangeness after she had gotten some sleep.

[

About an hour had passed since Spike had arrived home. He had continued to drink while he looked at his handwritten timeline and notes about upcoming events. He worked his way back from hurt to anger – reminding himself that she had kissed him twice before she died.

 _She had said what I did for her and Dawn was real. Why could she not see that the kiss she gave me was real? What would it take to finally get through to her? Her future self said to be patient. Maybe she was right; maybe time was the solution. Maybe I could help it along._

" **Just think you need time to know that I'm the guy to make it real – the feelings you don't dare to feel. I'll bend the world to our will and we'll make time stand still. That's the plan.** " [6]

He looked at the timeline before him, letting out a laugh that was filled with frustration and sarcasm. "The plan. Yeah, right. You show up from the future with all this information. And that's somehow supposed to fix all these things in the next few years? How can I be sure that knowing any of this will even help?"

Finally, he hit the breaking point and needed to hear her voice. For the first time in a long time, he decided to listen to the cassette of his conversation with future-Buffy. He wanted to hear it through speakers not through headphones, so he played it in the boombox rather than the Walkman.

At first, he thought he had put in the wrong tape. Then, he considered that it was just the effects of the alcohol. It was indeed Buffy's voice that was coming from the stereo, but she was singing:

" **Two hearts that lost the beat will now resume. The gift of life extension by divine intervention.** "

In a state of disbelief, Spike stared at the speakers and exclaimed, "What the bloody hell is going on?!"

The cassette continued to sing to him: " **It's gotta be a strange twist of fate telling me that Heaven can wait. I'm gonna get it right this time. Life doesn't mean a thing without the love you bring. Love is what we've found the second time around.** " [7]

Eventually, he had to admit that not only was it strange that the recorded conversation seemed to have been replaced, but it was also strange that he had been singing on and off since his walk home. As that realization hit home, he stopped the tape.

[

Buffy had tried unsuccessfully to go to sleep, thoughts still swirling in her mind. Finally, she decided to get up and go to talk to Spike – see if they could sort this out.

When she arrived outside his door, she heard a female voice singing inside his crypt. Just as she opened the door, the voice stopped.

Walking through the doorway, she said, "Am I interrupting? Sounded like you had company." She looked around. "I thought I heard someone singing."

Spike pointed at the cassette player and replied, "I was playing a tape." In his inebriated state, he tried to assess her mood. "What brings you here … at this hour?"

"I couldn't sleep and I thought we should talk about earlier. You seemed … no, you were upset." She paused while considering how to say the next part without sounding like a crazy person. "Also, not sure if you noticed, but there seems to be a weird music thing happening."

He chuckled. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I had noticed." He found an empty glass, poured two drinks, and handed one to her. "So, you said something about talking. Or would you rather sing? Unless you're more of a sprechstimme girl."

She smirked and shook her head. Then, she began to tread ever-so-lightly around the subject. "Look, I know this thing … us … whatever it is, whether friendship or otherwise … I know that it would be complicated anyway, but it's even more complicated by this whole having-been-dead thing. It's a lot for all of us to deal with. But I feel like we – you and I – need to clear the air. Not just now, tonight, but on a regular basis. I need to know that I can talk to you, because I can't talk to the others right now." She paused and took a sip of her drink. "You've never held back what you thought before. When you turned and left earlier … well, I don't want to leave things like that, leave things unsaid. If you have something you need to say, say it."

"What would I possibly have to say?"

"Well, for starters, I think you were upset by what I said about Angel when we were talking to Dawn. But I'd rather hear it from you than make assumptions."

His gaze dropped to the glass in his hand. "You keep saying that we'll talk about that kiss. You said it the night you died – that if we both survived, we'd have to deal with it. We also need to talk about when you pretended to be the Bot to find out what I had told Glory – you kissed me that day too." He looked up at her pointedly. "But tonight, you announced in no uncertain terms that a Slayer and a vampire could never be together."

Although he seemed prepared to go on, she cut him off. "That's not exactly what I said."

"No, it is precisely what you said."

"Well, then, it's not what I meant. I mean, it is what I meant, but …" She stopped herself.

"But what?"

Buffy could not bring herself to answer his question and turned away from him.

A moment later, he had closed the distance between them and boldly began to sing these words to her: " **Ever since I saw you, shivers down my spine. You're the one; you're the chosen one. I'm here to make you mine. You're the one out of all the loves I've known – all my centuries alone.** " [8] As he sang, Spike gently turned her face back toward his. It was quiet for a minute. Then, Spike broke the silence by asking, "So, what did you mean?"

She swallowed and caught her breath. "I'm not so sure it was a good idea for me to come here, to try to talk tonight. This music thing seems to have some kind of truth serum effect."

"Since when is truth bad?"

"In theory, it's not. In practice, it can lead to all kinds of messy." She could feel his eyes on her, just waiting for her to answer his earlier question. After a few moments, she gave in. "I meant ... that it could not work with Angel even if there was no curse, because if there was no curse, ... then he would be Angelus. And it would be impossible for …"

He sighed as he finished her thought, "…for the Slayer to have a relationship with Angelus. Got it." Finishing the last sip of his drink, he tilted his head and asked, "So what about us? You and me?"

She gazed into his eyes and seemed to weigh her words carefully. "Honestly? I'm not sure."

Spike started to speak, but found himself singing instead. " **Could it be we're the perfect pair? Have it all, if we'd only dare?** "

Buffy responded, continuing the song: " **Meeting you was a dangerous thing – can't control what is happening.** "

The intensity was more than Buffy could deal with at the moment. She ran from the crypt without a goodbye.

He called after her, "So … you're not staying then?"

Spike poured himself another drink and pushed play on the stereo. The cassette picked up where he and Buffy had left off. " **It's hard to fight when it feels so good. If there's something, don't you think that we should take another chance on love? When it feels so right? Take a chance and fall tonight.** " [9]

He thought that they should. But Buffy was being all avoidy.

[

When Giles arrived home, he set the pile of mail on his desk and then poured himself a drink. Finally, he sat down to read the letter from his brother. He opened the envelope and unfolded the stationary. As he laid eyes on the words scrawled in ink, it was as if they floated off the page and he heard his brother Murray singing these words:

" **I'm sorry for everything I've said and for anything I forgot to say. When things get so complicated, I stumble … at best, muddle through. I wish I could tell you this face to face, but there's never the time, never the place. So, this letter will have to do.** " [10]

Giles said to his empty apartment, "Well, that was certainly peculiar."

There had been an old familiar smell in the theater. Perhaps, he had a bit of a contact high. Or perhaps, he just needed more Scotch to deal with all the memories that came flooding back, as well as the resulting wave of emotion he was now riding.

He became quite melancholy as he sifted through his record collection looking for something to fit his mood. He came across Jesus Christ Superstar which of course reminded him of his brother – because Murray had originated the role of Judas. He decided to give in to the reverie and listen to the album.

The Apostles had inquired of Jesus: " **What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening**."

Giles sang Jesus' response: " **Why should you want to know? Don't you mind about the future. Don't you try to think ahead. Save tomorrow for tomorrow; think about today instead."**

Reclining on couch, Giles realized had not actually played the LP. "Hmm. What's going on? **Tell me what's happening.** " [11*]

Now around 3 a.m., he fell asleep on the couch thinking to himself that he would have to figure it all out after he had gotten some sleep.

* * *

A/N:

Many thanks for reading. Until next time…

~Jen

7 April 2016

* * *

SONGS in this chapter:

[1] Into the Woods (1987 Broadway / 1990 West End / 1991 tv / 2014 film) "Prologue"

[2] The Rocky Horror Show (1973 West End / 1975 Broadway / 1975 film) "The Time Warp"

[3] Barnum (1980 Broadway / 1981 West End / 1986 tv) "Love Makes Such Fools of Us All"

[4] Camelot (1960 Broadway / 1964 West End / 1967 film) "Before I Gaze at You Again"

[5] Passion (1994 Broadway / 1996 West End) "I Wish I Could Forget You"

[6] Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (2008 online series) "My Freeze Ray"

[7] Two of a Kind (1983 movie) "Twist of Fate"

[8] Dracula (2004 Broadway) "The Seduction"

[9] Two of a Kind (1983 movie) "Take a Chance"

[10] Aida (2000 Broadway) "Radames' Letter"

[11] Jesus Christ Superstar (1970 concept album * / 1971 Broadway / 1972 West End / 1973 film) "What's the Buzz"

*On the concept album, role of Judas was sung by Murray Head, brother of Anthony Stewart Head.


	13. Dancing in the Streets

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: 19 September 2017

When I first wrote Chapters 13-18, I had intended to edit it down significantly. However, after the deaths of three loved ones, I wasn't in a good headspace – plus this storyline has some triggers for me personally – so I avoided taking the time to go over the material again before it was originally posted. It's been a year since I posted Ch 18 (and two years since posting the initial eight chapters). Late this summer, I was finally ready to come back at this with fresh eyes. After hacking away large portions, I tried to smooth rough edges left by removing content – my apologies for any bumpy transitions or spots that may be confusing. Truthfully, I'm not entirely happy with the result and I'll probably edit further if I find the time.

 **The basic plot/storyline/character arcs remain the same as the original version.**

As always, feedback welcome and greatly appreciated.

[

A/N: 10 June 2016

See Chapter 12.

There will be _an_ appearance by a pair of OCs. See A/N at end of this chapter for my explanation as to why I am intrigued by the possibility (though, not necessarily convinced) of this loophole.

* * *

 **CHAPTER** **13**

 **Dancing in the Streets**

It had been a long and eventful Halloween night. And the sun had yet to rise.

In the wee small hours of the morning, as Buffy returned from Spike's crypt, she danced and sang her way through the cemetery as she considered the state of things.

 _Life is so confusing … Death makes it more confusing … Maybe if I could figure out what I'm here for …_

Without realizing it, she had wandered toward her former resting place. When it dawned on her where she was headed, her casual stroll (with occasional pirouette) turned into an intentional walk, nearly a march, as she approached her own gravestone.

 _I should be dead – and I don't mean momentarily dead like when Xander did CPR on me … I mean dead. I'm standing here looking at my own grave. Why am I even here? You know, other than the obvious – the fact that Willow couldn't leave well enough alone. I suppose the Powers That Be could have rejected her request, caused the spell to backfire. But I'm here. So, I'd like to think there's a reason. I really want to believe it._

 **"There's a life that I am meant to lead. Even now, I feel its heat upon my skin – a life of passion that pulls me from within, a life that I am aching to begin."** [1]

 _How do I do that? Where do I begin? I'm staring at evidence of what could have been the ending of the story._

ANNE

1981-2001

BELOVED SISTER

BELOVED FRIEND

 _The chiseled lettering is all true, but really, it's only part of the story._

Buffy leapt up onto the headstone bearing her middle name and continued to sing. Then, she jumped down and began to run away from her past – or at least, away from the stone that marked her grave. Her mind and her body continued to spin and dance as she made her way home.

[

Buffy had left Spike alone with his thoughts … and a cassette that should be speaking, but was now singing.

 _So … she's not sure where we stand. And this should surprise me not one bit. Future-Buffy warned me that her behavior would be strange. I guess I should have expected as much, but this is more difficult than I thought it would be. To have her, truly have her for a couple hours … and then, back to this. Everything in me wants to grab her and kiss her, press her up against a wall and … which would probably qualify as pushing things too fast and is likely what I did the first time around._

His intent to avoid listening to the cassette and limit his drinking had, in a word, failed. Staring down at his handwritten timeline of future events and listening to her voice continuing to sing to him through the speakers, his mind sought help from future-Buffy.

 _If only you could come back again and I could ask you questions … lots and lots of questions. Imagine how many questions I'm going to have when the next apocalypse hits the fan._

 _It was so much simpler when I just did not care … at all._

After a little more drink and a lot more thought, Spike resigned himself to the fact that he would endure anything for that girl – both versions of her.

 _I suppose it will all be worth it – to save the world, be a hero, … and get the girl._

[

Just as the dark sky began to give way to the dawning of the day, there was unusual activity in the atmosphere. Anyone who was awake and aware would have seen it – lighting bolts crisscrossing the cloudless sky. After a few minutes, those tendrils of electricity swirled together into a funnel cloud that touched ground in one of the larger parks in Sunnydale. When the funnel dissipated, in its place stood a group of well-dressed life-sized marionettes surrounding someone wearing a fire engine red zoot suit with black and white wingtip shoes. The one in red looked around and opened his mouth:

 **"I'm home where music fills the air. I'm home where a thousand lovers cry, swoon, and sigh. And I'm home where every violin plays a treat as sweet as a honeycomb. Wherever music plays, I know I'm home."** [2]

Speaking as he continued, "Dorothy Gale was right – there is no place like home." Sashaying down the sidewalk, he added, "Find me appropriate accommodations while I have a look around."

[

As Giles passed the theater on his way to the Magic Box, the musical memories of the previous night came flooding back. Once inside, he began to pull texts from various shelves. When the others arrived, he was already hip-deep in research. Everyone exchanged hellos as if it were an ordinary day.

Not long after, Anya was behind the register, counting the cash while singing: **"Your love gives me such a thrill, but your love won't pay my bills. I want money. That's what I want."** [3]

Buffy cleared her throat. "Funny you should … uh, so did anyone – besides Anya – uh, this morning or last night, you know, um … burst into song?"

Everyone exchanged glances and then began speaking rapidly.

"We thought it was just us."

"It was bizarre. We were talking and then it was like …"

"Like you were in a musical."

"Yeah!"

Xander hurriedly added, "Now that we've established these were not isolated events ... Do you think it will happen again?"

Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know. That's what I've been researching since I got here earlier. I have yet to formulate a theory. Obviously, we should continue looking into this."

"With the books." Willow added, looking at the pile of open volumes on his desk.

Tara questioned, "Do we have any books on this?"

Sitting down at his desk, Giles commented, "Interesting bit of trivia: the script of a musical is actually called 'the book.' So if this is all one big musical, then we are dealing with lots of books." He chuckled to himself.

Ignoring his attempt at a joke, Willow asked, "So, is it just us?"

Buffy went to the front door, opened it, and stuck her head out for a moment. She walked back to the table to grab her jacket and then headed for the door while she said, "It would appear that we have company – a company of singers and dancers, to be precise. I'm gonna have a look around town."

[

When Buffy returned from her stroll, Giles could tell by the look on her face that something more was weighing on her mind than simply the songs that surrounded them. He led her to the training room where they could talk privately.

"Giles, it was bad enough before I died – questioning my purpose, seeking out the First Slayer to get some answers … which were cryptic at best. So, if 'death is my gift' and I gave it, what do I have left to give? Why am I here?"

"You're needed."

"That's the best you've got? Wow, Watcher training sucks. Shouldn't you be prepared with some words of inspiration in the event that your Slayer needs a pep talk?" Groaning, she added, "Maybe I'll just quit."

"This is not something you can quit. Even though Kendra was called and then Faith, you're obviously still chosen as a Slayer – you retain the strength and all that comes with being The Slayer. As for the Slayer line, I have something to tell you, something I learned while I was back in England. It had slipped my mind until this morning. I got a letter yesterday from my brother, who I had the opportunity to visit with while I was there. Thinking about him reminded me about this."

"Suspense sufficiently built. Spill."

"When you died, there was another slayer called … just not here. There is another Hellmouth in Cleveland. I was told by the Council that she is there. Do you remember Lydia? She was in the group that came with Quentin Travers when we were dealing with Glory. As I was arriving in the UK, she was leaving to give some additional support to the young Slayer and her inexperienced Watcher. At some point – perhaps when we clear up this melodious haze – I should get in touch with them. In the future, they may come across information that would help us out. And they could certainly benefit from our experience."

[

Just after lunch, Giles received an unexpected phone call from L.A. It was Wesley Wyndam-Pryce's voice on the other end of the line.

"Angel had a disturbing dream. He described an odd man with glasses who spoke … and sang to him about making breakfast, specifically a cheese omelet. Then, he said, 'You eat the omelet; the omelet does not eat you.' [13] After getting up this morning, he told us about it. Then, we all started singing." He cleared his throat. "I have even found myself bursting into song."

Giles asked, "What, pray tell, did you sing?"

 **"I'm in love with a girl named Fred!"** [4]

They spoke a bit longer. When Giles hung up the phone, he told Buffy that Angel and a few of his colleagues felt they should come give some assistance. Buffy was not overjoyed to hear that they would have visitors, but perhaps they had something useful to contribute.

Spike had been coming through the basement door just in time to overhear the news. He immediately turned around to go back to his crypt. "Well, this just keeps getting better and better. Fine. I'll just let her come to me when she's bloody ready," he muttered to himself.

[

The well-dressed demon wandered around looking for opportunities to cause fatal frivolity. He attempted to justify his presence and activities in Sunnydale:

"It's a public service, really – this spell that hangs in the air. Helping people confront their fears and tell the truth, bringing things to the surface where they can be seen. The music will inspire them to drop the façade."

Though he was anything but sweet, we will call him that from here forward: Sweet.

[

Late that night, the L.A. contingent arrived in Sunnydale. When they did not find Buffy at home and the shop had closed, they went to Giles' apartment.

"She headed out for patrol hours ago. But with recent events, who knows what she might have run into and where she might be by now," Giles told them.

"Even with the rain, I can probably still track Buffy's scent," Angel said as he headed for the door.

Wes stayed with Giles to talk Watcher-to-Watcher and put their heads together. Lorne accompanied Angel when he went looking for Buffy.

On their way to find Buffy, Lorne began humming and then changed to singing the melody on "doo doo-doo doo, doo doo doo-doo-doo doo-doo." He tapped his feet in every tiny puddle along the way and soon he found a lamppost to swing around. Then, he began to sing the lyrics that went with the tune, **"I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain. What a glorious feeling! I'm happy again."**

Surprisingly, Angel joined in: **"I'm laughin' at clouds so dark up above. The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love."** [5]

Lorne just shook his head, saying, "Oh, Babycakes! You've got it bad for this girl. Still? After all this time?"

"Shut up. There she is. Don't you dare embarrass me."

"Like I would do – or say – anything to embarrass you!" Lorne feigned disbelief before admitting, "Well, okay – maybe I would."

Trying to look casual, Angel leaned against a monument. Just as Buffy came past, she saw him and rolled her eyes.

"At least, you could tell me you're glad to see me," Angel whined.

Buffy replied, "If you have anything useful to add, then I'm glad you're here. If not, you're just another ensemble member, who – I might add – isn't very helpful in daylight hours."

"I brought Wes to help Giles with the book research. He wanted to get away from the office for a few days anyway. And I brought Lorne ... 'cause he's the only one I know who specializes in mystical musicology."

She gave Lorne a long look and then turned her attention back to Angel. "So … what? You're the chauffer? You wanted to take in a show? You're just here for your looks?"

"Chauffer, yes. Show, yes. JUST for my looks?"

As they made their way back through downtown, Buffy got them caught up on what little she knew. Having witnessed some dancing that turned deadly, she showed them the evidence. The trio passed by the town square where folks had been frolicking earlier in the day. Now, there were rain-soaked piles of ash.

The silken-voiced Pylean was completely in his element. He took one look at his surroundings and pulled a fitting song from the catalogue in his mind (which he would have been able to do without the current spell). **"On a central square ... It ignited there like a beacon coming out of the dark. You can feel it. You can follow the spark. It started then and there – and here we are."** [6]

Angel was glaring at Lorne as he said to Buffy apologetically, "Sorry. I mean, he normally sings a lot, but we may have to put a muzzle on him while we're here."

"Look, Sugar Pie, I will sing my honey bunches of O - - - klahoma! anytime I please. And there's nothing you in your imminent broodiness can do about my joy of singing!"

Buffy just laughed at their interaction. "Well, Lorne, I think you have a beautiful voice."

"Thanks, Sunshine!" Lorne put his arm around Buffy's shoulder as they continued on their way.

When they got back to Giles' apartment, it was decided that Wes and Lorne could stay with Giles, but that it would be better for Angel to stay at the Magic Box, so that he could use the tunnels during the day.

As Giles handed Angel sheets and towels, he explained, "There is a couch you can sleep on and there is a small bathroom with a corner shower that Buffy sometimes uses after her workouts. It is not ideal and far from luxurious, but it will have to do for now."

Buffy walked back to the Magic Box with Angel. She showed him where everything was, including the basement access to the tunnels.

"Spike uses this often, doesn't he?"

"The smelling thing again?"

When she walked away, Angel chose not to answer her question. He took a look around the shop and commented on a few items, then wandered back into the training room and examined the weapons and equipment. "Giles did a nice job setting this up for you. How is your training going?"

"Really? We're gonna make small talk?"

"Well, I guess not." He looked around again. "Seeing all this just reminds me how much I enjoy – enjoyed – watching you fight. And fighting alongside you."

She did not reply, but rather turned to go. He grabbed her upper arm. They stood that way for a moment and he held her gaze. He leaned down to kiss her. At the last second, she turned her face downward and pressed her lips closed to punctuate the sentiment.

"Right," was all he said before releasing his hold on her arm.

As she walked away, she softly said, "Goodnight."

[

[

Although it was still technically nighttime in California, morning had broken in Cleveland, Ohio. Eileen Sherwood-McKenney, guardian and soon-to-be adoptive parent of the now orphaned Ruthie, was preparing breakfast and steeling herself against the teenaged grumpiness she would have to endure when she tried to wake Ruthie.

Ruthie, still asleep, was dreaming a most unusual dream. She was with three other girls: one was younger with long hair and was wearing a unique pendant, an older girl was carrying a wooden stake, and there was a red-haired girl. They were all singing.

When Ruthie had woken up and began to explain the dream to Eileen, she mentioned, "There was a strange man who I've seen in dreams before, but normally, he has those square slices of cheese. This time, he had some kind of cheese that looked disgusting – like it had gone bad or someone had rolled it around in ashes, or both. He said, 'This cheese – the Sleighlett – stands alone, but is better when paired. The Slayer could stand alone, but are stronger in pairs.' And when he was talking about things being in pairs, he pointed at a bottle of white wine. The label said Summers Winery, California – but it was weird … the year on the label kept switching back and forth between 1981 and 2001."

Just as Ruthie finished explaining the dream, Eileen began to discuss its possible interpretation with Lydia, who was visiting from England. Lydia immediately concluded they not only needed to contact Rupert Giles, but they were likely making a trip to California sooner than any of them had expected.

The three of them had finished getting dressed, having breakfast, and packing for their anticipated trip. They waited a few hours before calling the West Coast. Since Lydia had met Giles on previous occasions, she was the one on the phone explaining Ruthie's dream. Then, they discussed what it might have to do with current circumstances in Sunnydale.

Giles paused as he processed the new info. "All things considered, perhaps the three of you should come for a visit. It would have been in order at some point, but it seems now is as good a time as any."

[

When Giles got off the phone, he relayed the information – both about the dream and the fact that the Cleveland Slayer and her Watcher would be making a visit, accompanied by Lydia.

Buffy deliberately breathed evenly as she took this in. "So … more houseguests. I guess we'll have to find room for them at my house." Then, she groaned, "I wonder if Lydia ever made peace with the fact that Spike and Anya work with us, because now we get to add Angel and Lorne to the mix. Oh, that poor young Slayer and Watcher – getting thrown into the deep end of the pool. It's gonna be a fun couple of days! That is all they're staying, right? Just a few days?"

"One would hope."

[

Sweet was thoroughly enjoying that the whole town was following his lead. He seemed to derive pleasure and power from stirring up emotions and then watching people become overwhelmed by and succumb to their feelings.

All around town, whirling dervishes became their own funeral pyres. This was a common scene that by now all of the Scoobies had seen play out. It is said that seeing is believing, but it does not necessarily bring understanding or solutions. At this point, they had more questions than answers.

[

Suddenly awake, Daniel Osbourne (a.k.a. Oz) sat up in bed, saying aloud, "That was a new level of peculiarity."

He picked up the phone and dialed a couple of Sunnydale numbers, finally getting someone to answer when he called the Magic Box. "Hey, Giles. This is Oz. Sorry to call out of the blue, but … let's just say that I suspect strange things are afoot at the Circle K."

"Do tell." Giles was mildly disturbed by the fact that these phones calls were becoming frequent events.

"I woke up from a dream where I was singing songs I've never heard. There was this odd fellow … after he offered me a platter of Kraft singles, he showed me a poster for a show called The Change: Another Teenage Werewolf Musical. Then, he said, 'You sing the musical, but the musical does not singe you.' Does that mean anything to you guys?"

Giles considered this. "Hmm. 'Singe,' you say."

"As in 'to scorch or char' …"

As Giles put Oz on speaker phone, he replied, "Yes, I know the meaning of the word. And yes, it has particular meaning at the moment. There appears to have been a spell cast over our fair town – I guess I should revise that statement since we have also heard from allies in L.A. and Cleveland. So, it seems to extend to certain people who know our little group, even if they live outside of Sunnydale. It is a musical spell of some kind – singing of show tunes and dancing in the streets – sometimes when people are alone, but more apt to manifest when people get together."

"We should figure out what kinda deal this is, what kind of get together triggers it. I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootenanny?"

The group huddled around the phone exchanged glances, but Angel was the one to speak up. "What's the difference?"

Oz replied in a disappointed tone, "Guys, really, we've been over this before … you know, the last time Buffy went away and then came back. Buffy, apologies about bringing up the old – you know, if that was too on the nose."

Buffy took the comment in stride. "No, that's fair … I went away and came back. You speak truth. Though that time my reason for leaving wasn't death … well, not mine anyway. But I don't see how that helps us right now."

"Right you are. I can't speak to song and dance pairings, but food and music – that's a different foxhunt altogether. A gathering is brie, mellow song stylings. Shindig – dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. And a hootenanny – well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny. Any of this sounding familiar?"

Buffy clarified: "This is more like we're caught in some kid's crazy Broadway nightmare that includes what could become rioting in the streets, plus a BBQ or pig roast. Except this spell prefers to charbroil people."

Oz mulled that over and then stated, "I see. So, disco inferno with a twist … and I'm gonna guess some shouting." After a pregnant pause on both ends of the phone, Oz concluded, "Well, good luck with that. Sounds like a hot time in the old town."

[

At the Bronze, the Scooby gang plus their L.A. friends were gathering for an evening of simultaneous fun and intel gathering.

Angel watched Buffy from a distance. Remembering the day two years ago when he had briefly been human, he momentarily regretted the decision he had made in erasing that day, but decided to take advantage of the opportunity before him – and he asked Buffy to dance.

Seeing sparks begin to rise from the dance floor, Buffy suggested that the DJ play slow songs – or else the patrons and the Bronze would likely go up in smoke. She returned to Angel's arms for the next song.

Spike watched from the shadows, knowing that Angel was aware of him. There was no love lost between the two vampires, but Buffy seemed to stir up their competitive nature. During the slow dance, they were both singing about their obsessive love for Buffy, but they did not hear one another.

As the song ended and the DJ put on something with a faster tempo, a group of young people danced their way through the doors of the Bronze out into the street. The teenagers seemed to be in some kind of trance, repeatedly singing a few phrases until they had been consumed by their passions that manifest themselves as fire. Onlookers witnessed more death as the dancers were engulfed in flames.

The crowd broke up for the night and Angel suggested that he help Buffy make a sweep through town – at least a few of the cemeteries. He was hoping to capitalize on his time alone with her and perhaps provoke a little nostalgia.

As he began to sing, Buffy put her hand over his mouth to prevent the next lyric from escaping, saying simply: "That was then. This is now."

They continued to patrol. Angel pouted. Buffy ignored.

[

Spike had followed Buffy and Angel for a short while, but then returned home. He sat with a drink in one hand and a pen in the other, his journal on his lap. He intended to write poetry, but lately when he sat down with that intent, what came from his pen were song lyrics. Words in ink were somehow absorbed by the air and then, made into sound.

Tonight's magical musical composition ignited love and incited anger within him. He downed what remained in his glass and said aloud, "Game on!" He would not let Angel waltz in here and reap the rewards of his efforts with Buffy.

[

The effects of the spell continued to escalate. Sweet strutted down the middle of the street in the center of town, snapping his fingers to the beat of the rhythm of the night.

Admiring the ashen spots on sidewalks, he grinned as he sang: **"Darkest hour before the dawn. Times we know will soon be gone. Flames of freedom fill the air. I can hear them calling: love is a fire burning … and I want to burn."** [7]

* * *

A/N:

So, about the OCs from Cleveland … In #6.22, when Giles returns to deal with dark Willow, he and Buffy are in the training room talking while Willow is under the binding spell. Buffy says the following to Giles and he does not contradict or correct her: "I don't understand why I'm back … But it was my time, Giles. Someone would have taken my place." Looking at that comment on face value, one could argue that the Slayer line goes through both Faith and Buffy at this point. However, when you take into account that it is the only season finale of BtVS not written and directed by Whedon, it is entirely possible that this dialogue was simply an error. For purposes of this fic, I am adopting the viewpoint that there is a fork in the road of the Slayer line.

I would be curious to hear opinions for or against this loophole that David Fury included in #6.22.

Many thanks for reading. Until next time…

~Jen

10 June 2016

* * *

SONGS in this chapter:

[1] Little Women (2005 Broadway) "Astonishing"

[2] Phantom (Yeston/Kopit) (1991 Houston) "Home"

[3] Motown: The Musical (2013 Broadway) "Money (That's What I Want)"

[4] Once Upon a Mattress (1959 Broadway / 1960 West End / 1964, 1972, 2005 tv) "Song of Love"

[5] Singin' in the Rain (1952 film / 1983 West End / 1985 Broadway) "Singin' in the Rain"

[6] The Light in the Piazza (2005 Broadway) "Statues and Stories"

[7] Eddie and the Cruisers (1983 movie) "Season in Hell"


	14. Ruthie the Vampire Slayer

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: 19 September 2017

Chapters 13-18 have been edited down significantly.

 **The basic plot/storyline/character arcs remain the same as the original version.**

[

A/N: 17 June 2016

See Chapter 12.

In this installment: reinforcements come and go, jealous vampire crap, Spike and Buffy get their first opportunity to train a new Slayer.

* * *

 **CHAPTER** **14**

 **Ruthie the Vampire Slayer**

The morning news broadcast on KOUS-TV was filled with speculation about the eruption of chaos in the streets. The female anchor was reading from the teleprompter:

"Good morning, I'm Kari Klein and here is today's top story. The extraordinary events of the past two days heightened last night in downtown Sunnydale. The sidewalks and pavement in the shopping district appeared to be covered in volcanic ash, though it seems clear that is not possible. Theories and conjecture are all that authorities have to go on at this point.

"Those who have witnessed the fiery deaths of their family, friends, and neighbors call the sight horrific. It has disrupted formal and informal gatherings alike – from kids' birthday festivities to college frat parties to family picnics. Some wedding celebrations scheduled for today will not include receptions, as a safety precaution. Some neighborhood associations are setting up a formal process of arbitration to settle any disputes that may arise during this crisis.

"Some of you may be saying to yourselves that this is unnecessary, but if you lived in one of the neighborhoods that has been affected by this, you might think differently. Yesterday, there was a disagreement among a group of children that resulted in tragedy. One couple had this to say …"

Now on the screen was an interview with a married couple standing in a suburban lawn, their faces covered with soot that was streaked with tears. The woman began, "We tried to help him … and the others – we truly did. Our son was spinning out of control on the driveway after …"

The mother could not continue, so the father took over the narrative. "One of the kids from the neighborhood decided to tell all the others about Santa Claus. Apparently, the news was more than a few of them could handle. It began with shoving and escalated to a fist fight. Soon, the ones who were most upset were spinning out of control. Flames were flickering and jumping between them until they were ablaze. We got blankets, even the garden hose, but we couldn't put it out in time." He turned from the interviewer to face directly into the camera, "Please, be careful out there. Take care of your loved ones. Until someone figures out what is causing this and how to stop it, … just be careful."

The reporter on the scene had this to say: "One neighbor was able to catch a few minutes of video before things got out of control. We will only show a portion of this, but be warned, it is difficult to watch. Here, one of the boys is defending his side of the argument, basing his belief in St. Nick on the fact that his father always tells him to behave because Santa is watching."

It switched to amateur video. In center of the screen, the boy was singing: " **My dad is always telling me, 'Santa Claus will know. He will take away a present for every tantrum that you throw.'"**

Then, the reporter in voiceover said: "As the boy sings more defensively and as he is confronted with what the instigator continues to shout at him, the edges of his clothing begin to glow like pieces of charcoal in a grill or wood in a fireplace."

The troublemaker sang back at the other boy: " **It's not that I'm a devil child – my mean streak is quite small. It's only that your father's words don't interest me at all.** " [1]

By the end of this segment, flames could be seen on a couple of the youngsters.

Returning to the studio, the anchor at the desk said, "With pressure from Sunnydale municipal authorities and out of an abundance of caution, the costume party in honor of Halloween that was scheduled for tonight at the Bronze has been postponed. A new date will be announced after all this – whatever this is – has resolved. Please check the info crawling along the bottom of your screen for other event cancellations. And now, here's Jordan Aaron with your weather forecast."

"Thank you, Kari. Today, mostly sunny skies …"

[

Giles had just unlocked the Magic Box for another business day when a cab pulled up in front of 5124 Maple Court. He was already inside when the trio of females fresh from Cleveland unloaded their luggage from the vehicle. While Eileen and Ruthie took in their surroundings, Lydia paid the cab driver. As they were struggling to get the front door open with their hands full, Anya rounded the corner and provided much needed assistance.

As the group made their way to the center of the store, Anya announced to Giles, "Our spare Slayer and Watchers have arrived. What would you like me to do with them?"

Giles rubbed his eyes and replaced his glasses while saying, "Thank you, Anya. I'll take it from here." He extended a hand to Lydia. "Good of you to come, though I wish it were under more pleasant circumstances." Turning to Eileen and Ruthie, he said, "Hello, I'm Rupert Giles, Watcher assigned to Buffy Summers, who is not here at the moment, but will be soon."

"Hello, I'm Eileen Sherwood-McKenney. This is Ruthie. Lydia tells me you prefer to be called Giles. Where shall we begin?"

Eileen had beautiful brunette hair and stunning blue eyes. Her dress was fairly conservative and the lilt in her voice indicated her Irish heritage.

Giles took note of her appearance and temperament as he replied. "We should get you settled at Buffy's house or at least have someone take your things there."

As Wes, Lorne, and Xander came through the front door, Angel was coming in from the training room. Lydia turned to see Angel buttoning his shirt and upon recognizing his face from her research, she became flustered.

Lydia directed her comment at Giles. "I see that we are not your only reinforcements."

"That would be correct. Let me introduce you to Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, former Watcher. His colleague Lorne, from Pylea. And it seems that Lydia knows who Angel is."

Lydia nodded to Wes, acknowledging their connection by way of Watcher training. She tentatively smiled at Lorne, who seemed friendly enough. Then, she turned and walked toward the vampire in their midst. "Angelus – I'm sorry … Angel, of course. It is just extraordinary to see you in person."

Angel looked over her shoulder to Giles, seeking some context for the situation before him.

Giles spoke as he moved books around on the table. "Angel, this is Lydia, a member of the Watcher's Council. She is here in the States assisting newly activated Slayer, Ruthie, and her Watcher, Eileen." After gesturing to the women, he paused and then continued, "She is aware of your history, as she wrote her thesis on your old friend Spike."

Although Lydia had been nervous meeting Spike for the first time, she had come to accept that if Buffy was willing to enlist the assistance of a select number demons, then they must be (to a certain extent) trustworthy. Therefore, she was more excited than nervous as she now came face to face with another legendary vampire.

Angel, on the other hand, was none too happy that this woman had chosen to write her thesis on Spike rather than him. That definitely got under his skin and would take a good long while to work itself out.

Eileen was taking in all the faces around her as Buffy walked through the door. Eileen asked bluntly, "How many of you are human? And those who are not, what are you?"

Buffy took off her jacket and leaned against the counter. "Wow, you just dive right in, don't you? Good. I like that. We don't have time for anything else. I'm Buffy, by the way." She looked around the room as she spoke, "When I say your name raise your hand, so the new people know who I am talking about. Xander, Giles, and Wes are human. Anya, a former vengeance demon, is now human. Lorne is a very friendly demon with a lovely singing voice. Angel is a vampire with a soul. Are we all caught up now?"

Although Eileen had heard about it, now faced with the reality, she was unnerved about the alliance this Slayer had with vampires and demons. Ruthie was a bit unsettled that the things she had learned in her short time as a Slayer were being turned upside down.

Giles said to Xander, "Why don't you take their luggage over to Buffy's house."

Eileen and Ruthie assisted Xander taking the suitcases to his car. While he was putting the bags in the trunk, the two females stood on the sidewalk. As his car pulled away, Eileen's face wore a worried expression. She embraced the young Slayer and stroked her hair. Then pulling back, Eileen looked into her eyes, as if to reassure her that everything would be okay. However, these are the words they sang to one another:

 **"Why did we fly? Why did we roam? Oh, why oh, why oh did we leave Ohio? Maybe, we'd better go … O – H – I – O … Maybe, we'd better go home."** [2]

Instead, they walked back into the store to confront this new reality with which they were faced.

[

While the combined forces of the Scooby gang, Angel Investigations, and Watcher's Council plugged away with their current research at the Magic Box, Lydia prattled on about the research she had done on Spike. Although Angel tried repeatedly to get her interested in his exploits as The Scourge of Europe, he didn't feel he had made any progress. She was interested (in fact, more than he perceived), but since Spike's part in his history still held some of her interest, that was too much for Angel. He'd had enough and excused himself from the group, quietly going to the basement to follow Spike's scent through the tunnels.

When Angel arrived at the crypt, he proceeded to pick a fight with Spike about anything and everything he could think of – he just wanted an excuse to wail on him. Fortunately for Spike's furnishings, he was able to redirect the scuffle out of the lower level of his home and into the tunnels. The singing portion of their argument went a little something like this.

Spike could only take so much of Angel's self-congratulatory speech: " **You gloating ignoramus. You haven't any shame."**

Angel, overly proud of the fact that he had built a business in L.A., countered with: " **I'm a famous shamus. Most people don't know your name."**

In the end, they both just threw insults and punches as fast and as hard as they could. " **You're nothing without me – a puppet, an upstart, a loser who is destined to fall. I'm everything you always wanted to be. Let's deal with the issue: You wish you were me. You're nothing without me."** [3]

When they had finished, they were as bloodied and bruised as you would expect.

[

Dawn had finished all her homework and joined the group at the Magic Box. They did not seem to want or need her help with what they were working on. She pretended to dust items on shelves while looking for something pretty and shiny to take home for her collection. She found an unusual pendant and tucked it in her jeans pocket, careful not to be seen. She put the feather duster away and sat down next to Buffy.

"Since I don't seem to be needed around here, I was wondering if I could go to Janice's."

Buffy turned to her, "Today? Right now?"

"Actually, no. Tomorrow, Sunday. And stay overnight? Her church's youth group is having a party, so nothing evil or dangerous. I'd be back Monday after school."

"I don't know. What if there's dancing? It could get dangerous before you know what's happening."

"I think the plan is to play games. Also, if the Diamondbacks win tonight, the World Series will go to game 7 and that will be on tomorrow. They're talking about renting a big screen tv."

"Since when do you care about baseball?"

"Since the cute pitcher from our school's team started paying attention to me … including asking if I would be at the party." By now, Dawn was nearly whining. "Pretty please?"

"Pitcher for the baseball team? Well, that means he can go out in the sunlight ... so at least you know he's not a vampire. Okay, fine – but no dancing! And you call if any trouble starts. Don't do anything to make me regret trusting you this soon after the last time."

"Got it. Thanks."

Willow and Tara had been in the loft looking through the texts up there, but mostly getting lost in each other's eyes.

Dawn managed to get a moment alone with Tara. "I'm glad you guys made up. That fight you guys had about magic and stuff? It gives me belly rumblings when you guys fight."

Tara was confused by what she was hearing, "Dawn, ... Willow and I never fought about …"

"It's okay. It's just ... you guys are so great together." With that, Dawn bounced away, leaving Tara to ponder that implication of her words.

[

After some consideration, it was decided that the group would split up for the evening and make the most of the opportunity afforded them by having gathered in Sunnydale. Angel and Buffy would patrol. The four Watchers would have a private dinner at Giles' apartment. The rest of the group was hanging out at the Summers' house – pizza, games, telling tales of demon fighting to Ruthie, the newest and least experienced Slayer.

After dinner, Ruthie asked all kinds of questions. She was having trouble wrapping her brain around all of this. For a while, she turned her curiosity toward Anya and Lorne – about being demons. Then, she asked Willow and Tara about witchcraft. Ruthie was fascinated with all this real-world experience, rather than the book knowledge she'd had access to up until now.

When a few people yawned, Tara noticed the time and suggested calling it a night. As the others were heading to bed, Xander and Anya took Lorne back over to Giles' apartment on their way home.

[

Wes, Giles, Eileen, and Lydia had been talking shop during dinner. Lydia encouraged Giles and Wes to tell some of their experiences, which were more wide-ranging than hers and Eileen's. The male Watchers regaled the women with tales of genuine heroics, outright stupidity, and utter comedies of errors. They told abridged versions of their more adventurous exploits, which were largely unauthorized activities for Watchers.

Eventually, the conversation rolled its way back around to the current crisis.

"Let's start with the basics: what do we know for certain?"

"We know that a demon arrived – possibly, summoned – and it is causing the singing and dancing that results in death."

"'Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.'"

"Indeed. It – the demon – is here, but we don't know why."

"Or the purpose of the song and dance … or what it can cause."

"Or how to make it stop."

Giles, ever the leader: "So, to sum up: all we really know is that the musical extravaganza is demonic in nature."

Wes groaned and slumped in his chair. "Unfortunately for us, aptly put."

"Right. More brandy, anyone?" asked Giles.

[

While out on patrol, Angel and Buffy quite predictably found themselves near Spike's crypt. She had noticed the evidence of a fight on Angel's face when he returned to the Magic Box earlier, so she asked him to wait outside while she dropped in to see Spike.

She entered, closing the door behind her. "You haven't been around much the past couple days."

"Well, Peaches is not exactly my favorite."

"He said pretty much the same about you."

"Still not happy that you're hanging out with me?"

"Apparently, you're no happier that he showed up to help." She gestured to his bruised face.

"I guess help is a good thing – long as that's all it is." He found himself thinking about what future-Buffy had said about the visit two years from now. _But she didn't mention this visit. Had something changed? Was it a good change?_

"What else would it be?" She paused. "I'll admit it is confusing when we're together – he and I, that is – for both of us. But …"

"But what?"

"It's nothing."

"No. It's not nothing. And if you won't let me get away with holding back, then I'm not letting you off the hook either."

"It's nothing. I mean … it's really nothing – he and I … are nothing. Well, friends and allies." She shrugged slightly.

"So, friends and allies … like us, then?"

"No. Different than that."

"How different? Different how?" He pressed her for an answer he needed to hear.

"Is that one question or two?"

"Two."

"How different? Much. Different how? In many ways," she said warmly.

Spike wanted to believe this indicated something hopeful for him. Staring at her, he found a connection in her gaze. Swept up by emotion, he began to sing a lush romantic ballad. As he sang, his eyes skimmed over her, in all her beauty. He closed the distance between them. She backed up against the wall next to the door as he approached her. By the time he had finished singing, they were nose to nose – barely an inch separated their lips.

Buffy held perfectly still as she said, "I can't do this right now."

"Why?"

"You know why. So many reasons why. I have to finish patrolling … and I assume you're not coming along to help. Which reminds me, Angel is waiting outside. Oh, God! He's probably right on the other side of the door … listening." She was angry now. "Did you do this on purpose? Oh, you two are going to drive me nuts! You're like children … fighting over me like a toy."

Spike held her against the wall and whispered to avoid being heard by Angel. "Buffy, just stay still a minute – I want to say this without being overheard … so you'll know I'm not staging this for an audience."

Her only response was to stop wriggling.

Spike continued to whisper directly into her ear. "You know I love you. What I just sang to you is nothing new. Don't need a truth-telling tune spell to get me to profess my feelings for you. Just felt the need to remind you. He'll be gone and I'll still be here. Until then, I've decided to stay out of the way. But tonight, you came to me." He pulled away and looked her in the eyes for the briefest of moments. Then, he stepped back and reached for the doorknob.

There was a faint sound as he touched the handle, but it was enough for Angel to know it was time for him to step away from the crypt, lest he be caught eavesdropping.

As she was leaving, Spike added, "Goodnight, m'lady. Let me know … when I can be of further service."

Now alone in the crypt, Spike was continuing his melancholy. Would there ever be a time when he would be secure in the knowledge that she was his? When he thought of future-Buffy, it seemed so tangible. But when he looked at the circumstances before him, it was a force of his will to believe in a future he had yet to see.

[

As Buffy exited, Angel was a few headstones away. He had made eye contact with Spike before the door closed.

Angel asked smugly, "I assume he won't be joining us?"

"No."

"He finally realize that he has no chance when I'm around?"

"I doubt that's what he's thinking." She was currently bothered by both vampires and decided to have a bit of fun at Angel's expense. However, she made sure that they were walking away from the crypt and that she was speaking softly as she continued. "In fact, he seemed pretty confident – said that he was willingly stepping aside for the moment, because he knew he'd have me to himself when you left."

"Is that so?"

"And by that you mean … what? Are you questioning whether it was his decision to not come along tonight? Or that during your visit, he's made himself scarce by his own choosing? That he plans to continue spending time with me after you – as we know you will – go back to L.A.? True on all counts. I could sing it for you if you're not convinced."

"I'm getting the brush off …"

"Not the brush off. I just don't have the time or the patience for whatever game it is the two of you are playing. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm here … alive again."

That seemed to shut Angel up for a while. Buffy welcomed the silence. They made their way through town and were heading back to the Magic Box to meet up with Lorne and Wes for their return trip to L.A.

Angel wanted to leave things in a good place between he and Buffy. He thought the conversation they'd had at the hotel weeks ago would be that talk, the closure they needed. He found himself searching for what to say, now that they only had a few more minutes alone. "The thing is that I wish your purpose, your future … I wish it involved me. And I guess to a certain extent it will, but not the way I mean, the way I wish. I get it – we can't be an 'us' because we can't be together in the biblical sense without it involving a minor apocalypse … which would be biblical … in a sense. But I digress." He paused and spent a minute pretending to examine his shoes. "It was never easy seeing you with other guys … you know, at the Bronze or wherever … when you were in high school. But that's high school and I wasn't really worried about it. I genuinely disliked seeing you with Riley – mostly because I knew he could give you what I couldn't: a normal life, everything you deserve. But it's … well, I'm not sure there's a word to describe how difficult it is for me to think of you and Spike even being friends. But my issue is more with him than with you. I want you to be happy – whatever that means for you. But there's a part of me that will always distrust Spike. So you'll have to allow me to be a bit protective of you."

"You don't get to be possessive. You don't own me."

"I didn't say possessive. I said protective. There is a difference – a fine line, I'll grant you. But I'm here – always here – if you ever need me. For any reason."

Buffy chose to avoid most of what he had said, simply saying, "It means a lot that you came."

They stood there for a moment, just staring at one another – saying so much without saying a word. Then, they walked the rest of the way to the Magic Box. They found Wes sitting in the car and Lorne leaning against a lamppost, looking casually cool.

When Lorne saw Buffy and Angel approaching, a wide smile spread across his face. "Now, I'm sure you're expecting a closing number from me. I could go with a more obvious choice like 'So Long, Farewell' from The Sound of Music. Or something more brusque, like 'Goodbye!' from The Producers. Or we could find a fourth for a barbershop quartet and do 'Goodnight, Ladies' from The Music Man. Or any number of tear-inducing goodbye songs from stage productions new and old. But why insist on emphasizing the goodbye, when instead ..." he took a dramatic pause and an equally dramatic pose before he began to sing. **"There's a magical phrase, I'll tell it to you: Always honor the old, but live for the new – out there, somewhere about to be discovered. Trust yourself and each new day will show how every goodbye is a hello."** [4] He gave her a big hug, kissed her on the cheek, and said, "Goodbye, doll. Take care of this wonderful town of yours."

Wes gave her a one-armed hug as he said, "It seems that Giles has this well in hand. But should you need us, give me a ring."

Angel now had his pouting face on.

Buffy asked, "Why with the mopey?"

"How come they each get a hug goodbye, but I don't?"

"Good gracious, you're such a baby!" She hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, you guys, for coming. We've got this from here."

[

Buffy was making a pass through another cemetery, but was not really paying attention to anything around her. She was contemplating the implication of choices – the impact they have on our lives, our futures. She decided that it would be difficult to quantify or qualify the effect of things you did not do, did not say. But if you don't know about the roads you don't take, you can't miss what you don't know and never had.

Try as she might to hold back the melodious wave, her thoughts came out in song. Spike overheard the singing as he approached her. On instinct, she spun around and ran into him, nearly staking him.

"You want to watch where you're pointing that, luv." Taking a good look at her expression which matched what he had just heard, "You seem awfully introspective this fine evening." When she did not reply, he asked, "Buffy, what's wrong?"

She took in a long breath and sighed slowly as she leaned against the nearest stone. "Just the everyday not-so-internal monologue of the twice-dead Slayer who still can't figure out why she's here and what she should do. If fact, I find myself wondering if I've done anything right. I think that may be the hardest thing to swallow – because if I haven't done anything right, anything of value – well, then it's all pointless. Isn't it? The pain, the struggle, the dying, the living." By this time, tears streamed down her face. "Sorry. I'm sure that you don't want to listen to me whine about being given a third chance at life."

"Not complaining, luv. But mind if I ask why you're not telling all this to Angel?"

"He left for L.A. a little while ago."

"Can I ask one question? … uh, you know, after the one I just asked."

She rolled her eyes and nodded.

He continued, "Your idea or his?"

"Both, but if he had wanted to stay, I would have asked him to go."

"Why?"

"I thought you said 'one' question," she teased. "Short version: he isn't needed here right now."

"That what has you so upset? Him leaving?"

"No, not directly." Seeing that he was waiting for further answer, she reiterated, "Honestly, no."

Spike leaned over to wipe a tear from her cheek. Singing softly, he offered comfort. " **When tears are in your eyes and you can't find the way, it's hard to make believe you're happy when you're gray. Baby, when you need a smile to help the shadows drift away, come to me."** [5]

Buffy was touched by his words. He had indeed been the one she could go to since being brought back to life. Although she was surprised by that, she was coming to accept this as part of her new normal.

Silently, they made their way back through the cemetery. Each headed toward their respective homes.

[

[

By the time Buffy got up, Dawn was already on her way to Janice's house. The six women remaining in the house – Buffy, Willow, Tara, Ruthie, Eileen, and Lydia – all managed to get ready and eat breakfast without too much incident. Though, Buffy was glad there were not normally this many females under her roof. They crammed into one vehicle and met up with Giles at the Magic Box.

[

Buffy left the others there and headed to Spike's crypt.

"Do you mind if the newest Slayer comes by?" When he shrugged, she said, "Good, 'cause I told Giles to bring them over in a little while."

"Them? Oh, right, she's got two Watcher types with her." After a long stretch of silence, he quipped, "What do you propose we do to pass the time?"

"I haven't had a backrub in a while."

"Luv, know you don't even have to ask. I'd be more than happy ... to help you work out any kinks you might have."

Her reaction to his comment was mixed: her eyes glared at him, but there was a crooked smile on her lips as she said, "Just a backrub, please."

[

When Giles indicated that it was time to go, Tara volunteered to stay behind to mind store, but encouraged Willow to go since she had been doing this work with Buffy longer – she would have more to contribute to the young Slayer's training. Mostly, Tara just wanted an opportunity to research what spell Willow might have done to wipe the memory of an argument from her mind.

The group set out for the cemetery. When they arrived at Spike's crypt, Giles knocked on the door, causing Buffy and Spike to jump apart – even though nothing untoward was going on. Buffy stood up and went to open the door.

As the guests from Cleveland entered, Spike said, "Welcome, ladies, to my humble abode." He looked back and forth between Buffy and Giles, "What precisely did you have in mind?"

Giles said, "A tour and then perhaps, allow for Eileen and Ruthie to ask some questions."

The pair from Ohio were quite surprised at what a comfortable living space he had made for himself.

When Buffy suggested showing them the way through the tunnels, Spike said, "Let me go down ahead of you, just to be sure I don't need to tidy up." After a minute, he called up the ladder, "All clear."

Buffy was first down, then Willow and Lydia, followed by Ruthie and Eileen, and finally, Giles.

"As you can see, it's actually quite posh. Got all the furnishings a fella could want or need. A couple of nice art pieces, though some older vampires are bigger collectors than I am. I do have a good number of LPs – we should compare collections sometime, Giles."

Lydia was taking it all in, practically giddy. "You actually sleep here? During the day? Why then the need for traveling by way of the tunnels?"

"Well, there are times when a certain someone has been known to interrupt my normal sleep cycle to ask for help." Faking a cough, he then changed subject. "Shall we head for the tunnels?"

Giles answered, "Yes, I think we shall."

As they traversed through the subterranean network and the conversation went round the interesting details of the "life" of a vampire, Eileen picked up on the fact that Giles was somewhat cautious in his interaction with Spike. Willow talked to Eileen and Lydia about how it worked with the Scoobies helping Buffy – some of which Lydia knew. But now that she was somewhat involved in the training of a Slayer, Lydia could see how it helped Buffy to transition between everyday life and her slaying duties.

Ruthie was fascinated with seeing all of this up close and personal. She began to ask questions about what was different now that Spike had a chip. Spike looked to Buffy to know how much he should say, like when he was telling stories to Dawn.

"Well, I still crave blood – after all, vampire here. But since I can't harm a human without bringing a world of hurt on myself, I've learned to subsist on animal blood. In much the same way that a human changes his diet for health reasons, I've learned to live with flavorless nourishment, but never quite feel satisfied."

"So if it wouldn't cause you pain, you would kill all of us right now and drink our blood?" Ruthie asked him.

"Well, no." He did not quite know how to make her understand.

Ruthie continued to press him. "I mean, I kinda get it with Angel. He has a soul … so he would feel bad about killing a human. But what would keep you from doing it, since you don't have a soul?"

The adults, other than Buffy, were intently listening to how he would respond. Buffy did not need to hear the words, she knew why.

Spike tried not to become angry about the comparison to Angel as he formed his answer. "I may not have a soul, but even without it, I am capable of caring about others, even capable of loving. Angel without a soul – Angelus – is only capable of horrific, destructive acts. Ask them, they'll tell you." He pointed to Giles and Buffy, then looked down at his feet as he continued, "It's not just the chip that keeps me from hurting all of you. This group has become like family to me. Joyce was like a mum; Dawn's like a little sis. We all depend on one another – and at times, annoy one another. But I could no more kill any of you than … well, I just couldn't."

Buffy linked arms with him, leaned her head against his shoulder, and began to walk away from the group and toward the Magic Box.

[

Once the group rejoined Tara at the Magic Box, Giles suggested that Ruthie might benefit from going out on patrol with Buffy and Spike later in the evening. Eileen and Lydia were apprehensive about it, but agreed to consider the possibility.

While the rest of the group resumed research and brainstorming, Buffy, Spike, and Ruthie went to the training room to do a bit of sparring – very low-key, low-impact. Eileen and Lydia were there to observe in order to determine their comfort level with Ruthie being around Spike. At first, Ruthie just observed the vampire and more experienced Slayer.

Then, she and Buffy paired up while Spike observed, pointing out weaknesses he saw, openings that Ruthie was giving for a vampire to hurt or even kill her. Buffy suggested that Ruthie have a go at Spike herself – with a plastic stake and Spike using slightly less force than he did with Buffy. When Ruthie left an opening, they would pause for Spike to point out where she had let down her guard and what she could have done differently.

Ruthie commented that it was quite instructional getting to work with a real vampire who was trying to help her rather than kill her.

Buffy added, "How much has Lydia told you about him?" She looked to Ruthie and then Lydia, understanding that the young Slayer was unaware of a key piece of information. "Working with Spike is the best education you'll ever get on the topic of how _not_ to get killed by a vamp. He knows exactly how to get past anything we can throw at him – he's killed two Slayers."

Ruthie looked stunned. She turned to face Spike. "Is that true?"

"Yeah. Long time ago."

"How long ago?"

"Before Buffy was even born. I was … different then. Things were different then."

The young Slayer was still curious. "I'm guessing from the heaviness of this conversation that it's unusual to meet a vampire who has killed one Slayer, let alone two."

"That would be correct," Buffy replied as Spike nodded soberly.

Lydia and Eileen had been conferring off to the side and decided they wanted to speak with Spike alone – well, separate from Ruthie, but out in the store where Giles and the others could be their backup if necessary. This left Ruthie and Buffy alone in the training room.

As they were talking alone, Ruthie asked if Buffy found it difficult to deal with boys and dating – having Slayer strength, plus keeping up with training and her duties.

Buffy admitted that she had her share of difficulty trying to balance dating and slaying. "Being a Slayer has some perks, but it's not such a great way to get guys. In fact, it's a good way to lose a man." She thought back through all the failed attempts at relationships and disastrous first dates – even before she moved to Sunnydale.

Ruthie looked pretty bummed as she said, "You mean, I'm never gonna have a boyfriend? Never fall in love?"

"Well, I don't know about never. There are some good ones out there and you might find a way to make it work. Best thing I can say is have a few good friends around you. Keep them close. Don't take them for granted. Be there for them and let them be there for you." She smiled genuinely at the young girl. "It helps. It helps more than you think possible." She stopped speaking, but her thoughts continued: _And I wish it were enough ..._

[

After interrogating Spike and consulting with Giles, Eileen and Lydia finally came to the conclusion that more good than harm would come from Ruthie going on patrol with Buffy and Spike.

As they were departing, Giles gave a pointed look at Spike and then said to Ruthie in a very serious voice, "They would not intentionally put you in danger. Therefore, if they give you an instruction, do not question them – just do it. Ask later – after the dust settles. They'll explain then. In the heat of battle, there won't be time for explanations – just orders to be obediently followed. Can you do that, Ruthie?"

"Yes, I think I can."

And with that last bit of instruction from the Watcher, Ruthie followed Spike and Buffy out into the night – one stake held firmly in her hand, a spare in her jacket pocket.

Buffy added one last tidbit, "Just remember … do not get near Spike with that stake. The other one was plastic; these aren't."

"Got it."

They did not see much action – only a group of vamps concentrated in one area of town, which they dusted after a brief fight. Buffy asked Spike to stand with Ruthie while she took care of two of them by herself. Then, Buffy had Ruthie take on the remaining vamp – while she stood by in order to observe, also in case Ruthie needed backup. Spike was keeping a lookout for any others that might be lurking about. Sure enough, another demon joined the mix, which gave him something to fight.

After the three of them had taken care of the situation and had done a little debriefing, they wandered through a few parks and cemeteries. Spike pointed out places where evil types would likely hang out or even nest.

They made a quick stop at one of the less dangerous demon bars, just to give Ruthie a quick look. She was a bit disgusted when Spike ordered some pig's blood with a vodka chaser. Mostly, she was fascinated by the relationship between Spike and Buffy – more than friendship, more like flirting. This must be the thing she had heard called "chemistry."

Ruthie guessed that she should not ask about it directly, but decided to ask a bit about the rumor she had heard about Buffy and Angel. "Do Slayers ever … I mean, I guess I'm asking if you have ever … dated or kissed or whatever with a vampire?"

Buffy and Spike exchanged a glance. She asked Ruthie, "Why do you ask? What have you heard?"

"Well, I thought I heard Lydia saying something to Eileen about you and Angel. I guess I could have heard wrong, but it sounded like you and he … and well, it ended badly or something."

"Or something," muttered Spike.

"Yes, I guess you could say that. That it ended badly." Seeing that Spike was as uncomfortable now as he had been during the talk with Dawn, Buffy tried to choose her words carefully. "When I met Angel, I didn't know he was a vampire. He just showed up … as a timely friend to assist me. I was already interested in him when I found out. Even if he weren't a vampire, it wouldn't have been a good idea for me to date him. I was really young and even as a human, his age was significantly older. We tried to stay apart. Then, we tried being together. But there's this curse on him and he turned evil for a while. It's a long ugly story – the point is that he and I function better as friends and allies."

Ruthie digested that for a minute and then pressed the conversation a bit further. "What about the two of you? You seem to get along well. He's got that chip. And I assume no curse, because you haven't mentioned it."

"We do get along well – now. And you're right, there's no curse on Spike."

"So?" asked the inquisitive young Slayer.

"So, I think we're done talking about this." Buffy cleared her throat and glanced at Spike. "I think you should worry about your training and about slaying vampires, rather than the possibility of a relationship with one. Because truth be told, these two are rare occurrences – vampires who I can trust and depend on when I need them. You may not ever come across one that you could be allies with. Though when an apocalypse comes, you take whatever help you can get. Just remember that at the end of the day, the vampires want your blood and your calling is to slay them. Keep your head in the game. Don't lose focus."

Spike added: "Like I told Buffy a while back: all it takes is for you to give an opening, show a weakness … and if the vamp is having one particularly good day – well, that's all it takes."

"I'll try to remember that." Ruthie said with gratitude.

[

When Buffy, Spike, and Ruthie arrived back at Buffy's house after patrol, Ruthie rambled excitedly about her evening while she ate a late dinner. As Ruthie changed her clothes, which had gotten dirty while they were out, the others talked. The three Watchers decided that it seemed that the trip had been useful in terms of team building and Slayer training. However, there did not seem to be much reason for them to stay. Although the occurrences around town were highly unusual, it was not clear what one Slayer – let alone two – could do about any of it.

Ruthie gave hugs and thanks all around, including Spike. Eileen and Lydia found this mildly disturbing, but they had seen Dawn hug him without the others seeming to mind. They tried to take this in stride. The events of the past couple days made for quite a paradigm shift for the two women who still clung to the traditional notions of their Watcher training.

As they said their goodbyes, Eileen made a point of reiterating to Giles that she would keep in touch – and not just about Ruthie's training. She also mentioned that perhaps during Ruthie's school breaks they could return for visits. With a last round of waves, the Cleveland trio climbed into Xander's car for the drive to the airport for their flight back to Ohio.

When the car pulled away, Giles, Buffy, Spike, Willow, and Tara sat down and tuned into the late local news – to see if the journalists of Sunnydale had anything to add to what little information they had been able to gather. The Scoobies watched as horrific events unfolded on the tv

Feeling the need to do something, Buffy tapped Spike on the shoulder and said, "Let's make one more sweep … through the part of town we skipped earlier. Just to be on the safe side."

[

There was not really much for Buffy and Spike to see at this point. Most of the action had already run its course for the night. But they could see where the hot spots – so to speak – had been. Every day, it seemed the demon targeted a new sector of town. Tomorrow, the two of them would focus on the areas that had as yet gone unaffected.

While they walked, they talked – about lots of things. Among the topics: how natural it seemed for them to train Ruthie and how gratifying it was to be able to pass on the information first hand, not just have Giles pass it on through diaries.

Buffy recalled the night she had asked Spike to tell her about how he had killed the other two Slayers. "It was not easy to listen to – and I think you were enjoying it a bit too much as you told me. But it was helpful to know. And I'm sure it will be for her too." They walked in silence for a short while before she said, "Been thinking about the concept of dancing lately – because of this spell, I guess. But also thinking about what you said about the dance … uh, between us."

"Yeah, Slayer. We've been dancing for years. But it's a different dance now."

[

When Buffy got home, the others were watching a breaking news report. While she and Spike were on one side of town, things had been erupting in another neighborhood. In these superficially melodious days, there was tension bubbling to the surface, fueled by socio-economic disparity and exacerbated by clashing musical genres.

Some town folk had organized a peaceful protest. They had lost too many of their young people to violence before and during this spell. How much more could they stand? Dazed with grief and shock at what they had seen in past few days, they now marched methodically through the center of town, singing what began as a dirge and grew to be an anthem that flowed from their heart's cry:

 **"Give the people a day of peace, a day of pride, a day of justice we have been denied. Let the new day dawn, oh, Lord, I pray. We'll never get to Heaven till we reach that day."** [6]

Buffy went to sleep with those last words ringing in her ears. She had been to Heaven. This world – particularly the current conditions of Sunnydale – this was definitely not Heaven.

* * *

A/N:

Many thanks for reading. Until next time…

~Jen

17 June 2016

* * *

SONGS in this chapter:

[1] Norman Rockwell's American Paradise (Kehde / Scarpelli) (1998 Charleston WV) "Discovering Santa"

[2] Wonderful Town (1953 Broadway / 1958 tv / 1986 West End) "Ohio"

[3] City of Angels (1989 Broadway / 1993 West End) "You're Nothing Without Me"

[4] John & Jen (1995 Off-Broadway) "Every Goodbye is a Hello"

[5] Jersey Boys (2005 Broadway / 2008 West End / 2014 film) "Who Loves You"

[6] Ragtime (1996 Toronto / 1998 Broadway / 2003 West End) "Til We Reach That Day"


	15. Dancing Queen, young and sweet

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: 19 September 2017

Chapters 13-18 have been edited down significantly.

 **The basic plot/storyline/character arcs remain the same as the original version.**

[

A/N: 24 June 2016

See Chapter 12.

In this installment: someone goes missing, Sweet will be gone, there's flirting and kissing, Giles admits a wrong.

* * *

 **CHAPTER** **15**

 **Dancing Queen, young and sweet**

Dawn awoke in the morning with a smile on her face, genuinely looking forward to going to school – not so much because she was excited about school itself (it was Monday, after all), but because she had so much fun at the party the night before and she would get to see Tony again today. She and Janice spent more time than necessary deciding what to wear, how to do their hair, and touching up their makeup. Finally arriving in the kitchen for breakfast, Janice's mom reminded Dawn to have her overnight bag packed. After she dropped the two girls off, she would take the bag to Dawn's house so that she wouldn't have to take it to school or come back for it later in the day.

When it was time to leave, Dawn returned to the bedroom to get her things and add one finishing touch to her outfit – the pendant she had stolen from the Magic Box. As she fastened the necklace, she looked at herself the mirror. Grabbing her bag and bounding down the steps, the girls climbed into the car for the short ride.

After Janice's mom had pulled away from the curb in front of the school, there was rustling in the bushes near the main entrance. Janice was chattering away as Dawn walked just a couple steps behind her. As Janice crossed the threshold of the school, Dawn was snatched away by wooden arms.

[

The marionette henchmen had surreptitiously removed Dawn from school property. Now, they delivered her to Sweet where he had taken up residence in a deserted mansion.

For days, he had spent much of his time wallowing in the spacious chambers of his temporary home – in between his excursions through the town, searching for and longing for the one who had summoned him here. He had greatly anticipated the wicked bliss he would experience when he would be united with the one who would be his bride, his queen – his Dancing Queen.

As his minions ceremoniously presented Dawn to him, Sweet serenaded her. **"We've just been introduced. I do not know you well, but when the music started, something drew me to your side. So many men and girls are in each other's arms. It made me think … we might be … similarly occupied."** He licked his lips with expectancy. **"Shall we dance?"** [1]

Dawn had seen more than her fair share of scary things. However, she was rarely truly frightened. She had learned that there was always a way out of dire circumstances and that it usually involved her sister's strength and the ingenuity of her sister's friends. The problem was that Buffy and the others had no idea where she was – for that matter, she had no idea where she was – and they likely did not even know that she was missing.

The only thing that Dawn was sure of at this point was that she did not want to be here … with these … whatever they were. The one who was clearly the leader was eyeing her up and down in a most disturbing manner. Moreover, he blathered on about why he was here in Sunnydale, but she was having difficulty following his lack of logic. He seemed to be implying that she was the reason he had come, that she had somehow caused him to be here, and perhaps worst of all, he talked of an eternal union in a way that made her skin crawl.

The diabolical dandy before her began to sing again. He used words, music, and movement to try to sway her into being a compliant participant with the remainder of his plan as it unfolded. Dawn did not understand what he wanted with her, could not comprehend what he was singing about. However, she was absolutely certain that she wanted nothing to do with it – and equally certain that she had no clue how to get out of this mess.

[

Lately, the Scooby gang had fallen into the habit of optimistically encouraging one another that their research was getting somewhere – when they all knew they were lying to one another and deluding themselves. Until something new occurred that would give them an idea of how to approach the situation, a solution seemed a long way off.

It was not until later in the afternoon – when Dawn should have been arriving from school – that they even had an inkling that they should be looking for her. After calling Janice's mom, who had no further info for them, they split up to search for Dawn.

[

Buffy went directly to Spike's crypt, hoping she would find her sister there, but knowing that she would at least be able to enlist the help of someone who cared deeply for Dawn. Without a knock, Buffy entered the crypt and found Spike sitting in the chair with his head resting back. He jumped slightly as she burst through the door.

"Is she here?"

"Who?"

"Dawn."

"Gone missing again? So soon?"

"Apparently, this morning. I might chalk it up the same teenage angst that we were dealing with a few nights ago, but my gut tells me it's … well, worse than that. And with the strangeness that's been going on lately, even if she did just wander off, she's in no less danger."

Spike made note of the fact that Buffy was visibly shaken. Nothing got to her more than something that made her feel powerless. Being responsible for her younger sister got her to that point faster than almost anything. He thought to himself: _Guess I should stop worrying about what it means that Angel came here to help her, 'cause when it really matters, when it's Dawn that's in trouble, she always seems to come to me. That's gotta mean something, whether she realizes … or is willing to admit it._

[

Spike and Buffy went through the tunnels to rendezvous with the others at the Magic Box, for all the good it would do. The Scoobies had absolutely nothing to go on. Willow had even done a spell trying to see if anything would reveal itself. Whatever it was seemed to be cloaked, at least for the time being. Xander and Anya had gone to check with the hospital and police for any leads on Dawn's whereabouts.

Willow, Tara, and Giles went back to the house to see if Dawn might have returned. When they did not find her there, they turned on the news to see if there was anything new to add to their limited information. All they learned was that things had escalated further. The tension that had been building these past days had finally erupted. The fight that broke out was complete with Jerome Robbins choreography – looking very much like the rumble scene in West Side Story.

A few young men, who appeared to be leaders from each side of this conflict, turned their attention and voices to the news cameras to explain that they would not be silenced. In the background of the camera shot, flames took out dancers one by one while onlookers gawked.

[

Spike and Buffy had gone to look around town and found themselves near the skirmish as it was being televised. There was not much that the Slayer could do when faced with such a large crowd of people. She and Spike could do nothing but witness the explosive flare-up until it had burned itself out – literally and figuratively.

They dropped in at Willy's and another demon bar to see if there was any info to be had. There was none.

After walking back to his crypt he invited her in for a drink. While he was pouring whiskey into glasses, she down sat in his chair and found his journal tucked in beside the seat cushion.

"What's this?" Buffy looked up at him as she asked.

"I've been writing a bit more of late. Guess I left it there – usually keep it down below."

"Care if I have a look?"

He gave a quick glance at the cover to be sure it was not one containing future secrets. "No, go right ahead. A few of the recent ones are half decent, if I do say so myself."

She paged through, letting her gaze skim over the handwriting – which was more florid than she was accustomed to seeing. The writing itself was beautiful to behold – even before she made any attempt to read the words or phrases. She ran her fingers over the lettering on one page as she processed how different Spike was from what she had first thought him to be.

As he handed her a glass, her reverie broke and she turned a few more pages. She found the most recent entry:

 ** _Trusting desire, starting to learn,_**

 ** _walking through fire without a burn._**

 ** _Clinging a shoulder, a leap begins;_**

 ** _stinging and older, asleep on pins._**

 ** _So, here we go …_** [2]

She reread it a few times and then another page before lifting her face to look at him. He seemed vulnerable and self-assured at the same time, both nervous and at peace as he awaited her comment.

"Beautiful," she said as he let out a relieved sigh, "and sad at the same time."

He tilted his head and attempted to read her eyes.

She continued, "I don't mean that as a bad thing – and I am absolutely no judge of writing talent. But ... I'm not sure how to say it … It sounds like you – like I would expect. I hear pain and loneliness – raw and exposed, the truth … through your eyes, anyway."

"No point in lying when I'm writing in there, luv." Pointing to his journal, he said, "I'd just be lying to myself. Been around too long to think that would do any good." He clinked his glass against hers, saying, "Cheers."

She stayed for a while longer, read a few more pages. At times, she felt she was beginning to understand him better. Then, she would read something that would turn everything she thought she knew on its head again. Perplexed – that's what she was.

Finally, she pulled herself up out of the chair. "I should get back. Not that I can really do anything." As she walked to the door, she said, "I'll check in with you tomorrow."

He simply nodded in her direction as she left.

[

[

First thing in the morning, phones calls crisscrossed between the homes of the Scooby gang. The conclusion: Dawn was still missing and they should meet as soon as possible.

Once the gang had gathered at the Magic Box again with the intention of solving this mystery, the conversation quickly focused: solve this and find Dawn. There was some discussion as to whether her disappearance was connected to everything else that was happening – if so, then that would make things a bit simpler, with just one thing to solve. Regardless, they needed to make some progress, because the town might not survive another night like the last one.

Before they could make any headway, the front door flung open to reveal a puppet minion who entered with a flourish and an elaborate fanfare. He produced an envelope from inside his jacket, proclaiming, "I have a note."

The minion handed it to Buffy and made a hasty escape, though Spike did try to grab him as he dashed past.

Buffy read it aloud:

" _So, it seems that I have the Slayer's sister, but I'd rather dance with the Chosen One herself. You'll find me at the abandoned mansion at the top of Crawford Street. I have cast you in a principal role which has been tailored to showcase your talents. You shall give a command performance for me or I will leave with my lovely young bride – and you'll never see your sister again._

 _P.S. Be prompt, warm up your voice, and wear comfortable shoes._ "

They exchanged glances that showed a range of emotions. However, they shared relief that they finally had a clue.

Giles took the note from Buffy's hands. Looking it over, he concluded that Dawn's disappearance was connected to the music spell.

From there, the conversation spiraled for a while as they argued over strategy.

Things were moving too slowly for Buffy's taste. She'd prefer a little less conversation, a little more action. She was in no mood for wasting time when her sister was in danger and she might be able to do something about it. She would go alone if she had to. She began singing a pep talk to herself as she gathered weapons.

Xander overheard and tried to talk sense to her. "Buffy, there is no reason for you to go alone."

But she would not listen to reason. "The note doesn't say to bring a posse with me to the O.K. Corral. It requests _my_ presence. Not yours, or yours, or yours." She points at each of them in turn. "I'm the Slayer, the Chosen One – not the Chosen leader of a unit. Slayers were intended to work alone, live alone, die alone."

Spike intervened. "Look, I get it. It's Dawn we're talking about and you feel the need to move quickly. So stop your yammering and move, but we're going with you."

Buffy handed out weapons as she said, "Okay, but we're going now."

As they made their way to their destination and the confrontation with Sweet, the Scooby gang sang a stirring anthem, each of the Scoobies contributing their portion of the fervent tune. Charging up the last part of the road, their determination solidified as they finished their anthem.

When Buffy and her brigade arrived at the mansion to perform a daring rescue, Sweet heard them enter his temporary domain. He glanced toward Dawn, his voice filled with pleasure and anticipation, "Ah! We have a guest."

Entering the room, Buffy looked Sweet directly in the eye and stated, "You will let my sister go. You said you'd rather dance with me. So, let's dance already." Then, she made a gesture as if to say: Bring it on.

"Don't be in such a hurry. Let's take this slow – enjoy each other's company before she and I go." Sweet grinned as he continued, "You see, I never said that I'd let her go, just that if you did not show up, you'd never see her again." He paused. "Now, here you are. And you can see her … before I dispatch with you … and depart with her."

Buffy glared at him as she weighed her options.

Rhythmically, Sweet stepped toward her as he began a dance number he intended for them to share. " **Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive. Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin' and we're stayin' alive ..."**

The Slayer felt compelled to continue the song, " **You know it's all right, it's okay. I'll live to see another day. Life goin' nowhere, somebody help me. I'm stayin' alive ..."** [3]

Sweet snapped his fingers and put a stop to the music. "But you weren't always, were you? Alive, that is."

The demon's question provoked Buffy to sing, " **It's gotta be a strange twist of fate telling me that Heaven can wait … Life doesn't mean a thing without ..."** [4]

Spike recognized the song from his cassette the night this musical madness began. Then, she sang an excerpt he had not previously heard: " **Too much heaven on my mind. It was beautiful, but now it's sour. Yes, it's all gone sour."** [5]

Everyone looked back and forth at each other searching for some kind of clue as to what Buffy was talking about. They all looked equally stunned. Finally, they turned to Buffy and began to ask:

"What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean by that?"

Sweet slowly, thoughtfully stroked his elongated chin. "You haven't told them. Have you? Oh, you really should be honest with your friends. The truth will set you free … of course, it can also stir up trouble. But you should tell them – besides, the spell will compel you to do it anyway. Let yourself give in."

Buffy had been keeping this secret from her friends since she returned. It was harder now, under the influence of this spell. She could feel herself fighting against the impulse to spill everything she had been holding back. It was simply too hard – much, much too difficult to expend the energy hiding this. Not to mention, these were her best friends and family. She should be able to tell them anything – no matter how difficult it was for her to say, no matter how difficult it would be for them to hear. Throughout her internal monologue, her friends just stared at her, willing her to explain.

Finally, she sang: " **Heaven, I was in heaven. And my heart beat so that I can hardly speak. And I seemed to find the happiness I seek."** [6*]

With concern and confusion in their eyes, the Scoobies silently implored one another: _What does she mean? We thought that …_

Before her stunned friends, Buffy had begun to whirl like so many Sunnydale residents had done in recent days. Spike, the only one not immobilized by her startling revelation, stepped forward to prevent her from dancing any longer. With one hand on each of her shoulders, he held her still.

Buffy said to him, "Just let me do this. I should have been gone already – twice already."

He shook his head slowly. "Can't do that, luv."

Then, she sang, **"I want to move on. I want to explore the light. I want to know how to get through – through to something new, something of my own."** More than anything, Buffy wanted to find that sense of peace again.

Spike was not there to stop her from jumping off the tower, but he was here now – and he would not, could not lose her again. " **Look at what you've done – then at what you want, … what you'll be. Look at all the things you gave to me. Let me give to you something in return. I would be so pleased."** [7]

Buffy looked deeply into his eyes and saw something she did not have the will to fight against – the love and support of someone who would not let her give up. He had seen it in her – the Slayer's death wish he had talked about. He stood before her, refusing to let her give in to that desire – the desire for all the effort to be finished. She exhaled and felt a heavy weight release from her. She dropped her head and rested her forehead on his chest. He embraced her with one arm and placed the other hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair.

Sweet's face was pouty as he whined, "Fine. Not quite the fireworks that I was looking for. Oh, well. I guess the little Mrs. and I should be on our way."

Dawn squealed, "I don't know why he keeps saying that."

"You are wearing my talisman, sweet thing. It must be you who summoned me, made a wish."

Looking at her sister, Dawn said, "Okay, I admit I took the necklace from the Magic Box and I'm sorry about that … you can punish me later." Turning her attention to Sweet, she implored, "But I swear I did not summon anything or make any wish!"

As they all looked at one another, Anya said, "Well, that's just great. If it was in the shop, then one of us probably …"

Willow asked, "Who then?"

Giles took on the role of investigator and asked Sweet, "What would have caused you to be summoned? What is the purpose of this spell?"

"I felt drawn here to reveal truth – not the pretty, fluffy 'all's right with the world' type, but rather the truth that teaches, confronts, exposes, forces people to remove their rose-colored spectacles and see each other for who they really are. No more delusion. Wouldn't you agree that there's too much of that? Too many secrets?"

Giles was clearly deep in thought. The others watched as he processed what had been said, piecing together words and events. Finally, he spoke up. "There's a way to look at this where I'm the party who is responsible."

Buffy questioned, "What other way is there?"

"I guess there isn't any other way." Giles resigned himself to the truth.

Spike thoroughly enjoyed the fault-finding word play as he sang, " **It's your fault that the curse got placed and the place got cursed in the first place!"** [8]

Sweet bemoaned this revelation, "Well, that is certainly a disappointment. I do wonder, sir, how you would look in heels." He stroked his chin as he looked at Giles. "Oh, never mind." He paused as he considered. "You wished for this. Now, you wish for it to be reversed? Ah, but surely you know I can't let you off that easily – not completely anyway." His eyes moved throughout the room, examining each face. "I'll remove the moving and shaking part of our program. But the singing? I think you may still have something to learn from that. This is one bridge you must cross – and you must pay the troll in order to pass. Here are the ingredients required, here's what you must do – continue the path and proceed in truth:

One: stand on your own, though it's hard, because it's right.

Two: examine your heart, though you fear what you might find.

Three: speak the truth, though there may be repercussions."

With a flourish of one arm, Sweet made his throne and other furnishings disappear. With a flick of his wrist, his marionette henchmen were gone. Standing alone in the center of the large hall, a spotlight illuminated him from above. The roof of the mansion opened up, revealing the night sky, which was alight with shooting stars and bolts of lightning. If you had seen his arrival in Sunnydale, his departure would have been no surprise. A vortex of electricity encompassed Sweet as he spun on the dance floor with the speed of a figure skater. The funnel that was created lifted him off the floor, sucking him through the roof into the atmosphere. Just as the electricity surrounding him was absorbed into the storm above, the roof closed over and the ceiling looked like nothing had happened.

The Scoobies stood still, feet momentarily glued to their spots – each wondering how to proceed.

Turning her attention to Dawn, Buffy began to sing. Buffy's legs moved of their own accord toward her sister. Then, the others took over the chorus, reminding Dawn that she was not alone, that they would be here for her.

Buffy was just about to join back in when she noticed that Spike had stepped outside. She followed after him. The group inside continued to sing as the pair stood outside under the stars. Spike was again overwhelmed with love for the woman before him. They looked into each other's eyes, each of them expecting the other to lean in for a kiss. Neither did. The moment had awkwardly passed before either made a move.

They listened to the others voicing the question on everyone's mind, " **What happens now? We can never be the same. The ripples start to spread. For, now it's spoken – it can never be unsaid. The spell is broken – it can never be unheard."**

As Buffy turned to rejoin her friends inside, Spike remained outside, finishing their song. " **So much to lose if we turn away from this, just another parting kiss."** [9]

[

After ridding Sunnydale of the dancing demon, everyone had gone to their respective homes. Back on Revello Drive, Buffy tucked Dawn into bed. They spoke for a while about the difficulty they were both having with their mother's death. They promised (as much as any person can) to try to be more aware of what the other was going through – to try to make it better, at least not make it any worse. Buffy tried to explain how difficult it was for her to be a grieving daughter and simultaneously be thrust into the role of a single parent at her age. They cried and they sang; they comforted and consoled.

Buffy went down to the kitchen to get herself a cup of hot cocoa or tea. She was in the process of deciding when there was a soft knock on the back door. She opened it and then leaned against the doorframe.

"Buffy, can we talk?" Although she gave him a look like she might crack a joke, he continued, "You know what I mean."

She stepped outside and led him away from the house, through the yard to the other side of a hedgerow – in an attempt to keep anyone who might still be awake from overhearing the conversation that they were about to have.

"So, can we finally do this? Have this conversation?"

Buffy knew that they did need to talk this through, but her mouth spat the following response, "You really seem awfully fixated on a couple of kisses, Spike."

"And you seem awfully quick to forget about them."

She was determined to de-escalate from where the conversation seemed to be headed. She sighed as she began, "It's not that I have forgotten … it's just that there's so much to deal with right now. We're still not out the woods with this singing spell. Plus, Dawn is clearly struggling right now and I need to be there for her."

He placed a finger over her lips to stop them from moving. "You need to learn to accept assistance. And you should take care of your own needs so you are better able to help others." He saw in her eyes that she both understood and accepted that she could not solve everyone's problems by Slayer strength and determination alone. "Better yet, allow someone else to take care of your needs." His focus shifted from her eyes to her lips and then back again. "Now unless you wave me off, I'm gonna kiss you."

His eyes met hers like a tractor beam. Involuntarily, her hands reached up to rest on his chest. One hand continued to slide behind his head, allowing her fingers to find their way into the hair at the nape of his neck. It would be difficult to say who kissed who – they were pulled toward one another, as they had been for a while now, on a collision course of sorts. When these two collided, there were sparks and flames, but not the kind that had been wreaking havoc throughout Sunnydale in the past week. This fire was a slow burn, a long time in coming.

The kiss Buffy had given him when she posed as the Bot had been little more than a peck; the kiss as they went off to fight Glory, merely a promise of things to come. This would be their first real kiss – that is except that Spike had made love to future-Buffy before the second kiss with this Buffy.

To say he found all of this confusing would be an understatement, but he would sort that out later. For now, he just continued to kiss her – exploring her mouth with his tongue, then her neck with his lips, the curves of her body with his roaming hands. A few minutes later, they stood forehead to forehead, speechless from their encounter.

She turned to go, leaving him standing there alone in the yard. As she walked toward the back porch, a stunned expression still on her face, " **What was that? Was that me? Was that him? Did he really kiss me? And kiss me and kiss me? And did I kiss him back?"** [10]

[

After a long day and an even longer week, Giles found himself back at his apartment alone – pondering several things. He thought about the fact that Tara had been avoiding Willow and seemed concerned about Willow's increasing reliance on magic. He would need to make a point of talking to Willow, make sure she was in contact with coven. Perhaps, he would need set up a more organized regimen for her mentorship in the magical arts – more along the lines of Buffy's early training days with a schedule and a checklist, possibly rewards and incentives.

Then, his thoughts drifted to the culmination of events this evening. To his empty apartment, he summarized: "In the end, we kept Dawn from being taken as a child bride and Sweet called off the 'Disco Inferno' spell, but left us with 'The Song That Doesn't End' … so this is not quite over."

He wrote down the three things that Sweet had said would need to be fulfilled in order to have the curse reversed. Looking at the list on the piece of paper, he wondered who the conditions applied to. He concluded that since he had been the one who made the wish, Sweet had addressed those present and not the population at large, and Sweet went after Dawn and then the Slayer … all evidence pointed to these three conditions needing to be met by one of the Scoobies.

 _So if I am to interpret his words: at least one person is dependent on another and must become independent in some way. At least one of us has a matter of the heart they would rather not admit. And in spite of the truth telling properties of the spell, there is at least one truth as yet untold._

He poured a drink as he considered the carelessness that had instigated this – his own carelessness. **"Careful the wish you make; wishes are children. Careful the path they take; wishes come true, not free. Careful the spell you cast not just on children; sometimes the spell may last past what you can see and turn against you."** [11]

* * *

A/N:

Many thanks for reading. Until next time …

~Jen

24 June 2016

* * *

SONGS in this chapter:

[1] The King and I (1951 Broadway / 1953 West End /1956 film) "Shall We Dance"

[2] Rent (1996 Broadway / 1998 West End / 2005 film / 2008 filmed live) "I Should Tell You"

[3] Saturday Night Fever (1998 West End / 1999 Broadway) "Stayin' Alive"

[4] Two of a Kind (1983 film) "Twist of Fate"

[5] Jesus Christ Superstar (1970 concept album / 1971 Broadway / 1972 West End / 1973 film) "Heaven on Their Minds"

[6] Top Hat (2012 West End) "Cheek to Cheek" *Changed to past tense.

[7] Sunday in the Park with George (1984 Broadway / 1986 tv / 1990 West End) "Move On"

[8] Into the Woods (1987 Broadway / 1991 tv / 2014 film) "Your Fault"

[9] Love Story (2010 West End) "What Happens Now?"

[10] Into the Woods (1987 Broadway / 1990 West End / 1991 tv / 2014 film) "Moments in the Woods"

[11] Into the Woods (1987 Broadway / 1990 West End / 1991 tv / 2014 film) "Children Will Listen"


	16. Sleeping Beauty and the Beast

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: 19 September 2017

Chapters 13-18 have been edited down significantly.

 **The basic plot/storyline/character arcs remain the same as the original version.**

[

A/N: 1 July 2016

See Chapter 12.

In this installment: minor Riley bashing, a date night including formal wear, Clem makes an appearance.

* * *

 **CHAPTER** **16**

 **Sleeping Beauty and the Beast**

All around town, people were overjoyed to wake up and find themselves in a world where people can dance when they choose to – not because they are compelled to – and that when they do, it does not result in spontaneous combustion. The citizens of Sunnydale sang as one large ensemble, celebrating the dawn of this new day. The more skeptical of the bunch finally tried out a few steps, even a leap or a spin. And finding no smoke or fire, they danced their way down sidewalks and streets, continuing the song.

Sunnydale was on its way to normalcy. School had been in session throughout the past week; most college classes were still meeting (with the exception of any taught by professors who flamed out); most stores and restaurants managed to stay operational (though with reduced hours). Some small businesses were temporarily closed due to a death in the family. Many construction crews and contractors had suspended their projects for safety issues. They would be starting back up now that the most dangerous part was over – though there was still the possibility of a rousing musical number interfering with the work process.

Xander used this as an excuse when encouraging his company to wait a little while longer before putting the men back on the job. Since he had at least one more day off, he decided to put it to good use. He had called Willow first thing in the morning, suggesting that they get together to figure out what they could do to make things better for Buffy – now that they knew … what they knew. Willow checked to see if Buffy was planning to stay at the house for a while. Xander called ahead to let Giles know that he, Anya, Willow, and Tara were on their way to the store.

[

The Scooby Gang gathered around the table at the Magic Box, as they had so many times before. They had sat there in times of crisis, dire circumstances, even the profound sadness after the death of their friend – but today, a new level of soberness hung in the air.

After a long stretch of silence, Giles opened the discussion of how to move forward now that they had this new piece of information – that Buffy had not been in a hell dimension as they had previously thought. "This might explain some of her behavior and attitude in recent months. However, much of that could be – as we thought – just the shock of having been dead and coming back to the land of the living. We may never know for certain. All we can do is try to support her as best each of us are able and not make her life any more difficult than … well, than life is all on its own. I fear that …"

Willow went into 'fix it' mode. "You fear that … what? We can't let fear hold us back. We can right this wrong. And then, things'll be better."

Tara was visibly upset by what Willow had just said. "What do you mean 'right this wrong'? Are you saying use more magic to fix what happened by means of magic?"

"I can make this better for Buffy, make her forget the things of the past that are causing her pain right now."

Tara was not normally so vocal when they gathered as a group, but she could no longer hold her tongue. "No more magic! I won't let you do that to her – not after you violated me. No more."

"Violated you, what do you mean?"

"I thought you of all people would understand – after what Glory did, after what my family did. Each in their own way, they took away my ability to choose, to think and decide. Glory stole it; my family twisted it until I second-guessed myself. When you took away my memory of our argument, you took away my right to an opinion, to my part in this relationship."

"That's not what I meant to do, baby."

"You superimposed your idea of who we are together onto what is really going on."

Willow's uncertainty was obvious as she asked, "What are you saying?"

Tara looked down at her hands, considering her answer. "I'm not sure, but I need time to think – to be able to think without you magically altering my feelings and thoughts."

Giles cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt what is clearly a private conversation, but … Willow, may I have a word with you? In private?"

They moved to the back room. Giles reopened the discussion of Willow's training and mentorship. He now added a greater emphasis on the oversight that he increasingly felt needed to be put into place, for Willow's well-being as much as anything else.

While they were in the other room, Tara excused herself, saying that she needed to get to campus to do some research before her first class.

Shortly after that, Buffy arrived. Anya had been sorting the mail and informed Buffy that a letter had come for her. She walked over to Giles' desk and found it on the top of the stack. Recognizing the handwriting as Riley's, Buffy tucked the envelope into her bag with no intention of opening it.

[

Before Dawn got home from school, Buffy had stopped at their favorite bakery for a selection of cupcakes and cookies. She put on a pot of coffee and a kettle of water. Then, she gathered a variety of tea and hot cocoa on the counter. When Dawn came through the door, Buffy offered her a choice of beverage and sweet treat. She suggested that they talk a little more about Dawn's ordeal before punishment for her wrongdoing was handed down. Some level of mercy seemed to be in order. If anyone could understand that, it was Buffy.

As Dawn described the previous days' events, Buffy got a clearer picture of what Dawn had been through. She had been abducted from school grounds in broad daylight, held hostage with the intent of making her a child bride, and then made to watch while the demon toyed with her sister. But what Buffy found most difficult to hear about was the mental and emotional manipulation that Sweet had employed on her.

The sisters sat for more than an hour – talking, laughing, crying, … and eating delicious baked goods. It was familial bonding and comfort at its best.

[

On the evening news, one local story was of great interest to the younger population of Sunnydale: now that the police and fire department agreed that it was safe to proceed, costume night at the Bronze had been rescheduled.

Some of the Scoobies already had their costumes lined up. Willow and Tara had gotten flowing dresses and planned to go as a pair of Greek muses – though now after all the musical madness, the connection to Xanadu seemed to make the costume idea less appealing. Anya had used her connections to get authentic Renaissance attire. Xander thought she would have made a very fetching bar maid, judging by the way she filled out the corset. Giles did not plan on attending, but to get the others to stop their pestering, he said he would wear the sorcerer's hat and cape he had worn for the opening of the Magic Box.

Dawn had been listening to some of Giles' record collection – and thought the music was pretty groovy. One day when she was looking for something in the basement, she came across some old clothing from Joyce's flower child days. She asked Buffy if she could have dibs on those for a costume, since she had been the one to find them. Buffy, having no interest in wearing the embroidered bell-bottom jeans or the suede jacket with fringe along the sleeves, told Dawn that she would gladly find something else to wear.

[

Spike had slept most of the day. Nobody had interrupted his slumber, so he figured that either meant a chaos-free day (and no need for his help) or a busy day (with no time to drop by). Either way, he awoke as the sun was setting and found himself immediately wondering how much (if at all) the kiss last night had changed things between he and Buffy. As he was getting ready to leave, he decided that he would not immediately run over to her house.

Something had reminded Spike of his mother in the past few days. He located a music store that had a back room filled with vintage vinyl. He found an old Nana Mouskouri LP containing a recording of the folk song "Early One Morning." So thrilled was he with his purchase, he walked with a bit of a spring in his step as the song found its way from his lips.

[

Buffy was still trying to make sense of all that had happened to her. Now added to that mental mayhem was the fact that her friends knew the truth of where she had been during the months they were trying to get her back, not to mention what Dawn had just been through. She certainly had enough on her mind these days.

Spike wandered around the side of the house to find her sitting on the steps of the porch. He coughed to make his presence known. She made no move to acknowledge him. They sat in silence for a bit – a calm and pregnant pause before a conversational storm.

He finally asked: "We gonna talk about it?" With a smile in his voice, he said, "Or would you rather wait a few months?"

"See … you think you're cute, but –"

"Oh, luv … I know for certain that I'm more than cute." He gave her a long sideways glance. "But seriously, about last night …"

"Yes, we kissed. Yes, we need to talk about it. But there's still an unresolved singing spell. So the kiss is gonna get shelved for now."

"Got it. The Scoobies solving the musical mystery tour takes priority." His voice was brimming with sarcasm and heavy with disappointment.

"For the moment, yes." She got up, which he took as an indication that it was time to patrol.

"Well, then … let's solve this."

As they started down the street, she said, "We make a good team, don't we?"

Spike nodded as he replied. "You and the Scoobies are a solid unit and a formidable foe for evil types."

"Yes, … but I meant the two of us." She bit back the song that threatened to reveal too much – that she was beginning to think of them as … an 'us.'

They patrolled in relative silence, with little conversation. One notable exception: when she mentioned that the costume night at the Bronze was rescheduled for Friday and that she did not have a costume yet.

[

Spike made a few stops on his way home, including a stop at the formal wear store for a tux and shoes. Then, to the costume shop for a cape. Easiest costume in the world – he would go as a classic cliché version of a vampire. While at the costume shop, saw something he thought would be perfect for Buffy and put it on hold under her name. After all, he did not think she would appreciate him nicking it for her.

[

[

The following morning was fairly normal for a weekday. After some chores at home, Buffy got to the Magic Box around lunchtime. Giles was sitting down to eat and was attempting to multi-task by catching up on his correspondence. That morning, a letter had arrived from Faith.

 _Dear Giles,_

 _There have been some strange things going on here with my fellow inmates. Not sure what's happening where you are, but in case it's relevant, I thought I'd let you know. If nothing else, it's entertaining._

 _A few days ago the whole place erupted, but not in the usual rowdiness or even a good old fashioned riot. It was like some big production number. At one point, the whole place was singing "Jailhouse Rock."_

 _A few people did solos, like Mona just a few cells down from me, who let loose with the closest thing to a confession she'll probably ever give: **"I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead."** [1]_

 _Not much else to tell._

 _Later –_

 _Faith_

After hearing the content of Faith's letter, Buffy decided that she should take a look at the letter that had come from Riley, in case it contained any pertinent information. Opening the envelope, she heard the following:

 _Dear Buffy,_

 _Obviously, I can't tell you exactly where I am or what I am doing. But some days, I find myself with too much time to think – and my mind often drifts to you and how things ended._

 ** _Your eyes as we said our goodbyes – can't get them out of my mind. And I find I can't hide from your eyes. Where there's moonlight, I see your eyes. How did I let you slip away when I'm longing so to hold you? Now I'd die for one more day, 'cause there's something I should have told you when I looked into your eyes._**

 ** _Why does distance make us wise? You were the song all along; and before this song dies, I should tell you I have always loved you._** [2]

 _I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. If not now, then someday._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Riley_

Spike arrived just as Buffy finished reading (well, hearing) the letter. He had made his now habitual trek through the tunnels to the Magic Box. He had just closed the basement door and rounded the corner as Buffy was putting a letter back into an envelope. She was sitting at the round table. As he walked toward her, she laid the envelope on the table top and stared at it. Passing behind her to take a seat, he saw that she was staring at the writing. He noticed there was no return address.

Treading lightly after their non-conversation last night. "Letter writing is a dying art form." Getting no response, he ventured, "Long lost pen pal?"

The others who were present pretended not to listen to her reply as she said, "It's from Riley."

Spike tried to read her expression – and failed miserably.

Buffy was still a bit in shock. "Giles had told me that the night all this started, he opened a letter from his brother and it sang to him. I'm not sure what I thought he meant by that, but I didn't really understand it until just now."

Pointing at Riley's letter, Spike asked, "That thing sang to you? What – like a singing telegram?"

"Well, yeah, but no. When I unfolded the pages to read it, the handwriting swirled up off the page. I remember being flummoxed when a science teacher tried to explain that light is both particle and wave, but I think I kinda get it now … 'cause that letter is ink on paper, but it is also sound."

He tilted his head slightly. "So, it's like those greeting cards that you open up and they play 'Happy Birthday' or 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow.' Hey, don't look at me like that – you know the ones I mean … they have that little chip inside 'em."

Xander found this amusing. "You seem to have a fondness for them. Wait! Are they like your cousins now or something? Since you have a widdle chip inside you too."

Buffy anticipated that Spike would bristle at Xander's teasing. She moved a hand under the table where the others could not see and placed it on Spike's thigh. Then, she said in a quiet, calming voice, "Don't let it bother you. That's just Xander being Xander."

He gave a quick shrug and said, "Not bothered."

"You sure? You look bothered. Is it the letter from Riley?"

Keeping his voice low and veiling his emotions from the others present, "I'll grant you, I am curious about the letter from Soldier Boy. But if I'm bothered by anything right now, it's …" He shifted in his seat and glanced down at her hand, still on his thigh. "Not complaining, mind you. You are welcome to bother me like that anytime you want."

Anya asked if Buffy wanted to talk about the crooning correspondence.

"No – I think I'm just gonna head back to the training room. A little quality time with the punching bag ought to clear my head." Standing and turning to Spike, she asked, "Care to join me?"

Spike noticed that she brought the letter with her as they walked to the back room. He was muttering under his breath.

"What was that?" Buffy asked.

"Just wondering what the soldier with no initiative is up to."

She shook her head. "Just what I need – more jealous vampire crap."

"You saying that there's something to be jealous of? What did the letter say … well, uh, sing?"

"I'm not sure exactly. I guess it was your basic 'I miss you' letter. Not like he can just drop by anytime or that I could locate him, even if I wanted to. So, no matter what it says, it's kinda pointless."

"Unless he still means something to you."

She started to jab at the punching bag. Spike moved to the opposite side to hold it for her. Over the next few minutes, the impact of her fists on the bag increased. Soon, her true feelings surfaced – nearly every sentence punctuated by a punch.

As had become the norm in the past week, when the things needed to be said they were almost always accompanied by … well, musical accompaniment. She rambled in belt voice with particular words accented for emphasis. The main points included: that Riley's finer qualities did not make up for the hurt he had caused … and the fact that he had wanted something she couldn't give him and that she needed something he couldn't provide.

When she had finished, Spike said, "If that's honestly how you feel, can't say I'm sad to hear it."

"You never were a fan, were you? You and Angel had that in common."

"Captain Forehead met Captain Cardboard? Would have loved to have seen that."

"Yeah, it was a swell time. Angel came to town to apologize to me and met Riley on a dark street. They bloodied one another while claiming to be looking out for my best interests. I'm actually surprised you didn't try to get in on the action. But then again, you were a little busy at the time."

"Was I?"

"Yeah, you were working with Adam against us at that point."

That was one of many things Spike wished he could take back. He also wished that he could find the expressway to her heart – rather than taking the long and winding road.

Buffy began her typical daily workout. Spike took over Giles's usual role of employing various weapons against the Slayer to hone her skills. As she went through her routine, they began to hear music. Although they were unaware of each other singing, they were in perfect harmony with one another. As Buffy was deflecting the knives which Spike was hurling at her, she continued to sing.

"Hey, is it just me or …?" Buffy asked.

"No. Not just you. Definitely a slow-motion training montage – though it was missing the power chord infused rock anthem feel." Spike paused. "Could have used one of those before you took on Adam – kinda reminded me of Ivan Drago. Well … mostly Tony Robbins, with strains of Drago."

"So if that makes me Rocky, who are you?"

With the tip of his tongue to his teeth, he asked, "Who would like me to be, luv?"

"For right now – my sparring partner." She was unwilling to let that line of questioning go any further for the moment. "I realize you can't come at me full-force, but —"

"I get it. Even restrained by a chip, I'm a better match for you than your human compatriots."

Since he was holding back and had no intent to cause injury, the chip would not have been triggered on any human. However, he had to be careful not to use too much force, as that might raise suspicion before he was ready to address the issue. As they traded punches and kicks, he was thinking about things that future-Buffy had told him. _Time is passing – and I've got to find a way to 'figure out' about the chip not going off. How exactly do I do that?_

There was plenty of contact – each of them landing as many hits as they avoided or repelled. More than a few times, one flipped the other onto the mat which resulted in a few rolls before one of them came out on top. It made for a few awkward – but not so awkward – moments between them.

At one point, he had gotten the best of her and was teasing her about it, taunting her. She kicked him in the abdomen with full Slayer strength. He slammed into the horse, the edge of the equipment making contact with his ribs. Buffy rushed over to check what damage she might have done. Just as she had lifted up the hem of his shirt to look at the side of his torso where he had collided with the horse, Giles and Anya came back to check on them, because they had heard a loud noise.

Buffy looked over her shoulder at the concerned Watcher. "Nothing to see here. I'm just beating up on Spike again. Not to worry – I'm fine."

Giles said hesitantly, "Well, if you're certain …" and then he and Anya returned to the store.

As Buffy continued to examine him, pressing on the ribs to make sure she had not broken anything, she looked up at him and apologetically said, "I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you."

"In fairness, I did provoke you."

She smiled as she said, "Well, as long as we're agreed – you shouldn't provoke me, because I'll kick your ass."

"I think you just enjoy putting your hands on me." He leered at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Is that so?" She poked her thumb between his ribs at the most tender spot. When he flinched, she added, "Guess you're right about that."

"Ow! That's not fair."

"I think you'll live – well, you know what I mean."

He adjusted his shirt and started to put his coat back on, moving gingerly as he did so. "About the thing at The Bronze … I happened to be at the costume shop … and well, I saw something I thought would … anyway, I put it on hold for you."

She was not sure what to say to that. On the surface, it was a thoughtful gesture, but since she did not know what the costume was, she should probably reserve any measurable show of gratitude.

He had moved back over to where she was standing and she became increasingly aware of their proximity. It had not seemed unusual when they were sparring, but now it seemed too close, too intimate.

She stepped backward as she said, "I guess I'll have to drop by the costume shop." A long, mildly uncomfortable moment of silence hung between them as she felt Spike search her eyes – for what, she was not sure. "I think tonight should be fairly quiet. Why don't you take your side of town and I'll cover the rest. I'll check in with the gang and see if they've made any progress.'

"If you're sure." Getting the distinct impression that she wanted some time apart, he accommodated her without objection.

[

Soon after Spike left the Magic Box, Buffy went to the costume shop. She asked to see the item that was on hold for her.

The employee brought it out, asking, "Is this yours?"

"Honestly, I wouldn't know. A friend picked it out for me. I guess if it's got my name on the slip, then that must be the one."

They removed the plastic covering to reveal the most stunning gown Buffy has ever laid eyes on.

"This is our Sleeping Beauty costume. Well, truthfully, we have a few – you know, high demand for Disney princesses – but this is our top of the line."

"Wow. It certainly is beautiful, but it must be expensive. How much is it gonna cost me for one night?"

"Let me check the ticket … it says here that the rental fee is … oh wait, a minute. There's an envelope attached here. Huh, how about that … it is full of cash. Nice friend you have. This more than covers the cost. Oh wait, no, I'm wrong – it's exactly the right amount when you add the accessories."

As she left the store with the amazingly beautiful blue dress, she could not help but laugh at the cleverness of his choice. Princess Aurora, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty. The difference being that Buffy had not been awakened by a kiss.

[

After a largely uneventful stroll through a couple of cemeteries, Spike went back to his crypt. There were a few moments earlier in the day when he had had glimmers of hope. That seemed to be the pattern: good moments with Buffy, followed by her pushing him away.

He allowed himself the briefest period of wallowing. Then, he pulled the timeline from where he had left it under his mattress. He reminded himself why he was working so hard, the prize at the end of the journey. As he was looking at the events and names on the paper, he realized he had not seen Dawn since the rescue and decided that he should drop by the next day to see her.

[

[

As Dawn was getting her breakfast, Spike made his flailing blanket entrance through the back door into the kitchen. He stamped out the flames and then looked up at Dawn. Before he could get the words "G'morning, Bit" out of his mouth, she had bounded around the island to give him a hug. Then, in keeping with the habit of Summers women, she hit him.

"What was that for?" Spike exclaimed.

"For not coming to see me sooner!"

"Yeah, well, hmm. Sorry about that. You're alright then? Able to hit defenseless vampires and all?"

"I'm fine." Dawn began to whine. "Except I have to leave for school soon, so I don't get to hang out with you."

"Then, I'll just have to come by again later."

Dawn happily bobbed her head and smiled while she hurriedly chewed her breakfast.

Buffy came around the corner and was surprised (and at the same time, not) to see Spike standing in her kitchen. Turning to Dawn, she said, "Get a move on! Willow is ready to leave and she's dropping you off this morning."

While waiting for her sister to finish up and leave, Buffy eyed Spike. Finally alone, she asked, "To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence first thing in the morning?" She did not mean to sound perturbed, just curious, but it came across a little harsher than she had intended.

"Just dropping by to check on Niblet. Hadn't seen her since we liberated her from the dancing demon. Why? Is this a problem? Me dropping by."

"No. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Although she was not smiling exactly, her expression had softened.

Encouraged by her change in demeanor, Spike said, "Well, I'm here now. Put me to work. What can I do to be of service to you?"

Buffy had to clear her mind of visuals from her dreams these past several days.

"Buffy? Did I lose you somewhere?"

"No. Right here. Why don't you straighten up in the living room while I get a load of laundry started. Then, we'll attack the dishes together."

Spike ended up staying at the house with Buffy all day, which allowed them to watch Passions together, something they had not done lately. The viewing was accompanied by the normal backrub arrangement. Buffy did not usually pay much attention to the show, but today, her focus was completely on the action of Spike's hands. She was fairly certain that he was less attentive to the show than normal as well – he seemed intent on giving her a more thorough massage than he had in the past.

As the show ended, Buffy said, "I'd almost forgotten … how nice it is to spend time with you – when we're not trying to kill anything or save anyone."

"Anytime, luv."

Buffy stood up and straightened her blouse. "I'm gonna call around and remind everyone that tonight is the costume event at the Bronze."

"I forgot to ask, did you like your costume?"

Her back was toward him when he asked and she was slow to turn around. For a split second, he was unsure of what her response would be. However, when she turned to face him, she was beaming as she said, "It's breathtaking. And it was incredibly sweet of you."

"'Twas nothing. I saw it and knew that it deserved to be worn by an equally breathtaking beauty."

Just as things were about to get awkward (or interesting), Dawn burst through the door, rambling about how she needed help putting together her outfit and doing her hair. She stopped in her tracks long enough to register that Spike was still there. "Hey!'

"Hey, yourself."

"You're gonna be there tonight, right?"

Glancing at Buffy, he said, "I had been planning on it, yeah."

"What's your costume? What are you going as?"

"Vampire."

"A bit obvious isn't it?"

"I didn't know the goal was to be stealthy, Niblet."

Dawn laughed at that as she rushed toward her bedroom to prepare for the evening's festivities.

Buffy smirked at Spike. "Vampire? Really?"

"What? I think I'll be totally believable as vampire." He gave a look out the window. "Think I'll wait til the sun gets a little lower before I head back to get changed."

"You mean you actually have a costume?"

"Yeah! Swoon worthy. Just you wait."

As she started to leave the room, he added, "I look forward to seeing you in that gown." Her smile made his knees weak, but still he dared to ask, "Save me a dance?"

She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously. "At least one, kind sir."

[

Xander and Anya came over to Buffy's house to meet up for the big night out. Dawn was ready early, so she was sitting in the living room when they arrived. Anya sat beside her, fidgeting with the strings on the bodice of her costume. Dawn noticed the sparkling ring and held Anya's hand still, admiring the diamond for the umpteenth time since the engagement was announced. A short time later, they heard Buffy on the stairs. There was a collective gasp when they saw her costume.

"What? Do I look ridiculous?" Buffy asked, genuinely concerned at their reaction.

"No, Buffy, uh …" Dawn began to answer.

Xander admired his longtime friend, "On the contrary, you look stunning."

Dawn added, "Absolutely amazing!"

Anya inquired, "Any particular reason you are all decked out tonight?"

"Yes and no." Buffy could see they were waiting for an answer. "I didn't have time to go pick out a costume. Someone was nice enough to put this on hold for me. It would've been rude not to wear it – it was all paid for and everything."

"Who…?" Xander began.

Dawn sighed and then squealed, "It was Spike, right? Wow, he is going fall over when he sees you in this."

[

Clem had been excited since the costume night was originally announced, because it was not often that he could go out in public without attracting undue attention. But tonight, his unusual appearance made a fabulous "costume." He stopped by Spike's crypt so they could go to the Bronze together.

"Hey, Spike! Looking dapper this evening. Who are you trying to impress? Or do I even need to ask?"

The vampire just scowled at his friend.

When they arrived at the Bronze, Spike spotted Xander and Anya at a table, but did not immediately see Buffy. He felt Clem whack him on the arm as he said, "Woah! Look at the Slayer!"

Spike turned his gaze to the dance floor and got his first glimpse of her. Gobsmacked, he had to consciously close his mouth. Then, she turned his way and their eyes met across the crowded room. They walked toward one another in what seemed like slow motion.

Spike was the first to open his mouth, as he took in her appearance approvingly. " **I'm so into you – I am SO into you. Look into your eyes and the sky's the limit – I'm helpless! Down for the count and I'm drowning in them – I'm helpless!"** [3] Then, he asked, "About that dance card of yours…"

"Completely full."

He looked quite sad and more than a little surprised by her answer.

"Yeah – some guy named William filled up every last slot." She grinned at him.

As Spike took her hand to escort her to the dance floor, Clem sang: " **Tale as old as time, true as it can be – barely even friends, then somebody bends unexpectedly. Just a little change, small to say the least. Both a little scared, neither one prepared – Beauty and the Beast."** [4]

[

After a fun night out, the group went their separate ways, heading home for the night.

Buffy and Spike sat on a bench in her backyard, looking at the stars. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shiver. He pulled his cape around her and draped his arm around across the back of the bench, his hand landing on the back of her shoulder.

As they sat there, they began to sing their thoughts. Each was unaware of the lyrics the other was voicing.

Over the course of the evening, Buffy had become increasingly amazed by what a gentleman Spike could be, when he made the effort. " **There's something sweet and almost kind, but he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined. But now he's dear and so unsure. I wonder why I didn't see it there before."**

Spike knew that so much was riding on his ability to win her over, which made him even more nervous than he had been as a young man when confronted with a beautiful young lady. " **She glanced this way, I thought I saw. When we touched, she didn't shudder at my** hand **. No, it can't be. I'll just ignore, but then she's never looked at me that way before."**

Buffy's thoughts continued: " **New and a bit alarming. Who'd have ever thought that this could be? True, that he's no Prince Charming. But there's something in him that I simply didn't see."** [5]

When Buffy saw the lights being turned off inside the house, she became aware of how late it must be getting. "I should probably …"

Spike agreed, "I should probably … too."

He stood and graciously extended a hand to assist her from the bench. He draped her arm on his forearm and walked around the side of the house, toward the front porch. She took a few steps up.

He kissed the back of her hand and bowed in a most gentlemanly fashion. "Thank you for a lovely evening. And may I say again how enchanting you look."

With a gloved hand, she needlessly smoothed the front of the gown. "Yes, this dress is so beautiful. Thank you again."

"I wasn't talking about the dress. I was talking about you."

She blushed. And without thinking, stepped down to his eye level. She leaned in and gave him a gentle but firm kiss, which he welcomed and returned. He put one arm around her waist to steady her.

She quietly said, "Goodnight" and then gathered her skirt to walk up the remaining steps. She turned in the doorway to look at him standing there on the sidewalk. She wanted to take a mental picture of that moment – him in his tux, the feeling of his lips still on hers. She smiled and then shut the door. She leaned her back against it and just stood there a moment – catching her breath, almost not believing the night she had spent with him.

When she got upstairs, she changed into a tank top and pajama pants. Just when she was about to climb into bed, she realized that she still felt his presence. She pulled back the curtain and there he stood in the yard – leaning against the tree as he had on so many other nights. Even through the closed window, she could hear his voice as he serenaded her.

* * *

A/N:

Many thanks for reading. Until next time…

~Jen

1 July 2016

P.S. If you are a fan of Veronica Mars, I just started posting a new story a couple days ago ("Stall" – WeeVer flirtationship, with apologies to LoVe shippers). Next on my to do list: complete my NCIS:LA (Densi) fic "May I Have This Dance"

* * *

SONGS in this chapter:

[1] Chicago (1975 Broadway / 1979 West End / 2002 film) "Cell Block Tango"

[2] Rent (1996 Broadway / 1998 West End / 2005 film / 2008 filmed live) "Your Eyes"

[3] Hamilton (2015 Broadway) "Helpless"

[4] Beauty and the Beast (1994 Broadway / 1997 London / 1991 & 2017 film) "Beauty and the Beast"

[5] Beauty and the Beast (1994 Broadway / 1997 London / 1991 & 2017 film) "Something There"


	17. if memory serves

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: 19 September 2017

Chapters 13-18 have been edited down significantly.

 **The basic plot/storyline/character arcs remain the same as the original version.**

[

A/N: 8 July 2016

See Chapter 12.

In this installment: there's a memory wipe, hot cocoa, handcuffs, a love letter, a house in need of repairs ... not necessarily in that order.

This chapter corresponds to #6.8 "Tabula Rasa"

* * *

 **CHAPTER** **17**

 **if memory serves**

Giles called Buffy's house rather early on this Saturday morning. Although the younger members of their group – which would be everyone but him – had stayed out late last night, he felt that it was well past time to solve this nonsense. He loved musicals more than the average straight male, but even he could not help but think this thing had become a ridiculous nuisance.

Having four girls in one house, those living on Revello Drive took longer to get ready than Xander and Anya together at their apartment or Giles who was on his own. When Buffy, Tara, and Dawn were ready to go, Willow was still wrapped in a towel, fresh out of the shower.

Willow said to them, "Go on without me."

Now alone in the house, she waved her hand as she said, "Vestiuntur et ornantes." In an instant, she was dressed and accessorized, hair and makeup beautifully done.

Willow went down to the living room and pulled a bag from the back of a cabinet. Taking a small piece from the bag and placing it in the fireplace, she struck a match and set fire to the dried flower. As it began to burn, she removed a clear crystal from her pocket.

"For Buffy and Tara, this I char. Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore. Purge their minds of memories grim, of pains from recent slights and sins. When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast. Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa."

When she turned to leave the house to meet her friends at the Magic Box, she left the bag full of additional Lethe's Bramble next to the fireplace – a rather forgetful and careless thing to do.

[

At the store, Giles talked at length – using large words and the occasional incomprehensible term – about how they needed to go about solving the remaining part of spell. He had some conjecture, but the summation of his speech: it was possible that they might need to just let it run its course. However, they should give it their usual valiant effort – at least, a reasonable attempt to bring resolution.

As their discussion concluded, Spike rushed in through the front door, still in the cape and tux he had been wearing last night. After Xander joked about his attire, Spike explained that there were some demons lurking near his crypt last night – so he slept elsewhere and avoided the tunnels. Since he started helping The Slayer fight the evil in this town, he had more enemies than friends in the demon community.

Spike walked over to sit on the ladder that goes to the loft where the darker texts were kept. Buffy joined him there.

There seemed to be a collective decision to take a brief respite from problem-solving. They each drifted toward something to do or someone to talk to. Anya and Tara were on the customer side of the counter, sitting on stools and looking at photos in a wedding magazine. Xander and Dawn were looking at items on a nearby shelf, while he asked her how school was going. Willow and Giles were on the far side of the round table. Giles was trying to show her what little he had found, to reinterest her in old-fashioned solutions that involved research rather than magic, but Willow was distracted and found herself staring at Tara.

[

Back at 1630 Revello Drive, a stray spark leapt from the fireplace, igniting the extra ingredients left nearby on the hearth. The fire burned a bright green as it took its intended effect … and then some.

At that moment, the Scoobies fell into a spell-induced slumber at the Magic Box. They would continue to sleep for hours.

When they awoke, one of the first things they did was look for anything that would indicate their names and relationships to one another. Willow, Tara, Rupert, and Alexander each had a driver's license or student ID. Dawn was wearing a personalized necklace. Anya found her name on paperwork behind the counter, where she had woken up. The two without names had awakened next to each other and decided they would choose names for one another.

"Well, something about a man in a tux always makes me think of 007," the nameless blonde said admiringly.

Spike straightened with pride and said flirtatiously, "Think I look like James Bond, do you? I can live with that. James, it is. Now, for you …"

But before he could finish his thought, they heard voices outside the store – taunting … and singing.

Buffy rushed over to look out between the blinds. "Monsters of some kind. I see pointy teeth." Turning to the others, she added, "I think there are vampires at the door."

No sooner had she said that, the monsters burst through the door. Something in her told her to pick up a wooden stake that was sitting on the table. She instinctively impaled a vampire and he turned to dust before their eyes. The others fled back out into the street.

James stated what all of them were thinking: that the nameless blonde was some sort of action hero – like Sarah Connor in Terminator 2. He decided to call her Sarah.

Still on a bit of an adrenaline high, Sarah took charge. "I've got a plan. They seem to want James. And I seem to be pretty strong – wicked strong. The rest of you guys go through the sewers to get to the hospital. James and I'll give the monsters a run for their money."

"Time alone with you? No complaints here," said James.

Sarah blushed and swatted his arm playfully. "We need to get serious or someone could get hurt."

The others went searching for another way out and found a trap door in the basement that led to the sewer tunnels.

When superhero Sarah and James Bond ran from the front door, there was a new group of demons coming to ransack the store. She had been right – they were after James and followed the two of them away from the magic shop. She was glad the others would have a chance to get to safety. Her primary plan was to delay the monsters for as long as possible. They zigzagged through side streets and alleys, yards and parks. They would stop every once in a while and hide behind a tree or in a shadow against an alley wall. During these moments of hiding, James would take the opportunity to flirt with Sarah while they were huddled together.

He tilted his head to whisper in her ear, "I've come to the conclusion that this strategy of yours has less to do with misdirecting the bad guys in an effort to keep the others safe … and more to do with you having an excuse to be up close and personal with me. For the record, luv, you don't need an excuse. You could just tell me that you want to press yourself against me – I would happily oblige. Or better still, just do it – what you're doing now – but without the pretense."

She turned her head to whisper her reply, "What are you talking about?" Her mouth was now mere inches from his.

"Just think of it – imagine how much we could do to one another in even a few stolen moments." He pulled her tight against himself. "Tell me this isn't what you wanted – to be pressed up against me. I'm rather enjoying it myself. It's the standing still and fully clothed bits I could do without. Any chance …?"

"You should stop right now."

"Should I, Sarah? **You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied."**

 **"I'm sure I don't know what you mean. You forget yourself."** She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth, eyes threatening to bug out her head. She removed her hand just long enough to say, "What was that?"

He shrugged and said, "Singing." Then, he leaned in toward her again. **"You're like me. I'm never satisfied."**

 **"Is that right?"**

 **"I have never been satisfied."** [1]

"That sounds like a personal problem to me, James. You may want to have that checked out."

"Are you volunteering?"

"A world of no."

Seconds later, the group of demons ran past. The bickering pair jumped out from their hiding spot and ran a block in the other direction. They found another place in which to hide and did not see their pursuers for several minutes. Eventually, they stepped out from the shadows to look around. They saw a van nearby.

Inside the van there was a vigorous debate underway: which actor was better as 007. The three young men had gotten so engrossed in making their arguments that they had stopped paying attention to the surveillance monitors, which was the reason they were out here in the first place.

Just then, Jonathan noticed movement on one of the screens behind Warren's head. "Hey! Stop it, guys! Look!"

Andrew turned to look. "Oh, she's coming over here! And Spike is with her … wearing a tux. Wow, the guy looks good in anything. You know, with the accent and all … I bet _he_ would make a great James Bond."

Jonathan and Warren exchanged glances and both slapped Andrew on the back of the head.

They quickly formulated and executed a plan. Moments later, a creature came around from the other side of the van to intercept Buffy and Spike. When she began swinging, she aimed at his head, but her hand just passed through him as if he were a hologram. When she aimed for his torso, she made contact which seemed to wound him. He doubled over and whimpered in pain as the van began to pull away. The creature staggered and stumbled to catch up with the vehicle, disappearing from their view.

A short while later, the vampires found Buffy and Spike. As they were being chased, they headed toward Buffy's neighborhood, though they didn't recognize it. The fight they been avoiding now caught up with them.

Initially, it was six on two, but Sarah and James quickly dealt with four of the vamps. This left two vampires against the two "action heroes." The fight progressed a few driveways down until they were at Buffy's house.

Spike got in a couple of good hits before the vampire he was fighting picked him up and threw him toward to the house. He flew through the window, sending shards of glass in every direction. Landing on and then bouncing off the couch just inside the window, he quickly got to his feet, yelling to the vampire outside, "Can't get rid of me that easily!"

Buffy heard this and turned to look. What she saw was someone wearing a tux who from the neck down resembled James, but now had the face of a vampire. As Spike climbed through the window to finish off the vamp who had thrown him, he felt changed somehow. After trading a few blows, Spike threw the other vamp away from the porch, where he fell on Buffy who impaled him on a picket from a nearby fence. She coughed as the dust settled on and around her.

Spike leapt off porch to help with the one remaining vamp, but when he landed where she had just dusted the other, she hit him while shouting, "James, or whoever you are, get away from me."

"You hit me! What did you do that for?" He turned quickly and dusted their last adversary.

His attempt to help did not change her plan of attack. She continued hitting Spike, finally provoking him to hit her back. After several swings (some hits, some misses), Buffy managed to grab his arm as it came flying toward her. She flipped him onto his back and sat on top of him, straddling his torso.

"Bloody hell! What are you doing?"

Realizing that he did not know he was a vampire, she instructed him to check his forehead and teeth. He was as surprised by this development as she was.

[

Meanwhile in the tunnels, the others had continued moving from one shadowy hiding place to another, sometimes barely avoiding being caught. Giles leaned out of their current hiding spot and breathed a sigh of relief as he signaled to the others that they could come out. They decided to backtrack a little, until their surroundings looked familiar. Then, they would continue on the path they had determined would take them to the hospital.

But before they could follow through on that plan, the spell was ended. As Willow had been climbing down from where they had hidden, the crystal fell from her pocket. In the process of assisting her down the last few rungs of the ladder, Xander stepped on and crushed the crystal, which changed back to its original whitish color.

As their memories returned, the pairings readjusted. Xander went over to Anya. Giles checked on Dawn. Willow reached out to Tara, who recoiled. Although no one said it aloud just now, they were all acutely aware that Willow had performed the spell that had caused this – and that there would be fallout.

[

Just before the spell was broken, Spike had propped himself up on his elbows and was moving as if to kiss Buffy, who still straddled him. As their memory returned, she immediately got up.

Brushing herself off, she said, "Why don't you get the broom and dust pan and start cleaning up the glass from the broken window. I'm gonna go check on the others."

The events during the spell were beginning to come back to Spike – in sharp focus. "Buffy. I'm sorry … about earlier … if it hadn't been for the memory wipe, I wouldn't have said …"

Avoiding eye contact, she replied, "Later. Not now." She began to run down the street as fast as her feet would take her.

While Spike swept up the glass on the porch, he muttered to himself, "Things were going splendidly – and then, bang zoom … another spell comes along!"

[

Buffy arrived at the door of the Magic Box just as the others were coming out of the store. Looking them over and seeing no evidence of bodily harm, she still felt the need to ask if everyone was alright.

Giles replied, "Everyone's fine – relatively speaking." He gave Buffy a look that told her something was wrong. Then, he glanced over at Willow, whose expression and body language were filled with sorrow and regret.

Buffy took that in, but moved on. "Wish I could say the same for my house. Xander, can you come patch up the front window? I think we still have the plywood from the last time."

Xander nodded and said, "Some things never change, do they? I mean it's nice to be needed and all, but I wouldn't mind terribly if you stopped needing me in this capacity." He paused. "Yeah, I don't see that happening either."

When they arrived at the house, Spike was still working on cleaning up the glass and warned everyone that they would need to be careful in the future, just in case there were pieces in the upholstery that he missed.

"Thank you," Buffy said as she passed by Spike.

"You're welcome," he said with affection in his voice. He gave her a smile and a nod before getting back to work.

While Xander put up the plywood, his mind wandered. Spike saw him shake his head and laugh to himself.

"What's so funny?" Spike asked him.

"I was just thinking that this now makes two times that Willow did a spell and the two of you coupled off while under its influence. Why is it that you so easily fall into each other's arms? Something you're not telling us?" Xander meant it as a joke, however he was not far from the truth.

In the kitchen, away from the activity at the front of the house, Giles talked to Willow. As one might expect, she became defensive, refusing to receive wisdom and counsel from him. She walked away from that conversation, intent on beginning one with Tara. Willow pressed the issue, though Tara was not ready to talk to her. They wound up arguing briefly before Tara sang about the heartache she was experiencing. She backed away from Willow, heading to their bedroom to pack her things. She had made up her mind that things could not go on like this. She would have to leave.

Everyone in the house stopped what they were doing. They looked at each other, asking with their eyes: _Had everyone else heard that?_ They had, but none of them knew what it meant.

There had been one single chime.

After the living room was cleaned up and window covered, Xander packed up his tools and Dawn put away the cleaning supplies. Willow was sitting by herself, inconsolable. Tara had quietly taken a few boxes and departed a while ago. Anya and Giles were in the kitchen getting food out for themselves and the others. Buffy and Spike were left alone in the living room.

Buffy looked at the boarded-up window, the fabric of the couch, anywhere but directly at Spike. Recognizing that late night was quickly becoming early morning, she suggested, "You should probably go before the sun starts to come up."

Softly, he said, "I can stay."

"Not necessary. It's been a long night. Plus, there's a lot going on here right now."

"Buffy, we should talk."

"If I had a dime for every time you said that…" She sighed and then looked up. "I know. We will. Later."

[

[

The next day, Buffy went for a long walk. For a while, she sat on a park bench, pondering and sorting through the thoughts that had plagued her since the previous night. Throughout her time alone, she went through many songs and internal monologues.

She had realized it last night – that Spike had hit her. More than that: he had hit her without experiencing the chip-inflicted pain that occurred when he hit a human. She had been trying to figure out what this meant. She had a few thoughts – all of which she was hesitant to say aloud. She also hoped there would be an explanation other than the ones she was presently considering.

Unsure who she could turn to with this dilemma, she visited her mother's grave. At first, she pulled a few weeds near the headstone, just to have something to do with her hands. Then, she sat, leaning against the stone and tracing the lettering of her mother's name with her index finger.

"Mom, I really need you right now. I really wish you were here." She dropped her head and sobbed. " **I've been good and I've been kind, Mother – doing only what I learned from you. Why then am I left behind, Mother? Is there something more that I should do? What is wrong with me, Mother? Something must be wrong."** [2]

She was unsure how much time had passed when she finally stopped weeping and stood up to walk home. She brushed the grass from her jeans and attempted a smile, as if to let Joyce know that she need not worry about her daughter.

[

Just before sunset, Buffy stopped at home to have a quick meal and to let Dawn and Willow know that she would be heading back out. She had told them that she was going to patrol – which was partially true, but mostly she still needed to clear her head. She also needed to talk to Spike. She was not sure if talking to him would help to clear her head … or if it should be cleared before she tried to talk to him.

When she got to the door of his crypt, she stood there for a few moments trying to decide whether she should knock or not. Just as she raised her hand, the door opened.

"Would you like to come in? Or were you planning on staying outside?" Spike leaned against the doorframe, trying to act casual while feeling anything but.

Buffy indicated her raised hand and said, "I was just about to knock."

He stepped to the side to allow her entrance.

As she moved past him, she said, "I figured we should talk about ..."

"Yeah, about that … I'd like to blame it on the fact that none of us knew who we really were, but the fact of the matter is – and you probably know this by now – I am rather attracted to you. But even so, the flirting did get a bit out of hand. An official apology of some sort would be in order, though I'm not exactly sure how to word it."

"I wasn't talking about that."

With one eyebrow raised, he asked, "You didn't mind then?"

"I didn't say that. But … well, there's something else that's more pressing."

"More pressing? More pressing than me suggesting that we press our –"

"Stop. I don't need to hear the suggestion again. I remember perfectly well what you said." She paused. "I was talking about what happened after you were thrown through my front window. We fought … and you hit me … and you didn't get a headache … like the chip is designed to give you when you hit a human." She looked at him, trying to read his expression. "You do remember that, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. I wasn't sure if you did."

"So, was it the spell? Or has your chip started to malfunction?"

"Pretty sure it's not malfunctioning. On the way home, got into a bit of a scuffle – thought it was a vamp attacking someone. Turned out to be a good old-fashioned mugging."

"And …"

"I hit the guy, who was human – not vamp – and the chip did its thing."

"That means it was either the spell or …"

"Or what, luv?"

"Or it's me. I've been thinking about it. I mean, what if I came back wrong? There are all sorts of things that can go wrong when you mess with the natural – and supernatural – order of things."

"Buffy, I don't think anything is wrong with you." _I don't just think ... I know. I'm sure of it, but I can't tell you that_ – _or how I know it._

"Well first, don't you think we should test out if it was the spell that made it possible for you to hit me?"

"How exactly? I mean I could hit you again. But I don't think either of us are going to enjoy that. In fact, I'd wager that at least one of us isn't."

"Just do it already – punch me." She held her arms out, indicating that he should hit her abdomen.

On impact, she doubled over and he apologized.

"No headache, I gather?" She groaned.

"No headache."

"Then, it was not the spell." She stood up and took a step back. "Your chip works, just not on me."

"I've got a theory."

"If you say it has something to do with bunnies, I'll –"

"What? Do I look like nutty ex-vengeance demon? No, seriously, I have a theory. You've been dead twice now. This last time for quite a bit longer than the first time. Maybe the chip is just picking that up. Maybe it's confused by someone who 'was dead, but not anymore' and can't translate that into 'living, breathing human.' I mean, think about what a misnomer 'military intelligence' is. How smart can one of their chips be?"

"I guess that's possible." She took another couple of steps away from him.

The movement was subconscious, not intentional. But Spike noticed. He raised his hands as if in surrender. "You know that I would never … use this as an opportunity to …"

"I know. I mean, I think I know. But until we get this sorted out, you're still a vampire who has taken pleasure in killing slayers just like me."

"Well, when you put it that way, it doesn't make me sound like the ally that I am and have been." He was standing on the same spot with his hands still raised. "What are you thinking, then?"

She considered for a moment and then asked, "Do you have any handcuffs?"

He tilted his head as he responded, "I can't say that I ever expected to hear those words from your mouth – not a complaint, mind you. Just an observation."

Rolling her eyes, she prodded, "You didn't answer the question."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. But do we really have time for parlor games? Shouldn't we be trying to solve the mystery of the malfunctioning microchip?"

"No reason we can't do both," she retorted. "The reason I asked is that until we get to the bottom of this, I would feel better if you were restrained."

"So, what now? You're going to chain me up and leave me here?" His expression changed to dread. "You're not gonna take me over to the Watcher's apartment and put me in the tub again! I'd rather you stake me."

"No, my house or the Magic Box."

"I vote for the house. I mean, if I get a vote." He looked at his hands and then back at Buffy. "Okay if I put these down now?"

"Yeah, I guess. But no sudden movements. Honestly, I'm a little jumpy. Can't guarantee how I'd react." She looked around. "Where are the handcuffs?"

"Down in the … bedroom."

Buffy blushed slightly and cleared her throat. "Well, go get them."

Spike made his way down to the lower level and returned swiftly. Remembering what future-Buffy had suggested, he said, "I'm thinking Tara would be a good one to help with this mystery – she can probably do some magic scan thing and see what's going on – and she is less likely to preemptively stake me before having all the info."

"That's not a bad plan." As he walked toward her, his movements were so quick that Buffy instinctively backed up and said, "Please, stop right there." She looked him in the eye and said apologetically, "I don't mean that as harsh as it sounded. This just has me really on edge. I'm not sure if I should be afraid of you or if everyone should be afraid of me or if there's nothing at all to fear." She looked at the handcuffs he was holding out to her. "Why don't you set those down and then take a few steps back."

He did as she requested and then jokingly asked, "Would you like me to kneel down like a criminal and put my hands on my head while you cuff me?"

"Now that you mention it …"

He rolled his eyes, but submitted to her request.

As she was about to put the second cuff on behind his back, she said, "This is going to make it really difficult to get you back to the house, isn't it?"

Just as he answered, "Yes," she brought his hands in front of his torso. He did not really notice as she finished putting them on – he was preoccupied by the fact that he was on his knees before the most amazing woman he had ever known. And he hoped that she could not read his thoughts when she looked into his eyes.

As he stood, she asked, "Where is the key? I might need that later."

He grinned, not at all sheepishly. "In the right front pocket of my jeans."

"That was on purpose, right? That deserves a little punishment." She grabbed his shoulders and shoved him face first toward the nearest wall. "Would you please put your hands behind your head?" After he had done so, she pressed her palm into his back to hold him against the wall. With one foot, she kicked his boots a little farther apart and used her left hip and leg to help keep him pinned. "Your right front pocket, you say?"

He answered affirmatively, "Mm-hmm," as she slid her hand into his pocket to retrieve the key.

She lingered there, pressing into his lean body, taking in the scent of his leather coat – but taking in more than that. She sensed how much he trusted her. She was also aware of how much she wanted to trust him. He might be handcuffed, but if he had wanted to attack her, he'd had ample opportunity and would have done so by now.

As she backed away and indicated that he should head toward the door, Buffy said, "Sorry about all this."

"Don't be. Don't mind at all when a gorgeous blonde throws herself at me and puts her hands all over my hot, tight little body." He grinned wickedly as he strolled past her. Just as he reached for the doorknob, he felt her spank him in reaction to his comment.

"I better not hear anything like that come out of your mouth when we get back to the house," she said sternly.

"Yes, ma'am." Once outside, he added, "How exactly are you going to explain this to everyone?" He raised his handcuffed wrists to chest level as he asked.

She did not respond to that. They walked the rest of the way in silence. Arriving at the back door of the house, they could hear voices inside the kitchen.

"Let me do the talking," she said.

"Yes, ma'am."

Buffy opened the door to see Xander and Anya standing in her kitchen. "Hey guys, why are you still here? What's going on?"

"No ... Why don't _you_ tell us what's going on." Xander pointed at the handcuffed vampire beside her. "What's that about?"

"He lost a bet." Buffy said as evenly as she could manage.

Spike interjected, "Would it sound more believable if I said I willingly agreed to be her slave?"

Xander looked back and forth between the two of them. "Yes, that would be more believable, but I can't imagine that she would accept the offer."

"Enough, you two," Buffy said, nearly losing her patience. "Do you know where Tara is?"

Anya pointed to the notepad by the phone. "She left a number where we could reach her."

Buffy dialed the hastily scrawled digits. "Hey there, it's Buffy. I'm really sorry to bother you right now, but I need your help with something. Can you meet me at the Magic Box? Great. See you soon." Buffy hung up the phone and then said to room, "Everyone stay here. I'll be right back."

Buffy ran upstairs and first checked on Dawn, who was sleeping. Then, she went into Willow's room. "Are you alright? Dumb question, I know."

"I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet." Willow admitted, her voice heavy with sadness.

"I need to run out for a little while, but I'll be glad to listen if you're ready to talk when I get back. I just wanted to make sure you'll be alright here with Dawn."

Willow blew her nose loudly and looked up at Buffy with red, teary, puffy eyes. "I'll be here. Where are you going? Something wrong?"

"I need to go check on something. It's probably nothing, but if it's something, I need to know as soon as possible." Buffy tried to say it as casually as possible, in an attempt to avoid raising suspicion.

After Willow nodded as if she understood, Buffy flew back downstairs, bursting into the kitchen. "Xander, can you give us a ride on your way home?"

"What happened to 'please'? Geez, I thought _he_ was your slave."

"Spike, whack him on the back of the head, please."

"Yes, ma'am." Spike proceeded smack Xander and subsequently got a headache.

They both yelled, "Ow!"

"Two birds, one stone." Buffy muttered as she moved toward the door.

Both guys said, "Huh?"

As she was heading out of the house, Buffy said over her shoulder, "Never mind. Let's get moving."

[

When they arrived at the Magic Box, Anya unlocked the door and let them in. As she handed a spare key to Buffy, Tara came in the front door. Anya and Xander said their goodbyes and Buffy locked the front door behind them.

Tara began, "I'm guessing that since you called me to come meet you here at this hour that this is important. And I'm guessing I don't want to know about the handcuffs."

"Yes and no," Buffy started. "Here's what we know: his chip doesn't work on me anymore, there was a possibility that it had something to do with the memory wipe spell, but we've ruled that out. And it does still work on other people."

"Are you sure?" Tara asked.

"Yes. Absolutely sure."

"Oh – that's why you had me hit Xander," Spike finally catching on.

To Tara, Buffy said, "Let me get him settled in the training room."

As she walked into the back room, she was looking around for something to cuff him to. Before she decided where exactly that would be, he inquired, "Do you mind?" He was holding out his hands. "Just so I can get my coat off and then you can put them right back on."

She unlocked the handcuffs. He removed his coat, which he carefully folded and placed on the couch. Then, he put his hands out in front of him. She cuffed one hand and then tugged on his arm as she attached the other to a nearby pipe.

"Hey, that was not part of the deal."

She moved the couch over to where he stood. "What happened to 'yes, ma'am'?" Her face was more cold and hard than her heart.

"You're right. Until we get this sorted, you have every right to do what you feel necessary in order to feel safe." He sat down on the couch as he continued. "But I hope you soon realize that you don't need to do this. I would have sooner let Glory kill me than see you in pain – how could I possibly inflict pain on you without inflicting it on myself at the same time? You have to know that." He looked up at her face and immediately became more concerned with what he saw there. "Is that the only thing that's bothering you?"

She avoided answering his question. "I'm gonna check on Tara."

"Buffy …"

"I'm fine. It's fine." With a small but genuine smile, she added, "I just need some time to think."

After Buffy came through the door and walked up to her at the table, Tara asked, "You're sure about this? That it wasn't the spell? That it's just you and not everyone else?"

"During the spell the other day, when none of us knew who we were, he hit me … and no headache. I remembered it after the spell broke. I went to talk to him about it. We … uh … tested it out."

"You went by yourself … even though you knew he could hurt you."

"Yeah, in retrospect, probably not the smartest move. But he and I … have been spending time together the past couple months. We've become … closer. I'm not sure I'm ready to admit to the rest of the group how close we've gotten, but the truth of the matter is that lately …" She trailed off, not finishing her thought.

"It's okay. He's done a lot of good and he does love you. And he cares about Dawn, looked out for her while you were gone. Anyone can see that he's been a real friend to you. And you're going through a really hard time."

"This little bonus doesn't make things any easier. Anyway, here's how I figure it: either there's a reasonable explanation for why Spike's chip doesn't work on me. Or there's something wrong with me and I'm the one who should be restrained … before I turn into Faith's evil twin and hurt someone."

Tara's face showed her signature mixture of upbeat assurance and concern. "Alright, let me gather some things here and I'll get working on it."

"Just work as quickly as you can," Buffy said before going back into the training room.

For a while, she and Spike just sat quietly. Finally, Spike asked softly. "So … are we going to talk about it?"

"This again? Talk about what exactly? The kisses last spring? The kiss last week? Dancing at the Bronze the other night? What happened earlier at your crypt?"

"Those topics would definitely give us plenty to talk about. Or we could talk about the proverbial elephant in the room ..."

"… this new condition we find ourselves in – a condition where you are …" Buffy did not finish her thought.

"What were you about to say? That I'm a potential threat to you again?"

"Whether there's something wrong with me or not – that is about the size of it."

"I'm gonna stop you right there. You know full well that even with the chip, if I had wanted to do harm to you or any of your friends, I could have gotten someone or something to do it for me. But I didn't. On the contrary, I have helped and even protected all of you. You know you can trust me." He stopped himself as he saw the shift in her face. "That's it, isn't it? You don't trust me. Not completely."

"I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out."

"It's not something you figure out, luv. It's a binary state: either you do or you don't."

Buffy did not reply. Silence fell over the room again.

A few minutes later, Tara announced that she had done the necessary research and had gathered supplies. They stepped out of the training room, back into the main part of the store in order to talk.

Tara asked Buffy, "What are you going to do with him while you're waiting for the results?"

"I've been thinking about that. I think I'm going to let him go."

"What?!"

"But I'll need you to come home with me and do a disinvite spell – as a precaution ... until I know. First, let me test a theory."

Buffy left Tara sitting at the table in the main part of the store. She opened the door to the training room and looked at Spike. Although she had handcuffed him to the pipe, he had figured out how to position himself so that he could stretch out and recline with his feet up on one arm of the couch, his duster folded under his head.

After a moment or two, he opened his eyes. "Checking up on me? Rather boring. Move along. Nothing to see."

Buffy walked half the distance to the couch.

Spike sat up and asked, "What is it? Did she figure it out already?"

"No. Not yet. I was thinking – and I've decided that … I'm fairly certain that those handcuffs aren't strong enough to hold you. So ..."

Before she had finished what she was about to say, he pulled on and broke the cuffs. He remained right where he was, both hands now in his lap.

Buffy sighed. "Right. Keeping you restrained with those is pretty pointless. So, I'm gonna let you go." He gave her a quizzical look as she continued. "But I have a few conditions: you stay away from me, away from here and the house 'til this gets sorted out."

He was less than pleased by this, but he simply said, "Understood."

"And I'm having Tara put the disinvite spell back on the house."

"That's not necessary."

"It's easy enough to invite you back in after I get some answers."

Buffy gestured that he should join them back in the store.

Looking across the room at Tara, he said, "Thank you for doing this. I look forward to hearing from you when you have the results."

"It'll be a few days," Tara informed him.

[

Tara drove them back to Buffy's house. Most of the lights were out and the house was silent. It seemed that Dawn and Willow had gone to bed already. Tara was still cautiously quiet, just in case – she did not want to risk having to talk to Willow before she was better prepared. She performed the disinvite spell as quickly as possible, stayed long enough to use the rest room, and then said goodnight to Buffy.

When Buffy went upstairs, she looked in on Willow and confirmed that she was indeed asleep. She left a note for Willow saying that if she wanted to talk in the morning, she would make time.

[

Spike sat outside his crypt, enjoying a smoke. He sighed and dropped his head – thinking of today, of the past week, of the past couple months, … of the hours he had spent with future-Buffy. He wanted to fast-forward through this part – the waiting. He wanted to magically get past the next few days ... better still, to the end of this three-year process.

 _I know what Tara's results will be – future-Buffy told me. What I don't know is the conclusion this Buffy will come to after she has thought about it. Moment of truth – I have to trust her to come to the conclusion that she can trust me._

Spike, now inside with a glass of whiskey in one hand and his journal in his lap. He found himself – as he often did these days – with his heart on his sleeve and a pen in his hand. He wrote out a letter to Buffy which he would revise and recopy before delivering it to her. He also took the time to scrawl a few lines of poetry before retiring for the night. It helped a little to say these things on paper even if he couldn't say them to her right now.

[

[

The next morning, Willow did not want to talk at first. After a short while, she babbled at length. Buffy was glad that Willow did not seem to want advice or to hear anything particularly wise or helpful – just wanted someone to sit with her and listen. Willow was still in the wallowing, reeling, and trying to make sense of things phase. Even the most well-meaning words from the most well-intentioned friend would not have much effect right now. It was going to take some time before she was ready to receive any comfort or counsel.

For a while, the two longtime friends just sat together in an embrace. It was the kind of quiet moment between friends that says more than words ever could. In spite of everything Buffy had been through – some of which Willow had caused – they were friends. They would always be friends.

[

Tara was staying with a friend of hers who lived on campus. Between classes, she had been working on a solution for Buffy. Through some detective work and the fact that he could track her scent, Spike found where Tara was staying. He waited in the sewer tunnels below the university until a reasonable hour to access her building. He wanted to talk to her as soon as possible, rather than wait for the sun to set.

Spike brought with him the letter he had written late last night. He knocked on the door and asked the young woman who answered if he could speak with Tara. When she came to the door, Tara was surprised to see him there in daylight hours.

"How exactly…?"

"Tunnels … you know, like when I pop up at the store."

"Oh. Well, that answers my first question."

"The second being: why am I here?"

"Yes."

"She asked me to stay away, but last night, I wrote down some things that I felt needed to be said." He held out the envelope to her. "Would you please make sure that she reads it? Even if she tears it up afterward – just make sure she reads it."

As she took the letter from him, she nodded and then reached out to touch his forearm. "We were just going to have some tea before heading to class. Would you like to join us?"

In that moment, Spike was reminded of Joyce's kindness to him and was quite touched by the gesture. "Your roommate won't mind?"

Tara turned to silently check with the girl and quickly turned back around. "She's already got a third mug." Tara stepped aside, opening the door wider. When she realized why Spike was hesitating, she said intentionally, "Please, won't you come in?"

A wide smile spread across Spike's face as he stepped over the threshold.

While her roommate was putting water into a mug and putting it in the microwave, Tara cleared some things off a chair so he could sit down. After he had sat down, Tara brought over a basket with a selection of tea.

He looked up at her sheepishly when he noticed there was also hot cocoa. He indicated what he was looking at and asked, "Alright if I have one of these instead?"

She nearly laughed as she handed him a packet of Swiss Miss with miniature marshmallows. Her roommate handed him the mug of hot water and a spoon. "Wish I could stay and chat, but I have a date with a cranky algebra prof. Maybe next time?" With that, she downed that last of her tea, grabbed her backpack, gave a quick wave to Tara, and was gone.

Spike attempted to make conversation since she had been nice enough to ask him in. "So, is this housing situation temporary or …?"

Tara fidgeted with the string on her tea bag. "Honestly, I'm not sure. How much do you know?"

"I know that Willow has been moving toward something that frightens you a bit. Makes sense you'd want to put on the brakes." He paused and looked at her. "You're not wrong … to be concerned, that is. And you're not the only one who is."

Tara considered what he was saying. She appreciated him letting her know that she was not alone in this. She looked him in the eye and smiled warmly, as only she can. "Thank you for that."

He nodded. They shared the remainder of their beverages in silence.

[

After Spike left, Tara had some time before her next class. She decided to avoid going to the house and took the letter to the Magic Box. Buffy was not there when she arrived. She was just about to leave it with Giles when Buffy came through the door.

"Buffy, I have something for you."

"So soon?" Buffy was surprised to see Tara and was being cautious about what she said in front of Giles and Anya.

Tara gestured that they should step off to the side to talk privately. "No. Not that. Not Yet. But I'm working on it and should have something soon. But what I came to … I had a visit from Spike earlier."

Concern flashed across Buffy's face.

"Nothing to worry about." Tara held out the envelope. "He just wanted to ask me to deliver this to you."

"Okay," is what came from Buffy's mouth, but her voice was filled with uncertainty.

"He made me promise that I would make sure that you read it."

They walked back into the training room and sat down on the couch, which was still in its relocated position next to the pipe. Buffy stared at the envelope in her lap for a moment before she could bring herself to open it. She looked up at Tara, saying, "Here goes."

As soon as she unfolded the letter, she was glad they had stepped into another room. As had become the norm in recent days, it was a singing letter.

 _My Dearest Buffy,_

 _I know that you need to think this through, that you need time. All I can do is tell you how I feel – and hope that you believe the veracity of my words, knowing that you can trust me regardless of the results Tara gets._

 ** _Loving you is not a choice – it's who I am. Loving you is not a choice and not much reason to rejoice; but it gives me purpose, gives me voice to say to the world: 'This is why I live. You are why I live.'_**

 ** _Loving you is why I do the things I do. Loving you is not in my control; but loving you, I have a goal for what's left of my life: I would live … and I would die for you._** [3]

 _Yours,_

 _William_

Buffy was stunned and Tara was uncomfortable, having heard something that was not intended for her eyes or ears.

As she carefully returned the letter to its envelope, Buffy said, "When you see him, you can tell him that I read it."

"Would you like me to tell him anything else?"

"Not really. Just that I kept it and I'll talk to him soon." As she stood up, she saw the punching bag that had taken a beating after she received the letter from Riley. "Oh, you can tell him that I didn't feel the need to go 10 rounds with the punching bag."

"I assume that he'll know what that means?"

"Yes. In fact, it'll probably make him smile."

Tara left Buffy alone with her thoughts, of which there were many.

[

Spike sat alone at his crypt. Still no word from Buffy or Tara. It was killing him – well, if he were alive, it would be killing him – not knowing what she was thinking. He was imagining the worst possible scenarios … where she decides she can't trust him, can't be around him, decides it's finally time to dust him, or worse … that she pushes him away and he is doomed to spend eternity with a broken heart – an eternity without her.

His journal had become a true companion. He set ink to paper, yet again – attempting to get things off of his chest and out of his head. After a few stanzas reflecting on the life of a writer, he concluded his thoughts with this:

 ** _A writer hopes to leave behind a work no one forgets_**  
 ** _And when he writes THE END to find he has the right regrets._**  
 ** _A writer has the empty page where he can use his pen_**  
 ** _To mend his heart and try to start again._** [4]

* * *

A/N:

Many thanks for reading. Until next time…

~Jen

8 July 2016

* * *

SONGS in this chapter:

[1] Hamilton (2015 Broadway) "Satisfied"

[2] Into the Woods (1987 Broadway / 1990 West End / 1991 tv / 2014 film) "Cinderella at the Grave"

[3] Passion (1994 Broadway / 1996 West End) "Loving You"

[4] Bombshell (2015 New York City / within 2012 tv series Smash) "The Right Regrets"


	18. trust, but verify

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: 19 September 2017

Chapters 13-18 have been edited down significantly.

 **The basic plot/storyline/character arcs remain the same as the original version.**

[

A/N: 5 August 2016

See Chapter 12.

In this installment: Tara delivers the results, there is verbal and non-verbal communication between Spike and Buffy, and ... Sweet's three conditions will be met before this chapter ends. :) Finally!

* * *

 **CHAPTER** **18**

 **trust, but verify**

They were sitting on a bench in a park filled with flowers in bloom. There were paths that meandered between trees that gave the occasional oasis of shade on this sunny day.

"What an amazing day! It almost doesn't seem real – like a dream somehow." Buffy turned to her companion and asked, "Why can't all days – for the rest of my life – be just like this? Feeling the sun on my face, surrounded by beauty in a peaceful place, with someone I love. Why does everything have to be so hard?"

Buffy listened as these encouraging words were spoken and then sung to her: "Someone wise beyond her years once said: The hardest thing in this world … is to live in it. **Still you have to look: for the eyes on a bridge in a pouring rain; not the eyes, but the part you can't explain; for the arms you could fall into forever; for the joy that you thought you'd never know. For here at last, away you go to a man who looks for you.** "

Buffy immediately questioned, "Look? Look where? I wouldn't know where to begin. And how exactly do I look for someone who is looking for me? Wouldn't we just end up missing one another?"

Her companion continued: " **If you find in the world – in the wide, wide world – that someone sees, that someone knows you: love."** Placing a hand on the side of Buffy's face, the encourager concluded: **"Love, if you can, and be loved.** " [1]

As the music began to fade, so did the singer. Then, the wind began to blow the leaves off of the trees and the petals from their stems. Soon, the whole park was being swept away.

Buffy was left feeling confused and abandoned. At the moment, more concerned with the instructions that had been sung to her than the fact that her surroundings had disappeared, she cried out into the emptiness around her, "I'm not sure I know how to do what you're telling me. I'm not sure I'm even capable of learning how to do that." Looking around frantically, she was now completely puzzled and panicked. "Mom! Where did you go? You have to come back and help me! Mom, please!"

Suddenly awake, Buffy sat straight up in bed. She figured there was nothing more to the dream than the fact that she had visited her mother's grave two days ago – though it was possible there could be some kind of prophetic significance to the message. She would like to think that the Powers That Be would want her to find love and happiness. But then again, since so few Slayers lived long enough … it is unlikely they would be confronted with the need to be concerned with a Slayer's happiness.

[

Spike showed up at Tara's door again. "Sorry to bother you. Just making sure that she got the … that she read the letter."

"Yes, Spike. I took it to her yesterday. She read it while I was still there." She lowered her eyes, slightly embarrassed as she said, "It was really beautiful, what you said."

"Thanks. And not that I don't appreciate what you think – but what did she think?"

"She told me to tell you that it didn't make her want to go 10 rounds with the punching bag." When he smiled at her words, she added, "She was right – not only did you know what it meant, it made you smile. Do I want to know?"

He shrugged. "That was her reaction last week to Riley's letter."

"So, this is an improvement?" Tara laughed. "Anyway, I should have something later today. Though, I'm not sure when you'll hear from her."

He bobbed his head as he simply said, "Right. Thanks." He gave her a half smile and turned to go.

[

It was early afternoon when Tara phoned and told Buffy that she was on her way over to give her the results. When Buffy had asked if she should be concerned that Tara was delivering the news in person, Tara had assured her that it was just that it would be easier to explain with visual aids.

Buffy was the only one home when Tara arrived. She led her into the dining room. "I assume you'll want the table since you said it would be show and tell."

Tara proceeded to unload her laptop, some papers, and some samples she had taken with her. "I had started to look at this purely with magic, but decided to get a little help from a friend of mine – a double major in biology and chemistry. I thought you might feel better if you had scientific evidence as well as mystical. I didn't tell her who the samples came from or that the person had been dead. I just told her that a friend had been experimenting a little above their normal level and I was concerned that it might have had an effect. She's dabbled in magic so she understood what I was getting at. Anyway, I took DNA samples the other day – from now and from an old hair brush of yours, so pre-death. I kept one of each and gave one of each to her. First, I'll tell you her results. If you look at the charts and the images she emailed me, you'll see what she told me – which in layman's terms is this: she said that cells were altered, but they are healthy. It's like a sun tan or freckles, but it's not skin cancer. Her words. But the spell I did confirms what she found – you're the same Buffy … with a deep tropical cellular tan."

"You're sure?"

"I've double checked everything."

"I didn't come back wrong?"

"Well, I said that there was nothing wrong with you, but you are different. Funneling your essence back into your body altered you on a basic molecular level – probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in Spike's chip." Tara had begun to put things back into her bag.

"Well, thanks for the info. At least, now I know for sure." Then, Buffy added with urgency, "You can't tell anyone. Please. Not yet."

"I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't do that." Just as Tara was about to leave, she said, "Oh, he dropped by again … to see if you read it. I told him what you said."

"And?"

"He smiled."

[

After Tara left, Buffy took a walk – her thoughts were too loud in the quiet house.

 _I think I'm finally getting a clear understanding of why Slayers don't normally have many people in their lives. It gets incredibly complicated. On the one hand, I don't know what I would have done these past couple of months without Spike – and the help and support he provided for Dawn and the others while I was gone. On the other hand, I don't know exactly how I feel about him, … but still, I don't want to push him out of my life either._

 _So I guess that leads me to the real question: do I trust him? Can he be trusted?_

 _He has shown himself to be trustworthy, so he can be. And therefore, I do._

 _I'm not sure of much else beyond that. Except that right now he is the only one I can tell how I truly feel._

 _Also, if he had not joined up with us, where would he be? No longer a man … and the chip keeps him from being the vampire that he once was._

" **Pitiful creature of darkness. What kind of life have you known? God, give me courage to show you: you are not alone."** [2]

She heard two chimes.

[

That evening, Dawn and Buffy put together a quick dinner from leftovers. Each of their plates looked more like a sampler platter than a balanced meal, but their bellies were full.

As Dawn went up the stairs to finish her homework, Buffy was putting on her jacket to go out. She took a quick look at herself in the mirror by the door – running her fingers through her hair and using her fingers to clean up some smudges around her eyes. She did not normally primp before going out to slay, but she figured that she would see Spike sometime tonight. And at some point in the past few weeks, she had begun to care how she looked when she knew she would be seeing him.

She made sure that she had her keys and a little cash in her pocket. As she was checking, she felt Spike's letter in her back pocket, where she had put it earlier. His words had given her a lot to think about. Although she had thought about it quite a bit, she was not yet sure exactly _what_ she thought about it. Lately, her head and her heart were not quite lining up with one another.

[

Buffy made a quick sweep through a few cemeteries, but there did not seem to be much activity tonight. She decided to go the Bronze – hear some music, have a drink. She could sit and think – or let the noise and the alcohol drown out her thoughts.

A short while later, she felt Spike arrive. He walked up to the stool where she was seated. She had difficulty finding words now that he stood before her. Faced with her silence, he was not sure what to say. He turned to walk around her, behind the stool. She spun around to intercept him before he had passed by. She still could not find the words. Taking his hand, she led him over to an empty couch in the corner.

She sat down on the couch with her legs folded under her. As he sat down near her, Spike was struck by how young she looked at the moment.

"Tara brought me the results earlier." She began tentatively, staring at her hands. She paused thinking the Spike might say something. She looked up to find that he was waiting for her to continue. After that, the words flowed more easily. She explained what Tara had found out – at least, as much as she understood it.

"Nothing wrong then? Just different?"

"That about covers it."

"So, it comes back to the issue of trust."

Buffy knew that what he had just said was true. Spike knew that everything hinged on her being able to trust him – for him to make any progress toward any of the things that future-Buffy had asked him to do.

They just sat for a while, neither feeling there was any rush. No rush to say anything, to do anything, to be anywhere.

After a couple of drinks, Spike asked Buffy to dance. It was nowhere near the formal dancing of his youth – he simply held her close to him as the pulse of the music enveloped them. At first, they were locked in each other's gaze. Then, she rested her head against his shoulder.

With one arm, he held her firmly against himself, that hand coming to rest on the back of her neck. His other hand making whisper-soft trails down her back, up the side of her torso, down her arm ... until his hand entwined with hers.

She pulled back to look him in the eye, trying to make sense of what she was feeling. He could tell that she was feeling overwhelmed. The dance floor had gotten too crowded. He took her by the hand and they moved back to the couch. Remembering future-Buffy's advice, he held back every aggressive instinct that threatened to direct his actions. Silently, they sat staring at one another.

Spike leaned in toward her and whispered into her ear, "Not sure how to say what you feel? **Why don't you trace it on my hand? Or make a song? Do anything. Say it somehow – I will understand. I know you. I know the sound of 'touch me.' I think I hear the sound of 'wrap your arms around me.'"** He leaned back to look into her eyes. He placed his hand before her – palm up, the inside of his forearm exposed. " **We'll play a game – you'll trace it on my skin. Do it any way, but let's begin. Do it somehow. Somehow, you can show me. I know that you know me."**

With the pad of her index finger, she began to trace swirling patterns on his palm and then his arm. He reached up with the other hand, which quickly became tangled in her hair. They were now forehead to forehead, breathlessly sighing and singing, **"Ah … ah … ah …"** [3]

It was the most intimate moment of Buffy's life – it did not matter that they were in a public place or that they were fully clothed. They were lost in one another's eyes and in the sound of each other's voices.

[

During the walk back to her house, they stopped at a park. They sat for a while on the swings – talking some, occasionally singing, but mostly swinging. They decided to tell the Scoobies about the chip and about them as … whatever they were.

 _What were they exactly?_ – both thought to themselves.

Arriving at her house, they stopped near a large tree in the yard. Spike pulled her to the side of the tree facing away from the house. He pinned her there, causing both of them to think of when she had pinned him to the wall while retrieving the handcuff key from his pocket. In her eyes, he could see the same desire that he had seen in future-Buffy's eyes, but this Buffy was not initiating anything. He wanted her. And she wanted him – he was certain of that. He could see it, feel it – bloody hell, he could practically taste it. However, he would not be pressing that issue any further this evening.

Giving her a wicked grin, he kissed her soundly before saying, "Goodnight."

He figured it was best to leave her wanting more – more of him, that is. _Before too long, she'll crave me the way I crave blood._

[

Back at his crypt, Spike was thinking of their time at the Bronze on the dance floor, ... the feel of her tender touch on his forearm when they were on the couch together, ... the look in her eyes as they sang to one another, ... and the way it felt to press himself against her against the tree. He longed for the day when he would make love to her again, but also when they could actually be together as a couple and be open about it with her friends. Some of that fantasy seemed closer to becoming reality than the rest of it. He reminded himself that this was progress – and progress was good, even if it was slow.

[

[

Once Dawn was off to school, Buffy got herself ready to leave and then headed over to Spike's.

When she arrived, she found him asleep in bed. He must have been sleeping soundly, because he had not even heard her come in. She hated to wake him, but they needed to talk privately before they spoke to the others later today.

She eased herself down to sit on the edge of the bed. Still not awake. She stroked his bare arm with her fingertips. That got a reaction, though only a shift in position. She tried again. Finally, his eyes began to open.

"I could get used to this – waking up to you in my bed," he said with a grin as he rolled to his side to face her, while adjusting the sheet. "To what do I owe …?"

Buffy began, "I know what we decided last night … and well, this is gonna sound bad, but I need to talk to you." As he moved to sit up so they could talk eye to eye, she continued, "This morning, I got thinking … about last night … and us … and …"

Without waiting to hear the rest, Spike interjected, "Not gonna let you overthink this, luv. Don't give in to the fear. Lean into this ... us … me." As he stroked the side of her face, her eyelids fluttered closed. He began to sprinkle kisses along her collar bone and up the side of her neck to her ear.

Buffy managed to form a few coherent phrases. "Your opinion has been ... noted for the record. And ... if you would stop … trying … to persuade me, … you can stop … need to … wish you would ... It's not necessary." She pushed him away. "I haven't changed my mind – exactly. Parameters … we just need some parameters." She could see he still did not like what he was hearing. "Let me ramble a little."

"Alright. You mind if I get dressed while you, uh, ramble?"

"No." She stood and turned her back when he started to get out of the bed. "It's a given that we need to tell them about the chip. I can't keep that kind of thing from them. Also … like we said last night … if this – us – is going to be something, we can't hide stuff from them." On the one hand, it was easier to say this when she did not have to look him in the eye. But on the other hand, she needed to see his face to know if he was understanding what she meant. "That said, I think we need to be careful about the pace at which we let them in on other stuff. Give them time to warm up to the idea. I mean, I'm not sure that they've realized that we're … that I actually like spending time with you. We can't just spring something on them like 'we're dating.'"

"So, we're dating now?"

This caused her to involuntarily turn around to face him. He did at least have pants on, but the shirtlessness would quickly become a distraction. "Not what I meant. And on that subject … there are many reasons why we need to – and I apologize for the phrase – slow things down. I'll try to explain, though in no particular order. We need each other as … I'll use the word 'coworkers.' Like it or not, with that chip in your head, the best place for you to be is on our side. You've become part of the group. You rely on us since you can't live the normal vampire life. And we rely on you. I rely on you. My friends – my other friends – are helpful, each of them in their own way. They all have strengths and talents. But in a fight, if I'm surrounded by enemies, I need someone equally strong fighting with me – back to back, so I know I just have to worry about what's in front of me. None of them, even on their best days, can be that person for me."

There was a long silence as he took in the full meaning of her words. When she had asked him to protect Dawn from Glory that was not a fluke or desperation – that was … where they had come to, who they were to each other.

She continued, "If we would start some … torrid affair ... and then have a bad breakup – let's face it, with our combined history, it's a possibility. It would have an effect on the dynamic of the group – and if my luck holds, it would happen right before an apocalypse. That would not be good for me … or our efforts to save the world. As if being the Slayer weren't enough – I mean, being a normal girl is enough to handle most days. But add to that: going back to college, plus trying to parent Dawn through things I've barely gotten past myself. Well, I really don't need more drama in my life. And in my experience, relationships come with drama."

Spike finally spoke up and stopped her ramble. "What if this one didn't?" He paused long enough to tilt his head and give her a moment to consider. "I've listened to your little unaccompanied ditty for a while now. Let me have my turn – just hear me out. I was born and raised in a time when the 'slow down plan' was the norm. Truth be told, the romantic in me enjoys the slow simmer that leads to rolling boil … that leads to steam." He brought the tip of his tongue to his top front teeth and then licked his top lip. "I realize that most of my years as a vampire have been spent living … differently than that. But if this old dog could learn new tricks," he gestured to his hair and leather duster, "no reason I can't also rediscover the gentleman within." He nodded to signal that he had said his peace. "So, you'll get no argument from me."

Buffy had heard him, but felt the need to add, "It's not just about the drama, or lack thereof. It's that … if this is going to work, then I want – no, I need – for them to accept you not just as part of the group, but as part of my life. I need to know that it won't cause a problem with Dawn – 'cause I can't deal with teenage backlash when the world decides to go kablooey around us. I can't alienate my friends – one, 'cause I need them when bad stuff comes, but also because friends deserve to be treated better than that … especially because they are really more like my family."

"Do you have a plan for how to do that? Or are you asking for suggestions?"

"A bit of both I guess. I know that we have to tell them about the chip. I know we – I – need to be honest with them about how much time we're spending together … and what it means to me – you know, that we are more than patrol partners. Then, I guess we let whatever relationship is developing to happen at its own pace … out in the open." She took a deep breath as she voiced that next part of her thought. "I know you aren't going to like the comparison, but in the end, they did come to accept Angel – even after the Angelus incident. Although they did not necessarily like the thought of us as a couple, the bigger issues came when I kept things from them. I don't want to make that mistake again."

"I take your point – though you're right, I don't like the comparison. But the rest of what you said ... sounds like a good beginning of a plan."

She turned toward the ladder to go to the upper level of the crypt. "We can adjust as we go. Nothing is set in stone."

"If anyone has earned the right to use that phrase it is you – the girl whose headstone still resides in the cemetery, yet she does not." He followed her up the ladder, enjoying the view.

"You know another phrase that has new meaning for me? 'As I live and breathe…'" She shook her head as she sat down in the armchair.

"I haven't been able to use that one in over a century of Sundays." Getting down to business, Spike asked, "When are we doing this? You know, the big reveal."

"This afternoon, like we planned. I'll ask everyone to be at the Magic Box when Dawn gets out of school. I should probably talk to them first – without you. But maybe you could be waiting in the basement? We can do immediate follow-up questions – that way they don't have time to stew over it."

He stretched out a hand to help her up from the chair. "Until this afternoon, then," he said as he kissed the back of her hand. He led her to the door and opened it for her, bowing slightly as she passed by him and through the doorway.

[

Shortly before it was time for Dawn to get out of school, Spike made his way through the tunnels toward the Magic Box. He had a moment's pause when he thought that perhaps he should not be looking forward to this meeting. The Scooby Gang could take this all wrong – which would be bad on many levels. But he felt confident that Tara would back them up about the chip … and he wanted to be confident of Buffy's feelings for him. So, he was choosing to remain optimistic.

[

When Tara arrived at the Magic Box, she and Buffy had a brief conversation in the training room. Buffy let her know that she had talked to Spike last night about the results and saw him again today to clarify how to approach this with the others. She made it clear to Tara that she had determined she could trust Spike, in spite of the issue with the chip.

Not long after, Dawn had arrived from school, followed by Xander and Willow, who was a bit surprised to see Tara. It was clear Buffy was about to convene the meeting which she had called. Giles and Anya stopped working and joined the others around the table.

Just as Buffy began to speak, she could sense that Spike was waiting in the basement like they had talked about. She started to tell her friends about the chip – beginning with the statement: "Before you overreact to anything you are about to hear, you need to know that I am fine and I am perfectly safe."

Giles looked around, meeting the eyes of the others who were gathered. "You do know that saying something like that will just make us worry?"

"Well, don't." She took a deep breath and launched in. "Something happened the other night during the spell – other than just the spell. It made me … curious about something. Not necessarily concerned, but I needed to investigate." Gesturing to Tara, she continued, "I enlisted some help to get to the bottom of things. And the result is that I am fine. There's nothing wrong with me. But I am different since I came back from … being gone … being dead. You know, it's always gonna be weird to say that out loud." She shook her head and continued. "Anyway, because I'm different … something has changed. In my opinion and based on my recent experiences, it's not a problem … and it won't be a problem. But all of you need to know about it."

Xander huffed, "You gonna tell us already? What's the big?"

"If you want to see the evidence that I'm fine – that I did not … come back wrong in any way, Tara can show you test results – both scientific and magical. But my cells are different than you would find in a normal … living … breathing … human." She said these last words deliberately as she made eye contact with Giles. As expected, he understood what she was implying.

"If I understand you correctly … since you have been back these past months, Spike's chip no longer works with regard to you. And therefore, he could attack you at any time without the chip inflicting pain upon him?"

"To put it bluntly? Yes." She held his gaze, "But there are a couple of things I should add. One, we did not figure this out until we were under the spell the other night. And two,…"

"Wait, how exactly did you figure it out?"

"When he and I went out to lead the vampires away … in the midst of the fight that took out my living room window, he went into vamp face. I hit him because at that point – without any memories – he became my enemy. After I hit him a few times, he naturally fought back. After we had regained our memories, I tried to puzzle my way through it, decided there were at least a few possible explanations. I went and talked to him … and we were able to rule out a couple. That's when he suggested, and I agreed, that we should get some help from Tara."

Anya asked, "Why Tara? Just curious."

"He felt she would be less likely to preemptively stake him without hard evidence."

"That was wise of him," the ex-demon commented.

Giles spoke up, "You said there was a second thing."

"Yes, he could have hurt me or any of us at any point in time, but he hasn't. He could have hired someone or just not helped us when we needed him. But he's been loyal to me, to us, in the face of brutal beating and much of the demon community turning on him." She looked down at her feet before adding, "I'm not concerned about this and I don't think you should be either. He places his trust in us every time he comes near us, trusting that we won't dust him. I've grown to trust him. If you don't yet, I hope that you will soon. Because he's not going anywhere. We need him."

She knew from the looks she was getting that they were concerned, though for differing reasons.

Dawn raised her hand and asked, "But his chip still works on everyone else?"

"Yes."

Xander perked up, "That's why you had him whack me on the back of the head the other night!"

"Yes."

Anya added practically, "So, you're the only one who's in any danger."

"Well, I would disagree with your wording. I don't think I'm in any danger, but yes, I am the only he can hit without giving himself a migraine."

Willow's eyes filled with regret. "This is all my fault. I brought you back. It's my fault you're different, that he can hit you."

"Again, true, but not the wording I would use. I think it's time to move past blame and guilt and get on with living, deal with things as they come. This is one of those things."

[

From the basement stairs, Spike was listening to her explain and defend. It warmed his unbeating heart.

 **"I will never understand what I did to deserve you or how to be the man that I'm supposed to be. I will never understand, if I live a thousand lifetimes, why you did the things you did for me. Just look at you – how could I not be in love with you? "** [4]

A moment later, he heard her coming toward the door. She opened it and held out her hand to him.

He tilted his head and returned her smile. "Well, 'ere we go."

Buffy said to the group, "Alright, I know that telling you that I trust him will only go so far toward convincing you. So, you're going to watch while we spar a little in the training room."

"While we what?" Spike questioned. "You didn't mention this part of the program, luv."

"I promise to use the plastic stake."

"Funny."

Giles interjected, "Do you really think this is wise?"

"Well, you can either watch us fight now in a controlled environment. Or you can be out on patrol with us and try to keep an eye on what he might be doing to me while you should be keeping an eye on your opponent. Which do you think is more wise?"

Xander quipped, "She's got ya there."

When they began, their movements were tentative and Spike was only using about half strength on her, like he had previously.

This annoyed Buffy. She swept his legs out from under him and ordered him, "Would you just go ahead – break out with the lumpies and the teeth already … and come at me full force. I'll know if you're holding back. Only rules are that you can't draw blood and I can't impale you with a wooden stake. Come on, bleach boy, let's go!"

"You're sure?" When she replied with a nod, he added, "Alright, just remember you asked for it."

Neither of them really thought about how long they had been fighting, but it lasted nearly half an hour. It felt good for both of them to let loose like that.

Spike found himself thinking: _This is the most exquisitely beautiful and agonizingly painful interaction – it's like extended foreplay._

There were a few moments when they found themselves in positions that would have been awkwardly appealing if they had been alone, but in front of the others, they did not allow themselves to linger in those positions.

Buffy called out to Giles, "Five more minutes, okay? Tell us when time's up."

Just as the last minute was winding down, Spike came running at Buffy – charging at her with his head down, plowing his shoulder into her abdomen and pushing her across the room into the wall. It knocked the wind out of her, but he still expected her to hit back immediately.

When she did not, he looked her straight in eyes and asked tenderly, "Are you alright? Did I hit you too hard that time?"

"No, I'm fine. But this might be a convenient time to call truce."

Before Spike stepped back, he whispered in her ear, "Let me know if you want a backrub later."

She smacked him on the arm and said softly, "If I didn't know better, I'd say you did this on purpose … for that very reason."

Giles could not hear what they were saying, but he watched the interaction and realized that somewhere along the way, they had become friends. She did trust him. It seemed that the rest of them would have to learn to trust him too.

"Spike, would you mind staying in here while we talk to Buffy in the other room?" Giles asked with genuine politeness.

"Go right ahead."

Tara stayed behind to talk briefly with Spike when the others left the room. A few minutes later, she ducked out the back door, having asked him to say goodbye to Buffy for her.

Giles and the others had to agree that it appeared she could trust Spike. Even when he got angry after she got in a good hit, he never did anything to endanger her. The girls were particularly touched by the fact that he had spoken to her with such affection after he slammed her into the wall. Though the Scoobies were not completely sold on the idea of trusting him themselves, they would take a 'wait and see' attitude.

Buffy replied to their comments, "I want you to know that I do understand why all of you feel protective of me."

There was a group hug that followed solo and ensemble singing about the fact that they have become a family, supporting each other and gaining strength from one another.

After this, Giles felt the need to say something. In a serious and fatherly tone, he assured Buffy, "If Spike ever does anything to harm you, I will have no qualms about dusting him."

"Understood. But please be sure you have your facts straight before taking action." She gave each of them a thoughtful look. "You need to understand that he and I have … well, we've been spending quite a bit of time together. More than you realize, more than just patrolling or him helping at the house. I didn't mean to keep it from you. Not like we were hiding anything, just that … well, you weren't around to see it. Anyway, he and I have become …" _What had they become?_ "It's not just that I trust him to fight alongside me. We've spent a lot of time together talking. I needed to sort through some things when I first got back – I needed someone who would just let me talk. He did. He listened. And over the past ... well, honestly going back to before I died ... I've come to depend on him. That may be hard for you to understand. Perhaps, hard for you to accept. But it's the truth."

They heard three chimes.

Giles suddenly got up and walked over to his desk to find something. He came back with a piece of paper where he had written down the three conditions that Sweet, the dancing demon, had given for breaking the singing portion of the spell. After reading through them again, he said, "You did all hear the three chimes just now?"

Everyone nodded that they had.

"I think Buffy just fulfilled the third condition: speak the truth, though there may be repercussions."

Xander stated, "There was one chime when we were boarding up the window."

Anya added, "Right. That was when Tara was … um, leaving."

Giles looked at the paper, "Yes, the first one was: stand on your own, though it's hard…" he did not read the last phrase aloud, thinking it might upset Willow: '… because it's right.'

Buffy added, "The other day when I was thinking through … some stuff. When I reached my conclusion, there were two chimes."

Giles nodded. "The second and only remaining condition: examine your heart, though you fear what you might find."

Dawn said, with a slight ring of sadness in her tone, "Does that mean the singing extravaganza is over?"

Giles took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes as he said, "It would appear so." Thinking to himself, _Thank God!_ "Since Buffy mentioned to me that she saw that van again the other night, we should probably return to trying to figure out the odd occurrences that go back to when she first saw the van – the strange stuff on campus, when she was working here at the store and at the construction site."

After that, as the others were heading in their separate directions to go on with their regularly scheduled day, Buffy went back into the training room. She found Spike reclining on the couch as he had been the night she had handcuffed him – an image that popped back into her mind.

He turned his head toward her. "Since none of them came in here to dust me, I'm assuming your little talk went well?"

"Yes, though you should know that …"

"That if I harm one hair on your head, they'll stake me good and proper? Yeah, figured as much. And to be expected really."

They walked back through the store together. Buffy even went down to the basement with him to access the tunnels.

After a couple minutes of silence, he asked, "You're sure that you're okay? After hitting the wall earlier?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'll be fine. A little sore right now, but nothing to worry about."

"See you later to patrol?"

"Yeah, I'll swing by your place."

"Or I could come over after you've made sure that Dawn has finished her homework."

She smiled as she replied, "Either is fine." She turned to go back up into the store.

He watched her as she walked away and then continued his walk home.

[

At sunset, Spike made his way over to the Summers' residence. On the way, he was preparing … he _had been_ preparing on and off these past couple of hours, attempting to find just the right wording to suggest that they go out for dinner before patrolling. He was no longer the man he had been when he was human – and he no longer lived in that era. He had in fact changed much with the times, but the romantic heart of a poet seemed to still beat within his chest. Although he longed for the day when he and Buffy would be together intimately, he relished the idea of the 'slow down plan' because the thought of romancing a Slayer was rather enticing. He would dust off every romantic notion and whim he had ever dreamt up – perhaps not the formality of old-fashioned courting, but he would continue to woo her … and in the end, win her.

Yet for all his grand plans, flowery words failed him as she opened the door and he gazed at her again. "So, I was thinking … something to eat and then patrol?"

"I could eat." Without a bit of ceremony, she grabbed her jacket, said goodbye to Dawn, and closed the door behind her.

They rode his motorcycle to a new bistro that had opened up while she was dead.

After the hostess seated them, they only had a moment to look at the menu when the waitress arrived at their table to fill their water glasses and tell them about the specials. "You two wouldn't happen to be vegetarians would you?"

Buffy and Spike exchanged glances and shook their heads "no" in reply.

"Well, I'll have to try to sell you on the specials anyway. You see the chef and our produce buyer got their signals crossed or something because we have more vegetables in the kitchen than we know what to do with. Maybe he got some kind of amazing deal at the market – who knows. But good grief! **Greens, greens and nothing but greens: parsley, peppers, cabbages and celery, asparagus and watercress and fiddleferns and lettuce!"**

Buffy and Spike exchanged glances again – this time shaking their heads in disbelief. The waitress had just spontaneously spouted a song; they had both heard it.

Spike interjected, "I'm sorry to stop you, miss. But are you aware that you just sang? Well, more precisely, rapped."

"Yeah – of course, I am."

"Damn, I thought this crazy thing was over." Buffy muttered under her breath.

"You mean that strange thing that's been going on for almost two weeks now … where everybody has been singing and dancing – telling their deepest darkest secrets to any random passerby ... and last week, sometimes turning into flickering whirling dervishes? If you are talking about that, oh yeah – all of that stopped sometime before I started my shift."

"But then, what was that … that just came out of your mouth?"

"Sorry. Occupational hazard. I don't really like perpetuating a stereotype, but I'm not a waitress – I mean obviously, I'm a waitress. But I'm actually an actress. I got cast today as the Witch in a production of Into the Woods. So, her rap in the "Prologue" about greens has been rolling around in my head – sometimes it's the Bernadette Peters version, sometimes it's someone else I've heard do the role … because I'm not sure that her voice is the best fit … I mean, she's an amazing performer … but with the rap and … uh, **but that's another story. Never mind. Anyway.** [5] I've got Sondheim on the brain and his words keep finding their way to the tip of my tongue." Looking at their perplexed expressions, "And sorry – again! I'm babbling. Are you ready to order?"

Without looking down at the menu, Spike said, "If you have steak, I'll take the most tender cut you have, as rare as you can bring it – the bloodier the better. And any kind of fried onion."

"Okay, I think I can accommodate that. And for you, miss?"

"The salad with grilled salmon."

After the waitress collected the menus they had barely consulted and walked toward the kitchen with their order, Spike said to Buffy, "I guess from now until the end of time, we are going to be paranoid every time someone bursts into song."

"People really do need to be careful what they wish for," Buffy said as she shook her head.

"Indeed. And to think you lot consider Watcher-boy the more levelheaded of your group. Just thought I'd point out that sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing – and a lot of knowledge can be … well, it's just highly unsafe, is what it is. You should take away his books. And his record collection – though don't throw them away. Wouldn't mind having some of his LPs from the '60s. He had decent taste in those days."

They bantered their way through dinner talking about anything and everything, as long as it had nothing to do with musicals or demon fighting. It was a pleasant diversion from the previous weeks. Spike was quite a skilled conversationalist, though he did not get to practice this lost art very often. He would happily practice his diversionary tactics on Buffy any day. For a glimpse of her smile and the sound of her laughter – there is nothing he would not do.

[

After dinner, they completed rounds through multiple alleys and cemeteries without much incident. They were a couple blocks from her house when Buffy realized that he could have – but had not – just headed back to his crypt.

"You know you don't need to walk me home, right?"

"Know that. Don't mind. I enjoy the company. Been enjoying it all evening, in fact."

"Me too," she said softly.

When they arrived at the house, he stopped on the lowest step as she continued toward the door.

Before walking through the doorway, she turned and said, "Goodnight."

He replied simply, "Sweet dreams."

He stood there alone in front of her house – which he had done so many times – listening to the sounds just on the other side of the door. Dawn was talking to Buffy about what was on the tv: the 1962 film version of The Music Man.

"Hey, I know you're probably sick to death of musicals at this point. But I heard someone singing something from this last week and so when I saw it in the tv listings … Do you mind?"

Buffy sat down on the couch next to her sister, taking a handful of popcorn from the bowl Dawn was holding. "Musicals in their proper context are fine. They don't need to be extinct – perhaps just confined … as securely as possible." Checking the time, she added, "I don't mind you watching for a little while, as long as all your homework is completely done and you don't stay up too late."

Shirley Jones was on the screen singing goodnight and sweet dreams to her someone, though she had not yet fallen in love or even met him.

Dawn babbled about the song: "Do you think there really is someone out there for everyone? Can you really watch for the first star of the evening and wish them goodnight? Do you think I've met my someone already? This whole love thing is weird, isn't it? I mean, like in real life, not just in musicals."

Buffy replied, knowing that Spike was outside listening to their conversation. "Yes, love is weird and life is hard. I have no idea if you've met your someone, but I do hope there's a someone for each of us. I don't know if the first star has anything to do with it, but there can't be any harm in looking at the sky as it turns from day to night, thinking of your someone and wishing them well."

As she had been talking, she reached behind the couch and pulled back the curtain slightly, pretending to look at the sky. Although the large center window was still boarded up, awaiting replacement, the smaller windows on either side had been spared. Through one of those side windows, Buffy made eye contact with Spike for a moment. He blew her a kiss and mouthed the words "sweet dreams" before turning and disappearing into the night.

As he walked back to his crypt, he found himself whistling a melody while hearing the lyrics in his head: **_Seventy-six trombones led the big parade …_ ** [6]

* * *

A/N:

Chapter 19: the return of Amy ... who introduces Willow to Rack, someone gets a new roommate, and Spike's progress continues.

Until next time …

~Jen

5 August 2016

* * *

SONGS in this chapter:

[1] The Light in the Piazza (2005 Broadway) "Fable"

[2] The Phantom of the Opera (1986 West End / 1988 Broadway / 2004 film) "The Point of No Return (reprise)"

[3] The Light in the Piazza (2005 Broadway) "Say It Somehow"

[4] Parade (1998 Broadway / 2007 West End) "All the Wasted Time"

[5] Into the Woods (1987 Broadway / 1990 West End / 1991 tv / 2014 film) "Prologue"

[6] The Music Man (1957 Broadway / 1961 West End / 1962 film and 2003 tv) "Seventy-Six Trombones"


	19. Rat Saw Rack

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: 19 September 2017

Sincerest apologies for the extended wait. I did not want to post an update until I was ready to return to this.

When I first wrote Chapters 13-18, I had intended to edit it down significantly. However, after the deaths of three loved ones, I wasn't in a good headspace – plus this storyline has some triggers for me personally – so I avoided taking the time to go over the material again before it was originally posted. It's been a year since I posted the original version of Ch 18 (and two years since posting the initial eight chapters). Late this summer, I was finally ready to come back with fresh eyes.

Many thanks to those readers who took the time to review/pm. Your feedback informed my editing choices.

 **The basic plot/storyline/character arcs of Ch 12-18 remain the same as the original version.** If you remember what happened, no need to read the edited version. However, if you have long since forgotten how Spike was doing with his second chance – and you choose to click back and reread – then I hope you enjoy the new version (those 7 chapters were edited down from 80K to 44K words, including a significant reduction in musical mayhem).

Chapters 19 & 20 roughly correspond to #6.9 "Smashed" and #6.10 "Wrecked"

Thanks so much for returning to read this story. Hopefully, it was worth the wait.

* * *

 **CHAPTER** **19**

 **Rat Saw Rack**

The following week was relatively normal and peaceful for most of the Scooby Gang. Giles and Anya focused their energy on getting the shop in order – knowing that another crisis would come and they should be diligent during the calm. But truthfully, any spare moment Anya had was spent on wedding planning. Dawn, Willow, and Tara were occupied with homework and studying. Xander was working his regular hours, plus replacing the glass and repairing the window frame in Buffy's living room.

Buffy was occupied with getting caught up on things around the house. Since Tara moved out, there was a noticeable difference without her helpful hands. Cleaning, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, meal prep – these are the things that filled Buffy's schedule these days. She decided to give Dawn a list of chores for her to do during normal weeks (you know, weeks without crisis or apocalypse). But even delegating some things to Dawn, she would need assistance, especially if she was going to start taking classes again.

After a trip to campus for a meeting with her advisor, Buffy made the decision to go back part-time next semester. She filed the necessary paperwork to reenroll and made another appointment to plan completion of her degree and register for spring semester classes. Leaving campus, she realized that her life was beginning to feel almost normal again.

[

Spike had fallen into a comfortable pattern for the past week – wake up late, have a liquid lunch, wait for Buffy to drop by to watch Passions, go through the tunnels to the Magic Box for her workout and checking in with Giles while Dawn did her homework, and then, after the Summers girls had dinner and Dawn was safely tucked at home, he and Buffy would patrol.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

The days were long, but he did not mind. He got to spend those hours with Buffy – daytime hours side by side with her, nighttime hours fighting shoulder to shoulder. He enjoyed fighting alongside her. It made every fiber of his being sing and zing. More than that, he liked knowing that she felt she could lean on him, that she trusted him to back her up if things came to blows. It felt like a partnership and the closest thing to family he'd had in years. Their connection was becoming more solid. She was becoming more and more comfortable with him. Progress was slow, but he was in it for the long haul.

On this particular morning, he had woken up earlier than usual, but chose to stay in bed. He was looking over the timeline of future events. It seemed to him that he had made it through the first few months successfully. The stretch of time from now through the end of the school year could prove difficult. Future-Buffy had been vague – they had been together, but she had broken it off. That must have been when they were sleeping together. She had encouraged him not to rush things, but he really did not want to leave to get his soul without them having some level of commitment.

He wondered when he should tell her about her visit from the future. She had suggested that he talk to Tara before leaving in the spring, but he felt like he was lying by keeping things from this Buffy. If they are going to work together as true partners, she needed to know she could trust him. If he waited too long to tell her, she might not react well to him withholding information.

He slid the timeline under the mattress and rolled back over onto his pillow, closing his eyes. He let his mind wander, thinking about whether he should be doing anything more than what he was presently doing.

Although he did not intend to fall asleep, he must have dozed off, because he awoke to Buffy sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Morning, luv. Did you need something?"

"No. I dropped by campus to talk to my advisor and a couple professors ... classes I had to drop when Mom got sick ... to talk to them … since I'm gonna be taking classes again."

"It went well, then?"

"Yeah. But not important right now. On my way here, I stopped at Burger King."

He smiled and his eyes lit up as he asked, "Onion rings?"

She nodded as she stood. "I left the bag ..." She gestured toward the ladder.

"I'll be right up."

A minute later, he was fully clothed and heading toward the fridge to get blood to make his favorite dipping sauce. Since both of them were hungry, they ate in silence for a while.

When they began talking, he turned on the conversational charm – witty wordplay and dazzling discourse. He made a particularly humorous comment and caused her to double over with laughter.

She looked at him looking at her and asked, "What's with the grin?"

"Just love the sound of your laugh is all." He glanced down and played with his food. "Especially if I'm the one able to get you to laugh." He looked back up to find a smile on her face. "Your smile. That sparkle in your eyes."

Blushing, she tucked her hair behind her ears as she avoided his eyes. "Is there mandatory attendance at vampire charm school?"

"What?"

"Just occurred to me that all this sweet talk would come in handy when trying to lure unsuspecting female victims. After Angel … and meeting Dracula … and some of the things you've said to me … I guess some part of me wonders … uh, never mind."

"Buffy." He waited for her to look at him. When she didn't, he said, "Slayer," which got her attention. "Yes, vampires are skilled at seduction. But that's not what this is."

She gave him a skeptical look.

"I've made my feelings plain enough. And I won't deny that I'd like to … know you … intimately."

"At least, you're being honest." She paused before continuing. Even as the words came out of her mouth, Buffy couldn't believe she was asking. "What do you want from this? From me?"

"Right now, I'm just a boy opening his heart to a girl … hoping the girl will open her heart to him. Will you do that? Can you do that?"

She didn't answer him. Her eyes were locked on his as she chewed on her lower lip. Disengaging from the conversation, she stood and walked across the room.

A moment later, he moved to stand behind her. He placed a hand tenderly on her arm. "Buffy?"

Turning to face him, she said, "I feel like this is something different to you than it is to me – that it means something different to you. I – "

He stopped her words and train of thought as he began to kiss her tentatively. When she reciprocated, his fingers ghosted along the side of her face, through her hair, down her arm and the side of her torso. His hand finally coming to rest at her lower back, he pulled her toward himself.

She did not push away from him, but she did pull back from the kiss.

He grinned as he said, "Not so different." His tone became more serious and more tender than she could remember. "Just don't shut me out. Give us a chance. Give _me_ a chance. Let me woo you."

There was a long pause before she finally responded. "What have you been doing?"

He realized she was teasing him, so he tossed back, "Preliminary … preparation … an overture, you might say."

"So … you've got better lines … better moves than this?"

"Got a feeling I'm gonna need to invent some new ones. But you're worth the effort. Doubt you'd swoon at my old material anyway."

She glanced at her watch. As she walked over to the ladder, silently communicating that it was time to get going, she threw this comment over her shoulder, "Looking forward to seeing what you come up with." Then, she climbed down the ladder to walk through the lower level of the crypt to the tunnels.

[

When Buffy and Spike arrived at the store, they found Anya busily counting inventory and Giles doing research. He still hadn't figured out the strange occurrences that seemed to be connected with the appearance of the mystery van. They talked for a while – Giles asking her the same questions he had asked her several times before, trying to see if she would remember something else or describe something differently. Any little shred of new that would bring hope and insight. Finding none, Buffy and Spike went to the back room to spar.

Dawn was spending the afternoon and evening with Tara, so Buffy didn't need to go back to the house before patrolling. She and Spike planned to remain at the store until sunset. Just as they were about to leave the Magic Box, the phone rang. Giles put the call on speaker and gestured that Buffy should come over to the phone.

Willow's voice was rambling excitedly. "Something happened at the museum last night. A guard was frozen solid and a large diamond was stolen. Some of the details weren't in the news, but after Amy told me she saw it on tv, I hacked in magically and read the police report."

Gilles and Buffy looked at one another.

In a concerned tone, Giles asked, "You hacked in …?"

However, Buffy was stuck on something else Willow had said. "Amy told you?"

"Oh. Yeah. Amy. No longer a rat."

"How?"

"Just thought of the right thing. Anyway, I'll see what else I can find out, but I wanted to let you know."

When the conversation ended, Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Looks like I need to have another talk with Willow. Using magic to hack in … and changing Amy back."

"Let's not overreact," Buffy said.

"No. It's past time to react," Spike said. "Willow just made herself a playmate who won't put limits on her magical activities. That's disconcerting, don't you think?"

Giles looked at Spike and nodded.

Buffy studied both of their faces. "Well, when you put it that way."

Returning to his desk, Giles said to the pair, "You two go out and patrol. Make a stop at the museum. See if you can determine if this is a natural or supernatural occurrence." As he removed his glasses to rub his eyes, he let out a frustrated sigh. "We should make a plan of how to approach Willow. Soon."

[

After Spike and Buffy went to check out the crime scene at the museum, they determined there was not much they could do. They made a sweep through town and a couple cemeteries – dusting a few vamps they came across. It was a fairly quiet night on the Hellmouth.

She had not eaten dinner and was quite hungry by now. Spike suggested the diner near the highway, which was one of the few places open all night.

He ordered onion rings and a glass of tomato juice. She ordered an omelet.

When the waitress walked away from the table, Buffy asked, "Onion rings, again? And what's with the beverage choice?"

"I've got two flasks with me – one is filled with blood. If I add it to a glass of tomato juice …"

"Ah … you can drink it in public without drawing attention."

"Figured you'd be used to stuff like this … all the time you and Angel were together."

"We didn't really go out that much. I mean, sometimes, he'd show up at the Bronze, but other than that …"

"Well, I'm not him."

"I know that. I've known that for a while."

Their food arrived a couple minutes later and they continued to talk as they ate. Conversation flowed easily and to any casual observer, this would have looked like a date.

When they had finished eating, Spike helped her into her jacket. After paying the bill, he held the door for her to step through onto the sidewalk. He wanted to reach out and hold her hand, but the evening was going so well and he was afraid of doing anything that might ruin it. He began to walk on her right side, placing himself between her and the road.

She put her hands in her jacket pockets. He took that to mean there would be no handholding and he put his own hands in the pockets of his leather duster. A moment later, she produced a tin of mints and popped one into her mouth. She offered him one and he accepted.

When he had put his hand back in his pocket, she walked closer beside him and reached her hand around his elbow, linking her arm with his. He turned to look at her and she started to pull away.

He placed his right hand over the hand she had wrapped around his left elbow. "No need to shy away. I quite like the idea of strolling arm in arm with such a beautiful woman."

Buffy cozied up against his side, wrapping both of her arms around his. They had to slow the pace of their walk to accommodate their closeness. Every few steps, he would turn to gaze at her. Sometimes, she would look back at him; sometimes, she would just lean into him. With every block of sidewalk, their proximity became more intense.

They were a little more than halfway home when they stopped at an intersection, waiting for a car to pass. Spike turned to face her. The moment seemed to move fast and slow at the same time. His movement was both deliberate and graceful as he shifted toward her and placed his hand on the side of her face. He looked her directly in the eye for just a split second before kissing her – his lips hungrily seeking something from her. It was one of those kisses that you are think may have lasted longer in your memory than in reality. But what does that matter when it feels as if someone has poured hot lava into your bloodstream?

As suddenly as he had kissed her, he backed away from her just as abruptly. "I'm sorry," he said looking at the ground and putting his hands back into his pockets.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"The kiss I just gave you. Not exactly part of the 'slow down plan' is it?"

"Look, just because I don't … want to just fall into bed with you or have a public grope-fest, doesn't mean that I don't … it's just that … you know, we should take it … slow."

Considering her unfinished thoughts, he replied, "Hmm. It does leave something to look forward to." He kissed the back of her hand. "Do you know what an amuse-bouche is?"

She shook her head indicating that she did not – all the while caught in that beautiful blue-eyed gaze.

"It is a bite-sized appetizer. Literally means 'to entertain the mouth.' It's a little something to keep your mouth busy until you … get to the main course."

"Oh," was all she could manage to say. However, her imagination was running wild.

He still had hold of the hand he had kissed. He took that arm and linked it with his as they again began to walk down the sidewalk. They both had a smile of their faces, a twinkle in their eyes, and a slight spring in their steps as they continued toward Buffy's house.

[

During late afternoon into the evening, Willow had done more research which led to very little additional information. As she prepared to wind down for the night, Amy was ready to turn up the fun. When Willow did not seem interested in her pleas to join her for some socializing, Amy masterfully manipulated her – playing on her adolescent insecurities about being considered uncool.

Their first stop was the Bronze. Playing games, a little dancing, some flirting, and a lot of magic. They cranked things up way past the level of a respectable party. And then, they got bored. They needed a higher high, a bigger fix.

That was when Amy took Willow to meet Rack.

[

Shortly after Willow and Amy had gone out, Tara had returned Dawn to the house. Finding the place empty, Tara decided to stay to keep Dawn company until someone came home. They sat on the couch to watch tv and soon fell asleep.

That's where Buffy found them when she came home at 2 a.m. She covered them with a blanket, turned off the tv and lights, and went up to bed.

[

[

When Tara and Dawn woke up the next morning, they were a bit confused to find themselves on the couch. They went upstairs to see if anyone else was home. The door to Joyce's old room was open and the bed had not been slept in. Before they even considered what it meant that Willow had not come home, they rushed down the hallway to Buffy's room.

Dawn pounced on the bed. "You're here. Why didn't you wake us up when you came home?"

Rubbing her eyes, Buffy said. "The two of you looked so peaceful and it was really late. I just covered you up and let you sleep." Looking at Tara, she added, "I'm sorry if you needed to be somewhere."

"No. It's fine. I was just worried when I woke up on the couch – concerned why you hadn't come home. But you did, so no worries."

Smiling from ear to ear, Dawn asked Tara, "Since you're here … can you make pancakes? We could eat together like we …" Her voiced trailed off sadly.

"Okay, Dawnie. Let's go make breakfast."

The three of them were in the kitchen pouring, preparing, and plating their meal when Amy and Willow come in the back door. Noticing that Tara was uncomfortable seeing Willow with another girl, Buffy explained who she was – Amy, the rat. Then, Willow explained how she'd brought Amy back. This prompted Amy to ramble about their crazy night of magic – mostly about their time at the Bronze, but also a brief mention of Rack before she stopped herself. Uncomfortable again, Tara finally decided to leave, making an excuse about needing to be somewhere.

Trying to make the moment less awkward, Buffy and Dawn sat down at the counter to eat, acting like nothing unusual was going on. Buffy invited Amy to join them, but she said she needed to get home. Willow said she had lost her appetite, as she looked at the pancakes Tara had made. Instead of sitting down with the Summers sisters, she went up to bed.

[

For the remainder of day, everyone but Dawn and Willow gathered at the Magic Box to research "the frost monster." And discuss the situation with Willow. Neither of these situations was easily solvable.

Just before sunset, Buffy went back to the house to have dinner with Dawn. But the house was empty. There was a note from Willow that she and Amy had taken Dawn out with them. Buffy immediately headed for Spike's crypt to enlist his help.

[

Dawn had wanted to go to a movie and Willow agreed to take her, but when Amy showed up and suggested that they visit Rack again, Willow could not resist. She told Dawn it would just be a quick stop and they would get to the theater in plenty of time.

But it was not a quick stop.

By the time Amy and Willow returned to the waiting room, Dawn was angry and freaked out. They had come in Amy's car which was parked a couple blocks away. As Dawn watched the two older girls stagger down the sidewalk, she suggested that maybe they should call a cab. But Amy insisted she was fine and made Dawn get into the car.

Dawn should have listened to her instincts. Amy's driving was erratic. Sometimes, the car would drift over the white line; sometimes, Amy would steer the car into the center of the road and straddle the double yellow line, as if it would guide her to her destination.

Claiming that she knew a short cut, Amy took a turn off the main road, weaved her way through a maze of side streets, and turned under an overpass. Seconds later, she veered into one of the cement columns supporting the roadway above.

To Dawn, in that moment, the sound of the crash seemed to be far off in the distance. The force of the impact itself? Dawn felt that in every part of her body. Dazed and unable to move, she laid in the backseat trying to make sense of what she was feeling.

[

When Buffy and Spike left in search of Dawn, he asked if she had any idea of where to start looking. At first, Buffy said that she did not, but then realized that Amy had said something in the kitchen that might be a clue. When she mentioned Rack, Spike was immediately concerned, but at least he knew how to find the place, even though the location was cloaked.

They had just found the hot spot when they heard a crash a few blocks away. As they looked at one another, a bad feeling settled over both of them. Running in the direction of the sound, they tried not to think about what they might find.

Arriving at the scene of the car accident, Buffy saw Willow's red hair in the front passenger seat and assumed that Amy was behind the wheel. She could not see Dawn on the backseat until she was next to the car. As she opened the back door to get to her sister, Buffy instructed Spike to check on the other two. When Buffy felt Dawn's pulse, she breathed a sigh of relief. Willow moaned as Spike touched her wrist – she was injured, but alive. Amy had not been so lucky.

Buffy sent Spike to find a payphone to call 911. She sat in the back seat – stroking Dawn's hair, telling her that help was coming. Not long after Spike returned to the car, they could hear the sirens approaching their location.

The paramedics cleaned up Willow's cuts and attempted to persuade her to go to the ER, but she refused further treatment. As Buffy climbed into the back of an ambulance with Dawn, she asked Spike to take Willow to Giles' apartment and explain what happened.

One of the policemen had told Buffy that they would want to speak to Dawn in the next couple days. When the ambulance pulled away, the police were taking Willow's statement. As she recounted what had happened and watched as Amy was zipped into a body bag, the reality of the night's events began to sink in.

[

About an hour later, Spike arrived at the hospital and found Buffy in a waiting room. Dawn had been taken into surgery; a large piece of glass had to be removed from her abdomen. Apparently, Amy had glass jars in the backseat of her car – ingredients for an intended magic spell. The doctor had told Buffy that he was hopeful about the outcome and he would send someone to update her on Dawn's status.

A short while later, Xander and Anya showed up. When they mentioned that Giles had called to tell them, Buffy asked if anyone had called Tara.

Spike volunteered to take care of that while she talked to Xander. Returning from the payphone, he looked at Buffy as he walked down the long hallway toward the waiting area. He had seen this heaviness on her before, when her mother was in the hospital – the unmistakable sense of helplessness. He hated seeing the Slayer like this.

Moved by compassion, Spike knelt before her and held her hands. The tears she had been holding back poured out accompanied by heavy sobbing. When he put an arm around her, she scooted forward on the chair and wrapped herself around him. As he comforted her, he tried not the think about the fact that he was kneeling between her thighs.

After several minutes, she was able to stop crying enough to steady her breathing and say, "I'm sorry."

Brushing the hair away from her face, Spike said, "Nothing to apologize for, luv." He walked over to a nearby table to get a box of tissues.

When he handed the box to her, she said softly, "Thanks."

Xander was uncomfortable with the affection that had just been displayed, but chose not to say anything that might upset Buffy further. He just sat nearby, handing new magazines to Anya to keep her occupied.

Sitting down next to Buffy, Spike began to lightly rub her back. He felt her soften under his touch and she shifted position to allow him to massage her tension-filled muscles. Over these past months, he had developed a pattern to how he gave her backrubs. As he neared the end of that pattern, she was aware that he chose to continue, waiting for her to tell him when to stop.

After he revisited a few areas he had already covered, she leaned back against him. Resting her head on his shoulder, she whispered, "Thank you."

All the while, Xander kept an eye on Captain Peroxide – who he distrusted even more now that they knew his chip did not work on Buffy. The overly friendly friendliness was almost enough to make him dust Spike right here in the waiting room.

Several minutes later, Buffy was trying to find a more comfortable position and ended up lying down, stretched across a couple chairs. Her head was resting on Spike's lap and he periodically stroked her hair. He felt her breathing change when she fell asleep and was glad she was getting some much-needed rest.

His coat was draped over the back of the chair next to him. As he watched her sleep, he wished that he had thought to cover her up. Now, he would have to be extra careful to reach for the coat without waking her. It took him a few minutes, but he managed to do it without disturbing her.

He was aware of Xander and Anya watching him – studying his actions, obviously curious about his motivations. He was also aware that a couple women at the nurses station had been watching him with Buffy since he had gotten back from calling Tara.

Buffy began to wake up after about a half hour nap. She stood up, stretched, and walked around a little bit. Then, she sat back down next to Spike and leaned against him. When his arm came around her, she settled into his shoulder. They sat in silence until the doctor came to tell her how Dawn was doing.

"The operation went well. We were able to repair the damage, which was not as bad as it could have been. She'll need to stay here for at least a few days, but she should be fine. She's sleeping right now, but if you'd like, I can take you to see her. After that, I'd recommend going home and getting some rest before coming back to visit her later in the day."

Spike, Xander, and Anya waited in the hallway when Buffy went into Dawn's room. Surrounded by all the equipment, Dawn looked so young, small, and helpless. Buffy looked exhausted as she exited the room.

To Xander and Anya, she said, "Thanks, you guys, for coming. When I get back here later, I'll let you know if she's up to visitors. But it sounds like the pain meds are gonna make her pretty groggy for a while."

After they had left, she turned to Spike. "Thank you for … everything. I don't know what I would've … if you hadn't …"

He responded with a shrug as he put his arm around her to walk down the hall. But she shrugged out from under his arm, stepped in front of him, and with her hand on his chest, stopped him. "Don't do that!"

Giving her a quizzical look, he was about to ask 'What?' However, she continued before he could ask.

"You're the one who said that I needed to learn to accept help." She paused, looking him in the eye. "I … I'm … acknowledging that I needed you here. The least you can do is graciously accept my thanks."

Leaning into her hand, which was still on his chest, he said sincerely, "You're welcome." Pulling her into a hug, he placed a kiss near her ear and whispered, "But I keep telling you, luv … whatever you need."

All of this had taken place in front of the nurses station. He wondered how many times these women had a front row seat to real-life drama.

[

The trip back to the house passed quickly. Buffy's mind was obviously somewhere else. Although they did not run into any trouble on the way home, Spike remained alert enough for the both of them.

As Buffy unlocked the door, Spike said, "Giles said you should give him a call in the morning – to tell him how Dawn is and also to talk about Willow."

She nodded in understanding, but her eyes were glazed. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and turned to go.

"Please stay," she said, pushing the door open and stepping over the threshold.

He reached out his hand toward the doorway and tapped on the invisible barrier. "You say 'stay' ... but the disinvite spell says 'stay out.'" He had been wondering how much time would pass before she invited him in again.

Tilting her head, she smiled and said, "Come in, Spike." After taking off her coat and placing her keys on the entry table, she walked into the living room and flopped on the couch.

Spike shut and locked the door. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really. My stomach is a bit queasy, but I should probably eat something."

He brought her a glass of water and some crackers, which he sat down on the coffee table. She had stretched out on the couch while he was in the kitchen. He lifted her feet up and placed them in his lap as he sat down.

As he started to massage her feet, she moaned and mumbled her appreciation. Before too long, she had fallen asleep. He carried her up to her room. Just as he covered her up and began to step away from her bed, she reached out for his arm. Again, she asked him to stay.

Holding her as she fell back to sleep, he thought of the night she had come back to life. She had asked him to stay with her that night too. But he had another memory of being in this bed – his time with future-Buffy. As his mind played video of them together, he wondered how long it would be until he heard her scream his name again. This and other thoughts kept him awake as he held Buffy and watched her sleep.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for reading. As always, feedback welcome and greatly appreciated.

Chapter 20 should be up within a month – the rough draft is partially written.

Until next time …

~Jen

19 September 2017


	20. Agony and Ecstasy

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N:

Thanks for the new follows and reviews!

Hope you enjoy this …

* * *

 **CHAPTER 20**

 **Agony and Ecstasy**

By the time Spike had carried Buffy to bed, the sun was rising. She had not said what time she wanted to get up or when she wanted to be back at the hospital. He decided to let her sleep until 11 a.m. If the hospital needed to reach her, they would call. He reasoned that she was better off getting her rest before taking on the day. It would not be a normal restful Sunday.

Her head was on his chest, her arm across his abdomen. She was sleeping so peacefully that he hated to wake her. He watched the minutes tick by on the clock as he watched her sleep.

Finally, he stroked her arm gently as he said, "Buffy. Time to get up."

She rolled away from him, curling up on her side with her back toward him.

He rolled to his side and scooted over to her, reaching out to rub her back. "Buffy. You need to wake up, luv."

She groaned as she shifted position slightly, rubbing up against him. He bit back a groan of his own.

Speaking more firmly this time, he said, "Buffy, I know you don't want to get up, but you need to. You need to go the hospital to check on Dawn."

He could tell she was alert now. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock on her nightstand.

"Eleven o'clock?! I should have set an alarm."

"You needed your sleep. I stayed awake in case the hospital called – and they didn't. She's probably been resting too."

Buffy conceded that he was probably right to let her sleep. She quickly picked out clothes and headed for the shower. After brushing her hair into a ponytail and applying enough makeup to make her look awake, she went into Dawn's bedroom.

Pulling an overnight bag from under the bed, Buffy packed a couple outfits – Dawn would want options for her trip home. Buffy gathered some other items, placing them next to the bag on Dawn's bed.

"Do you mind staying here? In case Xander, Tara, or Giles call to get an update." She shook her head. "You know, I should really get a cell phone. It would make days like today easier." She pointed at the bag. "I'm gonna leave this here for now. I'll give you a call to let you know if she wants anything else. You can bring the bag with you later."

"Later?"

"To the hospital. She's gonna want to see you." She watched a smile form on his lips as she continued, "And I wouldn't mind the company."

[

As promised, Buffy called the house a few hours later to give Spike an update on Dawn. The doctor said Dawn would need to stay at least a couple more days. Buffy asked Spike to call the rest of The Scoobies and let them know that Dawn might be up for short visits today.

Dawn had requested a few items, including the book that was currently on her nightstand – she was rereading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire while waiting for the next book in the series. Spike gathered the things she wanted and added them to the bag Buffy had packed.

He did not feel like waiting for the sun to set. Under cover of blanket, he headed for the nearest tunnel access. When he first arrived at the basement level of the hospital, he met up with a contact of his to get a couple bags of blood. After drinking one bag and putting the other in his coat pocket, he went upstairs to Dawn's room.

Giles was in the waiting area. When Spike had called him after speaking to Buffy, he had volunteered to call the others. Apparently, he had asked Xander and Anya to stay with Willow at his apartment so that he could come see Dawn. As Spike was talking with Giles, Buffy came down the hall toward them.

Seeing Spike, she smiled. "She's going to be so glad to see you."

"Me? Or the things I brought?" Spike asked as he held up the overnight bag.

"Both," she replied, shaking her head. "She's awake, if you'd like to go in. I was just coming to get Giles. She can probably handle the three of us for a few minutes."

Just as they reached the door to Dawn's room, her doctor approached Buffy. She stayed in the hall to speak to him while Giles and Spike went in to see Dawn.

When Buffy entered the room, Spike let go of Dawn's hand and moved away from the bed, making space for her.

"What did the doctor say? Can I go home tomorrow?" Dawn was her typical bundle of teen-aged energy, not wanting to be kept in the hospital any longer than necessary.

"Soon, but not quite that soon, Dawn. Looks like you get to read and watch tv a couple more days."

Her body language showed that she was clearly disappointed by the news, but she said, "Guess that's not so bad."

"I'll go pick up your school assignments tomorrow."

"Ugh! I have a big history project coming up. Not looking forward to that."

Giles offered his assistance and asked, "What's the topic?"

"I have World History this year. We're studying China right now."

Clearing his throat, Spike said, "If you want a firsthand account of The Boxer Rebellion …"

Now, Dawn was all smiles. "Wow. That'd be so cool! And if Giles helps me with the book research … my project will kick ass."

"Dawn!" Buffy felt the maternal need to wash out Dawn's mouth with soap.

Pulling a face at her older sister, Dawn edited her previous statement. "My project will … slay?"

Spike stepped up behind Buffy, placed his hands on her upper arms, and said into her ear, "She's got you there, Slayer."

Giles observed the pair – the way Spike acted toward her, the way Buffy reacted to his touch. He turned his attention back to the patient. "I'll come by again tomorrow, Dawn. We can talk history or play a game. Whatever you would like." He leaned over to give her a kiss on the top of her head. "Get some rest."

Buffy moved aside so that Spike could give Dawn a hug. He wasn't sure what to say to her. He wanted to tell her how glad he was that she was going to be fine and how worried he had been – as much as if she were his own sister. For some reason, he couldn't put it into words at the moment.

As he released her from the embrace, she said, "Thank you for coming to see me. And for helping find me last night."

Now, he knew what to say: "Anything for you, Niblet."

Giles and Spike left the two sisters alone in the room.

[

A short while later, Buffy joined them in the waiting room.

"Not much else we can do today. Might as well head home. She was falling asleep before I left the room."

"How is she dealing with things?" Giles gently inquired.

"You mean Amy's death and the fact that Willow endangered her life? I wish I could say, 'peachy with a side of keen,' but honestly, I don't know. Right now, she flips back and forth between pretending everything is normal and hateful words about Willow."

"To be expected, I suppose."

She gave Giles a hug and thanked him for coming. She also thanked him for dealing with Willow, which she was not ready to do yet.

"Are you going straight home?"

"No. I should probably patrol."

"Right. But then make sure you get some sleep."

"Yes, Giles," Buffy said with an extreme eyeroll.

As she and Spike were leaving the hospital together, she mentioned that the police had come by to take Dawn's statement.

"I'm glad I had a chance to talk to her before the officers got here. Some details would give them the wiggins. I helped her put the story into bite-sized swallowable chunks. They wanted a better idea of – but didn't get … and _so_ wouldn't get – the situation with Amy. Seems like they're writing it off as Amy still being 'troubled' after having been 'missing.' I can't imagine how hard this is on her dad. At least, she went to see him the other day."

"When are you going to go see Willow?" Spike asked.

"Tomorrow, I think. Giles said that she's really upset about what happened – about Amy's death and freaked about how out of control she got, also feeling guilty for what happened to Dawn and how much worse it could have been."

"Understandable." He paused and studied her face, trying to read beyond what she was saying. He could tell that she was still fuming over what Willow had done. "She could probably use her best friend right about now."

She sighed, knowing he was right, but unsure if she was capable of that yet. "I know. I just don't want to see her while I'm still angry – or at least, I'd like to be less angry when I see her."

[

They talked a bit more while they patrolled. Most of the usual vampire haunts were quiet. However, in one cemetery, they got into quite a fight with three vamps. In the end, they dusted all three, but it was intense – Buffy actually broke a sweat before it was over.

She and Spike stood facing each other after the dust settled. Adrenaline surged through her and a burst of energy flooded his system. She felt a familiar need gnawing at her insides. She had frequently felt this way when she fought alongside Angel or Riley – the desire to work off excess energy after a fight. But this was the first time she had felt this way with Spike.

Feeling the need to touch him, she reached out, but at the last second, she chose to brush something off his sleeve. Rather than say what she was feeling, she chose to say, "I'm hungry. Let's head home."

As they took the shortest route back to her house, they walked in silence. He could tell she had something on her mind; he definitely had something on his.

His home was on the way back to hers, but he wasn't ready to say goodnight yet.

[

When they got back to the house, they dropped their coats and went to the kitchen. She had not even decided what she wanted to eat before she was distracted by another physical need. He was standing a few feet away from her, but the way her skin tingled, they might as well have been touching.

She continued looking for something to eat, something to distract her from the distracting attraction.

He was talking. She heard the words, but was not taking in the meaning. When he started, it didn't seem like anything too important. So she decided to put her energy into controlling her feelings.

At some point, he asked if she was listening. She responded, "Mm-hmm." But she hadn't been. And he must have known that.

He grabbed her upper arms and turned her body to face him. Even when he asked her to look at him, she was unwilling to make eye contact.

For a long moment, they stood there, wondering if the other was thinking the same thing. Finally lifting her face to look at his, she was not surprised by what she found there – an expression that seemed to mirror her own. The air between them was electric.

His hands were still on her arms. Time seemed to stand still. When it began to move again, her hands went to the sides of his face as her lips crashed into his.

There was no gradual buildup – this kiss was not the slow, tender type they had shared lately. This kiss was fueled by need and desire of the urgent and ravenous kind. His strong arms encircling her, he walked her backward until she was sandwiched between him and the island. He leaned his weight away from her just long enough to lift her up onto the counter. Instinctively, her legs wrapped around him and she hooked her ankles together.

As he nibbled down her neck, the taste was familiar. Even the sounds she made reminded him of his time with future-Buffy. This cleared the haze of lust just long enough for him to push the pause button.

He removed his hands from her and placed them on the counter just beside her hips. He leaned his forehead on her shoulder as he said, "We should …"

She cut him off, saying, "Go upstairs." Her words began to dissolve what little resolve he had.

"Not what I was going to say." He stepped away from her and put his hands in his pockets, studying her.

Hopping down from the counter, she said, "Well, then, your words and actions don't quite jive." Her confusion was obvious in the tone of her voice.

"Buffy," his voice was gentle as he began, "with everything that's going on, I'm not sure that … it's such a good idea."

Thinking back to a few moments she had shared with Angel – particularly the night of her mom's funeral, when he had sat with her all night – her mind connected dots to this moment. She attempted to assure Spike that she was in control of her emotions and actions. "This isn't about me being needy because of Dawn … or it would've happened last night."

He continued to study her as he asked, "Then, what is this about?"

"What is it usually about?"

Everything in him wanted to give in, but a mental picture of future-Buffy's face flashed in his mind – her expression as she implored him to not rush things. He replied to her question, "Waiting won't change that." The irritated look on her face caused him to explain further. "I'd rather you wake up sexually frustrated and still want to jump me ... than you wake up, regret your actions, and want to stake me." He watched her expression soften. "Let's both get some sleep."

She walked toward the hall to go upstairs. When she saw him heading into the living room, she questioned, "What are you doing?"

"Sleeping on the couch, luv."

With a half-smile, she nodded at him. "See you in the morning."

He listened to her boots on the stairs and her movements on the floor above as she got ready for bed.

Lying there in the living room, Spike was thinking about the time he spent with future-Buffy in the bedroom. He recalled those moments with all of his senses – the feel of her hands on him, the taste of her on his tongue, the scent that was distinctly Buffy, the look in her eyes as desire flooded her system. But right now, the sense memory that was overwhelming him … the moans and labored breathing that he longed to hear again. His imagination was so alive he would have sworn that he was hearing the sound right now.

Then, he realized he was hearing something from upstairs. He was hearing her.

[

[

The next morning, she woke up before him. After the shower stopped, he heard her footsteps going back and forth between her bedroom and the bathroom.

He gave her a few more minutes before he went upstairs. She was in bathroom fixing her hair. He leaned against doorframe, watching her.

When she turned to look at him, he raised an eyebrow and said playfully, "You had better have been thinking about me."

"What?"

"Last night. I could hear you."

Her eyes went wide and her face began to redden. All she could manage to say was, "Oh."

"Certainly sounded like an O." He smirked as he studied her reactions, including her racing heartbeat. "So … were you?"

She swallowed before speaking. "Thinking of you ... at that ... moment?"

His eyes were full of mischief, while his face was serious. The overall effect was seductive. He moved toward her until he was in her personal space. His voice was deep and resonant as he said, "Answer me, pet."

After a long moment of hesitation, she made the decision to kiss him – a long, slow kiss with her eyes open. Her response hummed between them: "Mm-hmm."

He growled into her mouth and clawed at denim covering her hips.

After a couple minutes, they both allowed the intensity of the kiss to decrease. Then, Spike allowed her to pull out of his arms. As she went back to primping in front of the mirror, he stood behind her, staring at her eyes in the reflected image.

[

When she had finished breakfast, Buffy called Xander to see if he was planning on visiting Dawn today. He said he was going to drop by during his lunch break. From that, she formulated a schedule for the day: she and Spike would go to the hospital first; Spike would stay there and she would go to the school to pick up Dawn's assignments; then, Buffy would drop by Giles' apartment to see Willow; she should have plenty of time to visit Dawn before dinner. Of course, she would patrol later in the evening.

And so it went.

Buffy was able to talk to the doctor first thing when they got to the hospital. He said that unless anything changed, Dawn would be discharged tomorrow. While Dawn ate her breakfast, the two sisters watched tv and talked. Buffy tried to gently prod Dawn to talk about her anger toward Willow, as well as Amy's death. During that time, Spike sat in the waiting room.

When she finished the conversation with Dawn, Buffy walked down the hall toward Spike. He stood and moved to meet her halfway. After they spoke for a few minutes, it was clear to him that she was about to turn to go. He reached up to cup her face in his hands – watching her eyes, trying to read the moment. He opted to kiss her on the forehead, but held his lips there for a few seconds. It warmed his unbeating heart when he heard her sigh contentedly.

As Buffy started toward the elevator, Spike walked into Dawn's room and pulled a deck of cards from his coat pocket. He had come prepared to keep Dawn busy. Buffy turned back and stood just outside the open door for a minute – watching him with her sister, getting a glimpse of what he had done for Dawn while she was gone. It was obvious how much he cared about Dawn, in much the same way he had cared about their mother. It boggled her mind how an enemy – at times, the bane of her existence – could become a friend as close as family. And now, after the way things had been lately, what were they to each other?

That train of thought would have to wait. She had a full day ahead of her.

[

Fortunately, the stop at the school only took about ten minutes. Dawn's teachers had prepared her assignments and taken them to the office. As Buffy looked through the stack, she saw notes which included not only detailed instructions for Dawn, but also well-wishes for a speedy recovery.

Arriving at Giles' door, Buffy stood there for a moment, unable to make herself knock. She had planned to take some time to process her anger toward Willow. Although she had not exactly avoided it, she had a lot going on the past couple days. She was reminded of what Spike had said about Willow needing her best friend. Finally, Buffy rapped on the door.

Giles opened the door and moved aside to let her enter. They nodded at one another, eye contact saying more than words ever could.

Willow was sitting on the couch with a mug in her hand. When she saw Buffy, she put her drink down on the coffee table and stood nervously. "Buffy … I didn't know … that you would be …" She looked down, took a deep breath, and continued, "… um … I've thought about what I need to say to you …"

Buffy walked around to where Willow stood and took her hand. "Will, hold that thought. Right now? I want to know how my friend is doing."

Tears formed in Willow's eyes and her face softened. Buffy put her arms around her and held her as she cried. Once she had stopped sobbing, they let go of one another and sat down on the couch. Giles brought a box of tissues and quietly excused himself to the loft, where he would be able to hear, but they would have some privacy.

"How am I?" Willow began. "Physically, I'm fine. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. I can't believe that Amy's dead … and that I put Dawn's life and my own at risk like that. You hear people talk about getting 'a wake-up call' and … you think you know what that means … until you get one yourself."

After her own post-grave trauma, Buffy could recognize that Willow needed to be given time and space to say what she needed to when she was ready to.

Willow rambled her way through guilty thoughts and confused emotions. She explained that when she turned Amy from rat to human, she did not have a motive – she just all of a sudden realized that she could. But once Amy was back, she did enjoy having another magically inclined friend around. Enjoyed it way too much. She had already been on a slippery slope with the magicks. She hadn't been ready to admit it, but Tara had seen it and tried to help her. It scared her how quickly she had slipped down to the bottom – it only took a matter of days with Amy at her side. It scared her to think how much worse things could get. She did not want to find out.

Giles had told Willow stories from his Ripper days – some that Buffy had heard, some that she hadn't. Normally, he preferred to keep his experiences close to the vest, but in this case, his rash, arrogant behavior could serve as a cautionary tale and a guide toward the path to redemption. He had been trying to get through to her since she had brought Buffy back. She was finally ready to listen.

When Willow had exhausted that topic, she looked down at her own lap, playing with a tissue. "How much does Dawn hate me?"

"Hate is a strong word. Honestly, she hasn't talked much about it. When she was giving her report to the police, I could hear in her voice that she was angry at you … and worried about you. I've tried to talk to her about that night, but I haven't gotten very far. She's still on pain meds, so she's a little loopy."

"When can I see her?"

"Probably best to wait until she's home. Give it a couple days. I'll try to talk to her again."

"Okay. I just want to make things right with her … with you … with … well, everyone. Giles and I have been talking about some options. I know I need help. We're putting together a plan."

"That's good to hear, Will. And you know that we all want you to get better. You may have to be patient for some of the group to come around, but I don't think anyone hates you." Buffy changed to a more upbeat tone as she asked, "So tell me about this plan."

"One thing's for sure … I'm gonna drop out this semester. Need to focus on getting my head together and repairing relationships. The question is where I'm gonna be while I do that. Giles talked to a friend in England. There's a chance that he may be able to get me into a program where they help people detox and rehab from addiction to dark magicks. And then they help you find a happy balance of your gifting in harmony the Universe."

"You mean … you'll still be able to do spells without it being …"

"Destructive and self-destructive?" Crossing her fingers, Willow attempted a smile. "Here's hoping."

The two of them continued talking for a while – including that she needed to get the rest of her things from Buffy's house. One way or the other, she would not be living there for the foreseeable future.

Eventually, Giles rejoined them. He offered to take Willow over to the house later in the day in order for her to pack up her things.

A short while later, he walked Buffy out so they could speak in private. He confirmed what Willow had told her about the rehab program. He would hear from his friend in the next few days about when they might have an opening for her. In the meantime, he felt it best if Willow stayed with him. He had been able to come back from his use of dark magicks. He hoped that his experience would prove helpful to Willow in her journey ahead.

[

When Buffy got back to the hospital, she heard about Xander's lunchtime visit. She was pleasantly surprised to hear that Tara dropped by between classes.

Although Dawn was not excited when Buffy handed her the stack of books and papers from school, she was happy to see a note from her favorite teacher. While Dawn completed an English worksheet, Buffy talked to one of the nurses for an update.

Spike stayed in Dawn's room and looked at her World History textbook to see how they had covered the Boxer Rebellion. He had some complaints about their revisionist approach to history. He thought to himself: _Maybe Watcher Boy will have a book or two that will back up my account._

When Buffy returned to the room, Spike went in search of blood for himself and food for Buffy. Dawn started on her math while Buffy looked over her English homework. After Spike returned, they sat together, watching tv and eating dinner.

Although Buffy wanted to stay, she and Spike needed to patrol. Kissing her sister, she said, "Goodnight. See you tomorrow."

Before they left, Dawn asked Buffy to turn off the tv and hand her the Harry Potter book in her bag.

[

Patrol did not take long. Thankfully, Sunnydale had been displaying a little less than its usual Hellmouthiness. That was a welcome change of pace with Dawn in the hospital.

When Buffy and Spike got back to the house, everything initially seemed like a typical night – the friendly banter and casual interaction that had become the norm when they spent time together. However, it did not take long before things began to heat up. Again, Spike was trying to take future-Buffy's advice – to be a gentleman and take it slowly. But his desire and Buffy's persistence made that increasingly difficult.

Buffy started to ask: "Don't you want …"

Spike tilted his head as he replied. "You know I do."

"Then, what?"

"I was prepared to wait … longer."

"I don't wanna wait. I'm alive – again. People die in this town every day. Who knows how many more days any of us gets? I just want … to feel alive."

Her words hung between them. She waited for his response. In the silence, he processed her words at lightspeed – filtering them through everything that future-Buffy had told him.

He had been in love with her for a year, maybe longer than that – after all, Dru had seen it before he did. Now, Buffy stood before him, offering herself to him. And he was questioning if it was too soon, if it would mess up their future together.

She stepped toward him and placed her hands on the sides of his torso. "Spike?"

Even if his brain had been able to form words, they would have gotten stuck in his throat. He chose instead to kiss her.

This kiss was gentle and unhurried. At least, that's how it began. Then, like kindling catching fire, the moment ignited. His hands were in her hair; her hands tugged at the hem of his tshirt and found his skin.

Without further deliberation or conversation, he picked her up and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom.

Soon, their clothes were in clumps on the floor. In a few short minutes, the sheet and blanket on her bed were a tangled mess.

As he attended to her need, images of memories with future-Buffy were flashing through his mind. For this Buffy, it was their first time together. Since there was no countdown clock, there were no time constraints.

Everything about her was just as he remembered. Yet, better somehow. Maybe because that had felt like a dream and this … this felt more real than anything he had experienced during his years on this planet.

Hearing the sounds she made under his touch drove him wild. But when she looked at him – her eyes filled with longing – and she said words like "yes" or "harder" or "more" … that was almost enough to send him over the edge. A year ago, he could only dream of the real Buffy in his arms, their bodies moving in unison, the two of them connecting this way.

But as with most things, reality is better than fantasy. Her strength meeting his as they joined … it was damn near perfection. They were not just creating a moment. As they climaxed together the first time, she looked into his eyes and he could feel it – they were creating a connection, a bond. It was different than the bond he had had with his sire Dru. And in truth, it was more intense.

Exhausted from their passionate exertion, they held one another during a brief respite before Round Two. The room was silent, but the jukebox in his mind cued up Modern English: "I'll stop the world and melt with you …"

And melt they did.

After they finished the second time, Spike realized something. When he had been with future-Buffy, she knew his body intimately and he had been the one to take the time to become familiar with hers. This time, it was the other way around. After Buffy had come down from the high of her first orgasm, she had explored his body thoroughly and took pleasure in finding out what caused him to react.

During the course of their sex marathon, changing positions flowed as seamlessly as longtime lovers. Nothing had felt this right for either of them in a long time. When they came together, neither one could hold back their verbal reactions. It was a bloody good thing the house was empty.

Their overwhelming need now satisfied, they collapsed, limbs tangled together. After a moment, Buffy repositioned herself, trying to get more comfortable. Several minutes later, she rolled toward the nightstand to see the clock. Spike could tell there was something on her mind. It made him wonder if she had felt the same thing he had.

Cautiously, he asked, "Did you want me to go … before sunrise?"

She shook her head. "No."

Before curling up beside him, she leaned over to set the alarm clock. They both settled in for a short night of sleep.

Nearly an hour had passed – the two of them spooning, his arm draped over her. She assumed he was asleep; he could tell she was not.

He nuzzled her neck and whispered, "Something keeping you awake?"

She did not answer immediately, just lightly ran her fingertips along his arm. Rolling toward him, she was unsure how to respond.

Stroking the side of her face, he asked, "What is it?"

Avoiding his eyes, she played with the hem of the sheet and struggled to put her thoughts into words. "I'm the Slayer. You'd think if I can handle an apocalypse that the so-called 'small stuff' wouldn't get to me." She paused and he waited for her to continue. "When your first boyfriend's response to having sex with you is to turn evil and the next guy you sleep with freezes you out … and your next boyfriend needs supplemental thrills from vamp whores …" She took a deep breath before finally getting to the point: "It can make a girl a bit paranoid."

"I'm not sure what you're getting at, luv."

"Well … you've been around much longer and have … much more experience than I do. I'm gonna guess that Drusilla was fairly adventurous in the bedroom. That's a lot to compete with."

Spike propped himself up on one elbow and used his other hand to turn her face toward him. "You don't need to compete with anyone. You won my heart a long time ago. Game over."

"But you haven't really said anything …"

"Buffy," he said softly before kissing her forehead. "Only because I don't really have words to … but if you need to hear words …" He took in a breath he didn't need and sighed as he said, "You fracture me. In all my years, no one else has had this effect on me. And tonight … being with you … it's a revelation. The things that I felt or experienced before … they were cheap substitutes. I see that now."

She stared at him as she took in his declaration. "Wow … um … that's more than … well, I just wanted to make sure you weren't disappointed."

He let out a laugh. "You're kidding, right? The other guys you've been with were fools to let you go, idiots for treating you that way and making you feel like there was something wrong with you. Buffy … I could never be disappointed."

As she smiled at him, she seemed to relax.

Taking the opportunity to tease her a bit, but also open up a possible future conversation, he said, "But … if there's ever anything you want to try … just let me know." Raising an eyebrow and giving her a crooked smile, he slowly leaned toward her and kissed her nose. "Ready to sleep now?"

She answered his question with a whispered "Yes," but her mind was still whirring.

It's not like she hadn't had sex before – she had, but this was different. With Riley, something was missing – she had felt it too. With Parker, she had been too hurt when he moved on to new conquests for her to put it in perspective at the time, but once you got past the sweet talk he used to lure a girl into bed, he really didn't have much to offer. With Angel, partly because it was her first time, it took on a fairy-tale quality in her memory. He had made her feel safe and loved – until the following day, when she met Angelus. Mythic as it had been, she didn't recall feeling the intense reactions that Spike had been able to provoke from her.

From the moment Spike began touching her earlier that night, she was unsure where he stopped and she began. Not only did the earth move when she came, she felt something inside shatter. And yet, she felt like the shattered pieces of herself had been made whole again. She couldn't make sense of it, but it felt right. She felt right. For the first time in a long time.

* * *

A/N:

Rough draft of Chapter 21 is written. Hope to have it posted before NaNoWriMo begins.

Thanks so much for reading! As always, feedback welcome and appreciated.

Until next time …

~Jen

9 October 2017


	21. Awake and Alive

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N: Thanks for the new follows, favs, and reviews. Nice to know you're enjoying it. Definitely helps motivate me to finish this story after being away from it for so long.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 21**

 **Awake and Alive**

A few hours later, the alarm clock began ringing. Buffy groaned as she reached for the offending device. As she settled back on her pillow, an arm wrapped around her waist pulling her to the other side of the bed.

"Hey!" Buffy was startled, as she had momentarily forgotten that she was not alone.

"You weren't complaining last night … or in the early hours of the morning."

She didn't need to turn to look at him – she could hear the crooked smile in his teasing tone. "Not complaining. Just surprised."

He loosened his hold. "You did ask me to stay, luv."

Rolling toward him, she said, "Not quite awake. Brain not processing yet."

"Fried some brain cells, did I?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

Admitting nothing, she rubbed her eyes as she said, "A shower … plus some caffeine … then, I should be functional." Buffy swung her legs over the side of the bed. Holding the sheet over her breasts, she began to look for her clothes on the floor.

Spike reached across the bed to run his fingertips up and down her back. "You have Slayer strength and rapid healing. Me on the other hand … gonna need some more rest after that. Not easy keeping up with you."

Looking over her shoulder at him, she teased, "Most men wouldn't admit that, you know."

"I'm not most men, pet." He tugged on the sheet, freeing it from where it was tucked under the mattress. Tossing his half of it toward her, he watched her as she took in the view – his naked body stretched out on her bed.

She blushed and turned away from him as she stood and gathered the sheet around her. He quickly got to his feet and moved to stand behind her, taking her into his arms.

"Now, now. No need for that, luv – averting your eyes … blushing … hiding yourself from me."

Without any struggle, she let him hold her while he kissed her shoulders.

"Spike." His name fell from her lips like a moan. Then, she sighed and said, "I need to get in the shower."

Peeling the sheet away from her body, he said, "Let me help you with that." He tossed the sheet onto the bed. Scooping her up into his arms, he carried her to the bathroom.

After he turned on the water, she started to ask, "You're not planning on …"

He could tell she was uncomfortable. Shaking his head no and watching her relieved reaction, he could not help but add, "Not today."

Walking back to her bedroom, he remembered when he had carried her lifeless form down this hallway after the battle with Glory. He recalled cleaning up her wounds in the bathroom the night she came back. So many memories of her, with her. Now, he had another memory to add to the collection.

[

While she was alone in the bathroom, Buffy had some time to think. She was not sure how she expected Spike to act after sex, but she was mildly surprised at the way he had continued to tenderly stroke various parts of her body long after the physical act itself was over. She felt safe and cared for – more than that, she felt satisfied in a way she never had before.

[

They went through their morning routine in much the same way they had the day before. They ate breakfast together – Buffy had Honey Nut Cheerios with milk, Spike had Weetabix with blood. In between bites, they talked. If you'd heard the conversation, it could have been any ordinary morning.

Ordinary, that is, until Spike asked, "How do you want to handle this?"

Almost choking on her cereal, she replied, "Handle what?"

"Not as if I plan to go about shouting from rooftops … just wondering what you plan on telling your friends."

"About us? Certainly not telling them about last night. Not right now anyway." She carried her bowl and spoon to the sink, taking the time to rinse them and giving herself a moment to think. Turning around, she said, "I'll start by telling them that we've gone out a few times. I don't think that will come as a surprise to anyone. I noticed the past couple days at the hospital that Xander and Giles have been watching us together."

"So, what … we're dating, then?"

She nodded slowly and said, "Yeah. Guess we are."

He walked over to the sink to rinse his glass. "Does that status come with public kissing privileges?" He grabbed her possessively and waited for her to answer.

"Magic 8-ball says: Ask again later."

Tilting his head, he considered trying to persuade her, but decided he could live with her answer. He tucked her hair behind her ear with one hand while still holding her hip with his other hand. After a long moment, he released his hold on her and turned his attention to the dishes.

She had gone upstairs to brush her teeth and gather her things for the day. He followed a couple minutes later to get his boots.

Standing in the doorway of the bathroom watching her, he had a thought. "Have you considered moving into your Mum's room? No one's using it right now … and with Dawn coming home soon, you'd be right next door if she needs anything during the night."

Putting away her toothbrush and toothpaste, she took one last look in the mirror. "I hadn't given it any thought. But now that you mention it, it might be a good idea for me to sleep in there. At least, when she first comes home. Not sure about after that."

"She could move down to your room after she's recuperated. She's probably been eyeing Big Sis's room for a while. That way you each get a new room … a bit of a fresh start for you both."

Buffy acknowledged that his reasoning made a certain amount of sense. "Although that sounds like a nice thought, when would I find the time to move my stuff before she gets home? And then, she'd have to move her things. Seems like a lot of work."

"Let me help. I can take care of it – your stuff anyway – while you're at the hospital today. Your new room will be all ready by the time you bring her home later."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you just want the opportunity to go through my things."

"There was a time that would have been true," he admitted. "If there's anything you'd rather do yourself, I'll leave those things alone."

After a little more thought, she decided a change would be nice. She asked him to take care of the laundry while she moved some personal items to the room she would always think of as her mom's. When he came back upstairs, she showed him what would still need to be moved. As she opened the built-in closet and saw her collection of shoes, she knew that she would need more storage in her new room.

Looking at the clock, she realized that she had some time before she needed to get going. She had Spike get some garbage bags from the kitchen and she did a quick sweep through her closet, getting rid of things that she no longer wore or simply never needed in the first place.

As she sifted through, she wondered why they hadn't gotten rid of her things after she died. Then, she remembered that Willow had planned to bring her back. A fresh wave of anger washed over Buffy. She wanted to forgive her friend for the things she had done, but was finding it difficult. Willow had gotten in too deep. The seductive, addictive nature of something powerful had diminished her self-control and decision-making ability. Under the circumstances, it was difficult to be understanding, but her friendship with Willow was more important than holding onto her anger and resentment. Much like sorting through clothing she didn't need and deciding which things she would keep, Buffy would have to sort through her feelings toward Willow and find a way to let go of things it would be pointless to cling to.

She filled two bags with clothes, including a few jackets, and another half bag with shoes. It felt so good to get rid of the excess that she decided that she should go through the rest of the house when she got a chance – sooner rather than later. But she would need to go through some things with Dawn, in case there was anything she felt strongly about keeping.

Buffy had moved her makeup, skin products, jewelry, journals, and her more girlie undergarments earlier when Spike was downstairs. What remained in her room were things she felt comfortable having him move while she was gone today. After all, he had been helping with the laundry for a while now – there were very few items of her clothing he hadn't had his hands on already.

[

By the time Buffy got to the hospital, Dawn had already eaten breakfast and had done some more of her homework. Tara dropped by around lunchtime, sitting with Dawn for a while so Buffy could go get something to eat. After Tara left, Buffy hung out with her sister until she was discharged in the late afternoon. Xander and Anya came to drive her home.

As they pulled up in front of the house, Spike opened the door. Seeing Dawn struggling to get out of the car, Spike quickly assessed that the sun had gone down enough for him to venture out. He rushed to Dawn's side and picked her up. He carried her all the way to her room, carefully setting her on the edge of the bed.

When Dawn said, "Thank you, Spike," he pressed his lips together in that not-quite-a-smile of his and nodded wordlessly. Turning to leave the room, he said to Buffy, "I'll be downstairs."

She touched his arm as he went past her. He paused beside her almost imperceptibly, but long enough that Buffy felt their connection.

After helping Dawn get settled, Buffy went downstairs to find that Xander and Anya had already left and Spike was in the kitchen preparing a glass of blood for himself.

Without looking up, he asked as she entered the room, "Did you or Dawn want anything to eat? I could …"

"Not right now. She was hungry when we were leaving the hospital. Xander offered to stop at her favorite pizza place. So we're both full." She sat down on one of the stools and looked across the island at Spike. "She's exhausted. Probably already asleep. And I gotta say, bed sounds awfully good right now."

He studied her face as he began, "Since she's home … did you want me to …" He gestured toward the door, asking if he should go.

She rested her elbows on the counter and dropped her face into her hands. "You can if you want, but you don't have to. You could sleep in my room … my old room. Since I'll be in Mom's room."

"But not …?"

Looking up at him, she said firmly but tenderly, "Not together. Not with her here. Not yet anyway."

"Not yet." He repeated her words as he considered their meaning. He decided that he liked those words better than an outright 'No.' He walked around to where she was seated. "Must admit ... after last night, I'm gonna have a hard time sleeping anywhere without you in my arms."

As she dropped her head slightly, she closed her eyes and a smile came to her lips. He lifted her chin to kiss her.

Pressing his forehead to hers, he whispered, "I missed you."

"I wasn't gone that long."

"That's where you're wrong, pet. It was too long."

She playfully smacked his arm. "Maybe you _should_ leave," she said. "Removing the temptation might make things easier."

He chuckled at that. "If that's what you want, luv."

After kissing him again, she said, "You haven't been home much in the past couple days. You probably don't want to leave the place empty too long."

"Right you are about that." He considered for a moment. "I'll go then. You want me to come over tomorrow?"

"Yes. But you don't need to leave right now." As much as she thought it was better for him to go, she did not want him to leave.

"Actually, with Niblet home and you needing to be here for her, I should probably patrol tonight." He rinsed the glass after drinking the blood. Then, he headed into the dining room where he had left his coat on a chair.

She walked with him to the front door. As he stepped out onto the porch, she thanked him for everything he had done the past few days. Giving him one last kiss, she felt his absence before he left.

Locking the door behind him, she walked back into the kitchen to check the back door. As she made her way upstairs, she turned lights off as she went. She washed her face and brushed her teeth before checking on Dawn. When she turned to walk into her mom's room, it felt strange and familiar at the same time. After undressing and putting her clothes in the hamper, she easily found the PJs she went looking for. Spike had taken great care in moving her things.

[

The night was uneventful. Dawn woke once to go to the bathroom and wanted something to drink, but then, she went right back to sleep. She liked knowing that Buffy was next door if she needed anything.

Buffy was glad beyond words that her sister was home. She had not realized exactly how worried she had been until the relief hit. The moment that it hit her was when she saw Spike carry Dawn into the house.

Dawn was safe. And Spike was a big part of that. He had been since earlier this year.

[

[

The Summers sisters were getting breakfast when Spike came through the door. Dawn practically tackled him before he could get out from under the blanket.

"Yay! You're here!"

"Nice to see you too, Niblet." When Dawn let go of him, he looked over at Buffy and said, "Good morning."

Buffy smiled at him warmly. "Good morning, Spike."

Unaware of the subtext that surrounded her, Dawn said, "I'll be right back. I need to run upstairs for a …" She was still talking as she rushed out of the room.

Neither Buffy nor Spike had heard a word she had said. Their eyes were fixed on one another. Spike sauntered over to where she stood. Cautiously, he reached out to brush a strand of hair off her face. Her eyes remained locked on his and she did not shy away. He leaned toward her, his lips seeking out hers. Although he would have preferred to get lost in that kiss, he kept part of his attention on Dawn's footsteps – in the second-floor hallway, coming down the stairs, on the floor of the hall … coming toward the kitchen.

He pulled away from Buffy to softly say again, "Good morning," just as Dawn came back into the room.

"Can you stay all day or do you have stuff to do?" Dawn practically pleaded with him.

"I was planning to stick around," he said to Dawn and then turned to Buffy, "unless Big Sis kicks me out."

Dawn started to beg Buffy to let him stay, but Spike could tell by the look in Buffy's eyes that she had already made up her mind – she had no plans to kick him out any time in the future.

"He can stay. But no games or tv until you get some homework done. And you still have to rest even though you're not in the hospital."

"Fine." Her voice was whiny as she turned to leave the room again.

Spike's attention immediately returned to Buffy. "Now … where were we?"

"About to do dishes." She smirked at him as she handed him a towel.

While she washed and he dried, he took every opportunity to make contact with her – touching her fingers as he accepted a dish she handed him, brushing his arm against hers as they stood side by side, playfully bumping his hip into her.

When they had finished putting everything away, he asked suggestively, "Now … what else can I do for you, m'lady?" With a bow and a flourish, he added, "I am at your complete disposal."

She swallowed as she struggled to regain control of her thoughts. "I have a few things to take care of down in the basement. You could help me with that."

He followed her to the stairs, pulling the door closed behind them.

At the bottom of the stairs, Buffy asked, "Why did you do that? What if she needs something?"

"Shh." He placed a finger over her lips. "I just want a few minutes alone with you." He took her in his arms and lifted her off the ground.

Giving into his embrace and kiss, she wrapped her legs around him as he carried her across the basement. He set her down on top of the dryer and pressed himself against her.

Coming up for air, she laughed lightly. "Let me guess … you missed me again?"

He groaned near her ear as he continued to kiss her neck. "I've hardly seen you in the past 24 hours. Need to hold you, touch you, … hear the sounds you make when I touch you."

Her body became more alive under his touch. She needed the contact as much as he did. She allowed herself to get lost in the sensations he caused.

Just as Buffy was considering unbuttoning Spike's jeans, they heard Dawn come down the stairs to the main floor, calling their names.

Spike gave her a quick kiss before saying, "I'll go see what she needs."

As he headed for the stairs, she said, "Thanks." Buffy was glad to have a minute to button her top and run her fingers through her hair.

Since neither of them called down to her, Buffy figured Spike had it covered. While she was in the basement, she put a load of wash in and then took a basket of clean clothes upstairs with her.

She found them in the dining room pouring over history books. Standing at the table to fold laundry, she listened to them talking about Dawn's school project. It was a surreal moment. The three of them sharing one space – it felt like family. It was one of the few times since their mom died that Buffy did not feel like she had to shoulder the load by herself.

Later, when they were getting lunch, Spike seemed to find any excuse to touch Buffy, even more than he had while they were doing dishes. A hand on her back, at her waist, cupping her elbow. It was subtle and neither of them thought much of it. They certainly did not think that Dawn would notice, but they were wrong.

When Buffy took the folded laundry upstairs, Dawn followed her.

"Buffy, what's going on?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You and Spike. You've been different with each other since the costume night at the Bronze. But today … seriously … his hands are all over you."

"I think you're exaggerating."

"I might be, but not that long ago, you'd have freaked if he touched you at all."

Buffy sighed as she put the last of the laundry away and closed the drawer. "We've been hanging out quite a bit since I … uh, came back, but it has been different lately. We've gone out to eat a few times and ..." She paused, because she was not quite sure how much she wanted to tell Dawn.

"Has he kissed you?"

Looking her younger sister in the eye, her reply was simple. "Yes."

"More than once?"

"Yes."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Not sure I'd say that. But we have been out on a few dates."

"Does everyone else know you're dating?"

"No. He and I just talked it through recently. With the accident and you in the hospital, there wasn't really a good time to bring it up. I was planning to tell everyone the next time I saw them all together. Maybe later today."

"When were you planning to tell me?"

"Right before I told them."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Buffy picked up the laundry basket and walked down the hallway. When she got downstairs, she turned into the dining room where Spike was still sitting at the table. "I just had a little talk with Dawn," she said cryptically.

"Yeah? What about?"

"She wanted to know why your hands have been all over me today."

Just then, Dawn came around the corner. "So, I hear you're dating my sister." She attempted to make an intimidating face, staring him down as she waited for him to reply.

Spike looked back and forth between them, trying to read how much Dawn knew. "Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Are you going to hurt her?"

"I would never …"

"I mean break her heart, treat her badly. After what Riley did …"

"Bit … Dawn, you have my word … I don't want to see her heart broken any more than you do. It would kill me."

Scrunching her face up, she looked more goofy than menacing, but her words had the desired impact. "If you hurt her, I will kill you in your sleep." She jabbed the air in front of her, pointing emphatically to reinforce her threat. Satisfied that they had an understanding, she said, "Alright, then. I'm gonna go watch some tv. Give you guys some alone time."

"Did you want to play cards later?" Spike asked her, mostly to suss out her feelings toward him.

"If you can keep your hands off my sister that long," she teased him as she turned to leave the room.

Spike was relieved to hear the tone of her response.

Buffy tilted her head in the direction of the kitchen. She led him down to the basement so they could talk privately. Also, she could get the next load out of the dryer.

She told him what Dawn had asked and what she had answered.

"Are you upset that I was …?"

"No. I had planned to tell everyone in the next couple days. I just wasn't expecting it. I honestly didn't notice how much you were touching me today, but apparently, she did."

About half an hour later, they reemerged from the basement. Buffy went into the kitchen to make a shopping list; Spike went into the living room to see if Dawn wanted to play Rummy.

Dawn reminded him that Passions was about to start. Changing the channel, they began to watch the continuing storyline of Spike's favorite show. When Buffy came into the living room, Spike made space for her on the couch. He waited to take his cue from her about how much contact she was comfortable with. She sat down on the floor in front of him. He assumed that she was expecting her usual backrub.

As Passions was ending, the phone rang. Spike lifted his hands off Buffy's shoulders as she moved to stand. It was a brief conversation, but Spike could tell that something was up.

Making a gesture toward the kitchen, Buffy asked, "Spike, can I talk to you a minute?"

"Why don't I ever get to know anything?" Dawn whined.

"As soon as I talk to Spike, I'll be back to talk to you."

In the kitchen, Buffy explained, "That was Giles. He also called Xander. Wants the two of us to come over."

"Reunion dinner for the original Scooby Gang?"

"Sort of. He wants to talk about what happens next with Willow."

"Sounds ominous."

"Actually, no. He sounded … hopeful. I think it's good news about the rehab program."

"You need me to stay here with Dawn?"

"Yeah. I need to talk to her first. Maybe you can check on dinner options … give us a few minutes alone?"

He nodded as he put his hands on her waist. "Maybe when you get home, we can have a few minutes alone?"

"After we talk and eat, I should patrol. So, I'll be gone a while."

"Not planning on going anywhere, luv."

They shared a brief kiss before she went back into the living room.

"What gives?" Dawn's tone was demanding.

Buffy sat down next to her on the couch. "We need to talk about Willow."

"We have. I'm done talking." Her jaw was set, her stubbornness on full display.

"Dawn … I understand. I do. I'm angry with her, too. But she needs help. She wants help. And she needs her friends right now."

"Fine. You be her friend. Leave me out of it."

"It's not that simple." Buffy paused while she waited to see if Dawn's expression would soften at all. Seeing no movement, she went on anyway. "That was Giles on the phone. He and Willow have been talking about her options. He wants Xander and I to come over so they can talk to us."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"It probably means that she's going to be going away for a while. The last time I saw her, she said she would like to talk to you … to apologize. She's not expecting you to just forgive her … or even be happy about seeing her. But she's hoping you'll give her a chance … that you'll be willing to listen to her at least. If she's going to be leaving soon, I figure she's going to ask me tonight if she can see you before she goes. I'd like to be able to give her an answer."

The anger and resentment were easy to read on Dawn's face. That was the only response she gave.

"Would you be willing to see her? For just a couple minutes?"

Finally, Dawn replied, "Maybe."

Buffy did not want to push her any further. "Okay. I'll tell her that." She gave Dawn a big bear hug. "I'm so glad that you're okay and that you're home." Releasing her, Buffy stood and began to walk toward the front door. "I'll be gone at least a few hours. I'll do a quick patrol after I leave Giles' apartment. Don't stay up too late. Ask Spike for help if you need anything."

She put on her jacket and got a couple stakes to put in her pockets. Spike must have heard when she opened the door. He came through the dining room, grabbing the door just as Buffy was closing it.

Stepping toward her, he whispered, "What? No goodbye kiss?"

She tilted her head and pulled a face at him. "I'll see you later, Spike," she said warmly.

He wanted to kiss her, but was aware that they hadn't settled the issue of public displays of affection. With Dawn sitting in the next room, he waited to see what Buffy would do.

Spike made no attempt to disguise his feelings. She could practically read his thoughts on his face.

Rising up on her toes, she placed a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you later," she said again with a suggestive smile on face.

He raised one eyebrow in response. "Hurry home, pet." After closing the door behind Buffy, he walked into the living room. Seeing the look on Dawn's face, he said defensively, "What?"

"Ew! Are you guys gonna be like this all the time now?"

[

After dinner, Dawn finished some more homework. She would be missing at least a few more days of school and she didn't want to be behind when she got back to school. She wanted to be able to spend her first couple days getting caught up on all the latest gossip.

Around 9:30pm, she started yawning uncontrollably. Although she did not want to admit that she was tired, she really just wanted to curl up under a cozy blanket and close her eyes. Spike helped her up the stairs and made sure that she had a glass of water on her nightstand.

He told her that he would be back upstairs in a couple minutes. He checked the doors and turned off most of the lights. Then, he found a book to read and climbed the stairs again.

Tapping lightly on Dawn's door, he said, "I'll be next door in Buffy's room … reading … until she gets home … in case you need anything."

[

That's where Buffy found him when she returned.

She stood in the doorway of the bedroom looking at the sleeping vampire in her bed, book open beside him. She got a piece of note paper from her desk and placed it in the book to mark the page where he left off. Then, she put the book on her bedside table.

After the way Spike had been with her all day, she expected to come home and have him carry her to the basement where they would not be overheard. Definitely did not expect to find him asleep … in her bed.

Carefully climbing onto the bed, she stroked the side of his face. Softly, she said, "Spike?"

"Mmm." He did not open his eyes, but he did not need to. He wrapped his arms around her and said, "You're home."

"Did she wear you out?"

"Came in here to read when she went to bed."

"In case she needed anything," Buffy finished his thought. "Thank you." She placed a kiss on his lips.

He moaned into her mouth as he returned the kiss and rolled her onto her back. "So … did you want to tell me about your dinner meeting? Or can we just cut to the …"

"Not with her right next door," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"Basement works for me."

"Color me surprised."

After a few minutes of making out, they sat up, leaning against the headboard. Spike held her while she told him about the discussion that had happened at Giles' apartment.

As she had suspected, Willow would be leaving soon. Giles had heard from his friend who runs a rehab program for people who had become addicted to the dark arts. Someone was due to complete the program in a couple days, so they would have an opening. It was hers if she wanted it. Why wouldn't she? They had a great track record for helping gifted Wiccans learn to harness their power, give up destructive habits, and use their abilities to help rather than harm others and themselves. After speaking to members of a coven Giles was familiar with, he was hopeful that they could help Willow – particularly because she wanted to be helped, wanted to get better and be useful during the next apocalypse.

It was a 90-day program. If she left right away, she should be back in time for Xander and Anya's wedding. She would miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukkah, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, and everything in between. Not to mention that she would have to drop out this semester and would not be back in time to start next semester. For an eager student, that was no small disappointment.

"Is it weird to say that it was nice for the four of us to get together? I mean … the circumstances … less than peachy. But it's been a while since it was just us." She paused, but he did not interrupt her thoughts with prompts or questions. She was glad for that. It reminded her of their conversations after she was brought back from the dead – he would just let her say things when she was ready to. Finally, she continued, "We talked about old times … you know, before the rest of you joined our group. So much has happened since then. We're all so different – I mean, in some ways, we are the same, but things have definitely changed." She had been mindlessly ghosting her fingertips up and down his arm. Looking up at him, she added, "It was nice to … reconnect before she goes away. I think it was good for her too … to know that we still love her and support her … even though we're angry and disappointed and concerned."

For the first time in a while, Spike spoke. "I imagine that will make it easier for her to return after she finishes the program."

"Yeah …" Her voice trailed off. "She asked if I could ever forgive her for Dawn getting hurt. I told her that … honestly, I wasn't quite there yet. But I was working on it."

After several minutes of quiet, he asked, "When does Red leave?"

"Three days. She asked if we could have an early Thanksgiving dinner before she goes. So day after tomorrow we're gonna have a big turkey dinner here … well, as long as Dawn doesn't freak about the idea. If she doesn't want to see Willow, then … I don't know. I guess someone will have to stay here with her and we'll eat at Giles' place."

It wasn't long before they started to nod off in each other's arms.

"Do you want me to go?"

Buffy sat up and shook her head. "No. But you can't …"

"Can't stay in here. Got it." After giving her a brain scrambling kiss, he said, "I'll be down on the couch."

Just as he was walking through the doorway into the hall, she said, "I told them."

Turning to look at her, there was a confused expression on his face. "Told them what?"

With a head tilt and a smile, she answered, "About us."

He leaned against the doorframe waiting for her to hear what she had to say.

"That we …"

"… had mind-blowing, earthshattering …"

Her eyes grew wide and she pointed toward Dawn's room as she said, "Shh! I did _not_ tell them about that. Just told them that ..."

"… I'm your boyfriend?"

She studied his face. "Do you want me to call you my boyfriend?" She watched his silent reaction. "Spike, I'm not sure I'm ready to … use that word. But I am sure that they're not ready to hear me say it."

"Well, then for the time being, I will try to content myself with being your dirty little secret – since you didn't tell them about ..."

Moving over to the bed, he leaned down to kiss her. When her hands moved to his face, he lowered himself onto the bed. With one arm, he supported his weight. With his other hand, he had a firm hold on the outside of her upper thigh. Things probably would have progressed further, but when they heard Dawn's bed creak, Spike jumped up quickly.

He peeked around the corner into her room. "False alarm. Just moving in her sleep."

Sitting on the edge of Buffy's bed, Spike ran a hand up and down her leg. "So how did they react to … whatever you told them?"

"Xander and Giles weren't surprised. Like I said, they've been watching us together. Willow was surprised, but not shocked. After dinner, they went with me on patrol – the nostalgia level was up to eleven. But Willow and I had a few minutes alone to talk. She asked me about our 'dates' and then watched my face really carefully when I answered. She said she hadn't seen me this happy in a while."

It thrilled him to hear her say these things – one, that she had told them; two, that her best friend could tell by the way she talked about him that she was happy. It seemed to him that things were going better than they had in the original version of the timeline.

He sat there staring at her as he got lost in thought.

"What's with the goofy grin?"

"I guess I haven't been this happy in a while either."

[

[

The next morning, Buffy told Dawn about the conversation at dinner the night before and Willow's request for an early Thanksgiving. After her initial reaction to the idea of having Willow over at their house, Dawn settled down and decided that not only was it time for her to see Willow – it had been a week since the accident – but if Willow would be gone for the next three months, she could try to get past her anger for one day.

Buffy called everyone to tell them what to bring the next day – she decided on an easy menu with as little prep as possible so they could enjoy their time together. Giles offered to get a precooked turkey. Willow would make green bean casserole. Xander and Anya would bring drinks, rolls, and dessert. Buffy would buy canned cranberry sauce and gravy. Also, she planned to make the mashed potatoes – well, with some help from Spike.

Before the others arrived at the Summers house for the pre-Thanksgiving dinner, Buffy was in the kitchen starting on the potatoes. She and Spike had peeled a five-pound bag of spuds. While Spike put a large pot of water on to boil, Buffy cut the potatoes into quarters. The knife slipped and cut one of her fingers. Without giving it a second thought, Spike jumped to her side and took her finger into his mouth.

Looking in her eyes, he quickly realized that he had overstepped. Removing her finger from his mouth, he walked her to the sink to rinse the wound and get a paper towel to hold on it. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't mean to … it's just that … I was concerned. Just trying to stop the bleeding."

"I know." Lifting the paper towel to see if the bleeding had slowed down, she asked, "Can you get me a Band-Aid?"

He nodded as he turned to go. Quickly returning, he carefully put the bandage on. Placing a kiss on her fingertip, he said, "There. All better."

"Thank you." She had been shocked by his action, but also aroused. She tried not to think about how much she wanted to tear his clothes off – after all, they had had one crazy night of passion and then, not much contact since Dawn came home from the hospital. She thought she had a decent grip on her hormones until he sucked on her finger. The sensation of his mouth on her skin, the look in his eyes as he tasted her blood – now, she was downright horny.

Feeling the need to repeat himself, he glanced away as he said, "I'm really sorry. I didn't think before I … anyway, I'm sorry."

She did not want him to waste time being concerned about how she would react to what he did. "Don't worry about it right now. We can talk about it later." And she definitely planned to – she wanted to know what it had felt like, tasted like to him. She had not decided if she would tell him what it was like on her end.

Eventually, everyone else arrived – well, everyone except Tara, who was not quite ready to see Willow. After the table was set, food reheated and put in serving dishes, and drinks poured, they sat down at the table to give thanks and break bread together.

As they began filling their plates, Willow jumped up from her chair. "I almost forgot!" She came back in with a canister of fried onions. Placing it next to Spike, she said, "When I bought the ingredients for the green bean casserole, I bought an extra canister for you." Seeing the confused look on his face, she explained, "Buffy told me you like fried onions."

His eyes lit up as he realized that not only had Willow thought to do something nice for him, Buffy had shared personal details about him with her best friend. "What I really love are those flowering onion things. Onion rings are an acceptable substitute. And …" He lifted the canister to open it and pour the contents on his plate. "… so are these. Thanks, Red."

Buffy got up from the table to mix up a batch of Spike's signature dip. When she placed the bowl in front of him, he was mildly surprised. After she sat down again, he leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and thank her. The other five at the table watched the interaction. Although it was strange for them to see, it was clear that it was perfectly normal for Buffy and Spike.

Conversation during dinner was mostly Willow telling Dawn, Anya, and Spike what Buffy and Xander had found out the other night. While the others cleared the table and got dessert, Willow had a few minutes alone with Dawn. Willow spoke; Dawn listened respectfully, but had nothing to say in reply. Willow thanked her for listening and told her that she understood why she was upset.

Willow and Giles were the first to leave. Everyone said their goodbyes to Willow since Giles would be taking her to the airport early in the morning. Xander and Anya hung around for a while. The group discussed that the day had gone as well as could be expected. Buffy and Xander were sad that Willow would be leaving the next day, but everyone agreed that it was good that she was going to get help.

After Xander and Anya left, Dawn went up to bed, exhausted from the long day and more socializing than she had done since before the car accident. That left Spike and Buffy alone.

"Buffy, can we talk?"

She headed for the back door and they stepped out onto the porch.

"I'm s…"

She cut him off. "You already said that. Twice." She gave him a long look, trying to read his eyes. "I know why you did it, but what made you stop?"

"I didn't want you to think that I … well … that I was looking for any opportunity to drink your blood."

"Are you?"

"No."

"But you liked it. Don't deny it. I was watching your face."

"Of course, I did. Vampire here. Human blood is what I crave. And Slayer blood is top-shelf." He looked out across the yard. "But just so you know, I don't plan on making a habit of it."

When she didn't respond to that, he turned his face toward her. She nodded, letting him know that the subject was closed – for now, at least.

He had a question on the tip of his tongue, but kept biting it back.

Buffy noticed this and finally asked, "Something else on your mind?"

"Yeah. Wondering when we can find some time to repeat the other night … when we had the house to ourselves."

"Dawn's home now, so …"

He groaned, assuming that she meant there would not be a repeat performance.

She continued, "… until she goes back to school …" Although she left the thought unfinished, her smile said so much more than words ever could.

His face brightened considerably at her words and their implication. They had spent a lot of time alone together during daytime hours in the months since she had come back. Once Dawn was cleared to return to school, he and Buffy could again spend their days together without interruption.

Definitely something to look forward to.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for reading. Until next time …

~Jen

1 November 2017


	22. We Gather Together

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N:

Thanks for the new fav/follows. Special thanks to those who took the time to review. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that anyone wants to read the crazy things that pop into my imagination.

November was a busy month. Any other NaNoWriMo participants out there? There's nothing like setting (and reaching) a goal to write 50K in a month!

Now it's time to get back to my WIP here: this fic and a Veronica Mars multi-fic series I started last year (WeeVer, with apologies to LoVe shippers). My intent is to update both of these approximately once a month.

 **Chapter 22 occurs between Thanksgiving and mid-December 2001 in the Season 6 timeline.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 22**

 **We Gather Together**

The original plan had been for Willow to make the flight to England alone, but after some thought, she asked if Giles could spare a few days to make the trip with her. She wasn't concerned that she would back out, but she was nervous about going somewhere new by herself and meeting people for the first time. After everything that had happened recently, Giles could not say no to her request.

That left the rest of the Scoobies to deal with things on their own – The Magic Box, Dawn's recovery, wedding plans, holiday festivities, not to mention normal everyday activity on a Hellmouth.

[

[

The first couple nights after Giles and Willow left, Xander and Anya hung out at the house with Dawn while Buffy and Spike patrolled. The two of them were quite efficient as they did sweeps of cemeteries and other hot spots in town. There was a purpose to their focused effort: the time they saved gave them the opportunity to be alone without raising suspicion.

With that extra time, they were able to make a quick stop at Spike's crypt. It would certainly have been more comfortable making out on her couch than his upholstered chair. They could have gone to his bed, but they both knew if they went down that ladder, they would lose track of time. And Buffy wanted to get home to check on her sister.

Two nights of this and they were both frustrated.

The next day while talking to Tara about plans for Thanksgiving Day, Buffy had a scathingly brilliant idea. She asked Tara if she could come over to the house for a couple of hours so she could "run errands."

It was around noon when Buffy stepped through the door of the crypt. Spike stood shirtless, finishing a glass of blood. He set down the glass and studied her face, trying to figure out what had brought her there in the middle of the day. He had planned to go over to the house in a little while. He tilted his head, a silent question almost on his tongue. However, before he could ask why she was there, she ran across the room into his arms.

Over the next couple hours, the upper level of his crypt was thoroughly christened – their desire finding satisfaction against the wall, on the floor, in the chair, over the back of the chair. They continued their pursuit of pleasure until Buffy could barely feel her legs.

"Gonna need a couple minutes to recover before I can walk home."

Without a word, Spike began to massage her feet and then made his way up each leg, restoring circulation and sensation as he went.

"Thank you," she said quietly as he gathered her clothes and brought them to her.

"Least I can do … just being a good host … you being so kind as to visit me today." He paused, watching her dress. "I didn't expect you to leave Dawn alone so soon."

"I didn't. I asked Tara to come over," she blushed as she repeated the excuse she had given to Tara, "so I could run some errands."

"Errands? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

She smacked him and laughed. "After the past couple nights … I missed … this."

"Me too, luv." He traced his lip with his tongue before saying suggestively, "Please feel free to drop by again … anytime you want … to come."

He grabbed her and kissed her one last time before she headed for the door.

"See you later to patrol," she said with her hand on the doorknob.

Nodding, he replied, "I'll be over after dark."

And then, she was gone. Only then did he realize he was standing there stark naked.

[

[

Giles was in the U.K. for a few days – just long enough to get Willow settled, have dinner with his brother Murray, drinks with a few old friends ... followed by a good shag. Although he had not settled down in the traditional sense, he maintained relationships with a few women who might have been potential life partners – well, if his life had gone in a different direction. Thankfully for his libido, those women seemed happy to hear from him every so often. And seemed even happier after spending a night with him.

During the flight home, running through his head were delicious thoughts of being wrapped in the passionate embrace of a woman who was as enticing as she was intellectually stimulating. The time they had spent together was perfect, but not nearly enough. He found himself planning when he might see her again. Much as he knew that he still had something to contribute in the fight against evil in Sunnydale, at times like this, he wished he could just walk away and live his own life.

Giles had called Buffy to tell her that he would be getting home early on Thanksgiving Day, but his flight was actually the day before. He had decided that there was something he should do before seeing Buffy or having another dinner with the others.

He had had some time to think while he was gone. Although from Spike's actions over the past year it seemed that he could be trusted and it was clear from his interaction with Buffy that they genuinely cared for one another, Giles felt compelled to have his say as an authority figure in Buffy's life. As such, Giles would be making a visit to Spike's crypt to make sure that they understood each other – or rather that Spike understood precisely how protective Giles was of Buffy.

When he stepped through the door of Spike's crypt, he had a stake in his hand. Spike was on the far side of the room pouring himself a drink.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be home," Giles commented matter-of-factly.

"Something happen?"

"No. Nothing. No emergency." Taking a few steps forward, Giles explained, "Just got back. Doing a short patrol. Thought I'd drop by … to chat."

"Ah," Spike said as he realized that he should have expected this conversation. "Whiskey?"

"Very hospitable of you."

Spike handed him a glass and gestured toward the upholstered chair as he leaned against the wall. "You wanted to talk?"

"I guess you could say this is the speech where the father figure threatens the new boyfriend with bodily harm."

"That why you came into my home brandishing a weapon?"

Giles acknowledged the comment with a nod and put the stake in his jacket pocket before sitting down. "I suppose we've had this conversation in stages over the past year. The fact that I trust you enough to fight alongside you, I trust you with Dawn, I trust that Buffy is safe with you despite the chip issue …"

"But …?"

"But I want to make it clear … I have never been a fan of Buffy – as a human or as the Slayer – having a relationship with a vampire, be that you, Angel, or anyone else."

Giles stopped talking, which Spike took to mean that Giles was about to tell him to stay away from Buffy. But it was merely a pause.

Continuing, Giles said, "However, Buffy seems to be … more content, more at peace … than I have seen her in a while. You have been a great help and comfort to her since ... she's been back, particularly since Dawn's accident. It's quite clear when I watch the two of you together. So, despite my misgivings about the situation in general, I have no plans to interfere with whatever is happening between the two of you. But …"

Cutting him off, Spike said, "But if I do anything to make you question the trust you've placed in me, you'll stake me good and proper?"

"I will not hesitate to do precisely that. We have an understanding, then?"

"Yes. I should tell you though, Dawn already beat you to the threat. And she said it in front of Buffy."

"Good." The smile on Giles' face indicated his pride in the younger Summers girl.

"Was that everything?"

"Yes." Giles finished off his drink. "I suppose I'll see you tomorrow for Thanksgiving – Part 2."

"Yes. Apparently this one is going to be a bit more elaborate. All I know for sure is that I'm supposed to show up in the morning to help."

Giles pushed himself up from the chair, handed the now empty glass to Spike, and said, "Well, I'm glad we had an opportunity to talk. Thanks for the drink."

[

Earlier in the day, Tara and Spike had come over to help get ready for Thanksgiving Day. After several busy hours – cleaning, grocery shopping, and prep for the next day – they had stayed to eat dinner with Dawn and Buffy. Spike had gone back to his crypt for the night, which he planned to do at least every few nights just to make the place look lived in. Didn't want anyone thinking they could move on in. Tara was planning to spend the night at the house to be there in the morning to get started on the meal. So, she was there with Dawn when Buffy went out on patrol.

It was a fairly quiet night, not much action even in the usual hot spots. Even though she had just seen Spike, she decided to stop by.

When she was close enough to see the door of his crypt, Buffy saw Giles leaving with a stake in his hand. She waited until he had gone before she continued walking toward Spike's door.

Entering, she found the upper level empty. That concerned her, but she was not yet panicked. She immediately went over to the ladder and began to climb down. Before her feet touched the floor, there were hands on her hips.

"Miss me already, pet?"

Spinning around in his arms, she said, "You're here." Her relief was evident in her voice.

"Yeah. Where else would I be?"

"I just saw Giles coming out your door. He had a stake in his hand. I didn't expect him to be back until tomorrow. When you weren't upstairs …"

"You were worried. But you needn't be. He just dropped by for a drink … and to add another threat to the one Dawn made."

"Do I need to talk to him? Get him to back off?"

"No. Basically, he said that by all appearances things seem to be going well between us, but if I give him reason to doubt it …"

"He'll dust you." Buffy paused as she looked into his stunning blue eyes. "So, I shouldn't expect any tension tomorrow during dinner?"

"No. We're good. He's just acting like a big brother or dad. Doing his job as Watcher … trying to keep you away from big bad vampires." Leaning her back against the ladder, they kissed for a few minutes. As he nibbled on her ear, he asked, "How soon do you need to be home?"

"Well, Tara's there with Dawn. So …"

That was all Spike needed to hear. He picked her up, saying, "Let's try the bed this time."

The sex was more tender and less hurried than the last time she was there. However, it was no less exhausting. They curled up together and he watched her sleep for about half an hour before waking her so she could get home before it got too late. After all, tomorrow would be a long day.

When Buffy finally left, Spike had intended to sleep. Instead, he pulled out his handwritten timeline of upcoming events. The longer this went on – the more time he spent with her, the closer they got – he couldn't help but think that it was wrong to keep this information from her. More and more, he felt that he should tell her what he knew about the future – sooner rather than later.

[

[

They had decided to make a 24-pound turkey so there would be leftovers. That meant an early start for Tara and Buffy. Around 8:30 a.m., Buffy went upstairs to wake up Dawn.

"Come on, sleepyhead. You know you want to watch the parade. Breakfast is waiting. Tara even made you pancakes … so you wouldn't complain _as much_ about helping today."

Dawn made her way down the hall to the bathroom. She did an abbreviated version of her morning routine – she wouldn't bother showering and dressing until later, but she did wash her face, brush her teeth, and put her hair up in a ponytail. Bounding down the stairs, she could smell the pancakes. She sat at the counter to eat while she watched Tara and her sister cleaning up the mess they had already made, giving them a clean work space for the next phase of meal prep. After she finished eating, she thanked Tara for filling her belly with yummy goodness.

Buffy handed Dawn a loaf of bread and a bowl. "While you're watching the Macy's Parade, rip this apart for the stuffing."

"Just like we used to do with Mom?"

"Yep."

"Crouton size." Dawn nodded as she remembered the instructions her mom had given.

"Now, go. It's about to start." Buffy shooed her younger sister out of the kitchen.

She and Tara began to look over their list. "Okay … Dawn is starting on the stuffing … the pies were made yesterday … so was the cranberry relish ... turkey's thawed and we can get that in the oven in a little while. Giles is bringing some _hors d'oeuvres._ Xander is bringing snacks when he gets here to watch football. We'll put the rolls in the oven right before we eat. We'll start on the side dishes after the turkey goes in. How about we set the table? I had Spike bring up the company plates from the basement last night. It's been a while since we've had those out. I need to check if we'll need any of our regular serving dishes and utensils."

Buffy dug through the linens to find the tablecloth she wanted. Then, they unpacked the china.

Tara watched as Buffy counted out eight of each place setting and asked, "Are there only seven of us? You and Dawn, me, Spike, Giles, Xander and Anya?"

"Spike asked if he could invite Clem."

"I haven't seen him since the costume night. It'll be nice to see him again."

As they were putting the finishing touches on the table – candles and mini pumpkins – Buffy realized something. "You've been here the past two days and it feels ... right to have you here again. I know why you moved out, but now that Willow's gone, would you consider moving back in?"

"But she'll be back."

"Yes, she will, but there are other people she can stay with. You don't have family here in Sunnydale and I hate that you've had to move back into the dorm. Besides, I could use the help with Dawn and she'd love to have you here. She's missed you a lot."

"I've missed her too." Tara looking down as she straightened a tapered candle for the sixth time. "I'll think about it."

"Thinking is good." Buffy nodded a few times as her mind continued to plan. "You could wait til after finals. Move back in here before the holidays, be all settled before next semester starts."

"If I … if I move back in, that sounds like a good time to do it." Turning to leave the dining room, Tara changed topics, "Let's get that turkey started."

Just as they walked into the kitchen, Spike came in the back door. After wrestling his way out from under the blanket, he apologized. "Sorry. Meant to get here earlier. Overslept."

"No problem." Buffy started to walk over to kiss Spike hello, but hesitated because they weren't alone.

Tara noticed and said, "I'm gonna go check on Dawn's progress with the stuffing."

After Tara left the room, Spike moved toward Buffy. Pressing her up against the counter, he was about to kiss her when he saw something in her eyes. "You did tell her yesterday, right? About us? Then, why are you uncomfortable?"

Buffy dropped her head. "I'd rather not get into it now … here."

Taking her hand, he led her down to the basement, closing the door behind them. "What is it, pet?"

"I asked Tara to move back in. Partly to help with Dawn, but partly because she doesn't need to live on campus when there's an extra bedroom here. Even if Dawn moves down to my old room, Tara could have Dawn's."

"I sense a 'but' coming."

"I don't regret asking her ... not really, but it was kinda spontaneous. Didn't really think it through. Only thought of it in terms of Dawn and I ... and Tara … until you walked in."

"Ah," he nodded. "Another person in the house means less privacy for us."

"Exactly."

"As lovey-dovey and touchy-feely as she and Willow were, I doubt she's going to object to anything between us. Not like I plan to shag you on the dining room table while everyone watches."

"Good to know." Buffy laughed at him and cringed at the visual in her head.

While they were alone, he took the opportunity to kiss her until her knees became weak. They both wanted more, but they heard movement on the floor above them. Reluctantly, they walked upstairs.

The parade was over and Dawn had returned to the kitchen with a bowl filled with pieces of bread. "Spike, you're here! Why were you down in the basement?"

Tara tapped Dawn's arm as she said, "I think they wanted a little privacy." She smiled at Spike and nodded at Buffy. "How about we let them have that?"

"You say that now, but you haven't been around … you haven't seen them. Ew! They're like teenagers."

Buffy decided it was time to change the subject. "Since I was in here most of the time and didn't see the parade, how about you tell me your favorite parts."

Dawn proceeded to tell her what she considered to be the highlights of this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. One of Ronald McDonald's arms was torn by what she described as mean trees. Jimmy Neutron, Pikachu, and Curious George made appearances. Dawn spent quite a bit of time talking about the 9/11 tribute: policemen carrying two long flags, when seen from above looked like the World Trade Center. "I'm glad they didn't cancel the parade," she said, picking up and peeling a banana. After taking a bite, she added, excitedly, "And of course, there were a few musical numbers from Broadway shows. I liked Mama Mia the best. You know, musicals are wonderful – in their proper place."

Everyone nodded or verbalized their agreement with her last comment.

While Dawn had been babbling, Buffy and Tara were working on the turkey. Spike was putting the clean dishes away. They were all moving in and out of each other's way in the kitchen when Xander and Anya arrived. Dawn went back in the living room to watch some of the National Dog Show.

Not long after, Giles arrived. They set up a table in the living room for snack and hors d'oeuvres. Buffy told Tara that she could handle things in the kitchen for a while. That gave Tara a chance to catch up with the others since they hadn't seen each other much lately.

That also gave Spike and Buffy some time alone in the kitchen. As they washed and peeled potatoes, Spike reminded her to be careful to not cut herself again. Although she managed to get through the process without bleeding this time, she wasn't sure she would have minded having him suck on her finger again. She also wasn't sure what it meant that she'd even thought about it.

The last to arrive was Clem at about 2 p.m. He brought with him bags of Bugles and Doritos, plus some turkey shaped cookies from a local bakery. His cheerful attitude and thoughtfulness was a nice addition to the group.

They had planned to eat dinner a little after 3 o'clock, but since none of them were used to coordinating a meal of this size, there were inevitable delays. But by 3:45 p.m., all the food was on the table and they were seated. They went around the table and said what they were thankful for this year. In between some truly terrible events, there had been some happy moments.

Collectively, they were agreed that having Buffy back definitely fell into the thankful category. Her death which preceded her return would fall into the terrible category.

Buffy got a bit tearful as she tried to explain how thankful she was to be surrounded by a group of people who had helped and supported her through the past couple years. Even when they couldn't possibly understand what she was going through, she knew they would have her back. While she spoke, her hands fidgeted in her lap. As she finished, she reached under the table to take Spike's hand. He turned to her and smiled, giving her hand a light squeeze.

Before dessert, everyone was in the kitchen talking as they put away leftovers and did the dishes. At some point, the conversation rolled around to the mystery van that they still had not figured out. Buffy mentioned again that Spike thought there had been a human behind the wheel. Anya commented that several of the things that had happened recently seemed decidedly non-supernatural.

After many hours of listening to the cassette tape of Buffy and staring at the timeline, Spike strongly suspected that the van and surrounding events were linked to Warren and the other two she said he'd teamed up with. Other than mentioning a shooting, she hadn't given him much to go on. As the current conversation went round and round, Spike silently considered how he could tell them about Warren and his sidekicks. He should probably do some recon and see what they were up to. He knew he needed to think it through some more before doing anything. He needed a plan, he thought to himself. _Yeah, a good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out._

While eating dessert, everyone talked about their upcoming holiday plans. This included a reminder from Xander and Anya about the Christmas party they would be hosting at their apartment. After finishing dessert, everyone took their tea and coffee into the living room.

As the evening wore on, the large group became a smaller group. Dawn excused herself to go upstairs and rest. Clem gleefully waved goodbye as he left for home. Giles happily took some leftovers back to his apartment. Tara went back to the dorm to finish a paper. Anya pulled Xander out the door, saying that it had been hours since they had had sex.

That left Spike and Buffy alone. They weren't unhappy about this development, but it was not as if they had planned to get rid of everyone. Spike suggested going outside to look at the stars.

"Let me go check on Dawn," Buffy said with a smile. "I'll be right out."

A few minutes later, when Buffy walked out into the backyard, she saw that Spike had spread out a blanket and was lying on his back, one arm under his head. She joined him, resting her head on his bent elbow.

They spent a wordless hour staring at the stars. At some level, it still amazed her that she felt this comfortable around him. And despite the fact that they'd had some seriously hot sex recently, he seemed perfectly content being next to her while they were both fully clothed.

He turned toward her, placing a kiss on the side of her head. This caused her to release a happy sigh.

She marveled at the fact that she could feel such joy after all the pain and loss she had experienced. Gratefulness felt foreign, but she chose to embrace it. Thanksgiving indeed.

[

[

The following day, Buffy intentionally avoided Black Friday shopping, choosing instead to stay at home. After spending the night on the couch, Spike was there to help bring the Christmas decorations up from the basement. Before they began to deck the halls, Buffy called Tara to see if she wanted to join them. By lunchtime, Tara had finished her paper and made her way across town. The four of them spent a lovely afternoon and evening together trimming the tree, singing carols, drinking hot cocoa, and comparing Christmas gift wish lists.

[

[

The following week, life went on.

Wedding plans continued. Anya promoted the holiday sale at The Magic Box. Buffy's first check arrived from the Watcher's Council. Now that they knew how much she would be paid, Giles helped Buffy finalize a budget and a plan to pay off existing debt.

Buffy received her first visit from social services – a slightly judgmental woman with as many questions as disapproving looks, whose name was Doris Kroeger. Thankfully, Buffy and Giles had come up with an explanation for her income from the Council – she was a "research assistant" for Giles. She also explained to the woman that she would be returning to college part-time next semester and that she had a solid support system of friends. In her nervousness, Buffy even showed the woman pictures of their Thanksgiving gatherings and the day they decorated the house for Christmas.

"Do any of these people live with you?" Mrs. Kroeger asked.

"Right now, it's just me and Dawn. Tara … that's her right there," Buffy said pointing at one of the photos. "She did live here for a while and will be moving back in before spring semester starts. She's really helpful ... keeping up with things around the house."

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"No. She's obviously a girl and we are good friends, but no."

"How much time do these other people spend here?"

"Just your typical visiting, I guess."

Dawn chimed in, "Except Spike. He's here all the time."

Buffy glared at Dawn as subtly as she could.

"Who is Spike?"

Again, Buffy pointed at a photo.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

Unsure how to explain to this woman the very complicated nature of her relationship with Spike, Buffy began tentatively and picked up steam as she went. "We only started dating recently … after being … friends for a while. He was … quite thoughtful … and helpful after our mom died … and the car accident Dawn was in. It's hard to explain." Buffy looked at the woman who stared at her as if daring her to blow this part of the interview. "He's like a big brother to her. Sometimes, he plays cards with her or helps her with homework. She's too big for a babysitter, but if I have to be somewhere, she doesn't seem to mind if Spike comes over to keep an eye on her."

Turning to Dawn, Mrs. Kroeger asked her if this was true.

"Yes, ma'am. Spending time with Spike makes me wish I had a real big brother. I know he looks … dangerous, but the way he talks and thinks … it's really old-fashioned. He was always polite and respectful to my mom. And she liked him … made him hot cocoa with marshmallows. And they would talk about art. Sorry, I'm babbling. What I mean is … he's like part of the family."

"Does he spend the night here?" She directed the question at Dawn, not Buffy.

"He has … a couple times. But he always sleeps on the couch."

Mrs. Kroeger seemed surprised by this, but she did not comment. She had a few more questions as she walked through the house. Although the woman took copious notes and never once smiled while she was there, she seemed to indicate that her report would reflect that Dawn's living environment was acceptable, if a bit unconventional. She left her card and said she would see them again at follow-up visits.

[

[

Tara's finals were the first week in December. As soon as she finished her last one, she packed up her things and moved back into Buffy's house. Dawn had moved down to Buffy's old room, so she was now next door to the room she and Willow had shared.

The first night Tara was back, Spike had dinner with them. After they ate, Buffy had gone upstairs with Dawn to gather up some laundry.

Tara and Spike were in the kitchen cleaning up. She could tell that he was being ultra-cautious around her. Not wanting him to be uncomfortable, she decided to deal with the elephant in the room.

She placed a hand tenderly on his arm. "I remember your face … the night Buffy died. I saw you … when you realized she was gone. I can't imagine how difficult it was to carry her back here … to fight alongside a couple people who didn't want you around. I remember how concerned you were about her reaction to your chip not working. And I've seen how you've been since the car accident." She looked into his eyes and smiled. "I've seen your character and I've seen your heart … You don't need to be guarded around me. You don't need to worry about being affectionate with me here. The others, maybe. But not me."

That was a lot to take in. All Spike could manage to say was, "Thanks for that."

[

[

About a week later, everyone gathered at Xander's apartment for a holiday bash. There were several people who were not part their usual social circle. Anya had extended an invite to some acquaintances in the demon community. Xander had included some friends from work. In fact, there was one guy who he had invited for a particular purpose – to meet Buffy.

Although he had invited Richard before Buffy announced that she was dating Spike, Xander figured it couldn't hurt to introduce them. Honestly, he was still kind of hoping that this thing with Spike would be short-lived. It wouldn't be his fault if a casual introduction at a party caused a breakup – right?

Spike was one of the last to arrive at the party. By then, Richard had started trying to get to know Buffy and she was polite enough to talk to him. Spike took one look at the situation and Xander's intent was clear to him. Even though the guy posed no real threat, Spike was jealous. And more than a little miffed that one of Buffy's friends would be so obvious in an attempt to split them up.

As Spike approached Buffy, he realized that although they had kissed in front of Dawn and Tara, they had not really resolved the issue of what she was comfortable with in public. He opted to put his arm around her and let her react to it as either a friendly gesture or the possessive move that it was.

After introducing Richard to Spike, she excused herself to use the restroom. When she returned to the living room, she was greeted by Spike who pointed up. Buffy looked above their heads to see that they were standing under the mistletoe. He gazed at her, waiting for to respond. She gave a tiny shrug and smiled as she leaned ever so slightly toward him.

With one hand on her jaw and the other on her lower back, he drew her closer. He paused for just a second, giving her time to back away if she changed her mind. When she didn't, his lips came crashing down on hers. His hand moved from her jaw into her hair, firmly holding the back of her head. His other arm pulled her torso flush against him.

They both got lost in the kiss, forgetting where they were and who might be watching. Anyone who knew them well had noticed what was happening. It was their first real kiss in public – of course, everyone noticed.

Nobody really said anything to them about it, but when they spoke to Buffy, their expressions gave them away. It was now clear to everyone that Buffy and Spike were not merely "dating." There was much more going on.

[

Spike escorted Tara, Dawn, and Buffy back to the house. He and Buffy lingered on the front porch to have a moment to say goodnight. While they were alone Spike told her that he had been planning a Christmas surprise for her. He would be taking her somewhere the following weekend and had already talked to Tara about staying with Dawn. Buffy was excited and curious. He didn't give her much information, just said he'd give her more details in a few days.

"If you made any other plans, cancel them now, luv."

"Are you saying that I don't have a choice in this?"

"Well, I suppose you could refuse to go. But I don't see why you would want to do that. Ask Tara for her opinion – she said my idea was brilliant."

"So you told _her_ all about it, but …"

"All in good time." With his hands in his pockets, he leaned in to give her a brief kiss. "Goodnight." Then, he turned to walk down the front steps and disappeared into the night.

Buffy walked through the door wondering what exactly he had planned.

* * *

A/N:

If all goes well, the next chapter will be up by the end of the month/year.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Thanks for reading. Until next time …

~Jen

5 December 2017


	23. Tidings of Comfort and Joy

DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N:

Apologies for the delay. I had hoped to get this chapter to you while it was still the holiday season. I finally sat down this week to write it out.

There will be a couple references to the movie Kate & Leopold in this chapter. Its actual release date was 25 December 2001. For my fic, I'm gonna pretend it came out earlier that December.

 **Chapter 23 occurs in December 2001 in the Season 6 timeline.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 23**

 **Tidings of Comfort and Joy**

He had a plan. A good plan. Carefully laid out.

The idea had begun to take shape a few weeks earlier. And since then, Spike had spent a great deal of time planning this Christmas surprise for Buffy.

Even with everything going on – Dawn still settling in at home, Tara moving back in, Buffy getting ready to start taking classes again, the busyness of the holiday season – Spike and Buffy had decided to take the time to go on an actual date. That night, the rest of the Scoobies did an early patrol. Later after their date, Spike and Buffy would make another sweep.

They went to the same little bistro they had gone to last month just after the singing spell had ended. Buffy loved the menu and had told Spike that there were several things she wished she had been able to try that first time. That made it an easy decision to choose to go there again. After all, he didn't care where they ate as long as he got to watch her enjoy her meal.

After dinner, they walked to the movie theatre. A new romantic comedy had just been released. Neither of them knew too much about Kate & Leopold before they sat down in front of the screen. However, as the characters and plot were revealed to them, Buffy found her mind filling with questions she wanted to ask Spike about the past – specifically about the years he was alive. On the other hand, Spike saw the movie as a springboard into a conversation he knew he needed to have with her about the future.

As they watched Leopold struggle to fit into the 21st century after traveling through time from 1876, they were both captivated by the love story that unfolded – two people with very different backgrounds and personalities who were not only attracted to one another, but were clearly better together than they were apart.

After the movie, Buffy suggested getting a cup of coffee so they could talk. But as soon as they sat down at a table, they realized that they couldn't talk openly with other people nearby. They took their coffee and walked down the block to find a bench.

Buffy began by asking if the movie accurately portrayed the 19th century.

He replied, "I have no idea what New York was like at the time, but in general ... it seems like a fair representation of an English gentleman coming to America in search of a bride whose family's money would complement his title and lineage."

"Did he actually exist?"

"Leopold? Well, there was a Duke of Albany named Leopold. He was the son of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. But he wasn't an inventor. A bit of trivia … there was an Elisha Otis who founded the Otis Elevator Company."

"Ah … they took bits of history and mixed them together."

"So it would seem. The clothing and hairstyles certainly brought back memories. In fact, I wish I could forget the many society events I was subjected to. Although I was part of the upper class, the things that were important to them weren't the same things I valued."

"Like what?"

"This may be difficult to believe, but I preferred substantive conversation over social niceties – incessant small talk, whatever was considered acceptable banter. It was difficult to find anyone – particularly a woman – with whom I could enjoy such … intercourse. I enjoyed words. Spoken but also written. I wanted to discuss literary works, things of beauty and inspiration. I spent quite a lot of time reading and writing – mostly poetry. Within my social circle, there wasn't anyone who shared my interests. More to the point, they took great pleasure in insulting my passion and creative efforts."

"Were you like Leopold?"

"Not really. I held no title. And I was more ... socially awkward. Much more awkward."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Remember when Giles Jr. showed up? What's his name?"

"You mean Wesley?"

"Yeah. A bit like him. Utterly proper, painfully shy, and easily shocked."

She asked several more questions as they made their way through a few cemeteries. Thinking of the movie again, she was curious about his life in the year that Leopold had leaped through time. "What were you doing in 1876?"

"Still had a few years as a human. Not much to tell. All the normal society stuff ... plus caring for my mother ... managing our house and financial affairs. Basically, I was waiting for my life to begin. I hoped to marry and have a wife to care for ... and for her to manage the house as my mother had before her illness."

Buffy stifled a laugh, but could not hide her smile.

Noticing her reaction, he said, "Don't laugh. It's what was expected."

"Did you want to get married? Did you have someone in mind?"

Although he hesitated, he decided to answer honestly. "There was girl – a young lady – with whom I was quite taken. But she had no interest in me ."

"Your charm didn't work on her?" Buffy teased.

"I was lacking in the charm department back then."

That certainly had changed over the years, she thought to herself. She was quiet during the last stretch of their walk home. It gave him time to ponder her curiosity about the time in which he had lived.

Arriving at front door, he gave her a goodnight kiss. Still in his arms, she invited him to come inside.

"Not tonight, luv. I have something to take care of."

She wasn't sure if she should be insulted or at the least, suspicious. "What could you possibly need to do at this hour?"

Tenderly stroking her hair with one hand, he pulled her closer with his other arm. "Christmas is approaching. Should respectful of a few secrets this time of year. How else will I be able to surprise you?"

"If you're trying to make me curious, you've succeeded."

[

After leaving Buffy's house, Spike went to Willy's. He paid him for use of his office computer and internet. Spike remembered hearing another older vampire talking about an event he'd gone to that reminded him of his upbringing. If memory served, it was in San Francisco. It only took a quick search to locate the website for The Great Dickens Christmas Fair. Open each year during the holidays – celebrating not only the works of Dickens, but also Victorian Christmas traditions in general.

Spike found all the pertinent info and printed out a few pages. He even located a bed and breakfast in a restored Victorian era house.

The next day, he told Buffy he needed to be gone for a few days, but he would be back in time for Xander's party. Before he left, he ran his plan past Tara to make sure she was willing to assist him.

He still had some contacts from his days in the LA scene. Made a call to a club owner, an old friend who happened to be a demon, and asked if he could work a night or two to make some quick cash. He was equally comfortable being a bouncer or a bartender – as long as he didn't have to make those fruity drinks. Beer, shots, old school cocktails – that he could do in his sleep.

In one night behind the bar, he made a crazy amount in tips. It was amazing the effect his crooked smile had on the ladies – and more than a few guys. If turning on the charm garnered him a pocketful full of earnings, then charming he would be.

During his brief visit to the City of Angels, he managed to avoid seeing Angel. The next day, he went to San Francisco and booked a room for an upcoming weekend, paying in cash. He bought tickets and made other necessary arrangements. He walked around the arena, taking in the Dickens Fair for a couple hours in order to make a more detailed plan for their outing.

[

[

As promised, he had returned to Sunnydale in plenty of time to attend Xander and Anya's Christmas party. That night, they had kissed in front of her friends, leaving no doubt about their relationship status. At the end of the night, he had told her that he had a surprise planned for her.

During the week leading up to their trip, they rented The Muppet Christmas Carol. While they watched, he asked her how much Dickens she knew.

Her answer of, "Not much," didn't exactly surprise him.

"During my life, I preferred the works of other writers. His writing was too … realistic for my taste at the time. I didn't want to think about poverty, crime, … things that common people were enduring every day." He let out a wry chuckle. "Little did I know that my pleasant existence surrounded by beautiful things was about to be traded in for a life filled with all the things I detested … and I would quickly begin to enjoy … even relish."

Shifting the focus of the conversation, she asked, "He was alive at the same time as you?"

"I was born several years after A Christmas Carol was published. And he died a decade before Drusilla …" His gaze dropped as he made a conscious decision to not finish that sentence or train of thought. "But yes, from my earliest memory, I was aware of him and his writing."

After the movie finished, they went into the kitchen to make hot cocoa. Once back in the living room, they started a fire and turned off most of the lights. As they drank their cocoa by the soft light of the Christmas tree, Buffy prodded Spike with questions about Victorian Christmas customs.

By the time he finished, she was amazed at the number of traditions that had begun when he was alive and continued to this day.

The first Christmas card was designed in 1843 and wished the recipient "A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year To You." Christmas trees were common in homes in the 1840s after Queen Victoria married Prince Albert, who brought the German tradition with him to England. Dressed in a red suit, Father Christmas and St. Nicholas were blended together and began to look like our modern notion of Santa Claus. "The Night Before Christmas" was first published in a newspaper in 1823 and by the mid-1840s, it was included in an anthology of poetry. Caroling began in the Victorian era and became the sound of the season.

"If you were to step back in time, many of the sights, smells, and sounds of Christmas would be familiar to you." Spike seemed to get lost in nostalgia for a moment. "I wish I had a time machine … or could find a portal to jump through like Kate and Leopold did. I'd love to show you where I'm from, the years I was alive."

Buffy put her head on his shoulder and snuggled into his side as she said, "That would be amazing."

Kissing the top of her head, Spike smiled to himself about the surprise he had planned for her. He thought it was a good idea. Tara said she agreed. Now, he was almost certain that Buffy would like it. Pleasing her made it worth all the effort.

[

[

As the weekend approached, he gave her a vague description of what their trip would entail and instructed her to back a bag. That Friday, they left in the afternoon. Spike was under a blanket in the back seat while Buffy drove the first leg of the trip. He gave her the first part of the directions with instructions to stop when the sun had set so he could take over the drive from there.

They arrived at the bed and breakfast just before 7 pm. After checking in and putting their bags in their room, they called a nearby restaurant to have dinner delivered. The beautifully restored Victorian home was charming and Spike wanted to make the most of their time there – and the fact that he had her all to himself.

Before they left Sunnydale, he had rented Great Expectations – well, taken from the video store with the intent to return it. They began to watch it in their room while waiting for the food to be delivered.

As Buffy settled into the loveseat, she said, "You're really on a Dickens kick lately. I thought you didn't like him."

"Not while I was alive, but I've come to appreciate his … forthright telling of life in those days. 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...' He was onto something when he wrote that."

"Okay … but what the Dickens has you so obsessed with Dickens all of a sudden?"

"Ah! You've arrived at the reason for the drive to this fair hamlet."

"And now your accent has changed. What's with the highbrow?"

He paused the video for a few minutes. With the pages he had printed from the website in his hands, he proceeded to tell her about The Great Dickens Christmas Fair. Since he had taken the time to visit briefly, he could tell her firsthand about the fun to be had. There were shops. Dancing and parlor games at Fezziwig's. For children: Father Christmas, puppets, and other fun. An operetta by Gilbert & Sullivan. Carolers and other musical entertainment. Dramatic presentations and people in costume portraying historical figures to give a sense of history and the flavor of Victorian times. There would be scenes from A Christmas Carol as well as other Dickens characters wandering the fair throughout the day.

Showing her the schedule of events, he said, "It would be nearly impossible to get everything into one day, but have a look … decide what you'd like to do … and we'll do our best."

"I can't believe …" She said shaking her head. "I'm … I don't know what … I mean, really …"

"We seem to have lost radio contact," he teased her.

She smacked his arm, but smiled at him. He restarted the video and went back to eating. After she had finished her dinner, she picked up the schedule and marked the things she was interested in doing the next day.

By the time Great Expectations ended, Buffy was yawning. She had anticipated that Spike would be tearing her clothes off the moment he had her alone, but he had not made a move in that direction. As he threw the remnants of their meal into the trash, Buffy began to get ready for bed. After they had both climbed under the covers, she moved toward him. He embraced her and kissed her passionately, but not ravenously. Then, he surprised her by settling back into the pillow, mentioning that he wanted to get an early start in the morning to make the most of the day. She was mildly disappointed as she snuggled into his shoulder, preparing for sleep.

Sensing her mood, he whispered, "Get plenty of sleep tonight, luv. Because I do not plan on letting you sleep tomorrow night."

She laughed as she lifted her head to look at him. "You have plans for me, do you?"

"Many. Numerous. Countless. You have no idea how many plans I have for you." He kissed her forehead. "Just not tonight. Sleep."

And sleep she did – drifting off with a smile on her face.

[

[

When she awoke the next morning, Spike was across the room, placing a tray of food on the table. Hearing her move, he looked up and began walking toward the bed.

"Good morning, luv. Sleep well?"

"Mmm. Yes."

"Hungry?"

"Mmm. Yes."

He took her hand and led her to the table. As they ate, he looked over the things she had marked on the schedule. It looked like they could get most of those activities in.

Walking across the room, he said, "There's a reason I wanted to get up early … to give us plenty of time to get ready."

"Plenty of time? For what?"

"They encourage period costume."

"Why didn't you tell me before we left? I didn't bring anything that …"

Opening the closet door, he said, "Not a problem."

"You rented costumes. Again."

"Mine has a cape with a hood. To keep covered until we get inside the arena."

"Good thinking," she said with a smile.

Then, he held up a bottle of temporary hair color. "To complete my old look …" Running his fingers through his hair, he added, "And I'm not going to slick it back."

A smile spread across her face as she stepped toward him to put her own fingers in his hair. "I get to play with you curls?"

[

After Buffy helped him change his hair to something near its original color, they showered and began getting ready. While Spike was getting dressed, Buffy did her hair and makeup. Then, Spike had to assist Buffy with the many layers of her costume, since she was unaccustomed to those types of garments.

He didn't mind. In fact, he took his time, locking eyes with her as he went.

She knew the plans for the day included getting dressed and leaving their room, but if he continued what he was doing – how he was doing it – she would insist on removing their clothes and staying here all day.

As if he could read her thoughts – or at least, my facial expression – he said, "Not now, pet. Plenty of time for that later."

"Promise?"

After licking his lip, he nodded.

"Okay. But stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"You know what you're doing."

"Enlighten me, luv."

"That little seductive stare of yours. Stop it."

"Seductive? And you're asking me to stop. Does that mean it's working?"

"Spike …"

He cut her off, "Today, why don't you call me William." Gesturing to his attire, he said, "After all, I'm dressed the part."

"Fine. William … you know very well what that look of yours does to me."

"Do I now?"

"Yeah. You do. Quit denying it."

Stepping toward her and leaning close to whisper in her ear, "I do know. In fact, I can smell it." Inhaling through his nose and then sighing, "Mmm. Later. Tearing your clothes off now would be counterproductive." He kissed her cheek, stepped backward, and took in her appearance. "You look stunning."

Buffy walked over to a mirror, smoothed her hair in a few places, and checked her makeup.

He moved to stand just behind her. "I've travelled quite a bit in my years as a vampire … as you know. I haven't kept much of anything over the years … I just take what I need when I get to a new place. But this one thing I have managed to hold onto." Reaching around her, his hand opened in front of her. "I'd like you to wear this today."

Looking at the antique locket resting in his palm, she said, "It's beautiful."

"It was my mother's," he said as he opened it to reveal two images: a young boy and a man wearing glasses. "It's all I have left of that life, of her."

She spun in his arms and touched his cheek, her gaze alternating between his face and the locket. After a long moment, she asked, "Will you help me put it on?"

[

They arrived at the Great Dickens Christmas Fair just as it was opening at 10 a.m. With the printed schedule and a map of the layout in their hands, they had the entire day before them to explore and enjoy.

After attending one of the theatrical performances, they wandered around, stopping to listen to the carolers and to interact with some of the costumed characters who were roaming throughout the Fair. Then, they went to "Fezziwig's Warehouse" to attend the dance party now in full swing. The music was wonderfully infectious. Buffy was at first intimidated by trying to follow dances that were unfamiliar to her, but soon she found herself smiling, even laughing. Mostly, she found herself impressed at Spike's – or rather, William's – skill on the dance floor. He clearly remembered each of these dances and was a flawless dance partner. She wondered briefly what it would have been like to get to know him as a human – then, she realized that she was getting a chance at that today.

After much merrymaking and frolicking, they went in search of sustenance. She let him order for her and he seemed to delight in introducing her to his favorite things.

With their bellies contentedly full, they set out for the shops. They visited the haberdashery, where William tried on several things while Buffy looked on admiringly. Then, they made a stop at a jewelry store. As she tried on several pieces, Spike found himself wishing he could buy all of them for her.

Next, they passed by a portrait studio. Initially, they had not planned to stop, but Buffy steered them back that way, saying that she wanted something to remember this day. The photographer's assistant complimented their costumes, saying that they obviously did not need to borrow anything from their closet, but offered them the opportunity to look through their accessories. Spike chose a pair of glasses that completed his William look. Buffy added a pair of gloves, a small handbag, and a wrap. Then, they chose a background for their portrait. They were immediately shown a preview on a computer screen. Given the package options, they chose an 8x10 and two wallets. They were told to come back at 6pm to pick them up.

[

Stopping at a gift shop that sold books, among other things. Spike picked up a copy of Great Expectations. Thumbing through pages, he found the passage he was looking for. He began reading aloud, attracting no small amount of attention from shoppers and staff alike. He phrased the excerpt as if he were reading poetry, editing out portions as he went, personalizing the message:

"You are part of my existence, part of myself.

You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here,

the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then.

You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since –

… in the light, in the darkness, … in the streets.

You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy

that my mind has ever become acquainted with.

… To the last hour of my life,

you cannot choose but remain part of my character,

part of the little good in me, part of the evil.

But, in this separation I associate you only with the good,

and I will faithfully hold you to that always,

for you must have done me far more good than harm…"

As Spike closed the book and put it in its place on the shelf, only then did he realize that he had garnered an audience. He did not have time to be embarrassed by that, because Buffy stepped toward him to give him a kiss – the type of kiss that was rare for her to give in public. The words he read had caused her to drop her guard, forget her surroundings, forget herself.

[

Shortly after 6 p.m., they picked up their portraits. The Fair – which was scheduled to close at 7 p.m. – was winding down for the day. They had decided that they would get food to take back to their room. On their way to make their dinner selection, they went past a vendor selling flowers. The woman called out to them, insisting that a gentleman would certainly want to buy a flower for such a beautiful lady. Spike was persuaded to stop, not so much because he intended to buy any flowers, but because he knew this gave him the opportunity to impress Buffy one more time before leaving. Thinking about the things she had mentioned after seeing Kate & Leopold, he knew that his above average knowledge of flowers had the potential to make her swoon.

The woman behind the counter began her spiel, explaining the meaning of a few different flowers before Spike politely interrupted her. Taking over, he went from flower to flower, giving special emphasis to his favorites. In the end, he chose a single red tulip.

As the woman wrapped the flower and commented her approval of his choice, Spike replied that he could not help but declare his love for Buffy. Quoting Great Expectations, he said sincerely, "'I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.'"

"You, sir, know your Dickens," the woman said to Spike as she handed the flower to Buffy.

As they walked away from the impressed florist, Spike felt compelled to tell her that he had left flowers for her before. She knew that there had been a private burial for her close friends and Dawn. Dawn had told her that Spike was there in the shade of a tree. However, until now, she did not know that he had taken the time to visit her grave later that night – wanting to have a moment alone with her.

He told her about the flowers he left and what they meant:

Lily of the Valley – return of happiness.

Because despite the grief he was experiencing at the time, he anticipated her return.

Red Tulip – declaration of love.

Because even death would not stop him from continuing to express his affection for her.

Blue violets – faithfulness.

Because his heart belonged to her and he would remain faithful in spite of her present absence.

White violets – take a chance on love.

Because he knew it was a gamble. All of it.

Waiting for her to return. And waiting for her to return his affections.

Then. he told her about the words he spoke and sang at her graveside that night – the poem by Robert Browning declaring "You'll Love Me Yet" and the folksong that proclaimed:

"Though sad fate our lives may sever

Parting will not last forever,

There's a hope that leaves me never,

All through the night."

The words resonated with Buffy. And though she was not yet ready to use the word 'love' to label her feelings for Spike, she was getting a clearer picture of the depth and breadth of his feelings for her. He had watched her leap to her death, carried her body to the house, grieved for her, and helped her begin to live again when she returned. If that's not love, she wasn't sure what was.

[

As they waited to pick up their dinner order, they sat at a table having tea. Buffy's eyes scanned the Fair – the past come to life before their eyes.

Seeing the wheels turning in her head, he said, "I feel as if I've talked your ear off about the way things were … but you seem to be … well, I guess what I'm getting at is … do you have any questions I haven't already answered?"

"You mentioned a girl that you were interested in back then … if that's what you were looking for back then – someone with the right pedigree, the right social status – would you have been interested in me then?"

"I thought we covered this. Those girls were flighty…"

"Yes, but you admitted that you were different then. Would you have fallen for someone who came with my particular array of … baggage? I mean, if you didn't like the reality in Dickens' writing, how would you have dealt with … my calling?" Buffy was choosing her words carefully since there were other people close by.

He took a sip of tea, wiped his mouth, and looked into her eyes before answering. "Truthfully, no. I certainly would have noticed your beauty. But if I'd seen you in action, I'd have been intimidated by your physical strength and confidence. Also, I'd have been put off by the … what I would have considered at the time … distasteful situations you found yourself in."

"And yet … you fell for Drusilla."

With a chuckle, he admitted, "You got me there. Perhaps, I would have given you a second look." He tilted his head and paused. "The question is … would you have gone for someone like me … the way I was then? You seemed to become bored with Soldier Boy, who was the closest thing to a 'normal guy' you've dated for any length of time."

"It wasn't boredom. It was a bad fit." She played with the napkin in her lap. "I think if you had been persistent, my romantic side would have paid attention … and given you a chance." She looked up and smiled. "Your … way with words would probably have won me over."

He returned her smile. They finished their tea in silence.

After picking up their food order, they began to make their way to the exit.

As they were leaving, Buffy asked, "Do you miss it … where you're from? I mean, would you want to go back if you could? Do you wish you could have lived out a normal human life in that time?"

"Not become a vampire? In a way, yes. But I would never have met you. And a life without you is unimaginable and hardly seems worth living."

"What was it that Kate said to Leopold? Something like: 'I don't want it to be Sunday. I want more of this – more 1876.' That's exactly how I feel right now." She linked her arm through his and leaned into his side. "Thank you for this. All of this. This was a day I'll never forget."

He slowed the pace of their walk so he could lean over and kiss the side of her head. "Neither will I."

[

Arriving in their room, Spike set the bags of food on the table while Buffy put their purchases near her suitcase. He removed the tulip from the paper and took a bud vase from the bedside table which until now contained a silk rose – placing it in the center of the table, he put the red tulip where it could be admired.

He took her hand to lead her to a chair, but she pulled him toward the settee. With her hand on his chest, she gently pushed to get him to sit down. Still wearing her period costume, she sat straddling his thighs. She began to nibble at his ear and sprinkle kisses down his neck. Clearly, she was trying to start something, but she could tell that his train of thought was not matching hers.

He gently lifted her off his lap, saying, "Before things go any further … there's something I need to talk to you about, but first we should eat."

Frowning, she said, "Well, that's sounds ominous."

"I don't mean it to. But it is important."

He led her to the table, pulling out her chair. Then, he opened the boxes of food and served her. Sitting down, he began to eat and considered how to begin the conversation.

When the silence was more than Buffy could bear, she asked, "Do we have to wait until after we eat? Or could you start to tell me now?"

"I guess I could start … but most of it will be easier after we are finished." He put down his fork and wiped his mouth. "What I need to talk to you about … it involves time travel."

"That's becoming a theme for you," Buffy teased.

"Yes, but this is a serious matter. What I'm about to tell you … it's going to take a leap of faith … but you need to know this."

"I'm listening."

"I'm trying to decide where to start …" He picked up his forked and moved the food around on his plate. "I keep thinking of the beginning of A Christmas Carol. If I were to insert your name: 'There is no doubt that _Buffy_ was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.' That quote may very well be the best segue I could come up with."

"So … what is this story you need to tell me?"

"The night we went to fight Glory … we went back to your house to get weapons. Right before we left … you were sitting on the stairs … and didn't remember the moments that led to that one." He looked up at her. "There's a reason for that." He paused for a second to make sure she was following what he was saying. "Just as I was doing a bit of speechmaking … when you were walking up the stairs …"

"I remember. What about it?"

"Trust me when I say I know this going to sound strange … the actual event was stranger still. That gap in your memory … well, during that gap I was visited by someone from the future. I had a hard time believing it at first too, but there was a car outside … just paused while driving down the street. And a countdown clock magically appeared in your entryway."

"That would be … strange." She reached across the table to touch his hand. "You seem nervous. I've seen some strange things in my short life. I can handle it. Just tell me what happened."

He suggested they finish eating before he continued. The silence was not uncomfortable, but both of them were filled with anticipation, though for different reasons.

She cleaned up the table while he retrieved a few things from his overnight bag. He returned to the table, placing a cassette player and folded piece of paper in between them.

He did his best to explain what was said before the record button had been pressed, then he decided to simply let the cassette do the talking for him.

Buffy heard her own voice saying, "Why don't you sit down and I'll tell you why I'm here."

Then, she heard Spike ask, "What's so bloody important that you traveled three years to say it?"

Her voice replied, "Let's start with this: at this moment in time, your time, your present Buffy … I'm not in love with you. Wait – don't interrupt me. Let me get this out." Buffy listened to herself ramble about having fallen in love with Spike somewhere along the way. "Anyway, I went to the Powers That Be and asked if they could give me a second chance with you. I guess this is it. They didn't really explain. One minute they gave me a green light. The next, I'm walking up this very set of stairs, hearing your voice behind me."

There was a long pause, after which Spike asked, "So, how precisely do you propose that we fix three years in less than two hours?"

"I think I can pinpoint some key moments and events – that if we had handled them differently – would change what it looks like where I'm from." After hearing that, Buffy pressed the stop button and stared at the cassette player as if it might explode.

He could tell she was trying to make sense of not just the existence of the tape, but the implications for the future – as well as what effect it may have had on the past few months. Quietly, he waited for her to respond.

Finally, she began, "The pause … what happened during that pause?" She looked up at him, searching his eyes for the answer. "Did we kiss?"

"Yes. You kissed me. I expect that I looked as shocked then as you do now."

"And the rest of this tape … I tell you what's going to happen the next three years?"

"Well, you – future-you – tell me what happened in your timeline … with the hope that some things could be changed. And some things already have. So, not everything on there is a done deal." He watched as the wheels in her head continued to turn. "That's part of the reason I'm telling you now. I don't feel comfortable trying to tackle all of this by myself." He reached for her hand. "But mostly, I didn't feel right about keeping it from you any longer than I already have."

Pulling her hand away, she stood and walked to the window.

Still at the table, Spike said, "I think you should listen to the rest of it. It should answer most of the questions running through your head." When she turned to face him, he added, "And if you have any questions for me afterward, I'll be happy to answer every last one."

As she nodded, he pressed play. Turning her back to him again, she looked out the window as the sound of her voice filled the room.

She listened to Spike declare that he would do anything he could to fix whatever had gone wrong. Then, she listened to herself begin explaining what would happen that night in the battle against Glory.

Her body went rigid when she heard herself say that she would leap to her death later that night. More than that, there did not seem to be any way to do that part differently. Then came the explanation of her return – and the admonition to keep that a secret.

She heard herself go on to explain the wonderful things he had done for Dawn during the time she was gone and the way he had made her feel safe when she returned, allowing her to talk and being a supportive friend. Buffy was relieved to find out that he had done those things originally - and not just as an attempt to win her over.

When her future self gave the instruction to make a timeline, Buffy heard a piece of paper being unfolded. She turned around to see Spike sliding it over in front of her place at the table.

She stood in the same spot for a few moments more as her voice told Spike that since she could not speak to herself, she would have to give the information to him … in the hopes that he could correct their missteps. Slowly, she walked back over to her chair, sat down, and began to look at the timeline.

The narrative moved on to the musical spell and their first non-spell-induced kisses. She blushed when she heard herself say, "Don't get me wrong – the sex was great!" Then, she laughed at his response.

It was disturbing for her to hear a retelling of a darker version of their relationship, how she had pushed him away, and how he took the breakup. She was lost in those thoughts and distracted by trying to make sense of the chart in front of her. But the mention of him getting his soul back got her attention.

There was barely time to take that in before the topic switched to his chip. She listened to herself instruct him to go to Tara about it and the details of what the results would be.

Buffy reached for the cassette player and pressed the stop button. She was amazed by his actions these past months. "So ... you knew … the whole time. That's why you suggested I talk to her. Why you didn't argue with me about handcuffing you. Why you gave me the space I needed … when I asked you to stay away. You knew what Tara would find."

"All true. I just didn't know what you would do with the information. I didn't know if you'd trust me … trust that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

For a long moment, they held each other's gaze. Then, he pressed play again.

The narrative continued on through him coming back with his soul and the opening of the new high school. When she revealed the identity of the new principle, Buffy stopped the tape again.

"You have got to be kidding me. Of all the gin joints. Well, that's gonna be awkward."

"Oh, luv. You have no idea."

He started the tape again. She listened as the info came at her in waves. Several questions came to mind about The First, the trigger, and how his mother was connected to any of this. But she did not get to ask those, because of what she heard next.

"Potential what?"

Before he could answer, her voice gave her more explanation. But her own rambling moved from one shocking piece of info to another. They vote her out. An evil preacher. A scythe made for the Slayer. Willow using her powers for good to empower an army of Slayers.

And that was just Side A.

Buffy got up to get herself a glass of water, taking a minute to absorb before flipping the tape.

Spike reached into his bag and produced a flask. "If you'd like something a little stronger."

"Are you suggesting that I'm gonna need it for Side B?"

Taking her now empty water glass, he poured three fingers of whiskey. That was the only reply she got.

He watched her drink about half of what he had poured, then he ejected the cassette, turned it over, and pressed play.

The next part was about Angel coming to Sunnydale before the big showdown with The First. That led to a description of how Spike ended it – with a side note about Buffy declaring her love for him at the last second. As if that wasn't shocking enough, then came the revelation that he reappeared in Angel's office, the fact that he didn't try to contact her, and the battle in L.A. two and a half years from now.

It was clear that Buffy had become upset while telling this part. Spike had attempted to comfort her. By the sounds of it, comfort quickly turned into snogging. Then, after a few flirtatious comments, the tape made the clicking sound of the recording having been stopped. When her voice came back on, she had moved on to financial matters.

Buffy reached for the recorder and hit stop. Looking up at Spike, she asked, "What happened in between there?"

He did not immediately answer her.

"We were kissing … and then, 'click' followed by a brief pause before I changed topic completely. What happened after the click? Did we … I mean, I think I can guess, but I'd like to hear you say it."

She was not exactly angry – he could tell that. But he wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be.

Cautiously, he said, "Yes, what you're thinking … we did. We went up to your room for about half an hour. And we made love."

Her head nodded repeatedly as she said, "So when we slept together while Dawn was in the hospital … it was not the first time you were with me.

"And when I was with future-you, it was not the first time you had been with me."

"This is confusing … and complicated."

"Imagine how confusing it's been for me."

"How much more is there?"

"Only a few minutes, but you cram a lot in at the last minute," he said, pushing the play button.

As she listened, her eyes scanned the timeline he had made.

When the tape clicked and went silent, Spike explained, "You labeled the tape and then put it and the recorder back in the desk drawer, so I could pick it up later. Then, we sat on the stairs while the clock ran out. You said some amazing things at the end there, things I wish were on the tape. It was quite a pep talk. Then, in an instant, I saw the change on your face and knew that future-you was gone. After that, you know the rest … we went to fight Glory. And all that followed."

Swallowing the last sip of whiskey, she played with the glass while turning some things over in her head. "That night … before we left … you asked me to give you a kiss for luck."

"I did."

"I need to tell you why I kept avoiding talking about that kiss." She took such a long pause, he did not expect her to finish her thought. "That night … after … well, I thought I had blacked out, but now I know different. Anyway, after that, I felt different – my body was tingling, humming – but I didn't understand why. And being close to you felt … intimate – which made no sense to me at the time. When you asked for the kiss, I didn't intend to … but I … well, I can't explain what made me do it. But it felt … right. And wow, did that confuse me." She smoothed the paper in front of her, just to have something to do with her hands. "When I came back to life, there were so many other things I needed to deal with … I couldn't begin to process what had happened between us that night. Without listening to that tape, I might not be ready to talk about it yet. But," pointing to the cassette player, she continued, "that sure does clear up a few things. I guess even though I didn't consciously remember what had happened during those two hours, my body did … and it was continuing to react to you."

She went back to looking at the timeline. "I don't really have any questions for you. I will say I'm impressed with how much you've gotten done already. Seems like you made a good start on fixing our relationship and dealing with the first part of the chip issue. You took care of the financial stuff by getting Giles to talk to the Council. And Willow's getting help." Just then, something on the timeline caught her eye. "Wait, I do have a question. The night the singing spell started, I came to your crypt. I thought I heard a voice … in fact, it sounded like …"

"Your voice. Yes, I had started to play this tape – well, a copy of it – and instead of hearing what I expected to hear, your voice began to sing to me through the speakers."

"Wow, that must have freaked you out."

"It did, but I had to get over it right quick, because you turned up at my door."

Tracing her finger over Spike's writing on the paper. "There are still so many things to deal with … just in the next six months. And the next year and a half is going to be intense!"

"At least, I don't have to deal with this by myself anymore."

"We'll have to figure out if and when we tell any of the others."

"I'll leave that to you to decide."

"Looks like the next thing coming up is Xander's wedding. I can probably go to him claiming to have had a prophetic Slayer dream and warn him about the disgruntled guy from Anya's vengeance days. But you leaving to get your soul? And by that I mean, the question of if, how, and when you should … for that, I think we need to talk to Giles. Which means telling him all of this."

"Whatever you think best. I saw the torment Angel went through after getting his soul back. Hearing your description of me in the basement … a raving lunatic. I'm not eager to go through that if I don't have to. But clearly I thought it was necessary the first go round. And you said on the tape that it was helpful during the battle with The First."

"And we need to figure out what Warren is up to. If he's gonna show up with a gun in less than six months, that means he and his friends are already at work. That's gotta be priority #1. I guess the great van mystery will have to wait."

"Wait!"

"That's what I said … it'll have to wait."

"No, I meant wait a second. I may have just solved it. The van … I saw a human driving it. It wasn't Warren but it could have been one of the other two. What if all the unsolved stuff that's happened was them?"

Buffy shook her head and laughed. "Sometimes I forget that you're not just another pretty face."

"Uh … thanks?"

"No, seriously. I think you may be right. We'll need to do a little investigating and then talk to Giles. We may be able to do that without telling him about all of this right now." She got lost in thought for a moment before saying, "but I might want to talk to Angel sooner rather than later."

"Why exactly?"

"If he's gonna show up with help in a year and a half, how much more helpful might he be if he knew what to be looking out for?"

Spike groaned. "If you do, I don't want you going by yourself."

"I wasn't planning to. One thing seems clear to me … by this summer, the core group needs to be tightly knit. There's too much about to come down on our heads. I don't have time for principals with vendettas, witches going ballistic because the love of their life was murdered, or a rogue Slayer returning to oversee a mutiny. We've got a battle to prepare for and potential Slayers to train – kind of like working with Ruthie when she was here. Somewhere in there, it looks like I'll be getting back in touch with the Initiative to remove your chip."

She laughed as she thought of how bizarre this all seemed.

"What's so funny?"

"I've been considering getting a calendar … like my mom used to carry around to keep track of Dawn's school activities and mine, due dates for bills, scheduling doctor appointments and household repairs and maintenance. You know, things that responsible adults do." She laughed again. "I guess now, I can schedule my mani-pedis around apocalyptic events." Tapping her index finger on the timeline, she said, "I'll have to add these things to my day-planner so I can plan around them."

After folding up the handwritten schedule of future events, she handed it and the cassette player to him.

As he put them away in his bag, he asked, "So now what?"

"Now … I'd like to not think about all of that for a while."

He nodded, but he was unsure what she meant by that. Before he dumped all of this on her, she had been in his lap and they were minutes away from them undressing each other. He did not want to assume that they would pick up where they had left off, but he would not mind at all if that was what she had in mind.

And indeed, it was.

The first time they had sex, he did not bother to remove Buffy's dress. After that, they took their time removing the layers of each other's costumes and carefully hung them up before attacking one another with renewed passion.

Buffy now had a clearer understanding of Spike's feeling for her and what their future could look like. She knew herself well enough to know that she would not have gone through all that trouble if her future self was not convinced that they were meant to be together.

She thought about the things she had heard herself say on the recording about falling in love with him, being in love him. She wasn't ready to use that word. Not yet.

Words could not express how glad she was that he hadn't asked about it while they were discussing the tape.

All she knew for sure right now was that what they had was real. She had known that for a while. She had begun to realize it after he had taken that beating from Glory to protect Dawn.

She knew that he was sure he was in love with her. That was fine. But she didn't have a word for it yet – other than real.

They were up most of the night. They tried to be quieter than they normally would be, because they did not want to bother anyone else staying at the B&B. Eventually, they both fell into a contented sleep.

[

[

[

After their time away, Buffy was practically sleepwalking through the remaining pre-Christmas festivities. She was occupied – more precisely, preoccupied – with trying wrap her head around everything that Spike had told her. And everything she had told herself via cassette tape.

The Scoobies gathered at Giles' apartment on Christmas Eve for mulled cider, dessert, and exchanging of gifts. They were able to get Willow on the phone and wish her a Happy Hanukkah. At the end of a lovely, low-key evening, everyone said goodnight and went off to their respective homes.

Dawn had told Buffy that she wanted Spike to be at the house when they opened gifts on Christmas morning and had suggested that it would be easier if he just stayed over the night before. So, when Buffy, Dawn, and Tara headed toward Revello Drive, Spike went with them.

When they arrived at the house, Spike made a beeline for the linen closet in search of a blanket and pillow, assuming that he would be sleeping on the couch. However, before he could open the closet door, Buffy took his hand and led him to her bedroom.

He was over-the-moon happy to be in her bed again, but he knew that with Dawn next door, Buffy would not let things go very far. Their pre-sleep canoodling was PG-13, as expected. Still, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

[

[

The next morning, Tara made breakfast while Buffy set the table. Spike had been put on laundry duty. Predictably, Dawn slept in.

After they finished eating, they moved into the living room to open gifts. Tara had given and received her gifts last night and expected she would just be observing everyone else opening their presents. However, each of the others had a little something for her – from Dawn, a gift card for the coffee shop near campus, from Spike, candles, and from Buffy, a keychain with a copy of her car key.

"Now, you don't have to hunt for mine if you need to borrow my car," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

Then, Buffy pulled a large rectangular box from under the tree. She handed it to Tara to pass down to Dawn who was sitting next to her on the couch. As Dawn took the box, a look of disappointment came across her face.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.

"The box … the shape … and it's light. That means clothes. That's boring … and we don't exactly have the same taste," Dawn whined.

"Just open it."

"Fine." Dawn continued to grumble as she removed the wrapping paper and took the lid off the box. When she saw what was inside, she fell silent and tears formed in her eyes. Looking up at Buffy, she began, "Just like …" but she could not finish the sentence.

"Just like Mom used to get us each year," Buffy said as Dawn held up a new pair of pajamas. "I already washed them so you can wear them right away. And there's …"

"A new pair of slippers!" She held them up to show Tara and Spike. "Thank you, Buffy. Now, it feels like Christmas."

"Good. I'm glad." Buffy wanted so badly to make this Christmas a happy one for Dawn – filled with new memories and old ones, but not overshadowed with sadness.

Dawn gave Buffy some body wash and bath oils, encouraging her to soak her muscles after long nights wrestling with vampires. Just after she finished that statement, she caught the looks that the others were exchanging and realized that her words could be taken to mean something other than what she had originally intended. Blushing at the thought, she rolled her eyes as she said, "It wouldn't be necessary if you and Spike could keep your hands off each other."

Before Buffy could reply, Tara intervened, "Dawn, you know that's not true. Maybe it was … but they've toned things down. At least … when other people are around."

"Whatever," came the teenager's response, complete with eyeroll. Then, she handed a package to Spike.

He seemed surprised as he said, "Thanks, Niblet. But you didn't have to." Tearing the wrapping paper, he found three black tshirts. He smiled as he held them up.

"I said to myself, what do you get for the 150-year-old vampire who lives in a crypt and seems to have no need of worldly things?"

"Practical. Love the color."

"I thought about orange," Dawn joked, "but decided with your hair color and skin tone, it would wash you out." Shrugging, she added, "Besides, basic black works for you."

He gave her a hug and presented her gift, which was a pair of earrings similar to ones Tara had worn and Dawn had gushed over. Predictably, the teen squealed when she saw them and bounded over to Spike to thank him and give him a hug.

As Dawn was opening her gift, Buffy managed to sneak behind the tree to get a box she had hid there almost two weeks ago. When Dawn was finished thanking Spike, Buffy put the box in front of him.

"I also asked myself what you get for a vampire like yourself. It seems small compared to the amazing surprise Christmas getaway you planned for me, but I hope you like them."

He picked up the box and shook it. His confused expression told her that he had no idea what it could be. Ripping the paper off, he looked at the box – more precisely, he stared in shock at the logo on the box. Lifting the lid, he checked to see if the contents matched the box.

Giddy as a schoolgirl, he looked up at her. "A new pair of Doc Martens?"

"I know you're attached to boots you have. Have them all broken in the way you like them. But I figured it was time," she joked.

Spike put down the box and pounced toward her, kissing her soundly. "Thank you," was all he could manage to say.

"Well, I guess it's time to clean up this mess and start on dishes," Buffy said.

"Not quite. Dawn, can you get that package I had you hold onto for me?" Spike asked.

Dawn walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a box. "I brought it down from my room this morning."

He indicated that she should hand it to Buffy, who seemed confused.

"What is this? You already gave me my gift."

"Just open it," Spike insisted.

Inside, she found two cell phones.

"One for you and one for me, luv. Now, you don't have to traipse all the way to my crypt when you need something. Also, everyone else can get in touch with you – after all, a Slayer doesn't spend much time at home."

"Don't I know it," Dawn groaned.

Buffy glared at Dawn before turning to Spike. In her best imitation of a mom voice, she said, "Incredibly thoughtful. And useful. But you know I have to ask … where did you get the money?"

"A while back … we were patrolling … separately … and I cleared out a vamp nest. Apparently, they had been collecting things from the houses of their victims. Among their things, I found old comic books, baseball cards, and such. I took them to a guy who sells antiques and collectibles. He paid me about half of what he planned to sell them for."

"And you used that money to buy these? Well, that's legal-ish … I guess."

"I like to think of it as resourceful."

"Still," Buffy continued, "They were ultimately stolen goods. I'm not entirely comfortable with that."

This discussion made Dawn uncomfortable. Thoughts rolled around in her head as they cleaned up the living room and kitchen. By the time they got together with the rest of the Scoobies later in the day, she was ready to confess.

[

In the evening, they gathered at the Magic Box to prepare for the after-Christmas sale that would begin the next morning. Dawn asked everyone to sit around the table, saying that she had something to tell them. She came clean about her habit of shoplifting. She even confessed to having stolen Buffy's Christmas gift, which Buffy told her she would have to return.

Then, Dawn handed a box to Anya and Giles. "I'm returning these things to you. I'm sorry." Handing them an envelope, she said, "I know I can't completely make up for what I've done, but I hope this is a start at earning back your trust."

Giles looked over Anya's shoulder as she pulled a paper out of the envelope. It was a handmade gift certificate for 40 hours of work at the store – obviously for no pay.

Dawn began, "If you don't think that's enough time to make up for …"

Before she could finish, Giles interrupted her, "Dawn, I'm sure this will be sufficient."

However, Anya was not so sure. Her body language, facial expression, and exasperated exhalation said quite a bit before she began speaking. "Well, young lady, you have taken advantage of us and our trust in you. You'll have to answer for that. There's a lesson to be learned …"

"And I'm sure that she has … or she would not have voluntarily come forward to admit her wrongdoing … and return these items … and offer her service as penance." Giles spoke sternly and authoritatively to Anya as he glanced at Dawn in a way that communicated he was both disappointed and proud of her at the same time.

As the evening wore on, Dawn made herself quite useful in preparing for the sale and Anya's wrath seemed to subside.

[

[

The following week, Buffy started to come to terms with all that Spike had revealed to her. She spent more than a few hours pondering the information while folding laundry or washing dishes. But it was really the time spent at his crypt, listening and re-listening to the cassette that helped the news from the future settle in.

She still was not entirely sure what to do with the information. At some point, they would need to tell the others. Giles would logically be the first one she would talk to, but she was still unsure of when that would be.

When she had moved into what had been her mom's bedroom, she had weeded out clothing and shoes that she no longer wore. She realized now that she should hold onto things like that rather than donate them. If her house was going to be flooded with teenage girls by this time next year, some of these things could prove to be useful.

Her previous thought of cleaning out the rest of the house now became a definite plan. She needed to get rid of unnecessary items to make space for more people and store the things she kept in a more efficient way. The basement would need an overhaul and more shelves for storage – maybe some racks to store clothes now and when the potentials start arriving.

Buffy found herself thinking how quickly the spring would go. Considering everything revealed on the tape, summer would be here in no time. Would Spike take the trip to get his soul? Or would he stay here to help prepare. She decided that they should talk that through. And they should involve Giles in that discussion, since he might have a better understanding of how that could impact the battle with The First.

At least once a day, she found herself looking around her house or the store or the town and thinking to herself: _None of this will be here in a year and a half._ _Or maybe, if we do things differently, we can win the battle – make it through the apocalypse – without wiping out Sunnydale._

She also wished she could have been the one to talk to her future self that night on the stairs. She would have asked more questions, different questions. She also had a feeling that the closer she got to some of these events … the more questions she would have.

* * *

A/N:

The Great Dickens Christmas Fair does actually exist [ dickensfair..com ]. Although I have not been to it, there is a similar event on the East Coast. I had put off writing this chapter with the hope that I would have time to visit it again this December. Sadly, I was not able to get there … maybe next Christmas.

The poem and folksong mentioned here and back in Chapter 9: "You'll Love Me Yet" and "All Through the Night."

Hope you all had a Happy Christmas and that your New Year is off to a wonderful start!

Thanks for reading. Until next time …

~Jen

27 January 2018


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